Hello it's me yes this is a new chapter and I am very sorry that it took me so long. The reason is the last part of this chapter - because I was writing something I've never written like this before. So there's that.
And, as always, big thanks to the best beta reader in the world, nensha, who had to beta read... a lot for this chapter.
That being said, this is the last chapter of the story. So... all, well almost all, mysteries will be solved.
This won't be the last thing to read of this story, though. Because there will be a short epilogue too and I saved something for that to look forward to!
Another thing that gave me troubles was that, while writing, I suddenly got many different version of the end. I decided to stick with my original idea but feel free to ask me about the "alternative" endings.
I am not what has happened to me.
I am what I choose to become.
Eventually I will end up where I'm supposed to be
and will be doing what's supposed to be done.
"What are you reading?" Shadowheart asked. Tav'd been so concentrated on the words, he hadn't even noticed how she'd approached him.
"I, uhm... a book," was his plain answer.
Shadowheart slowly raised one eyebrow and gave him this certain 'Really, Tav? Really?' look that she wore rather often on her face.
"I mean, it's... one of the books Gale left behind," Tav finally sighed, avoiding Shadowheart's gaze as she sat down on the log next to him.
Her eyes could be so piercing. He didn't need that right now.
"One of his boring encyclopedias?"
"No. It's... poetry. Written by him."
For a second or two, Shadowheart simply seemed to be surprised by that revelation but then she chuckled lightly. Tav finally lifted his head and met her gaze, only to frown.
"What's so funny about that?" he mumbled.
"Oh, I just didn't expect him to actually write poems. I thought he was messing with us when he said he was living in a wizard tower, owned a cat and a library, enjoyed red wine and writing occasional poetry, you know, playing the cliché wizard" Shadowheart hummed.
Her dark eyes were laid on the open book on Tav's lap, her hands folded over her knees. Tav offered her a sad smile, thinking back to the group's first night at camp. Maybe he'd been a bit brash, curious about this handsome wizard they'd picked up an hour ago, when he'd asked Gale at the campfire to share some personal information about who he was, what he liked and where was he from.
"I do think he was messing with us while still telling the truth."
"He did that a lot, didn't he. Telling the truth..." Shadowheart said carefully, lifting her gaze and watching Tav from the side.
"Yeah. But only as much as he thought I deserved to know. Only when it was convenient for him," Tav said with bitterness in his voice, staring at the handwritten words.
"He shared his darkest and deepest secret with you, with us ultimately, didn't he?" she countered and there was a hint of respect in her voice.
Yeah... after making sure to sleep with me, Tav thought grim but wrapped himself in stoic silence.
"And he never fooled you," Shadowheart continued. "You knew exactly what he was and you loved him anyway."
Tav felt caught. The simple fact that Shadowheart worded the obvious truth like this, made his heart pound hard and heavy in his chest. He loved Gale. Even after knowing about the Netherese taint, even after knowing about his past with Mystra, even after-
With a frown on his face, Tav turned away from Shadowheart, gnawing on his bottom lip. Thankfully, she didn't push any further. Didn't tore the wound open that yet had to heal. It's been too long. One month and Gale still hasn't returned. Tav had already decided to move on. It wasn't like him to sit around and wait for a miracle.
Or, well... he tried to move on. Not very good, apparently, because there he was again, reading through Gale's self-written poems, like every night. And every written word made Tav ache for Gale, for his touch, his voice, his smile, the eloquent way he had with words, so unlike Tav himself. And every cursed time he got lost in these poems. These words Tav sometimes didn't even understand, words that he often failed to read correctly. And every cursed time the longing returned. Painful and heavy.
"He... wrote this one day before he left to the astral plane," Tav suddenly said and Shadowheart was listening quietly. "Here's the date..." he mumbled and pointed at the scribbled number on top of the page. "It's... the very last entry. There are still a lot of empty pages, I... guess he meant to fill them on our journey but now, he... he won't. Not ever." Tav felt how his voice cracked so he decided to shut the hells up.
