(Disclaimer: I own nothing, they are the property of their respective owners).
(Author's Note: I know It's been a while since I posted a chapter on this story, I've been sidetracked by other things).
Chapter Four - Our War Games.
Matt - And we're back.
Tai - But this time, we're watching the good part of the movie.
Matt - We know, you've been hyping it since the last few chapters.
Tai - Because it's awesome, just like me!
Matt - Let's get this done. Roll it!
Recording Engineer - And rolling.
The movie resumes playing, the words "Four Years Later" appear on the screen.
Tai - And a year after the events of season one, the great season.
Kari (on screen) - It was another DigiDestined, Izzy...
Tai - The guy who lives at his computer.
Izzy (on screen) - Huh? Prodigious! A computer virus on the Internet.
Tai - Pretty much what happens when you watch porn.
Matt - too much information.
Izzy (on screen) - Wow. It's attacking something. Let me see if I can get an image of its target.
Kari (on screen) - Izzy wasn't the only one tracking the virus. The whole world was watching.
Tai - And nobody had anything better to do that day?
Matt - Just like with Shane Falco and the 1996 sugar bowl fiasco.
Tai - No argument there, that's a good movie.
Izzy (on screen) - Looks like a DigiEgg! Where did that come from?
Tai - You see, when two digimon fall in love, they...
Matt (Interrupting) - Moving on!
Izzy (on screen) - I think it's going to hatch!
Digimon (on screen) - Hello!
Matt - Next scene.
Kari (on screen) - Across town, Tai and another DigiDestined, Sora, were facing their own problems.
Tai (on screen) - Dear Sora, I'm sorry about what happened...
Matt - And this is your infamous apology letter that you never wrote.
Tai - I got one of the writers from the show to write it for me, Based on my ideas though.
Matt - An act of desperation.
Tai - Shut up!
Tai (on screen) - So what's a few raindrops between friends? Love, Tai." Love? I mean from! I mean.
Matt - Real smooth, Casanova.
Kari (on screen) - Who are you writing to, Tai?
Tai (on screen) - Ah! It's just an e-mail joke. What are you doing in here anyway, Kari?
Kari (on screen) - I wanted to show you my new dress. I'm going to a birthday party. I got my friend a pink power ranger...
Tai - A power rangers in-joke.
Matt - Saban's other cash cow.
Tai (on screen) - Ah, who cares.
Kari (on screen) - If you want to send an e-mail you have to click this. Click!
Matt - Uh-Oh.
Tai (on screen) - I wasn't going to send that letter!
Kari (on screen) - Then what did you write it for?
Tai (on screen) - Oh, go to your party!
Kari (on screen) - Okay.
Tai (on screen) - I can't believe Sora's going to read my letter.
Tai - Be grateful, it could be worse.
Tai (on screen) - I can't believe she's' not going to read my letter! You try to tell a girl you're sorry, and your computer...
Tai - And I fell on my ass.
Matt - Cue the barenaked ladies.
Tai - Hate that fucking song, I tell you, Smash Mouth's "Walking on the Sun" would've been a way better choice for this montage.
Matt - Did the cameraman follow Sora around town?
Tai - Yup, she found out, and he got a black eye because of it.
Matt - Ouch.
Matt - There's Joe at the train station.
Tai - There goes his one way ticket off this movie.
Tai - And his attempts to woo Mimi.
Matt - He tried.
Tai - Heh, Izzy's running like his life depended on it.
Matt - He is.
Tai - There's you and your brother watching the ball game.
Matt - That was a great game from what I remember.
Tai - There goes the train.
Matt - And the song ends.
Tai - Finally.
Tai (on screen) - Mom, can I make a complaint?
Tai - Don't do it.
Tai (on screen) - Well, Kari's eating birthday cake right now and all we have is leftover tofu.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - I can make you a cake, Tai. Hand me an egg please.
Tai (on screen) - No.
Tai - You idiot, now she's gonna cook!
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - You get the door, and I'll start on that cake.
Tai - Hope he has toilet paper and pepto bismo.
On the screen, Tai opens the door and sees Izzy.
Tai (on screen) - Izzy, you're all sweaty. What's wrong?
Izzy (on screen) - Well, it's about the egg.
Tai (on screen) - Oh?
Izzy (on screen) - The egg has already hatched.
Tai - Not that one, stupid!
Izzy (on screen) - Aw, not that egg! A DigiEgg!
Izzy (on screen) - My Digimon Analyzer doesn't even recognize it.
Tai (on screen) - Looks like a cross between a jellyfish and a contact lens.
Izzy (on screen) - I think it's part Digimon, part virus.
Tai (on screen) - A Digimon with a virus, so?
Izzy (on screen) - Are you kidding? If it stays on the Internet, it could wipe out all technology as we know it!
Tai (on screen) - If it just hatched, how do you know about all this stuff?
Izzy (on screen) - This kid I met on the Internet e-mailed me. His name is Willis and he lives in Colorado. I don't know where he gets his information. He's smart, though. He's only in elementary school, but he's already taking classes at Colorado State.
Tai - A kid in college? Is that you, Sheldon Cooper?
Matt - I was thinking more like Doogie Howser, or T.J. Henderson.
Tai - Smart guy? I liked watching that show.
