The first time he truly wanted to hurt Rhaegar, he was standing on the stone steps outside Lyanna's door. After she had shed her tears and the sun had begun to crest, she had made her way back to her room before the handmaids could spot her. When he had explained to her that the prince wished to tell her the news himself, she had, for a second, given him a look of disbelief. It was quickly washed away with a fierceness that Arthur couldn't look away from. She wiped away any lingering tears and assured him the prince would believe she was still in the dark.
In the days leading up to Rhaegar's arrival, Lyanna had not returned to the steps. He knew that she used her only alone time to mourn her father and brother, and he wasn't going to question her about it. They had all been on edge waiting for the prince. If Rhaegar had been his normal self when he arrived, Arthur was sure he too would have noticed.
He arrived on horseback with Ser Hightower. He looked more agitated than Arthur ever recalled seeing him. But as soon as he spoke to him he was still his formal if not charismatic self. Their conversation was stilted on Arthur's part. He tried to play his part as the unaffected guard like he was supposed, like Hightower and Barristan had taught him. He was a member of the kingsguard. He was to protect the king and his family. That was it. But as Rhaegar's eyes kept wandering to the top of the tower, he felt an unease that had him frowning at the prince.
Arthur was snapped out of his state by Hightower nudging him. The prince had asked him something and he missed it. He was now wearing a small smirk.
"The desert heat has really got to you, huh? Too much time in the capitol. You've forgotten about the Dornish summers?" Rhaegar teased as if Arthur hadn't just been thinking of how to protect Lyanna from him. He smirked back in lieu of answering. "You got my raven, I presume? She isn't aware?" He started questioning as he made his way up the steps. He fell in line behind him.
"Yes, Your Grace. She doesn't know. I burned the letter after reading it." Arthur replied, taking one step after another. He had never been a very good liar. He figured a lie surrounded by truths might help.
"Good, good." They were at her door faster than he anticipated. "It's best we keep all that nasty business to ourselves. No need to upset her." Rhaegar had knocked and opened the door before Arthur fully realized the meaning of his words.
He had his ear pressed to the door before he could think better of it. He could only make out the soft comforting tone of the prince but no words could be heard through the thick wood. A sharp gasp sounded before Arthur heard heavy footsteps make their way toward the door. He jumped away before it could swing open. The prince walked past him and called for him to follow, but his gaze was locked on Lyanna.
Her cheeks were stained red and her lips were parted in shock. Her brows were pulled down in disbelief and her braid was coming loose at the base of her neck. He knew what had happened without Lyanna having to tell him. He was moving before he even realized it. He was in the doorway when Rhaegar called for him again. Lyanna's eyes shoot up to his at the sound of the prince's voice. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't come out. He had to leave before the prince called again, but he wanted to comfort her and reassure her that whatever just happened in that room would not happen again.
But he couldn't. And she must have known it too. Before Arthur could fully pull away, her jaw hardened and eyes turned to liquid steel. She gave him a firm nod before closing the door. Arthur finally turned away from her. He felt weak as he made his way down. He felt like a sorry excuse of a knight. As he made his way into the lower level of the tower, that self loathing swiftly turned to anger as he saw a smirk on the prince's face.
His jaw clenched. He tried to school his expression before the prince could notice. He felt his nails bite into the palm of his hands. The anger and frustration that flowed through him had never been directed at the prince before. Arthur tried to listen as the prince brought him up to date. He tried to keep his fists hidden beneath the table. He tried to keep himself seated. He tried to keep himself from barreling across the room toward the man who had once been like a brother. He caught little bits of information, but his attention kept returning to the swollen state of the prince's mouth. He was jostled out of his anger by a pat on the shoulder.
"We should be back by the morning." Hightower eyed him carefully as followed the prince. Arthur kept his gaze steady as he nodded at the knight. It wasn't until he heard the horses in the distance that he let out a sigh. As his head hung down, he unclenched his fists. Sitting on the palm of both hands sat four crescent marks spotted with red.
The first time he kissed her, she had asked him too. He had been in silence looking at the blood on his hands for too long. The room he sat in was almost fully encased in darkness when he heard the door creak open.
"How long until they return?" He almost broke at the sound of her voice. He had sat and talked with her for weeks, and he had never heard that tone of voice before. She sounded sacred. It made him jump to action.
