Adora wasn't really thinking when she reached Catra's back to press her against herself. She just felt doing it, she missed this. Catra didn't even give her a welcome back hug when she arrived this afternoon and the blonde just wanted to… have her in her arms. Just for a second. Adora clearly missed holding her friend, and it felt like… heaven. Like everything. Like she belonged here-
The feeling didn't last long because Catra literally ran away, saying she had to do something with Mermista. The blonde wasn't sure what because she didn't fully understand what the brunette had said because it was barely comprehensible. She watched her entering the kitchen and sighed, taking a sip of her beer then looking at it. What was wrong with Catra, seriously ? Even if they talked like nothing had changed, Catra was acting like something had changed between them. And it was hurtful. Maybe she did something wrong ? Maybe.. they couldn't get along anymore ? Maybe the distance ruined the relationship they had ? Adora bit her lips nervously. Her intrusive thoughts were on loop again.
"Ah, Adora!" The blonde turned her eyes in the direction of the enthusiastic voice. It was her dancing partner. "We did well, out here !" She swore she could see a star coming out of his eye when he winked, doing a victory pose.
"Yeah, it was really fun." At least, she had someone to talk to, to keep her mind out of her dumb thoughts. "Even if I beat you." She pointed her fingers-gun at him. If Catra was here, she would probably have said she was a dork.
"Are you kidding me," dramatically whined Seahawk, holding his chest. "You probably meant that I was the best. I'm just disappointed that Mermista didn't let me bring my fire machines."
Adora definitely had to introduce this guy to Bow, he'll absolutely love him. "She.. probably was right. You already lit the dance floor with your moves." She chuckled.
"Told ya, I'm the best !"
Catra just said to Mermista that she didn't romantically love Scorpia and the only thing that Mermista had said was "Shit, Cat'." What did that even mean ? She ran to Mermista for help, to clear her mind, to.. To what, exactly ? She wasn't even sure, now. Maybe she just needed a little help in this situation ?
"So… you're telling me that you don't love Scorpia as your romantic partner ?" Catra looked away, at a sticky note pinned on the door of a cupboard. It was probably written by Seehawk, saying cheesy things but she couldn't read it, she didn't have her glasses -in fact the brunette didn't like to wear them because she looked dumb with it. "Yes."
"And.. what are you planning to do ?"
"I don't know.. I don't even know why I didn't.." Catra bit her lips. "I should have realized sooner that.." She cut herself, not really knowing where she was going with this. "I tried, Mermista. I really tried to love her." Catra felt ashamed, guilty, like shit.
"Well," Mermista put a hand on Catra's shoulder. Her friend knew she wasn't tactile, she just wanted to prove she was here, listening to her. And Catra appreciated that. "It's not really your fault. You can't force yourself to love someone, you know." Mermista softly smiled at her but Catra looked immediately away again. "You can't.. blame yourself for that."
Oh, yes, Catra could. And she should blame herself for that. She started dating Scorpia because the woman was really caring about her, she was nice, patient.. The brunette basically rushed into it. She knew that her girlfriend truly loved her, it was really obvious. She couldn't just.. not hurt Scorpia in the way. And she didn't want to, Scorpia really didn't deserve that. "But.. she loves me, 'Mista. I don't want to hurt her, I-.." A second ago she was ready to forget about Scorpia -about everything in Adora's arms. That's why she was.. "I'm just a horrible person."
"Why are you saying that ? It's not true, Cat'. You can't force this, it's just not possible."
"But.. but I did it anyway, I started dating her-"
"And ?" Mermista frowned at her. "Love is.. well, complicated. And you have the right to think you were in love and then realize that it's not love but affection. Who can blame you for that ?"
"Hm.. maybe.." Catra wasn't convinced and she didn't look convinced as well. Should she be like, honest honest with her friend ? Mermista was the closest friend she had with Entrapta and Scorpia, and she felt like she could tell her everything. "Can I.. say something to you ?"
"Go for it, Cat'."