Izzy (on screen) - The jellyfish digivolved!
Tai (on screen) - He's sending another e-mail. It says "I'm hungry!" What, am I supposed to call for a pizza?
Tai - That actually sounds good right now, remind me to go order pizza and hot wings when we're done here.
Tai (on screen) - More food? What does he expect to find? A grocery store?
Matt - And cue the grocery store.
Cashier (on screen) - Okay, that's one box of chocolates. Your total comes to one million, one hundred...huh? Yeah, that's what it says. That must be really good chocolate. Paper or plastic?
Tai - I would've fainted.
Matt - That must've been good chocolate.
Reporter (on screen) - Computer systems are failing, causing congestion at the registers. And now for the weather.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Tai, I made beef jerky shakes!
Tai - Bleh, I get nauseous just thinking about those shakes.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Oh. Don't you want your shake?
Izzy (on screen) - Oh.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - I'm glad someone appreciates my recipes.
Tai - He'll regret it later, trust me.
Matt - We know, your mom is a bad cook.
Izzy (on screen) - A Digimon is eating the Internet and you're worried about a few books?
Tai (on screen) - But my dad likes his mess where it is.
Tai - What a slob.
Matt - It can't be worse than what y'alls first apartment looked like.
Tai - I miss that place.
Tai (on screen) - Hey, Izzy. Why don't we just call up the Digimon on the screen and then hit delete?
Izzy (on screen) - Don't you think I've tried that?
Tai - Obviously he's tried that, why else would he be at your house trying to stop it.
Tai (on screen) - someone important like the principal or Bill Gates, or someone?
Izzy (on screen) - They won't listen. That kid Willis warned his Internet carrier about the new Digimon. They said "Great! Let's sign him up and give him fifty free hours!"
Matt - In those days, fifty hours was awesome to have.
Tai (on screen) - He's digivolved again!
Keramon (on screen) - My name is Keramon.
Izzy (on screen) - I think he's at the rookie level.
Tai (on screen) - This soon? He's digivolving too quickly!
Izzy (on screen) - He's probably at a fast food website.
Tai - If he was, he probably has diabetes by now.
Tai (on screen) - You mean we have to sit here and watch that thing eat us out of house and homepage? I wish Agumon was here to help us.
Tai - Your wish is granted.
Tai (on screen) - I can almost hear him now.
Agumon (on screen) - You can hear me now!
Tai (on screen) - It's like he was here.
Agumon (on screen) - I am here!
Tai (on screen) - Huh? Agumon! Where are you?...
Tai - Follow the sound, stupid!
Tai (on screen) - Take me off speaker phone!
Izzy (on screen) - It's a transmission.
Tai (on screen) - Huh?
Izzy (on screen) - From the Digital World.
Tai - Hey look, before facetime, there was shitty facetime.
Tai (on screen) - Agumon!
Izzy (on screen) - And he's with Gennai!
Gennai (on screen) - Hmph. Hmm. It's been a long time.
Tai - No it wasn't, you old fart.
Tentomon (on screen) - Don't forget me!
Izzy (on screen) - Tentomon!
Tai (on screen) - Who else is there?
Tai - A bunch of characters who shouldn't have even been in the film.
Matt - These are just cameo appearances.
Gennai (on screen) - We need to talk. Something's threatening the Internet.
Izzy (on screen) - We know. The Digimon is already causing problems in our world.
Gennai (on screen) - I'm not sure it is a Digimon.
Agumon (on screen) - But it is dangerous. The evil Dark Masters were cupcakes compared to this guy.
Matt - Just wait til season two, for the worst ones yet.
Tai - After the emperor's downfall?.
Matt - Yup, but that's a behind the scenes story for another fanfic.
Tentomon (on screen) - What better way to express friendship than to save your world!
Izzy (on screen) - Tentomon.
Tentomon (on screen) - Please, don't get so emotional.
Tai (on screen) - Thanks a lot, you guys. You won't be alone! We'll be right here with you on the computer. Izzy, Digivice!
Izzy (on screen) - I'm one step ahead of you, Tai.
Tai (on screen) - Our Digivices will help you digivolve...
Tai - And Goggles on the head mean it's time to kick some ass!
Digimon (on screen) - Yay! Yay! Yay!
Gennai (on screen) - It'll take a minute for Agumon and Tentomon to get on the net. My modem's older than I am.
Tai - Doubt it, you old bastard.
Tai (on screen) - the other DigiDestined so their Digimon can help too!
Matt - And cue the phone call sequence.
Tai (on screen) - Can I speak to Joe, please? A test? He's the only one I know who actually volunteers for summer school!
Tai - That was his ticket out the film after his role was cut.
Tai (on screen) - Hi, is Matt or TK there? They're visiting their grandma in the country?
Matt - Duh, I told you that a few days prior.
Tai - How did I forget that?
Matt - The hair clip fiasco.
Tai - Don't remind me.
Izzy (on screen) - any luck yet?
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Would you like a glass of potato juice, Izzy?
Izzy (on screen) - Great. I'd love some!
Tai - He still has no clue what he's in for.
Matt - Those jokes are starting to bore me.
Tai (on screen) - Oh, hello there. This is Tai.
Grandmother (on screen) - You're selling ties?
