Garfield League of America 2 Chapter One The Throne of Atlantis Attacks!
Author's Note: I was not planning to do another tribute fanfic again but then I learned about toxic fandom in DCEU community and decided to write this as PSA to stop it
It was an ordinary sunny day in Orlando, Florida. People did sunbathing on the beach or rollarskating up and down the street. Partaking in the festivities was the teenager Billy Batson who was secretly the superhero Shazam and his foster siblings who were also all secretly superheroes as well.
"Yippee! A week of fun and sun! Vacation is awesome!" Cheered Darla with positivity as she gobbled down her eightieth snow cone.
"It will be tragedy have to go back to being glued to screen in Phladelphia instead of glued to screen on vacation." Agreed Eugene, who was playing video game on Nintendo Switch and not paying attention to where he walked.
"Being superhero is great and all but sometimes I just gotta unwind." Agreed Billy Batson as he whistled at all the sexy older retiree woman he passed.
"Vacation is the game of fools! There are lives we could be saving that we are instead letting die with every second we enjoy ourselves!" Warned Mary Marvel with stick in the mud tone.
"Oh please Mary, even superheroes deserve off-days." Piped in Freddy Freeman with disagreements as he hobbled behind them on crutches because he was cripple and cripples cant move very fast.
"By the way has anyone seen Pedro?" Suddenly Asked Darla with concerns.
"Do not worry I am over here in the water!" Pedro waved from the water where he was treading water, while eating several sandwich footlongs from sjubway in other hand.
"What the hella re you doing Pedro?" Mary Marvel ddemanded to know with dismayment.
"Jared from Subway eats lots of Subway sandwiches and Michael Phelps swims. They both got swole so they are my heroes and I am going to get swole by being like them." Pedro explained with brilliant logic.
"Don't be a sourpussy, Big Sis! You do you and let Pedro do Pedro!" Freddy Freeman laughed as he spanked Mary Marvel's bottom with his crutch making her squeal like a piglet.
"Fine but I still am not comfortable on vacation I have had bad ominous feeling every since we got on plane." Mary Marvel shuddered with paraonia.
"That is just the menstrual cycle I learned that in science class!" Chimed in Darla with helpful suggestions.
With the rest of his family moving on, Pedro paddled further into the ocean as he continued to gulp down Subway like the hungry hungry caterpillar. Just as he was about to take a big bite out of his Meatball Marinara footlong on Italian Herbs & Cheese a meatball slipped and fell into the water.
"Oh gosh darn it! This is tragedy worse than Hurricane Andrew!" Pedro mourned with dejectedness but then he noticed that the water around him was getting way too red for a single sauce covered meatball.
Pedro tried to swim back to shore because the red water was weirding him out but he found that he was making as much progress as a snail in a molasses jar. Suddenly like bobbing apples, his legs burst out and floated right next to him all bloody and mangled!
"Oh no I'm never gonna get swole now!" Cried Pedro with important priorities as he realized that something that bitten off his entire lower body.
Several great white sharks then surrounded and circled Pedro. Pedro however was not afraid.
"I do not need the Full Pedro to defeat you oversized anchovies! Prepare your sharkskin booties for the power of SHAZA" Pedro began but before he could finish saying the word of power that turned him into Green Shazam, a menacing man in shiing gold and green armor burst out of the sea like a torpedo.
As the sun blinded him from getting good view, all Pedro could sea was the new foe raising a trident and flinging it at him with such force that it torn Pedro's head clean off.
The sharks then chowed down, until Pedro was nothing more than bloody bones floating to the bottom of the sea.
"Do not get carried away, my cartilaginous servants!" The sea man ordered with marine telepathy. "This was but the starter course and there is whole beachside buffet of joy waiting for us!"
Meanwhile back at the crowded Orlando beach Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman were approaching a concert on the beach.
"Look Billy Batson, the band AC/DC is playing! They are one of Garfield's favorites!" Freddy Freeman noticed with fanboying as he heard the familiar chorus of "Back in Black" coursing throughout the beach like fine wine down the throat. Freddy Freeman was fan of superheroes and as the ultimate superhero Garfield was the one he loved most of all.
"Let's mosey up and have a listen then." Billy Batson suggested but before they could enjoy AC/DC the audio was suddenly cut off. Then on the speakers everyone a ghastly new song began playing instead of hard hitting classic hard rock.
