Titans Tower- Day. The Titans are viewing a commercial for a new brand of candies.
Jervis Tetch:
Hello kids, I am Jervis Tetch, developer of Tetch candies. These candies are so good they'll blow your mind, and now, I'm selling them right here in Jump City. And this weekend, 5 people will be able to come for a tour of my new factory. Just find the 5 golden tickets, and if you do, you win.
Beast Boy:
Great, we should buy some!
Raven:
Why?
Beast Boy:
Because it's candy! Don't you agree, Cy?
Cyborg:
Yeah but we can maybe get them for free. I won the competition to go to the factory. (He shows 5 golden tickets he received in the mail) And apparently you too.
He hands them out to the others.
Beast Boy:
Great!
Starfire:
Oh, I like going to new places.
Robin:
I have better things to do.
Starfire:
You could come with me as a boyfriend.
Robin:
Alright but don't count on me for fun.
Raven:
Great, have fun.
Beast Boy:
You have to come too, Rae. You have an invitation.
Raven:
No way and don't call me Rae.
Beast Boy:
Come on, you'll be bored on your own.
Raven:
I'll read. It's nothing boring.
Beast Boy (Walks over to the window):
Look at this beautiful sun; it would be a shame if you miss it because you prefer to stay inside.
Cyborg:
You better accept, Raven. He won't leave without you and will continue to annoy you.
Raven:
Alright, I'm coming. But the visit better be short.
The next day, they're outside a massive industrial building, fenced off.
Starfire:
So it's here?
Beast Boy:
Yeah, the candy shop!
Raven (Correcting him):
The Candy Factory!
Cyborg:
Who would have thought we would have won this contest?
Robin:
Especially since I don't remember participating.
Beast Boy:
Don't start being paranoid, there's no reason.
The gates open, and the Titans step through to the entrance.
Jervis Tetch:
Welcome, dear winners. I see you are all here.
Beast Boy:
Having a free ride in a candy store; I couldn't refuse.
Raven:
It's a candy factory!
Beast Boy:
It's the same thing!
Starfire:
I've never been in such a place so I had to come.
Cyborg:
Eating free candy. What could be better?
Robin:
I came to support my girlfriend and that's it, Mr. Tetch.
Jervis Tetch:
I can tell it's going to be an exciting day. More so when the winners are the Teen Titans themselves.
Raven sighs.
Raven:
Great; another Teen Titans fanatic.
Cyborg:
He can't be worse than Control Freak.
Raven:
Whatever, are we going to start the tour or are you going to leave us at the entrance all day?
Jervis Tetch:
I see we have a candy lover here.
Raven:
Not at all. But the sooner you start, the sooner it's over. Beast Boy forcibly dragged me here.
Beast Boy:
It's bad for you to stay at the tower when it's so sunny outside.
Raven:
Yeah and that's why we're gonna visit a candy factory inside. Clever.
Jervis checks his pocket watch.
Jervis Tetch:
Now, we don't have time to dilly-dally. Let's get this tour started.
Raven:
I can't wait.
Starfire:
Me too. I wonder if candies are made like hot dogs?
Cyborg wants to throw up
Cyborg:
I hope not.
Robin:
Come on, let's go.
Beast Boy:
We're not on a mission, Robin. Relax.
Robin:
I can't help myself.
They follow Jervis over the threshold of the front door.
Entrance Hall. The Titans and Jervis enter.
Jervis Tetch:
Please leave any equipment you might possess at the front desk; flash photography is not permitted (Beast Boy sadly gives in the camera he took to Tokyo). You will get your belongings back at the end of the tour.
Beast Boy dig in his pockets and leaves used tissues and a little money on the table; Raven is a little disgusted. Cyborg pulls his tools and other stuff out of his body.
Cyborg:
The rest is built into me.
Starfire takes her Communicator and puts it on the table.
Robin:
Starfire, keep it. It may be needed in an emergency.
Starfire:
But Cyborg already has his communicator built into his arm. If there is an emergency, we will know it thanks to him.
