Author's Note

.｡｡*ﾟi hope you're staying safe and being kind to yourself! .｡｡*ﾟ

Love youuu 💗

𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚

MANHATTAN, 1899

When Sophie climbed out of Doc's makeshift infirmary, she found Jack waiting in the alley, anxiously pacing. She didn't say anything at first, afraid to look Jack in the eye.

He immediately took her shoulders, gently feeling her face in his hands, looking for any sign of harm. "Well, what is it? Everything okay?" Jack asked, his eyes searching her face and coming up empty.

Sophie nodded, still in shock, still in somewhat of a denial daze. "Yeah, just monthly blood. I overreacted," she mumbled. The air felt too hot, too suffocating in the alley. She took Jack's arm and clung to it as they made their way out into the street.

"Well, then I was the one who overreacted," Jack demurred. He seemed to buy it all too willingly. "You scared me, Soph. I didn't know what to think."

Sophie said nothing. She didn't know what to think either.

When she got back to Medda's, she numbly curled up in Bella's bed next to the Italian girl, unemotional and exhausted – Colleen and Leah were getting as tipsy as Medda downstairs.

"Hey," Bella's voice was calm yet her concern was evident. "What happened? Please, tell me. I won't be able to sleep."

Sophie stared at the ceiling, processing what Doc had told her. "Not much…" She began, not sure how to say it without being direct. "I wasn't feeling well."

"You weren't feeling well?" Bella echoed in shock, brushing a strand of hair away from Sophie's face. "Sophie. I can tell when you're lying. And since when did we start keeping secrets from each other?"

"Well, I wasn't feeling well, that's no lie," Sophie replied, trying to sound chipper. Her wilted expression gave her away.

"Does your stomach still hurt?"

"A little. Doc Maltese gave me paregoric."

"What did he say was wrong with you?"

Sophie shook her head, opening and closing her mouth, trying to find the right words. She averted her eyes. "The truth is…" An uncomfortable laugh escaped her throat. "I was pregnant. But…it died…in me. That's what Doc said."

Bella's face changed from confusion to devastated shock in a split second. Her jaw dropped as she gasped, sitting up in bed. "Jesus, Sophie," she said in a low voice, looking away, raising her eyebrows. "I don't know what to say."

"I thought…" Sophie said with a shaky breath, still grappling with the news herself. "I thought Spot and I had been careful. It was his, you know. Doesn't matter though. I ain't sleeping with him no more."

Tears filled Bella's eyes as she gazed at the opposite wall.

Sophie looked over, studying Bella's faraway expression.

Bella shifted her jaw and gulped. "I've lost, uh…" She began softly, nodding to herself as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I've lost a baby, too…" She finished, choking out the words as if there were razor blades in her throat. "Last year."

Sophie stared at her. "Shit. I had no idea," she whispered, shaking her head.

They smiled tearfully at each other, and Bella briefly shut her eyes, blinking away tears.

"I don't even know who the father was," Bella continued, pressing her lips together. "Medda knew I was pregnant. I guess she could tell, even though no one else could. I didn't even realize it at first. But she took me to a friend of hers in Queens who would help me. A nun, of all people," she said with an ironic laugh, sniffling away more tears. "I don't remember it, but I was hurtin' real bad after. Couldn't work for two weeks."

Sophie listened, sitting up as well.

"I suppose I'm happy I'm not a mother. I don't think I would've been a very good one," Bella went on. "But I still felt…feel so guilty sometimes."

Sophie tried to smile tearfully, tilting her head in understanding. "It's okay to feel guilty, even if you ain't guilty," she said quietly. "I know what that's like."

Bella held back tears as the muscles in her neck strained. "I shouldn't have kept that from you, Sophie. Please don't hate me."

Sophie moved closer, leaning on Bella, and wrapping her arm around her. The Italian girl broke down, bringing a hand to her mouth to muffle her cries.

After a few moments, Sophie released her. "Bella. I could never hate you."

They sat together in silence.

"You are the most loving person I know," Sophie said genuinely, making sure Bella was hearing her. "I ain't just saying that. You have the kindest heart, the kindest soul. And all you do is go out of your way to make others happy. To make me happy. You've done so for years."

Moonlight flickered across their faces. Sophie gave her a serious look.

