A/N: This chapter is set after the first episode. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think.

Mandy was dead asleep when she heard the pounding on her door. What time was it? She asked herself as she regained her senses. 3:07 am. Why? Was all she could think. When the pounding didn't stop, she got out of bed and wrapped her robe around her and made her way to the front door. Her right hand opening the box by the door that she stored a handgun, just for times like this. If there was one thing she had leaned in this life, one can never be too careful. She looked through the peep hole only to find a disheveled looking Jason. She breathes a sigh of relief. She opens the door. "Jason, what are you doing here?"

Jason stands shifting his weight, clearly uncomfortable. "I... I just can't go back to Ray's tonight. I can't sit still. I can't be in their happy little world."

"Jason, come in." Mandy says stepping aside so he can enter her apartment. Once he is in, she locks the door behind him. She turns and watches him pace around her living room. "Jace."

"Mhm." He grumbles clearly not paying her any attention.

"Jason tell me what's wrong." She says seeing him stop in front of the abstract painting she had hanging above the sofa. Jason simply shakes his head in response. "Okay. Do you want to talk about something else?" She asks hoping to get him to at least talk to her.

Jason stares longer at the painting. "After we got back, I went to watch Emma sing." He turns and looks at Mandy. "She's a really great singer."

A faint smile spreads across Mandy's face. "That's good Jace. I'm sure she was happy you made it."

Jason nods in agreement. "I'm glad I made it too. I have missed too many performances."

Mandy's eyes were still glued on him, and she could tell he was holding back. "What else Jason?"

Jason pulls what appeared to be a picture folded in half out of his pocket. He takes a shaky breath before he continues. "I've never talked about this, about losing him before."

"The team member you lost right before I came to Bravo?" Mandy asks.

She watches him flinch before he answers. "He was one of my best friends. His name was Nate."

Mandy studies him. "You blame yourself, don't you?"

Jason nods. "His son is growing up without a father and his wife is a widow because of me. I should have told him no." Jason sinks onto her sofa and drops his head into his hands. "If I had just said no, Nate would still be alive."

Mandy sits on the ottoman in front of Jason. "Jason." When he doesn't answer her or look at her, she wraps her hands around his forearms. "What happened." Jason shakes his head, refusing to answer her. "Jason look at me." She waits for him to look at her before she continues talking. "What happened on that op?"

Jason lets out a deep breath and sinks back into the couch, leaning his head on the back of the sofa. He squeezes his eyes shut. "It was routine. Find missiles on a cargo ship and destroy them. We hit jackpot." Jason pauses. "Then Nate talked me into going to the bridge to gather intel."

When Jason doesn't keep talking Mandy pushes. "Did something happen on the bridge? Was there someone hiding up there?" Mandy watches him slowly shake his head. She reaches out and strokes his knee. "What happened to Nate?"

Jason groans. "I got him killed. What do the details matter?"

"You came her for a reason Jason." And I'm going to give you the credit that your plan wasn't to come over here and have sex with me." Mandy pauses, she knows this is hard for him. She has her own ghosts, she understands. But she also knows, when you need to get it out, you need to get it out. "So why did you show up at my door in the middle of the night Jason?"

Jason clinches and un clinches his jaw before answering. "While we were collecting from the bridge, Ray and Sonny let us know that we had some bad guys inbound and to move to the tertiary exfil point." Jason stops again. "As we go over the edge of the ship, we were taking fire. We made it to the water and then to the boat. Nate dropped a dry bag with everything from the bridge, I told him to leave it, but of course Nate didn't. We got him in the boat and got away. We thought we had pulled it off." Jason lets out a shaky breath. "Ray noticed the blood first. I looked down and there was Nate's lifeless body with a massive wound to the neck. He took a fucking round to the neck Mandy. If I had just said no, he would still be alive."

Mandy moves so she is sitting next to him on the sofa. "Jason. You didn't get him killed. You didn't pull the trigger. Any of you would have done the same thing. Hell look at what you just did for me. You pulled off the impossible to get the HVT. You or any of Bravo could have been killed today."

"It's not the same Mandy." Jason attempts to defend.

"How Jason, how is it different?"

"Because I made the decision to go after that bastard. He needed to leave this world." Jason nearly yells.

"You went after him because of me, because you knew how badly I wanted him. How long I had been hunting him. And for what it's worth, the intel you and Nate gathered made a difference. I'm sorry no one ever told you that." Mandy says rubbing his shoulder.

Jason shifts to look at her. "It did?"

She nods. "Yeah Jace, it did. It allowed a lot of crappy people to be captured. Nate didn't die in vain, Jason."

"He was my best friend, Mandy. Now that Spencer kid shows up acting so much like Nate."

"Is that where this is coming from? From Clay? Because he reminds you too much of Nate?" Mandy asks. She sees Jason shrug. "It's okay to think that Jason. It's okay to feel."

"I'm stronger than that." Jason mumbles.

"Do you know how hard it is to open up about something you pushed way down deep. Something you never want to think about again. This isn't weak Jason."

"Why is it that I feel comfortable talking to someone I have only known for a few months? But there is no way in hell I would tell my wife any of this." Jason says looking into Mandy's eyes.

Mandy strokes his cheek with the back of her hand. "Because you know I have seen my fair share of shit too. And you know, security clearance." She chuckles.

Jason nods. "That security clearance is helpful, I never have to worry about what I tell you." He smiles for the first time since he walked through the door.

"You look really tired Jason." Mandy says softly.

Jason nods. "I am."

Mandy stand, extending her hands down to him. "Let's go to bed then."

Jason cocks an eyebrow at her. "Hold up, I thought I didn't come over here for sex."

"You didn't, but that doesn't mean we can't sleep in the same bed. I'm tired, you're tired. There's no way you enjoy sleeping on a couch every night. And maybe I sleep better when there is a guy I feel safe with sleeping next to me."

Jason stands. "Lead the way, Miss Ellis."