(Author's Note: This Chapter took a little while longer to post on here, it's was temporary misplaced).
(Disclaimer: I own nothing, they are the property of their respective owners)
Chapter 3: Digimon Adventure
Matt - Now, we can start riffing on the film.
Tai - About time, I've been waiting too long.
Matt - Whatever, let's get to it.
The movie starts.
Kari (on screen) - Who said there's no such thing as monsters.
Tai - And who the hell said you could replace ME as the Fucking Narrator!
Matt - Calm down.
Tai - Just saying, that was my role, my big chance to shine.
Matt - A victim of final cut. For the reading audience who doesn't know, Tai was the original narrator of the film, but he was replaced with Kari instead.
Matt - There's Kari and T.K.
Tai - And there's this guy, Wallace.
Matt - His name is Willis.
Tai - Whatever!
Matt - More on him later on.
Kari (on screen) - His digital adventure, as well as ours, began that night, eight years ago.
Matt - Good old Highton View Terrace.
Tai - I miss that place.
Matt - And this is actually the pilot episode, the one that got the show green lit.
Tai - I like some of the night shots in this part.
Matt - Good cinematography.
Kari (on screen) - When I first saw it, I was so scared, I was so nervous, I was so... cute!
Tai - Spoiled brat.
Matt - Is that necessary?
Tai - You didn't grow up with her.
Kari (on screen) - Even back them he was a born leader. Brave, strong, and graceful.
Tai - And always slipping on that ladder step.
Matt - At least you didn't fall down.
Tai (on screen) - what are you doing in here? You know you're not supposed to be playing with the computer.
Kari (on screen) - But it's doing something weird.
Tai - Yeah, who does leave their computer on late at night.
Matt - Workaholics.
Tai - Love that show.
Matt - So do I.
Kari (on screen) - And on the other side of the world, Willis was getting his DigiEgg at the exact same time.
Tai - Again with this Wallace guy.
Matt - We'll get to him, relax.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Tai, wake up! Tai! I'm going to the health-food store!
Tai - Ironic, since her cooking is the furthest thing from healthy.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Take care of your sister!
Tai (on screen) - But mom! I was gonna play soccer with my friends! Oh.
Matt - Always attached to that soccer ball.
Tai - That soccer ball brought me great things.
Matt - Like what?
Tai - College, popularity, my wife.
Matt - No, y'all were friends first, then y'all became a couple.
Tai - Great success!
Matt - Stop quoting Borat.
Tai (on screen) - If anybody asks where that weird egg came from, let's tell them our chicken coop's on a nuclear waste dump.
Matt - Did you improvise any of your dialogue in this scene?
Tai - I don't remember.
Matt - There's the egg roll.
Tai - That joke is not funny
Matt - At least I'm trying. I'll get there.
Tai (on screen) - Kari, I...Huh?
Matt - It's about to hatch.
Tai & Kari (on screen) - Uh-oh.
Tai (on screen) - It's alive!
Tai - It's alive! It's alive!
Matt - Real mature, Kamiya. It's Botamon.
Tai (on screen) - Oh, it's cute!
Tai - No it's not.
Matt - And it attacks both of you.
Tai - No it didn't.
Tai (on screen) - Kari, stay away! I'll protect you!
Tai - No you won't.
Kari (on screen) - As usual, Tai came up with a great plan of action.
Matt - Throwing your goggles is a great plan?
Tai - It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kari (on screen) - It worked about as well as his other plans.
Tai - I have great plans thank you very much!
Matt - Like the hair clip?
Tai - Shut up!
Tai - It Just so happens to hum the show's theme song.
Matt - That's a lot of bubbles.
Tai (on screen) - Kari, stop feeding it so many candy bars, you'll make it sick. Hey, those are mine! Thanks a lot.
Tai - Those were mine.
Matt - It's just candy.
Tai (on screen) - Where's it gonna sleep?
Matt - Not with the cat, that's for sure.
Tai (on screen) - I guess we could always tell mom that it's a throw pillow.
Tai - That's a good idea.
The telephone rings.
Tai (on screen) - I'll get it!
Tai - Don't answer the phone, there's trouble on the other line!
Matt - Too late.
Sora (on screen) - Mimi told me you were the one who threw up in my hat!
Matt - Ah yes, the famous incident that solidified your friendship with Sora.
Tai - It was an accident.
Sora (on screen) - I'm really mad at you, Tai Kamiya!