"It's possible, that.." Catra paused, hardly swallowing. "It's possible that it's not entirely the reason.. I mean.." She took a deep breath. "Of course I started to date Scorpia because I… liked her. And I first thought it was possible to build something together but.. I already had someone in mind." Catra wasn't ready to confess that the person she loved was Adora. She lowered her eyes, feeling the guilt coming back to her. The brunette felt a pain growing in her chest. She admitted that she didn't like Scorpia, she couldn't stay with her, as a couple, now. She hoped they could still be friends when she'll.. dropped her. And it was a selfish thought, another horrible one to add to the long list of Catra's mistakes and terrible thoughts.
"Hey," A soft smile crossed Mermista's lips again as she gently squeezed Catra's shoulder. "You did nothing wrong. You thought it could match with Scorpia, too bad, it didn't. You're not hurting her on purpose, Catra, and I know that. As Scorpia will know that."
Catra's eyes widened as she realized that Mermista wasn't entirely wrong there. It was true, since the beginning she didn't want to hurt her girl-... her friend. And she didn't not fell in love on purpose. The brunette tried, she really tried. She wanted to love Scorpia, honestly. But she couldn't. Was that really a mistake ? But, there was still something that she did wrong. "I.. didn't tell her that I invited Adora."
"Is that a problem ? She's been your best friend since you two are kids, and Scorpia know that." Mermista's hand left the brunette's shoulder to grab her glass.
Catra humed as a response. It wasn't entirely true, she didn't really tell Scorpia how close they both were. Plus, Mermista didn't know that the person who Catra was loving was actually the person that she invited. But she definitely wasn't ready to confess it right now. She just voiced the -almost- whole situation to her friend, and it was already a lot. Maybe she would talk to her about that, but right now she has to think of what she should do next. Downing gently Scorpia, but, how ?
[...] It was early in the morning when they both came back at Catra's place. The brunette had thought about going straight -gay back at home after her talk with Mermista, since her mind was busy overthinking. but Adora hadn't seen her friends in a long time and Catra wanted to let her enjoy the party. So she decided that they could stay a little longer. The brunette wasn't living far away and since they came by foot, it was safe for them to just go home, even if they drank at the party.
Okay, maybe Catra drank a little bit more than Adora because she was feeling dizzy. She just wanted to forget about the situation she was in for a minute, that's all. But now she came back home and with the fatigue hitting her, her head was starting to spin and it gave her nausea. It felt heavy, too. Ugh, I shouldn't have drank this much she thought, placing a hand on her belly as it can help.
"Are you okay, Catra?" asked Adora after closing the front door.
Catra shook her head negatively. "I.. I think I'll sit for a sec," without adding any other word she collapsed on the couch, her legs felt heavy, they clearly couldn't support her anymore.
Adora was going to ask if Catra needed water or anything when her friend fell from all her weight on the couch, almost in a dull noise. It alerted the blonde who jogged into the kitchen to get her friend a glass of fresh water. She placed it briefly on the table next to the sofa and helped Catra to sit.
"Lemme help you," Adora breathed as she held the glass to help Catra to drink from it. She saw her frown as she grimaced. "Do you need help to go to the bathroom or.. is that okay?" She really meant it, the blonde was ready to support her and be with her if she needed to. She knew Catra hated to vomit, so she will be there for her, even for that.
"Probably.. It's-" She cut herself and put a hand over her mouth, taping the blonde shoulder with the other one.
The blonde knew and helped -carried her friend to the bathroom. Adora stayed with her the whole time, sitting on the floor next to her as she was holding her hand, wiping her tears away. Adora was whispering to her that it would be okay, that she was here. The blonde hoped she could, at least, help her by doing that. She couldn't just.. Let her alone in this. Adora wasn't sure why Catra drank that much because they both knew she wasn't really capable of handling the alcohol -not that much.
The blonde squeezed her best friend's hand in a reassuring way when she saw her grabbing a piece of toilet paper to clean her mouth. Catra turned her head to face the blonde, but didn't look at her in the eyes -and it was understandable. Even though she shouldn't feel ashamed. "I-.. Can you.. Can you carry me to bed after I brush my teeth, please ?" Her friend's voice sounded harsh.