Robin:
Yeah, that's right.
He puts his Communicator, as well as Beast Boy's and Raven's, on the table.
Robin:
It's okay, we can go.
Raven:
Yeah, I don't have any pockets in my cloak.
Jervis pats her down to make sure. Raven tackles him to the wall with a giant black hand.
Raven:
Hands off!
Jervis Tetch:
Part of security. (He gets up and straightens his hat) Anyway, let's get started.
Raven calms down.
Raven:
Whatever.
Robin (Thinking):
Phew, I'll keep my utility belt.
Jervis leads them down the entrance hall to a door at the far end. When they get closer, they realise it's small.
Cyborg:
Uh...Mr Tetch, don't you have a bigger entrance? I'm not sure I can go through this.
Jervis Tetch:
I'm afraid this is the only entrance.
Cyborg:
Raven, could you teleport me to the other side?
Raven:
Of course. Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
Cyborg disappears to the other side. Starfire lowers her head.
Starfire:
Why is it so small?
Jervis Tetch:
To prevent heat loss; my workers get fussy when it's cold.
Starfire:
Okay.
Beast Boy:
It helps to be small sometimes.
They squeeze through the door, and find themselves in a completely different room.
The room they stood in had natural bridges crossing over a river of soda with a waterfall running into it; liquorice trees with taffey vines dangling and dripping with syrup dotted the space, and bon-bon bushes sprouted up. Most of the landscape was a field of grassy candies.
Starfire:
Whoa, this is amazing.
Robin:
I didn't expect that.
Beast Boy:
It's more beautiful than in my dreams.
Raven:
I wonder where Cyborg went.
Cyborg appears on her left.
Cyborg:
I'm fine. So Mr Tetch, what is this amazing room?
Beast Boy:
Yeah, what is it? Looks like Pink's world.
Robin:
Pink?
Raven:
If you answer him, I'll send you to the North Pole.
Beast Boy:
Sorry, Robin. I do not like the cold.
Starfire:
It's not that important, Robin. Raven has the right to keep secrets.
Robin:
Alright.
Jervis Tetch:
This is the garden. Everything you see is edible.
Cyborg:
It's great. And can we eat straight away?
Raven:
I'm sure there's a souvenir shop at the end of the tour. You could be patient.
Beast Boy:
Oh, stop being a killjoy, Rae.
Raven:
It's Raven! I already told you.
Starfire:
It might be stealing, if we eat right here.
Robin:
How can candy grow like plants?
Jervis Tetch:
That's a company secret. Try some.
Starfire rushes into the candy field followed by Beast Boy and Cyborg and begins to eat.
Starfire:
Delicious!
Cyborg:
Yeah, this tastes awesome!
Beast Boy:
It melts in your mouth!
Jervis Tetch:
Yes, feel free to eat. (Quietly) Soon, you'll be mine.
Robin:
Stop stuffing yourself, guys. We're gonna get kicked out of here if you eat all the candy.
Raven:
If only it was possible.
Starfire:
But it's so good.
Beast Boy:
You should come and eat it too, Rae.
Raven starts to get angry.
Robin:
Calm down, you'll get us kicked out of here.
Raven:
I ALREADY TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME RAE!
Beast Boy:
Yeah? I had forgotten.
Robin:
Really? She told you not even 5 minutes ago.
Beast Boy:
It couldn't have been that important.
Robin:
Guys, I'm telling you as the leader, stop eating and let's continue the tour.
Jervis Tetch:
I don't mind.
Robin:
Ah, okay.
Raven:
But what am I doing here?
Cyborg is eating just about everything. His non-cybernetic eye widens when he sees the soda waterfall.
Cyborg:
Do you see that, BB?
Beast Boy looks where Cyborg is pointing to.
Beast Boy:
Dude, we are in Heaven!
Raven rolls her eyes.
Raven:
He just poured tons of soda into that artificial river. I don't see why that makes you euphoric.
Beast Boy:
Eupho...what ?
Raven:
Whatever.
Cyborg:
Mr Tetch, can we swim in it?
