THE BEST OF INTENSIONS
It hadn't been my intension to come back here. He had, after all asked me not to. But it seemed that God, or at least Godmother had other plains. Personally I was certain that the moment I set foot in the church, I would be struck by lightning.
It turned out that it wasn't enough for Godmother (there was no way in hell I was calling her Mum) to marry our Father. No, she also wanted a child (adopted of course) of her own. (Probably because Claire and I refused to call her Mum.) Not to mention hiring someone to do the actual Mothering.
So here we are, all gathered at the church for the christening. Since I'm not one of the Godparents, I could probably sit at the back of the church. Less noticeable if lightning is to strike. Perhaps he won't see me. Maybe he will see and be happy about it.
I sit next to a redhead who seems to be intently focused on the bible. Not the usual attendee that I had gotten used to. She had four inch stilettos on which only made the legs resting up on the pew in front seem longer. She was of average height and dressed in a purple suit complete with a short skirt and pale pink top.
For a moment I wondered if she was a friend of Godmother's but somehow she seemed to be too classy and not weird. The service starts and the redhead looks up briefly before going back to the bible. Wait a minute. She's got two books. Another book on top of the bible. I wonder what she's really reading.
Just as I'm about to lean closer to find out what the book is, Martin walks in and chooses our pew to sit in. No idea why he's even here, but he can go and sit somewhere else. When he tries to shuffle past to sit on the other side of the redhead, she shoots him a look that could strip paint. That's when I notice the service has stopped.
Everyone is looking in shock at Martin. Clearly he wasn't invited. So like him to crash a christening. Everyone except for the Priest who is staring straight at me. I can't tell if he's shocked, angry or happy to see me. Then he glances at the redhead who has looked up from her book to watch the Priest and me.
She seems to form an opinion and goes back to reading her book. The Priest goes back to the service and Claire is angrily gesturing to Martin to go and sit on the other side of the church. I guess she is still trying to get him to sign the divorce papers. At least Marin didn't bring his creepy son with him. The rest of the service goes smoothly apart from a couple of moments when the redhead sniggers at whatever she's reading and the Priest shakes his head in amusement at her.
Oh God! She's here with him. Wait, why can't I have him because he chose God? How is it he can have both her and God? I haven't even gone back to the lawyer. I didn't want anyone after the Priest. What did she have that I didn't? Probably more what she didn't have. A shit load of personal baggage for starters.
The ceremony finishes and the redhead slips her book into her handbag and leaves the bible on the pew. I on the other hand, try to make a run for it. Unfortunately Dad picks this moment for a chat. I can't help myself watching over Dad's shoulder as the redhead walks up to the Priest at the front of the church as though it's a catwalk and plants a kiss on his cheek. He seems to be using her as a barrier to keep Godmother at a safe distance. This would all be hysterically funny if I wasn't feeling as though my heart was being ripped from my chest.
He whispers something in her ear which prompts her to glance back at me. Could he be telling her about me? One thing's for certain, Godmother does not like it when she's not the centre of attention. She passes my baby, damn it, did she adopt a boy or a girl? She passes my sibling off to the help and storms up the aisle. Dad excuses himself to follow her out of the church. Well, the only thing that hasn't happened is being struck by lightning. Martin's being forcefully ushered out of the church. Perhaps my luck is changing.
"Hello." Crap, maybe not. He's right in front of me. With her.
"Hi. Sorry. Tried to stay out of the church, but family event so couldn't get out of it." Why is the redhead watching me while I babble?
"It's fine." I can see it's not. "I see Martin hasn't changed."
"No, but we keep praying for that miracle." Why can't this be the moment the ground opens up and swallows me whole?
"Well, he always hears our prayers. Sometimes he just doesn't answer the way we want him to." I wish he wouldn't smile understandingly at me like that. "This is Siobhan." Great, I'm being introduced to the new girlfriend.
