MANHATTAN - OCTOBER 1899

"No, I'm not okay!" Alexei shouted, cringing as a headache manifested itself between his temples. "Why the fuck would I be okay after you tell me something like that?"

"Alexei, please don't shout." Elena's voice wobbled. "It's not fair. I can't shout as loud as you."

They were speaking in Russian. Nothing could be lost in translation, and yet Alexei couldn't be sure he understood her correctly.

"Give up opium? For good?" Alexei stared at her for a long second and then broke into a forced laugh. And then another laugh. And then another.

She shrunk back at every sound, wanting to run from the room. But her feet wouldn't move. After her revelation to Alexei that she was pregnant last month, she waited until that afternoon to suggest he quit smoking opium now that he had responsibilities. In turn, she would do the same.

With the pregnancy announcement alone, Alexei was less than thrilled. He had no desire to have children. He often looked back on the way he'd turned out, lamenting about how his own mother would die all over again if she could see him now.

No, a family was the furthest thing from his mind. He couldn't afford to screw up other people.

"I ain't doing it." Alexei sounded like he didn't want to discuss it any further, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. "Not if I can help it."

The den was empty, save for the two of them. Muggs was God knows where, probably procuring more alcohol somewhere. He'd go off on these night walks, sometimes not telling Alexei where he was going or when he'd be back. Sometimes Alexei didn't even notice he'd left until he walked through the door late into the night.

He was relieved Muggs wasn't there that evening. That was one less person to hear this argument.

Alexei's expression displayed utter horror at the mere thought of opium abstinence, staring at Elena in the dim candlelight beside him. She might as well have suggested he stop breathing air.

"Do it for me," Elena mumbled, unable to hide her wistful smile.

Alexei wracked his brain for something to say next.

Elena shrugged limply. "Okay. Then do it for the baby."

"The baby…" he said to himself, shaking his head. "That's just it. I don't want anything to do with some baby."

"Some baby?" Elena echoed, mimicking his inflection. She stared up at him, reflecting a wounded pride on her face, her eyes brimming with tears. "Your baby – our baby."

"Yeah?' Alexei blinked. "How the hell do you know that? You ain't a nun."

Elena crossed her arms. "No, but you…you never care to…" she rambled, becoming somewhat embarrassed in her whirlwind of explanations, making Alexei squint in confusion. "Guess other men have more sense than you do."

She was close to crying now.

Alexei brought a finger to his lips, giving her a stern look. She began to softly weep, shaking her head at his futile attempts to get her told hold back tears.

"What?" Elena rolled her eyes. "Now you're telling me I'm not allowed to cry? God, you're starting to sound like Muggs."

"Listen to me," Alexei began, drastically changing the tone of the conversation. "I can't take care of you or a baby. Hell, I can't even take care of myself. I barely make enough to live on."

"But I can't take care of a baby by myself—"

"Then get rid of it."

Elena shivered, feeling her throat tighten. "What? No…I'm scared—"

Alexei grabbed her chin, forcing her to look up at him. "Either get rid of it or get out. For good. I don't want a baby."

"You can't be serious!" Elena's tears created a red haze behind her light eyes. "Alexei, you've never been this cruel! What is the matter with you? Look at me!"

She tilted his face to hers, but he averted his eyes.

Her words had no effect on his decision, but it did seem to strike a chord.

"Look, Ellie. I'm twenty. You're eighteen. We've got years ahead of us. Why would we want to have a kid now? We'd have to get married, for one thing. And we couldn't very well stay here, could we? I don't have money for a flat, do you? I don't have enough to feed or clothe a baby either. And I'd have to get a factory job or something."

"Oh, stop it," Elena interrupted him. "I mean, listen to yourself. It's all about you. It's never about me. It's only about me when it's convenient for you. You're not man enough to face up to it. You're just a crybaby—"

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" Alexei roared, backhanding her across the face.

The world seemed to slow down around him.

A frightened squeak escaped Elena's throat when she saw the violence in his eyes. She clutched her cheek, rubbing it softly, a look of disbelief on her face.