"They'll be back tomorrow." He felt the regret in his own voice. They would be back and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Rhaegar would be back and Arthur couldn't protect Lyanna from him. He stepped toward her and made to speak but he couldn't find the right words. He hated the look on her face. Her bottom lip was pulled tight between her teeth, her brows were turned down, and her eyes looked ready to pour open. "I'm sorry." The words meant nothing he knew that, but he needed her to know. Maybe he said just to lessen his own guilt.
She looked away and swallowed. Her tears had yet to fall. Arthur had looked away after seeing the storm of emotion in her eyes. His eyes shot upward before he forced himself to look back at her.
"He was my first kiss." A single tear slipped past her lashes. Arthur caught it with his thumb before it could make its way down her cheek. "He's going to take my first everything from me. Because I was such a fool. I really believed he just wanted to help me." He could hear the rage underneath her words. His hand still cupped her cheek. He made to pull away, but she grabbed his wrist and kept him there. She finally looked back at him. Her hand flattened over his wrist, her thumb rubbing circles on his hand. Her hand against his made his blood sing. Every nerve that touched hers was on fire. He had tried to keep his reactions to her wrapped up, closed tight, and away where no one could see them. He had tried to remind himself that he made vows. But he had already broken so many, what was one more? He was already planning to spirit the prince's 'bride-to-be' away. How much more harm would be done if he was in love with her too?
"What was I thinking?" her voice was almost a whisper now. Her gaze was intense. She was looking for something in his eyes. "Would you take everything from me, Arthur?" His head shook before he could start speaking.
"I wish I could give you my first everything" he whispered, his voice shaking on the exhale. She stepped closer at hearing his words. Maybe she needed him like he needed her. Her eyes drifted close as his fingers curled into the hair at the base of her neck. His lips were so close to hers he could almost taste her.
"Do you?" Arthur had to hold back a gasp as her lips grazed his with a simple question. She took another step into him. Her chest was flush with his. His eyes squeezed tight. He had to keep himself from doing something stupid. From doing something that she didn't want. He wasn't Rhaegar. He wouldn't take anything from her.
Before he could answer, Lyanna pushed up on to her tiptoes and rested her brow against his. His breath caught in his throat. He tried to fight it. He tried to push back his feelings. But she looked more at peace than he had seen her since she learned of her family. He settled against her. His head tilted down to meet hers. His hand drifted to rest at her waistline. His thumb rubbing circles as hers had done before. She let out a sigh and he pulled her even closer. Her arm wrapped around his neck and her fingers dove into his hair. He had to keep himself from purring.
"Kiss me, Arthur." Her lips just barely brushed against his. He really shouldn't. He should walk away. Take her away and let her start somewhere new. Give her a fresh start without the ghosts of the past following her around. And for a moment he thought he actually could do that. But at the sound of her breathy request, he was doomed. He would give her anything she asked for.
He pulled her bottom lip between his before he could talk himself out of it. A desperate groan chased away the silence in the room. He realized it came from him as he heard Lyanna's answering moan. Any self control vanished at the sound of it. He angled his head to deepen the kiss. His body moved of its own volition. His tongue gently swept along the seam of her lips. The hand resting in his hair tightened as she arched into him. Another groan vibrated through him as her tongue swept against his.
When he finally pulled away, her lips chased his. He let out a low chuckle. He could hear the roughness in his voice. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her. He prayed she couldn't feel how fast his heart was beating. She held him tightly back. He wanted to always be this close to her.
"We'll be gone soon, I promise." He muttered against her temple. He left a kiss there before he pulled back and lifted her chin. As their gaze met, he knew he was a goner. Grey had always seemed such a drab color to him. Lifeless and plain, it had never left a good impression. But that was before. Now it consumed him. He wanted it to surround him. He clung to it. When her eyes met his, he felt like he was burning. Whether it be the soft storm clouds or the hard steel, they had left such an impression he could barely breathe.
He pressed a soft peck to her lips before he could expose his heart to her. She had wanted him to replace the memory of the prince. That was all. She couldn't possibly feel the way he did. She sighed softly as he pulled away.
"Your promises sound so sweet, Arthur. I might actually start to believe you." She whispered in the hollow of his neck. Her words left him shivering. For her close proximity or the meaning behind her words, he wasn't sure.