"Of course." Adora softly smiled at Catra as she was hardly getting up on her two feet, probably still feeling dizzy because she was rocking a little. Few minutes later, Adora easily lifted her in her arms -princess style, and she walked to her bedroom, carefully laying her on the bed, removing her shoes. "I'm coming back in a sec, I'm just bringing you a bottle of water for the night, kay ?"
Catra nodded and the blonde headed out to the kitchen, quickly coming back into the room with a bottle of water that she placed on the nightstand. She looked at the brunette, checking if she seemed okay and a soft smile crossed her lips as the sight of Catra rolled in the blankets, holding her pillow. Adora was hesitating, should she propose to her to stay and sleep with her like they used to do ? But, did she need her, actually ? Shouldn't she just leave the room ?
"Do you need anything ? I mean, I can leave the door open, and I'll be right there, on the couch." Adora didn't know why she awkwardly pointed to the sofa because it was Catra's place and she knew exactly where the couch was, but she did it anyway. Maybe because she was.. stressed ? She didn't know at this point.
Catra slowly took her head out of the pillow, opening her eyes to look at the blonde for a few seconds before opening her mouth. "Can you.." Adora could see her cheeks slowly being colored in a light red. It was cute. "Can you hold me ?"
Adora softly smiled at her before climbing into the bed behind her, hugging her from behind. She wasn't sure where to put her hands so she just let them fall on the mattress in front of Catra. They didn't stay like this for so long because the brunette took them in her hands, holding them against her stomach as she closed her eyes. "Thank you..." Catra whispered.
It was the time the blonde's heart chose to start a race in her chest. It was beating fast, bringing her familiar and nice warmth in her chest and stomach. Adora just hoped that Catra couldn't feel her heart beating the fastest human alive. She finally could hold her friend in her arms without her running away -at least for the moment. Adora nuzzled Catra's hair, deposing a soft kiss there. "I'm here, don't worry."
As her hands were on Catra's belly, she could feel every breath she took. She could also feel that her stomach was rising more slowly as the brunette took longer and calmer breaths and that probably meant she was falling asleep. "I'll be here," she murmured again, closing her eyes. "With you," Always. But she didn't add the last part, it felt out of place. The blonde couldn't resist being embraced by Morpheus' arms. She felt at peace right now, pressed against Catra.
Catra was the first one to wake up at noon and god, she was thirsty. It was almost a basic reflex instinct to down the bottle in less than a minute, but her throat was dry -as her entire body was. She could feel a terrible headache slowly installing itself, but at least, she was warm and felt secure in Adora's arms.
Wait.
She was in Adora's arms. Shit.
Catra wasn't totally herself when she asked Adora to hug her- well, not really. She was herself, but she wasn't really aware, as she was drunk it was easier to let her desire speak before she thought about it twice. The brunette carefully turned herself over to face her friend who was still asleep. She seemed peaceful, and she was smiling. She looked.. beautiful, breathtaking. At this precise moment she wished she was with Adora, so she didn't have to hold herself back and she could gently kiss her soft and pink lips. Catra didn't fully realize that she was maybe staring at her lips for a long time and that she was dangerously close to Adora's face when her headache called her back. What was she thinking ?!
Catra looked away from the blonde's gorgeous face and started to wander on her shoulder when she could see the end of another tattoo that seemed to be a half moon or something like that. She wanted to lift the sleeve of her shirt to fully see it, but she didn't want to disturb the blonde in her sleep. And to be honest, she could have spent eternity in Adora's arms, just watching her as she slept. That was why she wasn't doing anything to free herself to reach the bathroom to take medicine for her head. There was also the fact that.. it was probably the last time she should have Adora this close to her, literally holding her.
Even though she made her mind about Scorpia, she couldn't just allow the blonde this close, it was risky. And she should wait until she ends her relationship. Wait- did she really just think that she can throw herself in Adora's arms right after dumping Scorpia ? It wasn't right, and it's not like there was any chance by the way. She didn't ask because she couldn't face reality, but the blonde was probably dating her sparkly friend.