A whole month had passed and he still felt this horrible lump in his throat whenever he talked or thought about Gale. Being on the battlefield helped a lot to get his head empty, he was almost happy that Baldur's Gate was in flames, that there was basically a religious war going on in its streets.
But the nights...
The nights were the worst. When the forest was dark and silent, when the moon was full and shining brightly, when everyone was busy with their own business and no one needed Tav's attention, when it was just him and his thoughts and the books and the empty, gut wrenching void in his heart.
"He will be back." Again, Shadowheart's voice pulled Tav back into reality. With a confused look he turned towards her but she lifted her head and watched the night sky with a thin smile on her face. "He is far too obstinate. Someone like him will not give up. Even if it's just to pop up one day, in the middle of our camp, with this stupid smirk on his face and rub it under our all noses how incredible good he is, even able to return from the astral plane on his own," she continued. "And he won't let it go for days, telling us stories about his journey and his grand escape nonstop and poor us we will have to listen to him all day long."
Tav blinked hastily and yet he had to smile lightly. Unfortunately, not for long. He appreciated Shadowheart's effort, he really did, and yet he found it hard to believe her words, no matter how confidently they were spoken.
"Thank you, Shadowheart. I know you just want to cheer me up, in your own, weird way..."
"I am not weird!" she hissed snippily.
"I just don't think I can share your optimism. It's been a month and... I moved on already. He won't come back. And even if he does – which he won't – there's no reason for him to join us any more, being slave to his beloved goddess again. I am not going to waste my time, longing after him. There are certainly more urgent things to focus on."
Shadowheart gave him a knowing look. Tav had not moved on. She knew that. And he knew that she knew.
Tav took in a deep breath before he closed the book and slowly got up from the log.
"I think I need to be by myself for some time. I will come back in a couple of hours. Maybe I'll bring a deer or something, for dinner," he mumbled distressed before he gave Shadowheart a nod and turned around to leave her. Shadowheart didn't point out that they all had dinner an hour ago. She also didn't point out that Tav took the book with him into the forest, probably to read again, in solitude. She was smart and emphatic enough to know that he needed to be alone right now.
"Tav," she called after him before he vanished into the shadows, "it is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."
No mistakes. What a load of goblin shit. As far as Tav was concerned, that one was a lie. He should've never allowed himself to fall in love – it was probably the biggest mistake of them all.
Love, Tav decided, was an untameable beast. A wild animal. A fiend. It had the brutal force of an owlbear, yet was as malicious and poisonous as a drider. With fangs and talons it clawed its way through the chest, to nest on broken hearts. A wicked thing.
Tav had to gasp. Why breathing got so heavy all of a sudden, he couldn't tell. He rubbed his chest; it was like a knot in there was growing bigger and bigger. His vision got blurry and he blinked a few times. However, to finally clear it up, he had to wipe his eyes. He felt something wet on the back of his hand. Tears.
It was like fear crept up on him. Tav knew the feeling of rising panic – yet he was trained to control it. To not let it overwhelm him but rather focus on it, use it. The heightened senses, the sharpened focus. Yet this, this felt entirely different.
He pressed the book against his chest, holding it like a scared child would hold its stuffed bear at night, and pushed his back against a tree. He looked around frantically, his instincts searching for something that caused this horrible feeling.
The forest was as peaceful as ever. Filled only by the usual noises of small critters in the underwood, lightened by fireflies and all kinds of glowing mushrooms. The moon threw some pale light through the tree tops. It wasn't really dark – not pitch black – and Tav wasn't afraid of the dark anyway. Actually, there wasn't much he was afraid of at all these days, not after everything he'd encountered, and yet he found himself slowly sliding down, his back still tightly pressed against the tree behind him.
Finally, with a quiet whimper, he sat down.
