CHAPTER 1

It was a beautiful autumn day in New York City, but for Elle Rollins, things were not so beautiful.

At around 10 AM, Elle was in her dorm room at NYU, frantically throwing as many belongings into a suitcase as she could fit. She needed to get out and she needed to get out fast.

Elle didn't have much family. She had a crazy mother, whom which she hadn't talked to in ages, no father figure, no extended family that was either alive or stable, but she did have a big sister, Amanda, who also lived in New York City and worked for the Special Victims Unit.

Elle and Amanda were extremely close. Amanda had been like a mother figure to her for her entire life, considering the fact that she was about twenty years older than her twenty-one year old sister. Now that they both were living in NYC, they got together as often as they could, but due to Amanda's heavy workload and Elle's crazy courseload, the past semester, they hadn't seen each other or talked as much as they used to. Still, Elle knew where she needed to go to feel safe.

Amanda cared for Elle as if she was her own daughter. She taught Elle to be strong and to be smart, which often led Elle to believing that she had to hide her struggles from Amanda, for fear of disappointing her. What happened last week at NYU was no exception.

Elle grabbed her suitcase and her backpack and headed down to the precinct that Amanda worked at, knowing very well that she would be at work.

The entire subway ride, Elle was building herself up to try and act as normal as she could, so Amanda wouldn't notice that something was wrong. She didn't want to tell Amanda what was going on, but she knew that she had nowhere else to go.

Elle arrived at the precinct and walked in as cool, calm and collected as she could. Before she could find Amanda, she ran into Olivia Benson.

"Elle?" Olivia said in shock, as she embraced Elle with a hug.

"Hey Olivia," Elle said with a small smile, "Do you know where Manda is?"

"She's out with Carisi on a case," Olivia said, "What are you doing here, is everything okay?"

"Oh yes, of course," Elle responded, as quickly as she could. "I just haven't seen my sister in a while and I just wanted to say hi."

"What are you doing with a suitcase?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, they are fumigating the dorms for the weekend, so I need a place to stay, and I figured Amanda would be cool with it," Elle lied.

"Okay, well, I don't know when she'll be home, honey, but why don't I call you a cab and you go bring your stuff to her apartment, and I'll let her know what's going on," Olivia said with a smile, not convinced that Elle was telling the truth.

Olivia gave her Amanda's spare key and Elle was on her way. She didn't like being alone lately and she panicked the entire ride to Amanda's. However, there was a sense of relief in knowing that she wasn't anywhere near her school's campus.

When Elle got to Amanda's, she saw Lucy, the babysitter, there with her niece, Jessie, and Olivia's son, Noah. Elle was so happy to see Jessie and Noah, but all she wanted to do was sleep. She hadn't slept in a few days.

Back at the precinct, Carisi and Amanda finally returned and Olivia pulled Amanda aside to tell her what was going on.

"Hey, you'll never guess who stopped by," Olivia said to Amanda.

"Madonna?" Amanda replied, sarcastically.

"Nope, Elle," Olivia said with a smirk.

"Oh I've been meaning to call that girl!" Amanda said excitedly. "How is she doing? What was she doing here?"

"She was looking for you. She had a suitcase and said that they were fumigating the dorms and she needed to stay with you this weekend, so I sent her to your place." Olivia said, quietly.

"Why do you say it like that?" Amanda said, picking up on Olivia's tone.

"I don't know, Amanda, she just wasn't her usual self," Olivia said, with a sigh. "She just seemed really jumpy and like something was wrong."

"Liv, thank you so much for caring about her. Really." Amanda said, as she put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. "I finished all of my work for the day, do you mind if I head home to make sure everything's okay?"

"Of course, please! I'll be by to pick up Noah this evening."

On that note, Amanda gathered her things and started making her way home.

Amanda was constantly worried about her sister. It was no secret that the Rollins women did not have the best upbringing, but Elle always seemed so strong and put together. Amanda always feared that there was more going on inside her head that she didn't want to share with anyone. She knew that Elle had to grow up at a very young age and she truly wanted what was best for her.

When Amanda walked through her front door, she greeted Lucy, Noah, and Jessie and then walked to the spare bedroom, where she found Elle, sitting on the windowsill, staring out the window.

"Elle!" Amanda said, excited to see her sister.

"Hey Amanda," Elle said, with a quiet voice and a small smile, as she got up to hug her sister.

"It's so good to see you! What a nice surprise!" Amanda said as she rubbed Elle's shoulders. "Olivia told me about your dorms, why didn't you call me?"
"I don't know, I guess I just wanted to surprise my favorite sister," Elle said with a tired chuckle.

"Nice, I'm pretty much your only, sane, sister, but I'll still take that as a compliment," Amanda said, as she noticed Elle zone out again. "Babe, is everything okay?"

"Oh, yes, of course," Elle said, zapping back to reality, "I'm just tired from classes this week."

"Well, I'll let you get some rest and I'll start making dinner," Amanda said as she started to leave the room, "Hey," she called back at Elle. "I love you, and I'm so glad to see you."

Elle smiled but as soon as Amanda closed the door behind her, tears welled up in her eyes and began falling. She so desperately wanted to tell Amanda what was going on, but she couldn't. She just couldn't.