Tai - Not as mad as she'll be in the years to come.
Tai (on screen) - Ah! Kari, look out!
Tai (on screen) - It changed, It got bigger!, what did you do?!
Tai - She fed him some of your dads special pills.
Matt - Please don't discuss what goes on in your parents bedroom at night.
Tai (on screen) - It can't get any worse.
Flatulent noise is heard, Tai lifts Koromon to reveal excrement.
Tai (on screen) - It just got worst.
Tai - Oh, believe me, kid, the worst has yet to come. Season 2 Episode 38 to be exact. And the fucking 02 epilogue!
Matt - You're not the only mad about that, I was also disappointed.
Tai (on screen) - 4,008; 4,009; 4,010; 4,011; 4,012. Whew!
Tai - Bullshit. There's no way he did that many.
Matt - I think he did. But it was probably cut out.
Matt - She just stole the cat's food.
Tai - We'll see why that's a bad idea in a little bit.
Kari (on screen) - He had a strange way of showing his appreciation.
Koromon jumps on Kari and starts kissing her.
Tai (on screen) - Hey, cut it out! Stop kissing my sister, you!
Tai - The producers from Aliens called, they want their ideas back.
Matt - And cue the music.
Tai - Fatboy Slim!
Matt - The soundtrack for this movie is all over the place, but we'll get into that later on.
Tai - Good choice for this scene.
Tai - Here comes the cat, ready to attack.
Matt - Thank you, captain obvious.
Tai - Ouch, that actually hurt my face.
Matt - That's one crazy cat.
Tai (on screen) - We don't make much of a tag-team do we?
Tai - Don't worry. In time both of you will.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Kids, I made your favourite! Liver sticks!
Matt - I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Tai - Her cooking has improved since then. Thank my wife for that.
Tai (on screen) - We're in luck. She burned them.
Matt - How is that good?
Tai - Don't question it.
Tai (on screen) - How come you talk to him and only whistle at me?
Tai - She's spoiled, that's why.
Matt - Moving on.
Koromon - Thanks, for saving me from that scratching furball!
Matt - The producers from Aliens called again, they said stop it.
Kari (on screen) - Once a Digimon truly becomes your friends, they'll do anything for you.
Flatulent noise is heard again, Tai lifts Koromon to reveal excrement.
Kari (on screen) - Anything.
Tai (on screen) - Let's have a warning for this too.
Tai - Season 2 in a nutshell.
Matt - We know, we know, you hate season 2.
Tai - Just saying.
Kari (on screen) - There was a weird electrical surge throughout the city. Of course, there was only one way to get Tai's attention.
Matt - Blowing that whistle would've woken up everyone in the house.
Tai - It did.
Tai (on screen) - I'm up!
Tai (on screen) - What?! Koromon? What's the matter with him, Kari? Is he sick? You gave him your liver sticks didn't you?
Tai - The same ones that my mother cooked, I rest my case.
Kari (on screen) - You should know that this Koromon isn't the one we became friends with later on.
Tai - No shit, Sherlock.
Matt - There goes the bunk beds.
Kari (on screen) - When this one digivolved, he expanded more than my uncle Fred at thanksgiving.
Matt - Ah yes, your famous uncle Fred.
Tai - Great guy.
Matt - Wasn't he the one who bought us alcohol for the wrap party?
Tai - Like I said, great guy.
Tai (on screen) - I'm gonna get grounded for this.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - What's going on in there? Did you kids break another lamp?
Tai - It wasn't me this time.
Matt - How did you break the previous lamp?
Tai - It involved a soccer ball, and blaming Sora for the incident.
Matt - How did it go?
Tai - I got grounded for a month.
Matt - Oh, we forgot, there was a deleted scene in this part where your Dad came home drunk.
Tai - That was one of the first scenes cut in the film.
Matt - And there was more stuff cut out, but we'll get to that soon.
Tai (on screen) - If Mom's worried about the lamp, wait till she sees her car!
Tai - Good time to have car insurance.
Kari (on screen) - Yum, soda. I'm thirsty, are you?
Tai - Destroying a vending machine.
Matt - I miss doing that.
Kari (on screen) - Where are you going?
Matt - And there you are running around looking for your sister.
Tai (on screen) - How hard could it be to find a dinosaur?
Tai - Follow the screams.
Matt - Stop ripping off quotes from Jurassic Park.
Man 1 (on screen) - Whoa! Did you see that?