After a few moments, self-protective instincts kicked in – and then fear started to turn into anger. Usually, Tav always had a target to aim his wrath at, turning fear and rage into a deadly weapon, like a dire wolf trapped in a corner. But now there was nothing to point his ire towards to.
With an angry yell, Tav jumped up, turned around on the spot and rammed his fist into the tree. He heard an odd creaking and wasn't sure if that came from the bark or his bones but he felt something warm and sticky slowly trickling between his knuckles.
"Hells..." he growled and let his head drop against the tree. He had a Mindflayer tadpole nibbling at his brain, there were fanatics on the loose, gods fought gods – and among all these things he had a breakdown because of something silly as love.
If it wasn't for the knot in his throat, Tav would've chuckled.
He felt so pathetic.
Tav decided to do work against this feeling of dread and now, with his bleeding hand, he had something to focus on, at least. Clean the wound. Get some water. Wash off the blood. Steps that were easy to follow but helped to clear his mind and steady his breath.
He put the book aside, careful not to stain it with his blood and kneeled down at the rim of a small, quiet river. The waters were black and calm, serving only as a mirror for the moon, an image that got disturbed when Tav slowly put his hand into the cold water.
He didn't even shiver on the stinging pain, just let out a sigh of relief. After carefully treading the cracked skin on his knuckles with some balm, he sat down on a rock close to the river and pulled the book back into his lap.
He already knew exactly where he had to open it, somewhere around the middle, reading over Gale's last written words, once again. I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become. Eventually I will end up where I am supposed to be – and I will be doing what's supposed to be done. Gale must've been aware, he must've known that he wouldn't be able to return. The promise he'd given was only made because Tav had asked him to.
As always, Tav flipped the page. He knew the next one was empty and the one after and the one after that one too. And so he got clearly startled when he suddenly saw some newly written lines. Even the ink was fresh, glistering slightly in the light of a full moon.
"What the..." he mumbled, a chill creeping up his spine.
Then he noticed it: a faint and sweet scent of rose water.
"The Weave..."
Slowly, he started to make out the words on the page. Every man has two lives. And the second one starts when he realizes he has only one.
There was no mistake, this was clearly Gale's handwriting.
But how-
And when-
"I am a man of my word and I like to keep my promises."
While trying to swirl around and stand up at the same time, Tav managed to almost fall from the rock and into the river. Maybe his eyes were playing a trick on him, maybe the tadpole was drawing out his deepest desires, showing him an illusion of who he dreamed of at night. He blinked a few times but the smiling Gale was still standing a few feet away from him, his arms behind his back.
"You-" Tav started but couldn't find any words to follow the first one and so he just did what his instincts told him to do: he closed the gap between them to pull Gale into his arms.
And just held him.
After a while, Tav took a step back to take a good look at Gale. It was no illusion. No demon playing tricks. No tadpole playing with his mind. It was Gale.
"I am back, yes," Gale said, "an archwizard at your service." He bowed slightly and with a smirk on his face. Tav frowned – something was off about Gale. Actually he'd already noticed it when he'd hugged Gale but his mind had been busy to comprehend with the fact that Gale was actually back, standing in front of him, to pay it any attention. But now Tav saw it.
"Gale... your left arm... it's..."
"Missing? Turns out that ripping a literal orb of destruction out of your chest costs you an arm and a leg. Guess I've been lucky and only had to leave my arm behind."
Tav stared at him. Did Gale really just made a joke about the fact that he'd lost his entire arm in the astral plane?
"It's... a long story," Gale then added, a bit uneasy and avoided Tav's gaze for a moment. "I... will tell you everything once I've..."
"No need to," Tav interrupted him. "I can't even imagine what horrors you had to face and... tell me when you want to. Whenever that is."
Gale smiled thankfully.
Then Tav let out a sigh.
"A month."
"What?"