Alexei brought a hand to his mouth. "Elena, I…" he began quietly, his eyes wide with shock at what he'd done. Suddenly, he dropped all the rage, all manner of toughness. "Shit, I didn't mean—"

"No, don't touch me." Elena flinched, backing away, and looking elsewhere. "You were right about one thing. You will have nothing to do with this baby."

Alexei sputtered, trying to compose himself. "Elena, wait, I'm sorry—"

"Save it!" She cried, whipping around to face him. She wrapped her arms protectively around herself. "If you're capable of this madness now, then there's not much hope for our future, is there?"

It was Alexei's turn to back away. All the way to his mattress where he sat again, his eyes faraway. He dropped his head into his hands. "Fuck," he muttered, the world muffled behind his hands.

Elena stared at him, a little struck by his easy surrender. Still infuriated, she slowly made her way to the mattress and sat beside him. "Alexei Morozov. I'm telling you now. If you do anything like that to me again, I swear I will…"

She trailed off when she saw Alexei's shoulders begin to shake.

Elena had never seen him cry. Ever. Didn't know he was capable of it.

Before she could say anything, he spoke up in a shaky voice, "I can't raise a baby, Ellie. I don't know how. I didn't…" He appeared to be conjuring something to memory. "I have nothing to go by."

Elena's expression softened a bit. Alexei never talked about his family nor his childhood.

"I'll do wrong by it," Alexei continued. "And you, too. I don't have the patience. You know what kind of life I lead." He stared at the opposite wall with glassy eyes. "My own Papa…he shouldn't have been a father, God knows. He left after I was born. Never knew him. Not that I'd want to."

Alexei sniffled.

Elena said nothing, waiting for him to go on if he wanted to. She was surprised he'd even said that much.

"Mama died when I was five." Alexei still couldn't look at her. "Jumped off the roof of a church." He looked down at his fidgeting hands, trying to stop his voice from shaking.

Elena took in a sharp breath of her own. She had clear memories of her own parents. Lots. Happy ones. It didn't make the pain of losing loved ones any easier, but at least she had something. Alexei, she realized, had nothing.

"I don't even know where she's buried," Alexei said, heaving a sigh as if it were no big deal. His eyes told a different story. He took a moment before saying, "I hate opium, Ellie. I do. I really, really do. But I'll die without it. Like my Mama."

Elena scrunched her eyebrows, a pained expression on her face to match Alexei's.

"They took it away from me in the Refuge, and…well. You know how that turned out," Alexei added. "Starving for food is different than starving for opium. It was fucking torture. Does things to you. Fucks up your mind, so much so that you're plotting the most painful way to kill the warden withholding it from you. It was too late. I sold my soul for it, and he wasn't going to stand in my way."

Elena felt her stomach drop.

"I wish I'd stayed a newsie. Lived on Duane Street. Kloppman – oh, he's the superintendent – he welcomed me when I first got there," Alexei mumbled. "I barely spoke English. Didn't know anyone. I'd just arrived from St. Petersburg."

Alexei ran a hand through his hair. "He found me asleep in the alley across the street. Brought me to the lodging house. Paid for my rent. His wife fed me. Gave me clean clothes. Closest thing to real parents I ever had."

Elena mulled this over. "But you left."

"When I started smoking, yeah. Couldn't afford rent. You know the rest."

"But…" Elena shook her head. "Why didn't you ask Kloppman for help? Tell him the truth."

"I don't know." Alexei closed his eyes. "Ashamed, I guess."

After a pause, Alexei finally opened his eyes again. "My life might've been a lot different if I had. Then again, it would've been a lot different if I'd stayed in Russia, so…" He shrugged. "Suppose I'm lucky."

"Would you ever go back?"

"To the lodging house? I think it's a little late—"

"To Russia."

Alexei rolled his eyes. "I've thought about it. But it's not like I have any family left. Sometimes I wish my mother had taken me with her."

Elena raised her eyebrows, taking his arm. "I don't."

"Trust me. It wouldn't have been much of a loss," he replied quietly.

"I disagree," Elena whispered after a beat.

"Hm," Alexei mused. He was unable to muster up a word of thanks. Something inside of him prevented it, no matter how much he wished he could.

"Really," Elena furthered.