Raven:
You're gonna see the eyes all red, stupid!
Cyborg:
Technically, I have one that's all red.
Robin, meanwhile, was more concerned about Starfire.
Robin:
Star, stop eating. You had lots of cavities!
Starfire:
And what is it?
Robin:
It's gonna rot your teeth and the dentist will have to pull them out.
Starfire:
It's okay, it will grow back.
Robin:
Not the permanent teeth.
Starfire:
Don't you have teeth that grow back?
Robin:
Uh...no, we're not sharks.
Starfire:
Me, I don't have that problem.
To prove it to him, she grabs a tooth, pulls it out and throws it to Robin who catches it, disgusted.
Raven:
Your girlfriend is crazy.
Robin:
She's an alien.
Starfire opens her mouth wide to show him. Robin sees the hole start to clog until the new tooth is installed.
Starfire:
You see?
Robin:
Okay but I'm sure there are other things to see. We're not gonna stay here forever.
Raven:
Yeah, I'd go crazy first.
Cyborg and Beast Boy, meanwhile, are drinking from the soda waterfall.
Cyborg:
It's so good!
Beast Boy:
I love it!
Raven shakes her head in disappointment.
Raven:
It can't be worse.
Cyborg then goes to the riverbank and dips his head down to the soda, drinking it with his tongue.
Raven:
Watch out, you'll fall in!
Cyborg loses his balance and falls head-first into the soda river. Beast Boy and Starfire gasp, while Raven is just annoyed.
Raven:
I warned you.
Beast Boy:
Oh no, Cy!
He dives into it, transforming into a dolphin.
Raven:
And that's two! I'm still going to have to fix things.
Beast Boy jumps out of the river.
Beast Boy:
It's sticky!
Cyborg:
Help! I can't swim! And I'm rusting! Rusting!
He flails helplessly as his armour rusts.
Raven:
Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
She grabs the two and puts them on the ground.
Raven:
I hope you had fun because we're continuing this stupid visit.
Cyborg:
Thanks, Raven.
Beast Boy:
Yeah, thanks. It was as slimy as when Robin got me stuck on the ground when he was Red X.
Robin:
Star, if you don't come, we're leaving without you.
Starfire puts as much candy as she can in her mouth before joining Robin who sighs. They leave the garden and find themselves in another hall.
Robin:
I think we can continue the tour, Mr. Tetch and sorry for my friends.
Jervis Tetch:
Apology accepted. Cyborg, you should go get cleaned up. The cleaning station is down the left hall, and then you take a right turn and it's the final door at the end.
Cyborg:
Thanks Jervis. (To the Titans) You go on without me, I'll catch up.
Robin:
You should hurry up, Cyborg. I remind you that it is you who has the communicator!
Cyborg:
Don't worry, I'm coming back before Beast Boy even says the word "meat".
Beast Boy:
Very funny!
He disappears down the hall.
Jervis Tetch:
Let's continue.
Beast Boy:
You could have given me some candy, Starfire.
Starfire opens her mouth, showing a pink mush.
Beast Boy:
Uh...on second thought, you can keep them.
Starfire closes her mouth and continues to chew.
Raven:
How many candies did she eat?
Robin:
I didn't count.
Jervis leads the group down the hall.
Robin:
I hope Cyborg finds us. What if Slade ever attacks us?
Raven:
Calm down, Slade isn't coming back right away.
Beast Boy:
Yeah, relax. Besides, he helped us against Trigon. Doesn't that make him an ally?
Robin:
No. Never.
They pass many rooms, each specialising in a particular type of candy. As Starfire and Beast Boy continue to eat different candies, Robin spends his time looking behind him, eventually annoying Raven
Raven:
Are you going to stop this?
Robin:
Cyborg still hasn't come back. Raven, try to see if you can feel his presence.
Raven:
His mechanic blocks that kind of power. I cannot.
Robin:
Then I'll go get him.
Robin goes back the way they came and takes the same hall as Cyborg.