"It's been a month, Gale. Baldur's Gate is on fire. The hordes of the Absolute are on a rampage. And we... we kind of caused all of this, trapped in the middle. And you've been gone for over a month."
Astonishment mirrored on Gale's face.
"To me it felt like a few hours, if at all..." he mumbled. "Time really has no meaning in the astral plane. Well, those are some bad news about our current situation but the good news are, that I was not only able to part the Netherese taint from my body but also regained my full powers! The moment I freed myself from the orb, they were back and I could just plane shift, easy as that." He snapped his fingers and colourful sparks illumed the night for a second.
Tav felt how his excitement got dulled.
"If you are back to your former might... then that means you're not on Mystra's naughty list any more... and that means..."
He didn't want to say it. Maybe it wouldn't be true if he just refused to word it. For some odd reason Gale was still smiling, though. Was he even happy about that situation, finally reunited with his beloved goddess?
"I refused," Gale said with an easy, happy tone.
Tav just stared at him in disbelief.
What?
"She had made me an offer and I declined. It's that simple. Mystra is no evil entity that sets their followers on fire if they refuse an offer. I don't want to waste my second life by being the smitten school boy again. Mystra will always be my muse, the source of everything that inspires me, the source of everything magical and unworldly, a part of my life and whole being but stand in her service? Love her? Dictate my life to her name? No."
"That simple," Tav just said with dry voice.
"Yes. That simple. I rather be with you, saving the world while we're at it," Gale said confidently and just these words made Tav's heart skip a beat. I rather be with you.
"Why... would you trade the powers of a god and the chance to be at one's side for some adventures in the forest, sleeping in tents and eating Halsin's herb salad...?"
"As long as I am sleeping next to you in said tent, I am very much fine with that." Gale raised one eyebrow a bit. "You still don't quite believe it, do you."
Tav shook his head.
"I mean, it's just-" he started, looking desperately for the right words. "I am... I am just me. And I am... I mean... I know so little about the things you love, no matter how hard I try to be a part of your world of wonders and magic, I always feel like I can just watch from the sides... Hells, I even have a hard time reading your poems because of all the odd words you use." To underline his words, Tav lifted the book.
"So you're not perfect, but who is? I rather have the radiance of your flaws than the darkness of your absence," Gale said, causing Tav to blush slightly.
"Ever the poet, aren't you?"
"I always had the impression you like that..." Gale said, his eyes finding the book in Tav's hands.
"I do," Tav admitted under his breath, "but I am also a simple man. And sometimes I like simple words."
Holding Gale's gaze, Tav felt an odd amalgam of anxiety and anticipation. They've been at this point before. This time, however, there was no hesitation, no alerted look on Gale's face, no delusion made from sweet words.
"It means that I love you, Tav," Gale said with incredibly warm voice that immediately seemed to reach his face, stretching into a sunny smile.
No more anxiety. No more fear. Just, finally, elation and a warm feeling that settled down in Tav's stomach.
"There. I said it," Gale quipped with one of his ever-so-charming smirks but continued in a more serious tone, "and I will say it again, every day, until we're both grey and old. And when all of this is over-"
"I love you too," Tav interrupted, blunt and unequivocal. For a second or two he remained silent, his eyes on Gale. "And... I want you," he added with low voice.
Gale raised one eyebrow, that cheeky smirk still on his face.
"Now? Shouldn't we go back to camp first?" he asked amused but Tav just slowly shook his head, staring at Gale with a longing gaze.
"The others will ask questions. How you were able to come back. What happened in the astral plane. And to the orb. To Mystra. All of this... shit." Tav made a dismissive gesture with his hand and took a step closer to Gale, who's back hit the tree now. "I don't want to share your attention... not yet, at least." Tav reached out and touched the scar on Gale's neck. Slowly he traced the coarse skin.
I missed you. Hells, I missed you so much. He didn't say it. Didn't had to. Actions spoke louder than words and Tav was a man of action any way.