Matt - Ok, this scene was funny.
Tai - It goes on and on and on.
Matt - And seeing you get frustrated at the same time.
Grandmother (on screen) - Mm-hmm.
Tai (on screen) - Right now?
Grandmother (on screen) - Mm-hmm.
Tai (on screen) - Can I talk to them?
Grandmother (on screen) - Oh, I love to talk to them too. They're here visiting.
Tai (on screen) - Please, I need to speak with them right away!
Grandmother (on screen) - Okay, I'll tell them. Kids!
Matt - That face you made.
Tai - That was nothing, wait for the next few ones.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - You know, Izzy, I can never get Tai to try any of my recipes.
Tai - You think the numerous trips to the emergency room have anything to do with that?
Tai (on screen) - I got Mimi's machine!
Tai - So, she's not even in the country, you dumbass.
Mimi (on screen) - Let's get together for lunch! Leave a very short message after the beep.
Tai (on screen) - That girl loves to talk.
Tai - No shit, sherlock.
Matt - Be nice, at least she left a message for everyone.
Tai - Except for that one message where she called you out.
Matt - That wasn't a good week for me.
Izzy (on screen) - So do I have enough of this stuff?
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Beats me. It's the first time I've used flour to bake a cake.
Matt - That would explain so much about you.
Tai - It's the truth, I got the scars to prove it.
Tai (on screen) - Emergency, what does she think this is?
Tai - They should've cut Kari's scenes out of this part of the movie.
Matt - They can't, she's the narrator.
Tai - They should've, this is our movie, not hers.
Tai - You can't saw off a foot, it doesn't work that way.
Matt - Unless you mess with Jigsaw and his many traps.
Tai - Those movies are freaky, man.
Tai (on screen) - Hey, Izzy.
Izzy (on screen) - Huh?
Tai (on screen) - I can't get anybody on the phone. I want you to call Sora for me.
Tai - That's a very bad idea.
Izzy (on screen) - It makes more sense for you to call.
Matt - He's got a point, you should've called her.
Tai - I can't just do that, I have some pride, you know.
Matt - No, you don't.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Oh, that's all right. I only have two beans anyway.
Tai - He should've called her from a burner cell phone, would've been easier.
Matt - Could you even afford one?
Tai - I could've borrowed one.
Matt - Yeah, right.
Sora (on screen) - I'm not home!
Mrs. Takennouchi (on screen) - But I already told him your here.
Sora (on screen) - Them make something up! I don't care what you tell him!
Mrs. Takennouchi (on screen) - But, Sora...I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. Goodbye.
Matt - Ouch.
Izzy (on screen) - Sora said she's not home.
Matt - She told you off.
Izzy (on screen) - Did you two have an argument?
Tai (on screen) - None of your business!
Izzy (on screen) - You must have been a real jerk if she doesn't even want to talk to you anymore.
Tai (on screen) - Huh? I didn't do anything!
Tai - Yeah, you did.
Tai (on screen) - I can't believe she's still mad at me. This whole thing started over a lousy hairclip.
Sora (on screen) - He'd better have written me.
Tai - No, he didn't.
Matt - He did, but the letter got stuck in internet traffic.
Sora (on screen) - No, it's not okay. Stupid Tai.
Tai - You're Stupid for calling me stupid!, you dumb b...
Matt (interrupting) - Please, stop, that was the past.
Tai (on screen) - Meeko, get down from there.
Tai - That stupid cat.
Matt - Is he still alive?
Tai - I don't know.
Tentomon (on screen) - Does this Information Super Highway have a rest stop? I've got to go potty!
Agumon (on screen) - You should have gone before we left. Just hold it!
Tai (on screen) - You're going to need a password.
Izzy (on screen) - You can use mine to get on the Internet. Prodigious!
Agumon & Tentomon (on screen) - Prodigious!
Izzy (on screen) - They're in!
Agumon (on screen) - So this is what the Internet looks like. They need new wallpaper.
Tentomon (on screen) - I hope this doesn't take too long. It's my bath night.
Izzy (on screen) - There he is. Go get him.
Tentomon (on screen) - He doesn't know we're here yet.
Agumon (on screen) - Let's sneak up on him quietly.
Tentomon (on screen) - Super Shocker!
Tai - He got him.
Agumon (on screen) - That's quietly? Pepper Breath!
Tai (on screen) - Huh? It should've worked, but it didn't.
Tai (on screen) - Hey, Keramon's sending us an e-mail. It says "So you like to play games, huh?" I got a bad feeling about this Agumon.
Matt - Was that last sentence a Star Wars joke?
Tai - Shut up!
Izzy (on screen) - You'd better digivolve, both of you. Now!
Agumon (on screen) - Agumon digivolve to...
Tentomon (on screen) - Tentomon digivolve to...
Matt - Everyone is watching this.
Greymon (on screen) - Greymon!
Kabuterimon (on screen) - Kabuterimon!
Tai - Bouncing off the cheap looking wallpaper.
Keramon (on screen) - Bug Blaster!
Kabuterimon (on screen) - Electro Shocker!
Greymon (on screen) - Nova Blast!
Tai (on screen) - You guys make this stuff look easy!
Izzy (on screen) - Um, hold that thought.
Tai - Not a good thing to hear from him.