Robin (To himself):
Let's see. Tetch said the cleaning station is down the left hall, and then you take a right turn and it's the final door at the end. So it's behind that door.
He opens it but there is no one there. He digs mechanically in his belt until he realizes that he doesn't have his Communicator.
Robin:
Hey, damn!
Raven speaks to him via their link.
Raven (Telepathically):
So you found him?
Robin (Telepathically):
No. It concerns me.
Raven (Telepathically):
I'm sure he's okay.
Robin (Telepathically):
Yeah, you're right. I'm coming back.
Robin re-joins Raven; they leave. Beast Boy and Starfire stay behind.
Jervis Tetch:
Now, why don't you come with me? I want to show you my greatest candy.
Starfire:
Greatest?
Beast Boy:
Yeah!
Starfire:
I would love to see this candy!
Jervis Tetch:
Excellent. I love eager tourists.
The three arrive in a room where there is a candy under a glass bell.
Beast Boy:
One candy? Seriously?
Jervis Tetch:
Yes but it's the greatest.
Starfire:
I'm tempted to eat it too.
Jervis Tetch:
So go ahead.
He opens the glass bell and hands the candy to her. Starfire puts it in her mouth.
Beast Boy:
So?
Starfire:
It tastes like blueberry.
She keeps chewing it.
Beast Boy:
Uh...I think I'll stop eating candy.
Starfire:
Why?
Beast Boy:
Because I'm starting to hallucinate.
Starfire:
What kind?
Beast Boy:
You're turning blue.
Starfire:
What?
Beast Boy:
And your clothes are starting to tear.
Her clothes start to tear at the seams.
Starfire:
Oh no, not my favourite boots! What is happening to me?
Beast Boy:
Isn't that your transformation?
Starfire:
I've done it before and there's only one.
She looks at her hands; they were turning blue.
Starfire:
Oh No! This is what happened to my sister during her transformation phase!
Beast Boy:
Did she gain weight too?
Starfire:
No. With 9 stomachs, I should be able to stay slim.
Beast Boy:
That's not what I see.
Starfire:
Oh no, not my shirt!
She begins to expand.
Beast Boy:
I hope you don't explode.
Starfire:
Explode? Would the Psions have planted a bomb in me for so long?
Beast Boy:
Psions?
Starfire:
Nothing. My skirt!
Beast Boy:
Your panties won't last long.
Starfire:
Could you stop looking at me and go find Raven to heal me?
Beast Boy:
Do you think she can do it ?
Starfire:
I don't know! My panties are not stretchy! It hurts!
Beast Boy goes off to find Raven, just as Starfire's clothes completely rip. Beast Boy transforms into a cheetah and runs off to find Raven and Robin.
Meanwhile, Raven and Robin had gone ahead and were observing chipmunks sorting nuts. Beast Boy arrives.
Raven:
Beast Boy? What's the matter?
Robin:
And where's Starfire?
Beast Boy returns to his normal form.
Beast Boy:
Starfire, she's blue and getting big.
Robin:
What?
Beast Boy:
And she must be naked now.
Robin:
What?!
Raven:
What happened?
Beast Boy:
Tetch showed us his greatest candy and Starfire ate it. And then she turned blue.
Robin:
Let's go get her.
When they return to the room, they realise that Starfire is gone, and so is Jervis.
Raven:
Beast Boy!
Beast Boy:
I swear she was there! She couldn't move with her fat ass.
Robin:
I believe you. There are still shreds of her clothes.
Raven:
I don't detect her presence like Cyborg.
Beast Boy:
I don't like it. Why don't we leave?
Robin:
Not without Starfire.
Raven:
Or Cyborg.
Robin:
I was going to say it.
Raven:
It was to be sure.
Robin:
Beast Boy, sniff that piece of cloth. You may be able to locate Starfire like the first time.
Beast Boy turns into a dog and sniffs Starfire's panties.
Beast Boy:
This way.
Raven:
Couldn't you make him sniff something else?
Robin:
What matters is that it works.
Raven sighs before following them. They follow him down the corridor to a door at the end. Robin takes explosive disks and Raven lights her hands in black. Beast Boy returns to human form and opens the door.