Alexei shook his head, staring off again. "You're too nice to me, Ellie." He sighed. "You don't gotta be so nice all the time. A lot of folks don't get far that way."

"I don't think so," Elena said.

"You think too much."

Elena cracked the smallest of smiles. "And you don't think enough."

They sat quietly for a moment, comfortable in each other's silence. Hesitantly, Elena placed her hand on Alexei's, squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm sorry," was all she managed to say. "About everything."

There was something so sincere about her voice. It made Alexei feel a pang of guilt, and he nodded vaguely.

"Quit saying sorry," he said, his mind seemingly elsewhere. Something about his expression changed, and he met her eyes.

"You know, you're the only person I've told all this to," he admitted a bit sheepishly. "I…I don't even know why I told you. I mean, Muggs knows I used to be a newsie, but not about my family."

"Alexei, I wouldn't tell anybody," Elena assured him, shaking her head. "I just worry about you."

"I'm sorry," Alexei said, his voice breathy and quiet. "For yelling. That slap... That was…wrong. I shouldn't have done that."

Elena stared at the floor. "I know," she replied. "But you are never to lay a hand on me again. Do you hear?"

With his eyes still pained, Alexei nodded. "I promise. Never again."

She tried to smile, wanting to put it behind her. But her heart was still beating – an anxious, unsteady beat.

"And…" Alexei held his breath, not wanting to spit the words out. "I'll try."

Elena looked at him.

"I'll try to quit. If it makes you happy."

"You mean it?"

Alexei paused. "Yes." He sounded unsure.

Elena's eyes met his and then trailed down to his lips. "I, um…" She leaned in closer, feeling his warm breath on her nose. Her forehead pressed against his. Their eyes lowered to each other's mouths, breathing raggedly. "I think I love you."

She whispered the words.

Alexei didn't quite look like he believed her, but he was desperate to hear it. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You know something?" Alexei asked, tilting his head.

"What?"

He traced her face with his calloused fingers, still looking into her hopeful eyes.

"I think I love you, too."

Elena felt her heart quicken. Alexei had never said anything like that to her before. To anyone, really. "Do you mean it?"

Alexei offered a closed mouth, tight smile. It looked strained. His eyebrows furrowed, as if he were distressed. "I feel sort of…odd." He didn't know how to describe the wave hitting him. "But yeah. I mean it."

Elena couldn't help but smile. She wrapped her thin arms around his neck, brushing the blonde hair out of his face as she did so. His lips collided with hers before anything else could be said, his hands latching onto her waist, almost like a rush to end the conversation.

She pulled away suddenly, looking somewhat uneasy.

"What? What is it?" Alexei asked, searching her face.

"If you really don't want the baby…" Elena said shakily, brushing the hair out of her face. "I can give it to the Sisters of Charity. They'll find a good family for it."

Without a word, Alexei nodded absently.

"Okay, so it's settled." She tried to smile, but her voice quivered. "Is that okay?"

He thought about Grim and Henry. Thought about what Grim had told him. How Henry had been mistreated out west. As quickly as those worries came, Alexei pushed them away.

"Yes," he said quietly. "Yeah, that's fine."

Before he could say anything further on the matter, Muggs blew in, bringing a draft of cold air from the hallway with him.

The door closed behind him with a bang, and he peered into the sudden gloom, pushing a hand through his disheveled hair. Elena got up, gathering her shawl.

"We talk more later," Elena said to Alexei, switching to English.

"Ellie, wait…"

But she was already out the door, having brushed past Muggs without so much as a hello or goodbye.

Alexei poured himself a shot of vodka, offering one to Muggs. It was then that Alexei noticed how pale Muggs looked, how unsettled.

"Where were you?" Alexei said.

"The pier."

"What's wrong?"

"On my way home, I ran into Doc. He was lookin' for me."

Alexei nodded to himself, inspecting the shot he'd measured out. "And?"

"It's Leeny. Um…something's…" The tightness in Muggs' voice made Alexei's stomach drop. He spoke slowly. "Something's wrong."

Alexei met his eyes.

"Will you, uh…" Muggs scratched the back of his neck, chewing on the inside of his cheek before continuing. "Will you come with me?"