"What is this auditory abomination?" Freddy Freeman choked as the audio assault forced its way through muffled ears. With horror he realized the music was cover of soft rock classic Africa by Toto but totally wrong.
It was Ocean to Ocean by Pitbull, featuring Rhea!
"Aieeeeee" Screamed AC/DC and all the concertgoers as Ocean to Ocean's evil proved to powerful and their heads all exploded except for Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman cause they shouted "SHAZAM!" in time to save themselves.
Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman turend into Shazam and Blue Shaza!
"Holy moley what could have done such a monstrous attack!" Shazam wailed with horror as he saw peoples heads exploding everywhere.
"Whoever it is, they just killed AC/DC!Amnd their banquet of blood does not stop with these shores!" Blue Shazam pointed to the oceans where sharks, orcas, alligators, and other sealife were eating all the swimmers and surfers.
"Show yourselves, evil-doers, and prepare for a Big Red Beatdown!" Shazam cried out for justice.
A tsunami wave taller than Mount Everest formed in the distance and started barreling towards Orlando, while Ocaen to Ocean continue d playing on a loop.
"They tried to get rid of me, but ocean to ocean, they're gone have to deal with me." Said a hateful voice. It belonged to the meancing sea man as he surfed at the base of the tsunami riding on dolphins, his bushy beard and flowing mane blowing with the ferocious winds.
"Who in blazes is that?" Blue Shazam squinted confusedly at the sea man in the gold and green coming towards them. Freddy Freeman knew all the superheroes and villains but for the love of his life could not recognize this one.
"I AM AQUAMAN KING OF ATLANTIS!" Proclaimed Aquaman with wrath. "I AM HERE TO DESTROY AMERICA TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING."
"Like hell you will! I'll stop you with lightning! Lighting from my hands!" Said Shazam with electricity as he fired lightning from his hands at the oncoming Aquaman. But the attack was to no avail as Aquaman used his fish talking powers to summon up several dolphins to leap out of the water and take the bolts for him.
"You dirty coward!" Shouted Blue Shazam with disgust. "Get off your high seahorse and fight us like a man, Aquaman!"
"America is a nation of tapeworms and lice pretending to be men! YOU DESERVE NO HONOR And you will die like such parasites!" Aquaman whined with no good comeback as he summoned up several sharknados and sent them spiraling towards Orlando to cause more death.
"No Aquaman is far too powerful for even our infinite Shazam powers!" Shazam said as he fired more lighting while Blue Shazam tried to counter the deadly winds by flying real fast like Superman does but it was all futile. The tsunami wave then crashed into Shazam and Blue Shazam wiping them out like grad students with too much drink.
Aquaman stepped onto American soil, declaring his act of war as he plunged his trident down into the back of a survivor trying to crawl away.
On cue, Aquaman's Atlantean troopers emerged from the ocean waters onto land and began picking off survivors following in their king's example. With his wicked Atlantean magic, Aquaman then used his trident to bring an eternal storm crashing down on Orlando. Gray clouds rolled in and drowned Orlando residents with rainfall, while hurricane winds knocked down the buildings killing thousands more.
Elsewhere in the city Mary Marvel and Darla were leaving the petting zoo.
(author's note: Eugene died offscreen because he wasn't paying attention while he was walking cause he was gaming and he fell into the alligator pit at the zoo)
"Hey look Mary sharks!" Exclaimed Darla with an oblivious kids enthusiasm as she saw a sharknado barreling down on them because she really liked animals because she was a kid.
"Silly Darla the sharks are at the aquarium not the zoo." Mary Marvel told her but then she looked up and saw the sharknado as well. Protective Big Sister Instincts then kicked in. Mary Marvel picked up Darla and put her behind her, and got ready to shriek Shazam like the banshee but then the stray winds blew a pufferfish her way.
The pufferfish hit Mary Marvel in the uterus and shot poison all up her system.
"Ooooaggghg." Mary Marvel mumbled as her eyes rolled back and she fainted. Darla tugged at her sleeve trying to wake up her, not really grasping the gravity of the situation.
"Wake up big sis you're gonna miss all the sharkies!" Darla demanded as she started shaking Mary Marvel like a maraca.