Adora accepted to hold her, right ? She took care of her this morning, right ? It meant that she was okay with the fact that Catra could spend a few minutes longer in her arms. She didn't plan to go back to sleep or anything, she just wanted to enjoy those last minutes she could have in the strong arms that were gently holding her. Catra took a deep breath, humming the blonde's scent that was, in fact, calming her, and keeping her eyes close was better for her headache actually. I love you, she mouthed as she was slowly going back to sleep.
[...] A phone buzzing loudly against the wood of the side of the bed, woke her up almost in fear. She scanned the room in search of what was the actual fuck doing this huge noise and she finally noticed that it was just her phone. Catra sighed before rubbing her eyes. She felt like she slept for two entire days. And Adora wasn't hugging her anymore and she wasn't in the room anymore. She lazily grabbed her phone as she unlocked it to see it was 5pm. Ah, so they -she slept the entire day.
imahugger : hey love ! I'm safe and sound and arrived at my moms' !
imahugger : u tried to call me during the night, is everything ok ?
Oh, right. That was true that she actually tried to call Scorpia during the party when she was.. well, wasted. Scorpia was worried because she knew that Catra wasn't the best person to leave alone, so she was probably thinking the worst.
wildcat : im ok dw, i was at Mista's last night
She didn't want -feel like explaining more, giving her a reason for her call. Catra was drunk and she called Scorpia, but for what exactly ? She wasn't sure if she remembered right. Catra knew that she had to break up with her friend after her talk with Mermista but she couldn't just do it by phone or with a text. Scorpia deserved better than that, and honestly, Catra didn't feel like doing it right now, she wasn't ready yet. "A lot happened last night, uh." she whispered to herself.
Without Adora's warmth and arms holding her, Catra didn't feel like staying more in bed so she just put back her phone where it was and she stretched herself before taking some cosy clothes for the rest of the day : basically just an oversize shirt with a sport short, nothing too fancy. The brunette waved and smiled at her friend on her way to the bathroom : she needed a shower, right now. She had the impression that she stank and it was probably not just a feeling. She threw up last night after all, she had the right to feel gross.
Catra came out of the bathroom almost an hour after entering it because she needed to be clean and to wash out the mess she saw in the mirror : she was paler than usual and her eyes were hollowed out, swollen. She basically looked like a zombie and she probably was one this morning.
"I was starving so I cooked us something", called Adora as she was placing two plates on the counter in the kitchen, clearly inviting her to eat.
"Don't you mean that you tried to," she teased, sitting on the second stool. "Nah, it's great actually," she added, smiling at her best friend.
Adora cooked some rice with, uh, almost burnt vegetables. But who was Catra to spit on something the blonde made for her ? It was very nice of her and the brunette could feel her heart melt in her chest at the attention. They both ate in a comfortable silence, they were probably both enjoying having some energy going back into their bodies.
"Adora.. thank you." Catra said as she met Adora's beautiful big blue eyes. Those eyes, they were like a peaceful and calming river and she definitely could let herself drown in those beautiful blue orbs. "Really, thank you." A smile crossed the brunette's lips apart.
"C'mon, the meal wasn't that nice !" Replied the blonde who was laughing as she put the plates in the sink, leaving it for later. Catra rolled her eyes, of course Adora couldn't guess why Catra was thanking her.
"Not just for the meal, idiot. For yesterday too." It wasn't actually yesterday, but Catra had slept in between so it counted as it for her.
[...] Adora was currently sitting on the sofa as Catra was doing whatever in her room. It was nice to chill for a bit. She couldn't really rest after she arrived yesterday because they left two or three hours after, to Mermista's place. It was fun, but she needed this chill day -well, night actually. Adora was currently chatting with Glimmer, basically gay panicking in her dms because she needed to. Also, she promised to keep Glimmer updated about how things went with Catra because it was the only way to not have her best friend on her back before she left. The blonde knew that Glimmer could just take the first train to suddenly appear right in front of her if she missed a daily update, so she just sent messages in the group chat she was sharing with her roommates.