Infermon (on screen) - Infermon!
Tai (on screen) - No way! He's digivolved again!
Izzy (on screen) - I've never seen this before. Now he's at the champion level like Greymon and Kabuterimon.
Tai - Wow, That escalated quickly.
Matt - Thank you, Anchorman.
Tai - He's just jumping around, get him!
Kabuterimon (on screen) - Electro Shocker!
Greymon (on screen) - Nova Blast! Yeah!
Tai - They got him this time!
Matt - No they didn't.
Tai - Son of a bitch!
Greymon (on screen) - He's stronger than a champion!
Infermon (on screen) - Spider Shooter!
Greymon (on screen) - Kabuterimon...uh!
Tai (on screen) - Greymon, no!
Izzy (on screen) - I think I've figured it out.
Tai - Of course he figures it out quickly.
Matt - Please be quiet!
Izzy (on screen) - He's too strong for our Digimon!
Tai (on screen) - Then they're just going to have to digivolve again!
Tai - Digivolve to the ultimate level.
Infermon (on screen) - Not so fast!
Greymon (on screen) - Greymon digivolve to...
MetalGreymon (on screen) - MetalGreymon!
Matt - Never had a chance.
Izzy (on screen) - You've got to digivolve faster!
Tai - Neither of them had a shot, he was too fast.
Matt - There goes the villain, exit stage left.
Tai (on screen) - Agumon, say something!
Agumon (on screen) - Don't take me out, coach.
Izzy (on screen) - Tentomon!
Tentomon (on screen) - I'm fine, just one question. Who's Tentomon?
Izzy (on screen) - They'll be okay, Tai. They just need to rest for awhile.
Tai (on screen) - I can't believe that two Digimon at the champion level weren't enough! We're never going to be able to defeat this thing!
Izzy (on screen) - Check this out, Tai, we're getting e-mails form all over the world. Here's one from that kid Willis in America.
Tai - Again with this kid!
Tai (on screen) - What does he mean his fault?
Tai - Do the math, you jackass!
Izzy (on screen) - Hey, Infermon is e-mailing us too!
Tai (on screen) - Why is he saying "Hello" over and over again?
Izzy (on screen) - Look at the address!
Tai (on screen) - Huh?
Izzy (on screen) - He's at the telephone company taking over all the phone lines! If we lose our phone connection we're finished. That's the only way we have access to the Internet.
Tai (on screen) - I've got to warn everyone!
Tai - Warn who? Everyone is either busy or in one case, pissed off at you over a hair clip.
Matt - At least you made the effort.
Operator 1 (on screen) - All circuits are busy. Try again later.
Tai (on screen) - C'mon! How can that be busy too?
Operator 1 (on screen) - All circuits are still busy.
Tai (on screen) - Don't tell me.
Operator 1 (on screen) - Didn't you hear me?!
Tai (on screen) - But...
Operator 1 (on screen) - It's busy!
Tai (on screen) - I'm sorry, lady.
Tai - That was a complete waste of time.
Matt - Not really
Tai (on screen) - Not a single call can get through!
The telephone rings.
Tai (on screen) - Hello, this is Tai.
Infermon (on screen) - Hello. Did you program me?
Tai (impersonating the Green Goblin) - Can spider-man come out to play?
Matt - You're not funny.
Tai - Yes, I am, especially when I'm drunk.
Citizens 1 (on screen) - Hello?
Matt - Everyone in the world answers their phones at the exact same time.
Kari (on screen) - Talk about speed dialling. Infermon was looking for someone. He was calling every phone number in the world.
Tai (on screen) - His long-distance bill will be enormous.
Izzy (on screen) - Huh?
Tai (on screen) - What?
Izzy (on screen) - Connection terminated!
Tai (on screen) - What next?
Tai - A terrible season finale.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Kids, cake's almost ready!
Tv Reporter (on screen) - Phones have gone dead worldwide. If your phone is dead, please call your phone company.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Well, at least my sister can't call me three times a day.
Izzy (on screen) - See ya!
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Are you leaving so soon?
Tai - He went to go look for the script, because he had forgotten his lines.
Matt - Did he?
Tai - I don't know.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - What's the matter with you?
Tai - He's in a shitty movie, that's what's wrong with him.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Hey, have you heard? The phones are out.
Tai - Of course he knows!
Tv Reporter (on screen) - The stock market is in chaos and people are rioting in the streets.
Tai - Just a regular day on wall street..
Matt - I like that movie.
TK (on screen) - Oh.
Matt (on screen) - Huh? Tai says call, then he won't pick up the phone.
TK (on screen) - Huh.
Tv Reporter (on screen) - We interrupt this program for a special bulletin.
TK (on screen) - Huh?
Grandmother (on screen) - Goody, I bet it's one of those high speed chases.
Tv Reporter (on screen) - The phone company has set up an emergency voice-mail system. Simply dial one-seven-one for easy instructions.
Kari (on screen) - Believe me, it wasn't so easy. First you had to leave a message, then call back to pick up a message. Basically it was just plain phone tag.
Tai (on screen) - Perfect. Voice-mail!
Matt - Or nowadays, a text message, or facetime.
Operator 2 (on screen) - To leave a message press one. To retrieve a message press two.
A Beep is heard.