"For far too long humans have feasted on fishsticks! Well it's time we dine on ladyfingers!" Said the sharknado as it closed in on Darla and the unconscious Mary Marvel.
All hope seemed to be lost.
Until it wasn't.
In the blanket of gray that had enveloped the sky there was a sudden pinprick of light. Then like a comet descending from the heavesn, something broke through the storm barrier that blasted the clouds to oblivion.
Made in Heaven by Queen started to play as the sharknado screeched to a halt. Darla looked up and saw what looked like an angelic orange fireball bearing down upon the eye of the storm.
The fireball then uncurled into the familiar world-famous shape of a muscular hero man wearing a dusty duster coat and black aviators like a biking western cowboy badass dual wielding two custom-forged Desert Eagles, with a large sword forged from pure red white and blue vibranium strapped to his back. It was Garfield!
"Yay Garfield! He's even better than sharks!" Darla yelled with delight cause Garfield was the number one hero and role model to children everywhere.
"You're a smart batch of cookie dough!" Complimented Garfield with appreciation. "Now let me add some shark fin chips to the batter!"
Garfield then spun around like an upside down tornado, firing bullets from his Desert Eagles, unleashing rainstorm of demise upon the sharks that comprised the sharknado. As he whittled down the numbers, Garfield's unrelenting lead fury drove hundreds of species that had taken millennia to evolve to extinction in mere seconds. All around the amazed Darla bits of shark flesh and blood rained like a rejuvenating shower.
"Is this is what the big girls call [CENSORED] feels like?" Darla clapped as Garfield slayed the last shark and finished its corpse exploding it with a ten point landing.
"Garfield you saved us from a fishy fate! I thought my brother Freddy just foolish fanboy but you really are the ultimate superhero man!" Mary Marvel exclaimed with praises as she came to.
"Just part and parcel of adventuring, sweetheart." Garfield said with casual delivery as he kicked aside shark corpses and examined the destruction all around him. "Now if you young ladies can excuse me, I got an Aquaman to add to the Great Pacific Trash Pile."
"Wait Garfield do not go just yet! We must repay you!" Begged Mary Marvel with longings as she and Darla threw themselves at Garfield's legs and clung on like clamps of love.
"Restrain yourselves, young misses! I am no stinking pederast!" Insisted Garfield with heroic law-abiding American beliefs as he shook Mary Marvel and Darla off.
"If you wait just a spell, you shall not be!" Mary Marvel promised with magics as she and Darla then shouted SHAZAM to turn into Female Shazam and Purple Shazam. Standing in the place of what had been meek mousy children were now fine specimens of virile and nubile womanhood, showing leg and whistling to Garfield.
Garfield admired their curvaceous forms for a bit and wetted his lips but decided he had best chat with his lawyer about these kinds of loopholes first.
With a silent wave of goodbye to the legal-not-legal vixens, Garfield looked towards the storm of the century. Then with stoic passions of burning justice, Garfield cracked his knuckles and strode forward to save the day.
Aquaman was busy preparing coral crosses made ut of the Great Barrier Reef to crucity Shazam and Blue Shazam on when his loyal underling Willem Dafoe ram up to hin with grave urgency in face.
"Willem Dafoe why have you reported back early? Have we liberated Sea World ahead of schedule?" Demanded Aquaman with schedules as he seized Willem Dafoe.
"I have naught but ominous heedings to give, Master Aquaman!" Croacked Willem Dafoe with fear. "All our advance scouting units have gone darker than the ocean bottom!"
"What in the Seven Seas could be causing this?" Roared Aquaman with angers as he shook his fist and flung Willem Dafoe aside. Meanwhile the bloodied and cracked eyes of Shazam and Blue Shazam lit up with hope as from far off they could hear hard-rockin music on loudspeakers that was getting louder by the second.
The loop of Ocean to Ocean by Pitbull ft. Rhea suddenly distorted and cut off as Search And Destroy by The Stooges kicked in. Aquaman's eyes widened in terror as he saw red geysers in the distance and realized it was the blood of his frontline troops. And something emerged out of the gushers of red like a birthday cake surprise but instead of a hot vixen for Aquaman it was the face of death.