"Hi." This is beyond awkward. Although she seems to be taking this whole circus in her stride.
"Hello." Funny. She has a slight Irish twang, just like the Priest. "Do your family gatherings always get this exciting?"
"Oh well, the fist fight hasn't broken out yet." It's strange. I don't feel as though she's judging me. Shouldn't she be judging me? "It's not a party unless someone goes home with a bloody nose or a black eye. In some cases both." Oh God I should really stop talking.
"Sounds a bit like my family." She squeezes his hand. "I'll see you outside." She smiles at me and it's like I'm basking in the glow of an angle. "It was a pleasure meeting you." And then she's gone.
"So how have you been?" He actually seems interested. But then I guess that is part of his job.
"Fine." That's a lie. I miss him. I'm dying here because all I want to do is drag him into the confession box and rip those robes off. Even though they are his favourite robes. The purple ones. The ones he went to Rome to get.
"I wasn't sure if you'd be here today. I hoped you would be, but I wasn't sure if you would be after I asked you not to come here." God I love that uncertain smile of his.
"Well, Hell would have to freeze over before I would be allowed to miss this." Wait, what? He hoped I'd be here?
"I missed you." No, no, no. This was not happening. I'm dreaming and I seriously need to wake up. "I thought I could go back to how it was before I met you. My Sister even noticed the difference over the phone."
"You have a Sister?" He has a Sister? I knew he had a Brother but not a Sister.
"Siobhan." Wait! She's his Sister? When did he get a Sister?
"That model is your Sister" Well that explained the accent. "You never mentioned her before. That was probably because you were too busy telling me we weren't going to have sex."
"She's not a model. Actually she's a marriage counsellor." Of course she was. "And I believed what I was saying when I told you we weren't going to have sex. Until I realised I was wrong."
"So what do we do now?" This had to be a dream. Although why I'd created a Sister is beyond me.
"There has to be a way where I don't have to choose that works for you as well." Ok, so he's put some thought into this but hasn't come up with a definite plan yet. "My Sister's looking into some possibilities for me while she's visiting." I'm really liking this Sister even if she is a figment of my imagination.
"I've missed you too." So much that I'm apparently hallucinating. "And I'm sorry about the fox." In my defence, I had only told the fox what direction he had gone in. It wasn't as though I had given it an address.
"That was you!" Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned the fox. "It kept stopping and staring at me with sad eyes all the way home. I thought it was going to start crying." He's funny when he gets all worked up over foxes.
"Well, you had chosen God over me and told me I couldn't come back to the church." So I might have been a wee bit vindictive. "Telling me that you loved me really didn't soften the blow."
"I do love you." When did he get closer? "You're not just in my prayers. You're in my dreams. I can't stop thinking about you." If this is a hallucination then it's a fabulous one because his kisses are turning me into a giant puddle.
We break apart to gasp for a breath. I'm sure a painting is going to fall off of the wall to warn us this is a bad idea, but it doesn't. "Father!" Of course Godmother has to interrupt the moment. "We must get the baby home. Will we see you for dinner? You really must bring your Sister."
"I'll talk it over with Siobhan and let you know." Nice. It's non-committal. He can use his Sister as an excuse to not go without hurting Godmother's feelings.
"We'll see you both at six." Or she could just not take no for an answer. Thankfully she's far enough away that she doesn't notice that most of my lipstick is now on the Priest's face. Even better she leaves the church.
"I suppose I'd better warn Siobhan." He chuckles. "Will I see you there?" He's looking at me as though I'm the only thing that will make dinner bearable. Like I'm his lifeline.
"Yes. I've already been told that short of death or dismemberment, no excuse will be accepted for not showing up." I find a clean tissue and wipe my lipstick from his face. "I guess I'll see you tonight." I'm really tempted to steal another kiss, but I know it won't stop there. I want him to be sure before I hand over my heart again. So instead I walk out the door.
This is a beginning.