Operator 2 (on screen) - Please leave your message at the tone.
Tai (on screen) - Matt, TK, this is an emergency, call me right away!
Matt - There was a deleted scene here, it involved people on the Ferris-Wheel.
Tai (on screen) - Kari, if you want to see any of your toys again, get home right away!
Tai - She had turned the cell phone off.
Tai (on screen) - Sora! Sora, listen. I'm sorry about the hairpin, but I need to talk to you right away! Call me or just come over!
Tai - She actually showed up to my front door?!
Matt - Duh, didn't you see the final cut of the film?
Tai - Not the one I saw.
Sora (on screen) - Stupid Tai. Hmph.
Tai - You're stupid, you dumb ass tennis player!
Matt - Calm down, will you.
Tai - I won't! She insulted my intelligence!
Matt - So, she's done it before.
Tai - Asshole.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Oh, that reminds me.
Tai (on screen) - Huh?
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - You got this postcard in the mail from Mimi.
Tai (on screen) - What?! She's on vacation?! In Hawaii?!
Tai - She wasn't home, how'd you forget this, you dumbass?!
Mimi (on screen) - I don't have a care in the world! And I'm wishing you were here! Ha, ha!
Tai - Ugh, look at that face.
Matt - Someone's gonna make a meme out of that tonight.
Izzy (on screen) - Thank you. so, uh, when is everybody coming over?
Matt - You should've fallen on the floor.
Tai - I did, they didn't use that shot.
Izzy (on screen) - Cheer up already.
Tai (on screen) - What happened to the good old days when we were a team?
Tai - It's called growing up, you fool.
Tai (on screen) - By the way, where did you disappear to?
Izzy (on screen) - Well, I went to pick up this.
Tai (on screen) - What is it?
Izzy (on screen) - A satellite uplink. We can get on the Internet by taping into the military's satellite system.
Tai (on screen) - Izzy, you're a genius! How does it work?
Izzy (on screen) - Well, do you know what a semi-conductor is?
Tai (on screen) - A guy who works part time on a train?
Izzy (on screen) - Never mind.
Matt - Really?
Tai - I'd forgotten my line, so I improvised that part of dialogue.
Tai (on screen) - Oh, I forgot.
Operator 2 (on screen) - You have one new message.
Matt (on screen) - Hey, Tai, it's Matt. So what's the big emergency? Call me back.
Matt - And just like Superman, I come to save the day.
Tai - In your dreams.
Izzy (on screen) - Good old Matt
Tai (on screen) - I knew that somebody on the team would come through.
Matt - Well, they're not busy, so work with what you got.
Matt (on screen) - Did you pack them?
TK (on screen) - This is TK. Of course we have them. What's going on?
Matt - This scene goes back and forth for a good while.
Izzy (on screen) - An evil Digimon has taken over the Internet. Agumon and Tentomon are fighting it now, but they need help. Get your Digivices to a computer as fast as you can.
TK (on screen) - What do we do now?
Matt - Run to town.
Matt (on screen) - Guys, the closest thing my grandmother has to a computer is an egg timer. We're going into town to find one.
Izzy (on screen) - The uplink's working! We're back online!
Tai (on screen) - Now let's exterminate that bug!
Izzy (on screen) - He left the phone company. Now where is he?
Tai (on screen) - Look, he sent another e-mail. "I'm close to him." Close to who?
Izzy (on screen) - He's in America.
Tai (on screen) - He doesn't even have a green card.
Matt - And cue a ska song.
Matt (on screen) - I said slow down!
Matt - That was a different take, he couldn't hear what I was saying, and we almost hit that truck.
Tai - Less than Jake! Ska music at it's awesomeness!
Matt - This song is awesome.
Tai - This scene is pretty cool.
Matt - All the lights on the buildings are flickering.
Tai - Nice way to end the montage.
Izzy (on screen) - Well, the Digimon's in New York..
Tai - Originally, there was a line of dialogue that involved Yankee Stadium.
Matt - What was the line?
Tai - I forgot, I think one of the writers mentioned it somewhere, it was pretty funny.
Izzy (on screen) - I'd better e-mail Willis and let him know that Infermon is heading in his direction. I do have one question, though. What do you think the Digimon would have been like if the virus never attacked it.
Tai (on screen) - I have a question too. Why are you still drinking that junk?
Izzy (on screen) - Look, just because you don't like to eat healthy doesn't mean that I don't.
Tai (on screen) - Don't say I didn't warn you.
Tai - I did warn him.
Tai (on screen) - Matt!
Matt (on screen) - We got the Digivices!
TK (on screen) - Now what?
Tai (on screen) - Awesome. We'll tell Gennai to upload Gabumon and Patamon onto the net.
Matt (on screen) - You can do that?
Floyd (on screen) - That sounds like fun. Usually I just play solitaire on that thing, but I...
Customer 1: (on screen) - Careful, Floyd! You almost cut my ear off!
Tai - Get it? Floyd the barber? Ring a bell?
Matt - I doubt anyone nowadays knows who that is.
Tai (on screen) - Hey, Matt, who are all those weird people?
Matt (on screen) - They're not weird, they're my best friends! (whispers) Considering this is the only computer in town.
Tai - Ha Ha!
Matt - Shut up!