Bella stared back with reddened eyes, shaking her head. "You don't have to lie, Sophie, it's sweet, but…"

Sophie gave a small, poignant smile. "I only lie to sell papers. I'm no good at lying about my feelings, least of all to you. I thought you knew me better than that," she said.

Bella pouted with a nod, leaning her head against Sophie's shoulder. "I don't want to do this anymore," she whispered.

"What?" Sophie asked softy. "Do you wanna go to sleep?"

"No, I mean, this," Bella said, gesturing around the room. "Working. But I don't know what else I could do. I've been doing it for so long."

"We could go somewhere else," Sophie mused, playing with Bella's soft hair, wavy from the updo she'd had it in. "Start over. Get a ranch out west. Maybe there's some sense to my brother's dreams."

Bella managed a soft laugh, making Sophie grin. "Imagine me trying to feed chickens. Or milk a cow. I don't think I've ever seen a cow up close." She wiped her eyes, pulling the blankets up further. "We might be better off as outlaws."

The girls giggled, and Sophie's grin softened.

"You can't leave me here, no matter where it is you want to go," Sophie said quietly. "I wouldn't make it on my own. Not again."

Bella took Sophie's hand in hers, tenderly running her delicate thumb over the lines of Sophie's calloused palm. "I'm not going anywhere without you," she whispered.

"Do you promise?"

Bella's gaze shifted down to Sophie's mouth, leaning closer.

"Bella…" Sophie mumbled, wanting Bella to make that promise. She needed to hear those words.

Sophie's eyes closed as Bella kissed her.

The door burst open as Colleen and Leah practically fell into the room, giggling from the alcohol and tripping over various objects strewn about.

Colleen was singing some bawdy drinking song in between laughs, and Leah helped undo her corset. With a deep exhale, Colleen twirled about the room, continuing to sing.

Leah shook her head, coming over to Bella and Sophie, whining for help with her own corset and dress. Bella obliged with a soft smile, politely asking how bad it looked downstairs.

"Uptown suckers came slummin' it," Leah said, breathless, her makeup smudged. "Made so much dough. Medda let us keep most of it. And I nabbed something off the old one." Leah pulled a wallet out from her chemise triumphantly.

"I got this," Colleen hummed, revealing a pocket watch. "Wonder how much I can get for it."

Sophie and Bella shared a look. The blonde girl leaned back against the headboard, squeezing her eyes shut as Bella laughed.

Colleen continued to dance around the room in her thin, white shift, dizzily spinning and rambling about the events of the evening in too much detail. Leah flopped on her bed in exhaustion as Colleen jumped on and off furniture, stopping to check her reflection in the large mirror.

"You are crazy," Sophie chuckled.

"And all I had to do was sit on his lap," Colleen beamed, laying on the floor out of lightheadedness.

"If only mine were so easy." Leah grumbled with an eye roll. She rolled over to face the other two. "You feeling any better Sophie? Everything go okay? I meant to ask you earlier, but I was kind of busy."

Colleen giggled again on the floor, holding her stomach as the room spun around her. "Yeah, Leah, you were gettin' busy." She stopped laughing suddenly and whimpered as she hugged herself. "Oh no, the ceiling's moving too fast. Be careful!"

Leah scrunched her eyebrows and ignored her, waiting for Sophie to reply.

"I'm feeling better," Sophie replied with a small smile.

With a yawn, Leah threw back her sheets, snuggling underneath them. "Are you okay?"

With a slight shake of her head, Sophie fell against Bella again. "No, not really," she sighed, her eyes drooping tiredly, "but I will be."

Bella rubbed her shoulder soothingly.

"Breakfast tomorrow, all of us. My treat," Leah said, snuffing out the candle. "We can have anything we want. Cinnamon rolls, coffee, croissants…"

Colleen got to her feet, her face pale, and her legs wobbly. "Stop, stop, stop," she begged, clutching her stomach.

Leah smirked. "Sausage, eggs, bacon with lots of salt and grease, buttered toast…"

Colleen held her mouth, shaking her head, and then grabbed her forehead. "You are the devil!" She groaned, rushing to the hallway powder room as the girls snickered.

"I better go hold her hair," Bella said, getting out of bed.

Sophie grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. "Bella."

The girl turned, grinning down at her with a knowing look.

"I promise," Bella whispered, finally saying the words Sophie so desperately needed to hear.