She_Ra : we went to a party and i saw few friends from high school
She_Ra : it was cool and i met someone that u're going to love Bow
She_Ra : and ! it went super well with Catra, like we never left each others
Adora sent a pic she took last night with Seahawk, with him holding a lighted lighter close to his tongue, like he was trying to prove that he was le fire man.
PrincessGlim : im happy for ya ! u deserve that and i hope u had fun at the party
PrincessGlim : but omg i cant believe u're this gay
ilovearrow : omg im happy for ya !
ilovearrow : also i love the fire man already i cant wait to meet him
The blonde laughed at her friends' last message while she was explaining briefly to Bow who was the guy standing next to her in the picture and that they kinda did a dance contest last night. Bow seemed excited to meet this guy, because Seahawk was surely created to be Bow's friend just as Bow was born to be Seahawk's friend. Anyway, she had to organise something so they both could meet each other, and they will probably -definitely burn something together.
They decided to watch a movie together and then they headed to bed, even if they spent the whole day sleeping they were still tired. Adora decided to take the couch to sleep tonight as it was first planned, and it was comfortable enough to sleep anyway. The blonde really was tired, but she was still struggling to sleep, turning over and over and over in the bed. She was missing holding Catra, sleeping next to her. She had thought that with this year apart from her friend she would get used to sleeping alone -and she got used to it. But all it took was one night next to her again for her to realize that her place was definitely in the brunette's arms.
Adora growled and grabbed her phone, texting Bow.
She_Ra : u sleeping ?
ilovearrow : nope. need something ?
She_Ra : can i call u ?
ilovearrow : sure
The blonde quickly stood up and she put her jacket and her shoes on, leaving the flat. She needed to walk and to speak with her best friend. She needed to empty her mind. Adora was loving Catra too much that it was starting to hurt her. It was hard to keep it for her because she had the feeling that she was hiding something from her -and she was doing that, actually. And seeing Catra again, holding her during the whole night, taking care of her ? It was too much for her, she was overwhelmed by her feelings. She took a deep breath and held the phone to her ear after pressing the call button.
"Hey Bow. I'm sorry to suddenly call you in the middle of the night, but.."
"It's okay," chuckled the soft voice of her friend on the phone. "I had to do my testosterone injection anyway."
"I needed to talk about something," Bow was probably the best person she could have called because she knew he would understand, she knew he would give her some advice. "You probably noticed but.. I like Catra. A lot. Like, a lot, lot actually." She passed her right hand on her back neck nervously.
"Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, that's not really a surprise. Glimmer figured this out pretty soon."
Adora sighed and shook her head in disbelief. She knew she was kinda obvious when she was talking about Catra but it was worse hearing Bow confirming it. "Hm. I don't know what to do, Bow."
"About what ?"
"I.. I'm thinking that I should tell her, so she can reject me and I can try to.." Adora paused, her voice was trembling, thinking about it. Her stomach was squeezing in anxiety. "... you know."
"You think she's going to reject you ?"
Adora gasped. She didn't think that Catra could reciprocate her feelings actually. But both ways were stressful : either she got rejected and their relationship became weird, or either she reciprocated it and they became, what, a couple ? The one that could sound like the best scenario was scarier for Adora. She loved to take care of her friend and everything but.. will she be a good girlfriend ? "I don't know.. Probably." She wasn't going to voice out her fear.
"Well, I think it's a good idea to talk about it. You seem to really love her and you should give it a try. We never know what could happen !" Bow's voice sounded cheerful but he exactly just voiced what was the whole problem : we never knew what could happen.
"But.. what if it break something ? I mean, it will surely change something between us. And I don't want that.." Adora bit her lips. "But I can't keep it for myself, I need to.. I need to tell her." She put her hand on her chest where her heart was and she squeezed the fabric of her shirt in her fist.
"Adora, she's your best friend, right ? She'll understand, there's no reason for your relationship to change."
"I hope you're right." She stopped walking. "Thanks for the talk, Bow. Have a good night !"
Adora hung up and started to walk her way back to the flat. Maybe she should sleep on it tonight, she'll make a decision later.