Tai (on screen) - Gennai's transfer of the Digimon is almost completed.
Izzy (on screen) - Ah! Hey, can I have yours?
Tai (on screen) - Izzy, you're the bravest kid I've ever known.
Matt - Doubt it, you're the one who's stomach is made of scrap iron.
Tentomon (on screen) - I assume Izzy and Tai were unsuccessful in finding anyone else.
Agumon (on screen) - Than you and I will just have to try to beat that thing by ourselves.
Matt - And cue the other two digimon who arrive.
Agumon & Tentomon (on screen) - Huh?
Tentomon (on screen) - Gabumon and Patamon!
Patamon (on screen) - Is TK on this ride?
Gabumon (on screen) - He's not tall enough.
Matt (on screen) - Hey, Gabumon!
TK (on screen) - Patamon!
Izzy (on screen) - Say hello later, we've got work to do!
Tentomon (on screen) - Keep your legs and wings inside the ride at all times.
Izzy (on screen) - Just a little further. Remember guys, he's dangerous, so stay focused.
Matt - And they're back on the net.
Infermon (on screen) - I'm looking for the programmer. Don't interfere!
Matt (on screen) - He's teasing us.
Tai (on screen) - Oh, yeah? Then let's get him!
Matt (on screen) - It's time to digivolve!
Gabumon (on screen) - Gabumon!
Agumon (on screen) - Agumon!
Both (on screen) - Warp digivolve to...
Tai - Epicness.
Matt - I agree.
Tai - I have to ask a question, why didn't they warp digivolve earlier?
Matt - Don't question it.
WarGreymon (on screen) - WarGreymon!
MetalGarurumon (on screen) - MetalGarurumon!
Matt - There they go.
Tai - Time to attack.
Tai (on screen) - All right!
TK: (on screen) - Patamon, you'd better digivolve!
Patamon (on screen) - Right. Patamon digivolve to...
Infermon (on screen) - Infermon digivolve to...
Diaboromon (on screen) - Diaboromon!
Matt - That was fast.
Matt (on screen) - What's going on?
Tai (on screen) - He's digivolved!
Diaboromon (on screen) - Cable Crusher!
Patamon (on screen)- Ah!
TK (on screen) - Look out, Patamon!
Tai - He's down.
Tentomon (on screen) - I'll save him! Ah!
Matt - As is Tentomon.
TK: (on screen) - Oh, Patamon, are you okay.
Izzy (on screen) - Tentomon!
Tentomon (on screen) - I'm fine, but what about Patamon?
Matt - And that's the last we'll see of those two.
Tai - Well, one of them.
Matt - Don't spoil the rest of the movie.
Tai - Just saying.
Matt (on screen) - But you can!
Tai (on screen) - Wipe him out!
MetalGarurumon (on screen) - Ice Wolf Bite!
Matt - That should've got him right there.
Diaboromon (on screen) - Web Wrecker!
Tai - This fight scene is impressive between the three of them.
Tai (on screen) - WarGreymon, attack!
Izzy (on screen) - it's...no... use.
Tai (on screen) - What are you talking about? We're winning!
Tai - Here it comes.
Izzy (on screen) - This could be it!
Tai (on screen) - Yeah, great, huh?
Izzy (on screen) - Not that!
Tai (on screen) - What's going on?
Izzy (on screen) - there's something wrong with me.
Tai (on screen) - What is it?
Izzy (on screen) - I think it's your mother's recipes.
Tai (on screen) - See, I hate to tell you I told you so, but I told you so!
Tai - I did tell him so.
Matt (on screen) - Tai, look, something's wrong.
Tai (on screen) - Huh? Oh, no. They're slowing down. Huh? Come on!
Tai - The blue screen of death.
Matt - Something no one wants to happen.
Matt (on screen) - WarGreymon has practically stopped moving.
Tai (on screen) - Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Izzy (on screen) - Ah. I feel a lot better.
Tai (on screen) - I didn't touch anything! I swear!
Tai - Yeah, you did.
Izzy (on screen) - Tai what did you do?
Tai (on screen) - It wasn't my fault! Besides, who told you to go to the bathroom at such an important time?
Izzy (on screen) - Like I had a choice!
Tai - He could've ruined his pants.
Matt - That's something you would do.
Tai - Only when I'm drunk.
Izzy (on screen) - Yeah, right. Just like it wasn't your fault with Sora.
Matt - Ouch, He got you right there.
Tai (on screen) - Oh, okay, maybe it was my fault.
Tai - Obviously.
Izzy (on screen) - What happened?
Tai (on screen) - It was stupid.
Tai - These words were made up, The actual conversation was much more vulgar, she was very mad.
Matt - I can only imagine.
Tai - Plus, she punched me in the nose.
Matt - That's why you had a bandage on there.
Izzy (on screen) - That's what you fought about?
Tai (on screen) - I tried to apologize to her, but she won't return my phone calls.
Tai - Take the hint, she's pissed off at you.
Izzy (on screen) - We're back online!
Tai (on screen) - WarGreymon!
Matt (on screen) - Hey, guys, where were you? You two sure picked a lousy time to take a lunch break.
Matt - That's my serious face.
Tai (on screen) - What happened to him? WarGreymon!
Tai - Everyone else except y'all two saw it.