It was Garfield, rocking out as he rode on a jetski made of the remains of Aquaman's sharknados as he sailed on the wide rapid rivers of Atlantean blood.
"This is seafood buffet with all you can eat special on Atlanteans!" Garfield said with deadly delivery as he sailed forward, running over Atlantean soldiers or blasting them into sushi chunks with his Desert Eagles.
"Destroy Garfield my looyl lieges!" Aquaman spat with fearful frenzy as Garfield mowed down more of his troopers. "If he falls then no one can stop the righteous destruction of the Great Satan that is America!"
"Fire at will Garfield is but one man and he cannot overcome legion!" Screeched Willem Dafoe with orders as he picked up laser rifle and started firing at Garfield. Wkith skill, Garfield dodged all his blasts without breaking a sweat.
"Legion of American enemies are good for one thing and one thing only: extra wages for the gravedigger." Garfield said jumping off his jetski. The jetski spun out of control and smashed Willem Dafoe into the wall smooshing him.
"Aw drat I knew I should have stayed home today." Moaned Willem Dafoe with regrets as he died and then exploded. As Willem Dafoes bloody ashes rained down all around them Garfield landed and imbued his Desert Eagles with his manly aura and they glowed charged up with his burning red power.
"Not one more step Garfield! Your surface dwelling reign of terror ends here!" Proclaimed the lieutanents of Aquaman, Garth and Kaldur the Aqualads, as they charged up to Garfield twirling nunchuks made of lobsters.
"Kill one Atlantean fool kill the second one free." Quipped Garfield with one bullet as he blasted a single charged shot that ricocheted off everything in sight until it pierced through both Garth and Kaldur killing them instantly. Their corpses fell on top of each other in embarssingly sexual position which Garfield noted with silent amusement as he kicked them aside.
With the entire Atlantean army dead or dying behind Garfield only Aquaman was left standing as quivering mess making shallow charade of courage before him.
"Surrender Garfield! I am still King of the Seven Seas and with my Trident I control all life of the ocean!" Proclaimed Aquaman as he waved his trident menacingly.
"Your Seven Seas are nothing but where the sewers of my Fifty States lead to." Said Garfield with patriotism as he loaded up his guns for another bullet barrage. "I wonder if your corpse can fit down the drain."
"Not so fast Garfield lets see how touch you are without your guns to protect you!" Aquaman stated as he used his fish talking powers to summon Topo the Octopus that leapt out of a nearby puddle and snatched Garfield's Desert Eaglesand broke them with tencacle squeezing.
"Headstrong fool. I was ridding the world of villainous miscreants like you before firearms were invented." Replied Garfield with no worries as he lifted his mighty boot and stomped Topo so hard all his guts and octo-ink spilled out like an leaky jelly donut and he exploded.
Garfield then reached behind him and unsheathed his sword. Aquamans eyes widened with a babies fears as in the sunlight reflected off it he saw untold mysteries and glories of ancient empires of all known hypertime and unknown worlds beyond this plane of reality. And he knew that the homefield advtange was Garfields.
"Blessed by all cosmic glories of lasagna and sheathed in the forges of Lasagna Heaven itself for me this is LASAGNA SWORD GARFIELD." Garfield announced as he hoisted his blade high up into the sky and from the heavens above descended a lasagna lightning bolt that zapped onto the tip of the blade imbuing it and Garfield with EXTRA POWER.
Everyone from Shazam Family to th e survirors of both sides looked on with building anticipation of the looming duel.
"Injustices! By what right does the figurehead of a diseased cesspit deserve such heavenly blessings?" Whined Aquaman with jealousy as he charged at Garfield with impaling trident intents.
"Because I am a real American. I fight for the justice and rights of every man. I FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT." Recited Garfield with badass creed as with sword on in one hand he did barehanded royal guard block of Aquaman's attack.
"Third world leeches like yourself see your misfortunes and blame everyone but yourselves. You spin fairy tales out of radioactive acid clouds that if you throw terrorist fit and hate America enough everything will become alright. Well I'm here to deliver your from delusions." Garfield slashed Aquaman up into the air and leapt up after him. Garfield sliced and diced Aquaman, before punting him into a sand dune.
"MMPMPMGSFA!" Aquaman swallowed sand with humiliation as Garfield landed in front of him, throwing sand into his eyes and blinding him. Aquaman then spat out some sand.