He grabbed Gale by his shoulders and pulled him into a rough kiss.
"My, you're quite eager," Gale said breathlessly when he felt how Tav's hand tried to find a way under his coat.
"Kept me waiting for a month," Tav just growled short-spoken against Gale's lips before he kissed them again.
Tav had no interest in exchanging words right now. With a certain feeling of satisfaction, he managed to rip Gale's coat open. His fingers slipped under the loose linen shirt Gale wore underneath and found warm and soft skin. Tav noticed how Gale's muscles tensed up under the touch, how his chest lifted from a heavier breath, ever so slightly. He also noticed how Gale's hand wasn't satisfied any more to simply roam Tav's back – it wandered deeper. It send sent a shiver through his spine and he ached to feel this hand touching his bare skin.
Now.
Tav wasn't a very patient man. He broke their kiss and grabbed Gale with the clear intention of bringing him down on his back. He didn't care about the damp moss underneath. It should serve well as cushion. Gale tried to get back up, at least to get out of his torn clothes, but Tav pushed him down again, to pin Gale's arm over his head with one hand, staring down on him like a wolf that found its prey while he got rid of his own jerkin. Archwizard or not, Tav was still stronger. And yet, there was something wicked in Gale's eyes that made Tav hesitate all of a sudden.
"Lay down," Gale said slowly and there was a strange whisper under his voice that seemed to contain a hidden command - one that Tav had to follow without choice. He suddenly found himself slowly getting off Gale to lie down next to him. Tav's body was moving on its own, giving in to Gale's spell.
"Really? Magic to contain me? Gale, I didn't know you were into such kind of thing..." Tav provoked but he had to admit: he never felt so excited before. Heat was spreading through his body and he felt tense from anticipation and arousal.
"Neither did I, to be honest," Gale answered and slowly climbed on top of Tav to sit astride on his hips. Tav bit his lip. It was clear that Gale knew exactly what he was doing. Why else would he start to move around on top of him, like he just wanted to sit comfortable, grinding accidentally against the bulge inside Tav's pants?
A strong desire grew in Tav, the desire to rip the remaining clothes off their bodies and take what he wanted so desperately. Yet, he was still unable to move his body, he could barely even lift a finger. A needy whine escaped him, one that he just couldn't contain any longer.
It made Gale smile.
Then Gale lifted his hand and a faint, blue light started to glow around his fingers. Bowing down, he treated Tav with another kiss that got answered all too eagerly. After a few tender moments, Gale sat straight up again, earning another demanding whine from Tav. By now, the blue light had stretched over Gale's whole hand and gave it an icy shimmer. He placed one fingertip on Tav's chest and immediately drew a surprised hiss from him. Tav's eyes widened for a short moment, the sudden freezing cold caught him off guard. And yet, there was something incredibly arousing about the way Gale's finger wandered deeper, slowly but steadily. The thin trace of ice melted immediately, creating glistering droplets of water on Tav's skin that got caught in curly, red hair.
Gale's finger reached Tav's stomach and the chill touch let his muscles tense up involuntary. It seemed that the view did something to Gale – Tav didn't fail to notice. Not while Gale was sitting on top of him like this.
The frozen finger now followed the thin line of hair that vanished into Tav's pants and stopped at his belt. Gale needed neither words nor gesture to unbuckle it. A mere thought was enough and the belt got thrown away by ghost hand. Thankfully, Gale's fingers weren't covered in a magical chill touch any more when they slipped into Tav's pants. And when Tav finally felt Gale's hand stroking him, he realized how much he wanted, needed to be touched by him.
A deep moan escaped Tav's throat, more a growl than anything else, as his eyes slipped closed. Gale's touch was soft at first, his motion slow and deliberate before he steadily picked up speed and his grip got more firm. Tav's breath hitched. He was still unable to move his body, like a hunter who became the prey.