WarGreymon (on screen) - Tai, I can't move!
Tai (on screen) - I let him down. I should've been there.
Izzy (on screen) - "Your Digimon's a loser."
Tai (on screen) - What did you say?
Izzy (on screen) - "How could two mega level Digimon get beat by one lousy bug?
Tai - I always wanted to know who sent that email.
Matt - Don't waste your time.
Izzy (on screen) - I was reading an e-mail from another kid!
Tai (on screen) - Well, you didn't have to read it so well.
Matt (on screen) - Hey, you two, this isn't the time to be fighting.
Tai - Ever the peacemaker.
Matt - That's one of my redeeming qualities.
Tai (on screen) - Stupid e-mails.
Diaboromon (on screen) - Ha, ha, ha! Go back to the beginning.
Tai (on screen) - Diaboromon's back. Another e-mail. "Who can count backwards from ten?" Huh? Is he giving us a math test?
Tai - No, you fucking idiot!
Matt (on screen) - Hey, what's with the timer?
Tai (on screen) - He's making copies of himself. He's multiplying.
Izzy (on screen) - It gets worse. The USA just launched two nuclear missiles.
Tai (on screen) - Huh?
Izzy (on screen) - Willis says the government has no explanation for it, but he found out that Diaboromon's in the Pentagon's computer. I hope I didn't lead him there with my satellite uplink. One of the missiles are headed for Colorado! They're going to land, in less than ten minutes!
Tai (on screen) - That explains the timer, but what's in Colorado?
Tai - That dumb ass kid, that's who!
Tai (on screen) - But the military has the power to stop it, right?
Izzy (on screen) - Every country is trying to intercept them, including Japan. But Diaboromon had infiltrated all the computers and is rerouting them to fall harmlessly in the ocean near Hawaii.
Mimi (on screen) - Oh, fireworks!
Izzy (on screen) - I've got the trajectory for the other missile. Let me calculate. Four carry the two, times three. Tai, it's aimed right for this neighborhood!
Tai - Why does this remind me of the movie "Wargames"?
Matt - Is it that obvious?
Izzy (on screen) - Tai, look! E-mails from all over the world. "Get that evil Digimon. You're our only hope." Here's another one. "Be home by six o'clock." Oh, wait, that's from my mom.
Tai (on screen) - I'm trying to save the world and you're reading fan mail?!
Matt - He was the popular one out of all of us.
Tai - Yeah, I bet.
Izzy (on screen) - Listen, I think that if we defeat the original Diaboromon, the rest will disappear.
Tai (on screen) - What?
Izzy (on screen) - All we have to do is destroy each one until we found the original.
Tai (on screen) - Sounds great. How many of them so far?
Izzy (on screen) - Oh, no!
Tai (on screen) - Spit it out, Izzy.
Tai - I bet he likes to spit it out.
Matt - You're disgusting, you know that.
Izzy (on screen) - There are over seventy-five thousand and counting.
WarGreymon (on screen) - Tai.
Izzy (on screen) - What's that? It didn't sound like my stomach.
Tai - Thank goodness. My mom's cooking has some nasty aftershocks.
WarGreymon (on screen) - Have faith. I'll find the original.
Tai (on screen) - WarGreymon.
MetalGarurumon (on screen) - I'll help you.
Matt (on screen) - MetalGarurumon.
Izzy (on screen) - They're so slow. It's because of all the e-mails! They're slowing down our Digimons' processing speed. I've got to write to everybody and tell them to stop e-mailing us until our Digimon are back to full strength.
Tai (on screen) - Are you crazy, Izzy? Do you know how long that'll take? There's no time!
Tai - The movie's budget is almost out!
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Just about...
Teacher (on screen) - Finished!
Joe (on screen) - It can't end like this!
Matt - It will, buddy, trust me.
Tai - This fucking song!
Matt - Originally, there was a different song we wanted to use, I forget the artist's name and the song, but I remember we couldn't get the rights to it in time, so they put in that one song from season two.
Tai - Bummer.
Matt - But the lyrics do kinda make sense in this part.
Tai - Good point.
TK (on screen) - Tell me. Will they make it?
Matt (on screen) - I'm not sure, TK, but they're going to try.
Matt - It's almost over.
Tai - Long ass montage.
Diaboromon (on screen) - Don't interfere! Don't interfere! Don't interfere! Don't interfere! Don't interfere! Don't interfere!
Tai - A lot of CGI right here, is this where the budget went?
Matt - I'm not sure.
Izzy (on screen) - Well, to be honest, I don't know. I stopped keeping track awhile ago. It's got to be over a million.
Tai - No shit, Sherlock!
Matt (on screen) - Oh!
Tai (on screen) - MetalGarurumon!
TK (on screen) - WarGreymon's starting to slow down again!
Izzy (on screen) - It's the e-mails. They're coming in faster than ever! They're slowing down the processing speed even more!
Tai (on screen) - They're sitting ducks out there!
Tai - They're shooting at nothing! It's a fucking green screen!
Izzy (on screen) - Please, guys, stop writing. I know your intentions are good, but you're really hurting our cause. Your e-mails are putting our Digimon in danger.
Matt - And they stop firing.
Tai (on screen) - WarGreymon.
Tai - This part right here is depressing.