"Damn you Garfield! We are not so unlike! Can you not see that what I have done is greater good, to stop the climate change ravaging our worlds?" Begged Aquaman with appeal of mercy.
"Whatever sales pitch you had was tossed into shredder when killing innocents became top method in spreading your agenda! I fight for what's right, and I know what's right right now is punishing your wicked slaughter!" As these words left Garfield's mouth, his desire for justice caused the excess power ebbing and flowing in an aura around him concentrated with the core of his soul. Aquaman watched on in horror as Garfield's form seemed to change before him, ascending to a state of being beyond mere manhood.
"SHIN MAJIN LASAGNA TRIGGER!" Shouted Garfield with pure heart and passion as he sprouted six red white and blue angel wings his muscles grew ten times and his skin turned into natural armor as horns that could fire fireworks shot out of his head.
"IDIOT AMERICAN! TRUE JUSTICE IS ON MY SIDE AND I WILL PREVAIL! HISTORY WILL RECORD THIS AS START OF BOLD NEW ERA." Screeched Aquaman with final delusions as he used his trident to take control of the water and send a tidal wave coming Garfield's wave.
"The only record you'll make is a red wiki page and a footnote in my biography." Told Garfield with the cold hard truth as Lasagna Sword Garfield charged up for overdrive attack and with a single slash Garfield sent several shockwaves that destroyed the tidal wave and crashed into Aquaman stunning him like a highway car pile up.
"When I am done with you Aquaman, you will rot like a Jack O'Lantern in Christmastime." Garfield said as he charged at Aquaman with stinger stab. As Garfield impaled Aquaman, he quickly pulled out and unleashed a million stabs on every bit of Aquaman.
"NOOOOOOOOO." Aquaman screamed with pains as Garfield tore and severed his flesh and bone till Aquaman was more skeleton than man.
As Garfield's judgement abated, Aquaman crumpled as he landed. Aquaman reached for his trident, calling out to all sealife.
"Save your king, subjects of the ocean!" Begged Aquaman with fright but to his devastated horror Aquaman heard no voices where one there had been infinites.
"Your kingdom sees that you are fit only to rule the compost heap. I'll make sure you're the right size." Garfield said mercileesslly as he stomped on Aquaman's arm breaking it.
Garfield picked up the trident and heard a faint song. Garfield then got great idea and telepathically sent out a signal.
"Ha ha Garfield you know not what you call! Not even I could control that monster! You are good as dead!" Laughed Aquaman with wheezing through broken ribs and punctured lungs. The air crackled with electricity and radiation as beneath the waves of the ocean, something lit up. Hearts of all pounded with anticipation as suddenly rising from beneath the waves came a colossal reptilian kaiju.
Garfield had summoned Godzilla! Godzilla took a look at Garfield and roared, before blasting atomic breath towards the heavens.
"Godzilla! I stand before you with a False King long overdue for the catacombs of sinners! From one king to another shall you join me in sending this pauper upon his way?" Garfield asked Godzilla as he hoisted Aquaman up before the King of Monsters by the neck.
Everyone else watched with anticipation as they saw Godzilla and Garfield stare off not knowing if Godzilla would attack or not. But then Godzilla lifted his head back and roared agreeing roar and his dorsal fins lit up as he began charging new atomic attack.
"Garfield please spare me! I promise as long as I live I will never attack America again!" Aquaman sniveled at Garfield.
"I believe you. Enjoy the rest of your life." Garfield said to Aquaman with a wink. Aquaman smiled a fool's smile before Garfield raised his hand and shaped it into a fist. Aquaman then sank in heart and soul.
"Let me send you on your way with a nice friendly SHORYUKEN!" Garfield tossed screaming Aquaman up into the sky. As Aquaman fell back to Earth Garfield leapt up and unleashed a blazing dragon punch onto Aquaman. Embued with his lasagna trigger powers, the shoryuken was so strong that Aquaman was sent flying beyond the stratosphere.
As atmospheric reentry burned Aquaman, Garfield scaled Godzilla until he was at the kaiju's head. Coordinating Godzilla's aim, Garfield pointed at the shooting star that was Aquaman.
"King of the Monsters, show that fish out of water to the FINAL FRONTIER!" Garfield ordered and Godzilla roared before unleashing the most powerful atomic breath he had ever shot.