Man 2 (on screen) - No, I was sleeping.
Man 1 (on screen) - But you're driving!
Tai - Ok, that was funny.
Agumon (on screen) - Pepper Flame!
Matt - Good thing that phone booth was empty.
Tai - Yeah, now Superman has to find a new phone booth.
Kari (on screen) - Why are you looking at that bus? Please don't blow it up! I know my mom says they're always late, but they can't help it.
Tai - Yes they can.
Matt - There's an orange dinosaur and a little kid running around, and no ones noticing this?
Tai - It's after hours, who gets up that early anyways.
Tai (on screen) - Kari!
Matt - Wake up the whole neighborhood why don't you.
Tai - If it was T.K., you'd be doing the same thing.
Matt - Asshole.
Tai - Hair extensions.
Matt - That was one time only!
Kari (on screen) - That's when we saw our second DigiEgg, but this one was a lot bigger and the Digimon inside, a lot meaner.
Matt - And a lot of cgi for this part. But it was cheap.
Tai (on screen) - I'd hate to see the chicken that egg came out of!
Matt - Did you improvise that line of dialogue?
Tai - Yeah. It just popped it there.
Kari (on screen) - That's a big bird.
Matt - That is Parrotmon.
Tai - Parrotmon? That's his name!?
Matt - Just accept it, and keep watching the movie.
Joe (on screen) - Mimi, it's Joe! Quick, look outside your window!
Tai - They just happen to show all eight members of the chosen kids.
Matt - We all lived there.
Tai (on screen) - Polly want a cracker? A really big cracker?
Matt - That was not your best joke.
Tai - I never said it was.
Tai (on screen) - Kari, it's too dangerous!
Tai - Run, stupid, Run! Just carry her away from the battle!
Matt - Lower your voice.
Agumon - Pepper Flame!
Parrotmon (on screen) - Ha, ha, ha! My turn!
Tai - Uh, oh.
Parrotmon (on screen) - Sonic Destroyer!
Joe (on screen) - Izzy, did you see that? Izzy? Hey, what's wrong with the phone?
Tai - Probably forgot to pay his phone bill.
Matt - Will you please be quiet.
Greymon (on screen) - Rrr.
Tai - And the legend makes his grand appearance.
Tai (on screen) - Are you okay?
Kari (on screen) - Who's that?
Tai - That is the ultimate badass that has ever roamed the digital world.
Greymon (on screen) - I'm Greymon now.
Tai (on screen) - You can whoever you want, big guy.
Matt - And the fight starts.
Greymon (on screen) - Nova Flame!
Tai - Take that, you flying motherfucker!
Matt - As short as it is, this fight scene is badass.
Tai - Except for the over use of the digimon theme.
Matt - No argument there.
Tai - We saw this part in the opening scene, didn't we?
Matt - Yup. Don't question it.
Tai - And no one ever called the authorities?
Matt - After hearing about giant monsters destroying buildings again, they'd probably sit this one out.
Tai (on screen) - Wake up he's coming.
Tai - Please wake up! Kill that stupid pigeon!
Matt - Calm down, it's just a movie.
Tai - I can't help it.
Tai (on screen) - It worked on me.
Tai - No it didn't.
Matt - Yeah, wake up the whole neighborhood why don't you.
Tai - I like that Aerial shot of the whole area.
Matt - Thank Mamoru Hosoda for that. A real legend.
Tai - And they just happened to show those who would become the main kids of the show.
Matt - Just The first season only.
Tai - He's awake! He's awake!
Matt - Would you sit down and shut up!
Tai (on screen) - Go for it.
Greymon (on screen) - Nove flame.
Tai - That's a dead parrot.
Matt - And they disappear.
Tai - Where did they go?
Matt - Don't question it! We'll be here all night.
Kari (on screen) - That night changed our lives, it was a while before we realized that those of us who saw what happened became the digidestind.
Tai - Coincidence?
Matt - no, please shut up!
Kari (on screen) - Where are you!
Tai - He's gone into the twilight zone, never to come back!
Matt - You annoy me sometimes.
Tai - And she keeps mentioning this Wallace guy, he's not even in this scene.
Matt - Relax.
Tai - How?
Matt - It's the end of the first part.
Tai - Good. Now we're getting to the fun part of the movie.
End of Chapter 3
(Author's Note: What do y'all think? Let me know, stay tuned for Chapter Four).