Yet Gale seemed to have mercy eventually – or maybe he just needed to be touched as well, needed to feel Tav's hands all over his body.
And when Tav opened his eyes again, he felt how the containment left his body. He gained back the control. And he didn't waste a second to use it.
"Wha-mff?" Gale began to ask but was silenced as Tav flung himself at him and kissed him roughly.
Soon Gale found himself on his back again. Any word of protest was lost as Gale's breath got heavier and he surrendered to the man above him. He nodded in a sign of submission and Tav lowered himself onto Gale, their bodies mashed against each other.
Tav forced himself between Gale's legs, moving against him, rubbing, grinding. An unsatisfied snarl from Tav reminded Gale that there was still an annoying layer of cloth between them that had to be taken care of.
"Wait, wait," Gale breathed out. The lusting bite into his neck kindly told him that Tav wasn't in the mood for waiting yet Gale needed only a second or two to focus his mind on their pants and underwear and with a little bit of magic, he just made them disappear into thin air, together with whatever remained of Gale's coat. He could worry later where the hells he'd teleported the pieces to. Who knew, with a little bit of luck they just landed on Astarion's head, sending a pretty clear message.
He let out a soft moan when Tav pushed his hips against Gale's. Not a moment later, his moan turned into a needy groan. His arm snaked around Tav's neck and pulled him down to kiss him deeply as their hips ground together. While Gale's fingers clawed into Tav's hair, a gentle reminder not to break the kiss, Tav's hands were all over Gale's body. Finally, his right one settled down on Gale's hips, grabbing tightly into the skin, dictating their motion.
If Gale had thought about it, he wouldn't have been surprised by Tav's carnal ferocity. He'd experienced it before, after all. As shy and insecure as Tav could be, there was a beast slumbering inside of him and Gale had drawn it forth. And now he couldn't contain it. Fortunately, he didn't want to.
There would be bruises on Gale's hips, where Tav had held him too tight, everything was wet and hot between them as Tav's head fell against Gale's shoulder and Gale put his hand on the nape of Tav's neck. Only then he closed his eyes in bliss and he enjoyed the reverent silence of the night that they'd just broken so avidly. And oh, how beautiful it had been to break it. He loved to feel Gale's naked, warm body under his own, loved to hear his exhausted breaths, loved to take in his scent. Eventually, Tav rolled on his back and left it to the chill night wind to take the heat off their bodies.
"Think I was able to make up for the lost time?" Gale asked after a while, propping himself up on his elbow.
"Hmmm. I will have to give that some thought," Tav chuckled, his hands crossed behind his head while he enjoyed this feeling of blissful exhaustion that claimed his whole body.
Gale frowned; Tav noticed it in the corner of his eye and smirked.
"Don't worry. It was... it was everything. And I know you wanted to hear that."
The frown turned into a cheeky grin before Gale decided to lay down and put his head on Tav's chest.
"You sound happy," he remarked.
"Someone once said: happiness is like a stray cat. Sometimes it seeks you out, sometimes you're ignored," Tav smirked.
Gale laughed.
"Sounds like the words of a very wise man."
"Not sure about that. Charming for sure. Smart, too."
"Don't forget handsome."
"Very handsome. But wise? He made a few very stupid choices in his life, you know..."
"I am pretty sure he has his regrets," Gale said and pressed a kiss on Tav's bare skin before he fell silent for a while. "Tonight, I think, I am very much sought out by the stray cat."
"Hmhm," Tav hummed. He wrapped his arms around Gale and closed his eyes. "I've got a feeling it might even stick around this time..."
Gale smiled.
"Me too."
Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment on what you think, I love comments :) (or save it for the epilogue haha)
I left everything about the main story as vague as possible, you have to forgive me for that but as we all know, we only have chapter 1 of the game right now so I have to work with whatever that chapter gave me as ideas for how the main story will resolve further.
Also: I wrote Gale's poem myself. *proud*