"No Boss Dark Side promised me it would not end this way!" Aquaman said with foreboding foreshadowing until he screamed and screamed until his throat exploded as the atomic breath washed all over him. Godzilla blasted Aquaman until all his flesh had been sheared off his skeleton and finally his very existence itself annihilated on a subatomic level.
"I don't know about global warming but Aquaman's life for sure is now a hoax." Said Garfield with political wit as he exited his Lasagna Trigger form and hopped off Godzilla before breaking Aquaman's trident in two over his knee.
"Thanks for the help there, Big G, you are a real pal. Give Mothra my regards and remind her to call me sometime." Garfield said with respect to Godzilla as the two exchanged two thumbs ups. With a roaring goodbye, Godzilla waved and returned to the ocean depths as Garfield saluted him.
"That was amazing Garfield! You sure saved us from a pickle here!" Billy Batson congratulated Garfield as he ran up having changed back from Shazam and Garfield gave him an acknowledging nod.
"Wow Billy Batson I never thought we would get to meet Garfield! He puts our superheroics to shame!" Said Freddy Freeman with admiration as he limped up on his crutches.
"I admire your justice spirit kids but next time contact professionals in event of Crisis." Garfield told Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman with mentorly advice as he handed them business cards with the contact info of Garfield and his Justice League of America.
"We will remember that, Garfield!" Said Freddy Freeman with promises with giddiness as Garfield signed an autograph for him and gave him a high-five.
"What will you be doing now Garfield? Aquaman destroyed Disney World after all." Asked Billy Batson with curiosity.
"The feature film may be over but stick around you never know what will pop up after the credits." Garfield winked as a submarine washed up on shore as Waiting For A Girl Like You by Foreigner started to play. The hatch to the submarine popped open and out climbed a gorgeous middle-aged woman in white scales and graceful blonde hair.
It was Nicole Kidman! Nicole Kidman then held her dainty hand out to Garfield.
"Hello Garfield Aquaman was my son and thanks to motherly weakness I could never bring myself to discipline him when he had his ravings about destroying America." Informed Nicole Kidman with sadness as Garfield helped her onto the beach.
"Had he been content to rave in madness I would have left him alone. But ravings became action and I had no choice but to vanquish him like the frost in spring." Said Garfield with no remorse.
"You did what you have to. Once the Boss Dark Side got into his head all currents lead to hell. But that is all I know of his corrupter." Nicole Kidman said with acceptance before communicating miseries. "Garfield I should not mourn a king that became a jester. But yet my heart aches with a mother's love."
Upon hearing this a light went off in Garfield's head.
"Well fine wine, let us tangle like the jellyfishes. I will help you forget having to love as a mother and remember what it is to be loved as a daughter. Shining Starfish, just call me daddy." Flirted Garfield with comforting romantics.
"Oooh Garfield you are just what I needed! I'll give you the keys to both my kingdoms!" Swooned Nicole Kidman as she let Garfield scoop her up and carry her to their submarine.
"We will make storms of love so great the rains shall bless even the plains in Africa." Winked Garfield as he planted a kiss on Nicole Kidman's lips before he closed the hatch. Billy Batson and Freddy Freeman hooted and cheered Garfield on as the submarine sank back below the waves and made a beeline to Atlantis.
As Nicole Kidman led Garfield to her Atlantean Queen's throne room for evening of under the sea romance, Garfield put Depeche Mode's It's No Good on for mood setting as he stretched his Black Manta to full length.
Though Garfield and the Justice League of America would soon have to deal with the mysterious menace of Boss Dark Side, for now America and the world could rest easy as Garfield made the sweetest of loves to the Queen of the Seas. As her red lobster pinched his sperm whale, Garfield wrapped all around Nicole Kidman like the giant squid of pleasure and made her moan like the singing humpback.
Atlantis and all coastlines shook and shuddered with each massive thrust of sexuality Garfield into Nicole Kidman like a deep sea diver digging for pearls.
"Ooooh Garfield you are my Ocean Master!" Nicole Kidman howled like the sea lion as loving sensations overwhelmed every ounce of being and she went slack as Garfield began to reel her in with the ultimate rod of massive manly lovemaking.
To be continued…