Tai (on screen) - WarGreymon. I've got to help. There must be a way.
Tai - There is.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - More juice, Izzy? I just squeezed some onions.
Izzy (on screen) - No, thanks...
Tai - Now he wises up, after he suffered.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - I'll just leave you two alone. Wait a minute, where did Tai go?
Tai - He's trying to find a way to get out of this horrible movie as quick as possible.
Matt - Like calling his agent, Ari Gold.
Tai - Ari's a legend, way better than that jackass, Adam Davies.
Matt - I hate that guy, glad I fired him when I did.
Tai (on screen) - WarGreymon, I'm here.
Tai - The movie never explained how we got on the net.
Matt - Probably the same way Freakazoid got there.
Tai - I like watching that show.
Matt (on screen) - Wake up, don't quit now. Why won't he answer me, Tai?
Tai (on screen) - Keep trying, Matt.
Tai - They should've nominated us for best dramatic scene. I remember shooting this on set.
Matt - Same here, they had us on wires and green screen, but I admit, the final product of this scene was pretty impressive.
Tai (on screen) - Kids from all over the world are writing to you. They need your help. You're the only one who can do it. Feel their hope. Feel their strength.
Tai - Feel the wrath of angry fans after the season two finale!
WarGreymon (on screen) - I feel them.
Tai - And this part happens.
Matt - Shush! It's the good part of the movie.
Floyd (to TK) (on screen) - Huh? Where did your brother go? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Matt - He ain't letting you butcher his hair.
Tai - Until his brother's infamous bachelor party.
TK (on screen) - They combined!
Izzy (on screen) - Ah!
Matt - Please don't bring up that night.
Tai - I won't, but the writer will when he writes it.
Izzy (on screen) - Part WarGreymon!
TK (on screen) - Part MetalGarurumon!
Izzy (on screen) - They digivolved together to become...
Omnimon (on screen) - Omnimon!
Matt - And the two teenagers sitting on the shoulders.
Tai - Too late.
Omnimon (on screen) - Transcendent Sword!
Tai - Epicness!
Matt - Sit down, please.
Tai - While I do like this song, I still think we should've used a better one.
Matt - Oh, really, what song would you have put?
Tai - I forgot, I was drunk when I suggested it.
Matt - Not surprised.
Tai - Boom! There they go.
Matt - And there's the last one.
Izzy (on screen) - Tai, there's the original. Get him, we're running out of time!
Matt (on screen) - Omnimon!
Tai (on screen) - Quick, attack! Where is he?
Tai - He's jumping around fast!
Tai (on screen) - One minute to go!
Joe (on screen) - One minute to go!
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - One minute to go!
Pilot (on screen) - Squad leader to command, we were unable to destroy the target. The missile will impact. Repeat, the missile will impact!
Tai (on screen) - He keeps moving. Every time we get him in our site, he jumps someplace else!
Matt - He's like a grasshopper.
Izzy (on screen) - (thinking) We have the power to destroy him now, but we don't have the time. Willis was right. We have to find a way of slowing down Diaboromon.
Tai - 30 seconds and counting!
Matt - Thank you, captain obvious!
Izzy (on screen) - The e-mails! If I forward him the e-mails, it will slow him down just as it did us! Keep sending them kids!
Tai - And he couldn't figure this out earlier?
Diaboromon (on screen) - Ha, ha, ha!
Izzy (on screen) - You've got mail!
Tai - Terrible movie.
Matt - You're just saying that because your wife likes that movie.
Tai - Wasn't that Yolei from season two?
Matt - Obviously.
Tai - We got him!
Tai (on screen) - Ten seconds left! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!
Diaboromon (on screen) - Connection terminated.
Tai - Take that!
Diaboromon (on screen) - Willis.
Mrs. Kamiya (on screen) - Ah, lousy microwave. How come every electrical appliance in the house has to have a bug in it?
Tai - It's not the appliance, it's the owner.
Matt - Bombs away.
Tai - She didn't even notice the giant splash.
Sora (on screen) - Tai! It's about time.
Tai - Excuse me, I was busy saving the world!
Sora (on screen) -...so what's a few raindrops between friends? Love, Tai.
Matt - Real smooth. Cue The mighty mighty bosstones!
Tai - She likes me.
Sora (on screen) - Stupid Tai.
Matt - Everyone watches the missile fall down in the water.
Izzy (on screen) - I'm about to barf!
Tai (on screen) - Wait till you try the cake!
Kari (on screen) - When Willis saw what happened on the Internet...
Tai - Again with this Wallace guy, why don't they put him in the fucking movie since they keep mentioning him.
Kari (on screen) - They figured that would be the end of it. But they were wrong.
Tai - I like where this is going.
Willis (on screen) - Oh?
Kari (on screen) - It was just the beginning.
Tai - Ha, Ha!
Willis (on screen) - Kokomon!
Kari (on screen) - Willis was about to face the digibattle of his life, but he was all alone!
Tai - And we're done, we've reached the end of the movie, now we can go home
Matt - No we're not.
Tai - But we're not in the next part, so why should we have to watch it?
Matt - A deals a deal, we have to watch the last part.
Tai - Son of a bitch!
End of Chapter Four.
(Author's Note: Stay tuned for the final chapter).