They enter the room, and the lights come on.
Raven (Shielding her eyes):
I'm blind. Do you see something?
Beast Boy:
No but I can't see Starfire's big ass.
Robin:
Stop saying that! She must be here!
During their search, they run into Jervis, sipping a cup of tea and eating a cupcake. Robin grabs him by the jacket.
Robin:
Where's Starfire?
Raven:
And Cyborg.
Jervis Tetch:
You'll get your friends back, but first, I need to be alone with Goth and Green Guy.
Beast Boy:
And how are you going to do that?
Jervis Tetch:
Birdy, you can get anything in the gift shop for free.
Robin:
Anything I want? See you guys later.
Raven:
Are you serious? Are you gonna leave us with the other psychopath for some worthless trinkets?
Robin:
It's free, Raven. Free.
He starts to leave.
Beast Boy:
It's okay. We don't need him to demolish this Mad Hatter.
Raven:
What did you say ?
Beast Boy:
Nothing, he reminds me of a character I saw in Disney.
Raven:
You and your Disney. Do you think this is the time?
Beast Boy:
Maybe not.
Robin leaves.
Jervis Tetch:
Now, where were we?
Raven:
I was about to force you to tell us where our friends are.
Beast Boy:
Yeah, give him the attack you made on Dr Light. He will confess everything.
Jervis shows two pieces of candy that look like jawbreakers, forces them into their mouths and makes them swallow.
Beast Boy:
It's pretty tasty.
Raven:
What's it going to do to us? The same as Starfire?
Beast Boy:
So I'm going to see you naked?
Raven:
I'll tear your eyes out first.
Suddenly, they start to feel strange.
Beast Boy:
My head hurts!
Raven:
I think it's brainwashing candy. Ah!
Their eyes become spiral.
Beast Boy:
Oh, not again!
Raven:
You're usually subject to this problem!
Beast Boy:
Hey! My mind's not resistant enough!
Meanwhile, Robin was at the gift shop.
Robin:
I'm really lucky to have found these clothes. Pink panties, a green skirt, a sky blue T-shirt. With that, Star will be presentable.
Jervis appears.
Jervis Tetch:
Find anything to your liking?
Robin:
Now I remember. You are the Mad Hatter. What are you doing in Jump City?
Jervis Tetch:
Selling my candy.
Robin:
What have you done to my friends?
Jervis Tetch:
You'll get them back. Ah, here they are now.
Cyborg, Raven and Beast Boy appear, eyes spiralling.
Robin:
Obviously you're always trying to control spirits.
Jervis Tetch:
Now my minions; attack!
Beast Boy transforms into a Velociraptor, Raven spawns two giant black hands and Cyborg activates his sonic cannon.
Robin:
Okay, that's going to do it.
He dodges the sonic shot, throws a disc at the velociraptor but Raven catches it.
Robin:
Right on as expected.
The disc explodes, deploying a blinding light. Before Raven even recovers, Robin throws a sticky disc over her mouth.
Robin:
One less.
The velociraptor tries to bite him but Robin blocks his jaws with his bo. Cyborg shoots again and this time Robin is hit.
Robin:
Ow! I have to move faster.
Beast Boy takes the form of a hippopotamus to spit out the bo then transforms into a tiger. Robin gets up and throws an electric disc at Cyborg, deactivating him.
Robin:
Two less. More than one.
The green tiger runs to him but Robin throws a disc sticking him to the ground.
Robin:
Sorry, Mad Hatter. But I know how to neutralize my friends.
Starfire appears, no longer blue and dressed.
Robin:
Starfire, glad you're better.
Starfire throws a starbolt at him but Robin dodges it.
Robin:
Okay, you've been brainwashed too.
She uses her laser vision and Robin ends up being hit.
Robin:
Ah! I don't want to do this, Star but you don't give me a choice.
He throws a disc, releasing blue gas. Starfire begins to cough and then sneezes explosively. Robin takes the opportunity to go behind her and knock her out with his bo.
Robin:
The chromium metal, still effective. Okay, Mad Hatter, it's time to go back to Arkham.
Jervis Tetch:
Indeed.
Robin:
Are you really going to surrender or is it still a trap?
Jervis Tetch:
These candies are all mind-control devices.
Robin:
Then turn them off or I'll hurt you!
Jervis Tetch:
You can't tell me what to do in my own factory.
Robin:
Of course I can. I am a hero and you are the criminal. Last warning, turn off the mind control!
Jervis Tetch:
No.
Robin jumped onto a conveyer belt loaded with candy still in the alpha stages of development.
Robin:
Then I'll destroy what's left!
He throws one of the unfinished candies into an exhaust pipe on one of the machines, clogging it up.
Jervis Tetch:
Stop, you'll blow up the machine and the factory with it!
Robin:
I'm still waiting.
Jervis Tetch:
Alright, you win.
The machine begins to smoke and sets off a chain reaction; all around the factory, candy machines begin to implode. Robin picks up one of the unfinished candies.
Robin:
Since you said your candy is so good, you should try it.
He throws the candy into Jervis' mouth and he accidentally swallows it.
Jervis Tetch:
Oh no!
Robin:
Jervis, I'm ordering you to release my friends from your mind control.
Jervis Tetch:
I must obey.
He releases Starfire, Cyborg, Raven and Beast Boy from mind control.
Beast Boy:
Why am I stuck on the floor?
Raven tries to remove the tape from her mouth without success. Starfire gets up and coughs a little.
Starfire:
Why do I have a headache? (She sneezes explosively) Sorry. My nose is itchy.
Robin:
Good, Jervis. Now you sit on the floor and you don't move.
Jervis sits down.
Beast Boy:
What authority, Robin. If only the other criminals were more cooperative. How did you do that?
Robin:
Let's say he got a taste of his own medicine.
Raven points to her mouth with a growl.
Titans Tower- Later. The Titans are watching the evening news.
Reporter:
Jervis Tetch, the developer of Tetch Candies, has been taken into police custody when it was discovered that his candy causes mind control. Every supermarket and retailer selling his candy has been ordered to recall all the stocks from consumers, and to stop selling them.
Starfire was cutting Beast Boy's hair.
Beast Boy:
Careful with the scissors. You're going to cut off my ears!
Starfire:
If you stopped moving, I could get the glue out of your hair.
Robin:
If Tetch wasn't stupid, he could have taken over the city without anyone knowing.
Raven:
Yeah. You, too, were stupid to go and get clothes for Starfire.
Robin:
It wasn't stupid. I didn't want her to stay naked. How could I have known that Mad Hatter would put on her an Alice in Wonderland dress?
Starfire:
I find that pretty. But I prefer my usual clothes.
Cyborg:
I had more candy than I could muster.
Beast Boy:
Because of him, now I'm sick of sweets.
Raven:
You ate too much anyway.
Robin:
Hopefully, we can get over it before Halloween.
Raven:
It's unlikely.
Starfire:
I'll be able to dress up as Alice. Even though I don't know who she is.
Beast Boy:
Have you never seen Alice in Wonderland? It's a Disney classic. You absolutely have to see it.
Cyborg:
Yeah, it's true that this girl's imagination is delusional.
Robin:
I've seen it before but I don't mind watching it with you, Star.
Raven:
I could see the differences with the book.
Beast Boy:
Because they made a book too?
Raven sighs.
Starfire:
Okay, I'm convinced. I want to see this Disney.
Robin:
Which one? The animated one or the Tim Burton one?
Raven:
There are two versions?
Beast Boy:
I prefer the animated version.
Cyborg:
Yeah, that's the best.
Starfire:
I'll follow the majority.
He and Starfire retreat to his room to watch the movie in peace.
The End
Cast:
Greg Cipes: Beast Boy
Scott Menville: Robin
Khary Payton: Cyborg
Tara Strong: Raven
Hynden Walch: Starfire
Robin Atkin Downes: Jervis Tetch