A/N I am borrowing these characters again. I know I am working on other stories, but this one wanted to be started.
Penny looked out the window of the Hotel d'Angleterre in Geneva. When she had discovered her latest picture was to be partly shot in Switzerland, she was excited. But when they told her it was to be an action movie concerning the Large Hadron Collider, it had brought back memories she had long fought to suppress.
She turned back from the window and opened a bottle of wine provided by the studio. Taking a sip, she sat down on the couch and let her mind go back. She had to smile when she remembered Leonard coming to her apartment with a supply of items having something to do with Switzerland. She had been thrilled when she learned where they were going. But like so much with Leonard, it just didn't quite work out. She did have to smirk when she remembered how Raj raved about the trip when he came back, saying how romantic it was, apparently because of all the things Leonard had prepared for him and her.
Ironically, it was another Scandanavian country where it appeared everything had finally come together, when Amy and Sheldon received their Nobel Prize. But the aura of good feelings had proved to just be an illusion, an oasis in a merciless desert.
It had started soon afterwards when Sheldon began to regret his speech. The press quickly fell in love with the good feelings and wrote more about the friendships and love between he and Amy then about their accomplishment, his accomplishment.
They quickly adopted Amy as their heroine, they resurrected the story of the Doctor of Neurobiology who solved the mysteries of physics. Sheldon felt again he had become a side note.
Even worse from his point of view was how Amy had changed. Her new hairdo, her new attire, had made her a different woman, one who no longer endured Sheldon's antics.
Then, there was her and Leonard. Just three weeks after the ceremony, she had a miscarriage and lost the baby. She hadn't realized until then how much she had wanted it, had wanted to give Leonard what he so desperately desired.
She had failed him again. She couldn't even keep a baby alive. Then she had a horrible thought, she had not wanted to have a baby, it had been an accident. Deep down, is this what she wanted to happen, did she cause it to occur?
She realized she wanted to have Leonard be angry, hold her responsible. But of course he was loving and understanding, always there for her, hiding what she knew had to be his disappointment in her.
The final straw was when he tried to console her by saying they could try again. God, what did he need to understand it was not meant to be? How many babies did he want her to kill? He just didn't understand.
Soon, everything he did began to grate on her. She began to find ways to avoid him. She began to have headaches, to find excuses not to have sex with him. She just felt so worthless. And poor, sweet, Leonard, he just didn't know what to do. He just did all he knew how to do, try to love her more, knowing he was somehow to blame, that he didn't love her enough.
He just couldn't understand and she didn't know how to explain to him that the more he loved her, the more she felt unworthy of it.
Finally, she needed to do something to show him that she did not deserve his love, that he needed to finally admit she was not what he needed.
So, she had a one-nighter with a guy she picked up at a bar. She had to smirk to herself, she couldn't even remember his name. When she told Leonard, he finally was hurt and angry. It appeared she had finally got through to him, that they were just not to be, that he could do better.
But it didn't last, he soon forgave her and told her how much he loved her and that he knew she loved him.
He almost made her believe it. That they could be happy, that they were right for each other. After all, she did love him. And when she let herself be with him, the sex was wonderful. But then she knew she just couldn't do it. She would just continue to hurt him. How could she love him like he deserved when she didn't love herself? When the more he loved her the more she felt less worthy of it?
Then, one night, when she had been drinking heavily, she got Sheldon drunk as well. Then she flattered him, and told him how Amy didn't deserve him, that she was accepting accolades that belonged to him. That he needed to hurt her, to show her that he didn't need her. Thankfully, Sheldon rejected her completely, but he told Amy.
Well, that apparently was too much even for Leonard. He finally became the accuser, telling her what she was, how much she had hurt him, how much she had hurt Amy.
Leonard moved out and they were divorced within six months. As for Sheldon and Amy, it actually helped bring them closer, Amy rightly directing her anger at Penny, who welcomed it as her due.
Ironically, all of this had led to a major breakthrough in Penny's career. She told her agent she was ready to try again and when a small part in an independent movie became available, she took it. As it turned out, the character was a vessel for her to let out all the self-loathing she felt for herself.
The critics raved at her performance, many saying she had made her scene the highlight of the movie. Suddenly, offers came in. It turned out she was a damn good actress, and her looks didn't hurt either. In her third movie she was nominated for an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. She didn't win but her career skyrocketed. Three years after that first life-changing role, she won an Oscar for Best Actress.
As far as men, she played the field, never letting anyone get too close.
A knock on the door roused her from her reverie. Crossing over, she found out it was her producer, Warren Fredericks. She let him in and returned to the couch. He poured himself a drink and came over to sit with her.
"Everything's set. We have arranged to be able to shoot scenes at the Collider. We are limited to seven hours a day for five days. It will be a tight schedule so everyone will have to be at the top of their game. We can't afford any delays."
Penny nodded. Once again she couldn't avoid thinking of how she almost had seen it a long time ago. For a moment, she wondered if it would have made any difference in the long run if she had been able to go.
Warren had continued, "We have also arranged for a scientist to be our advisor on the picture. The staff at the collider is just too busy to spare someone, but they recommended several scientists from the States. We were really surprised when It turned out one of them checked the box that said he had once met you."
Penny sat up.
"Since they were all about equal in their qualifications and we didn't have much time to decide, we went ahead and picked him. His name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. Do you have any idea where he knows you from?"
Penny couldn't stop herself from laughing.
When Warren looked questioningly at her, she smiled and said, "Actually, I was married to him once."
Warren was shocked. He realized he had heard she had once been married but that was about it. He quickly said, "We obviously didn't know. We can get out of the contract; do you want someone else?"
Penny was about to say yes when she surprised herself by saying, "No, that's all right. Might be interesting to see him again after all this time."
"If you're sure. This won't cause any problems, will it? Like I said, we are on a tight schedule."
She reassured him, "No. He is someone I know about. He's a genius and will be very diligent and hard-working."
Leonard was surprised when Dr. Reynolds told him that scientists at the Collider had given his name to a film team that was going to film a movie using the Collider as a part of the plot. They had apparently recommended him as a possible Science Advisor.
Thinking that would be something interesting to do, he started to fill out the form. He was completely shocked when he realized Penny was to be the star of the picture. He had thought he would never see her again. Like all the guys he had been amazed at her rise to stardom. It seemed that was her destiny after all. Maybe he had held her back.
He had to smirk when he saw a question if he had ever met her. He guessed he could safely check that one.
In spite of himself he allowed his mind to drift back to deal with memories that were best forgotten.
It all seemed to start when Penny lost the baby. They both had been crushed, but instead of them coming together to grieve and console each other, Penny started to drift away. When he discussed it with her doctor, he was told she was probably experiencing guilt. Leonard tried as best he could to let her know it wasn't her fault, that he loved her and was there for her. Instead of helping, it seemed to somehow make things worse. Looking back, he wondered if he should have shown more of how upset he was, of how it hurt him, but he had thought he should be strong for her.
The harder he tried to understand, to be what she needed, he seemed to be driving her farther away. After it was all over, he decided he had tried too hard, had repeated the mistake he had made when she said she didn't love him. He should have given her time alone. He had again succumbed to his fear of losing her. And again he had caused the action he was trying so hard to prevent. Maybe everyone had been right, they were just not meant to be.
When she cheated on him, he was hurt but saw it as a cry for help. But probably by that time it was too late. He had driven her away. Then, when she tried to seduce Sheldon, even he knew it was over. He could stand her hurting him, but when she felt the need to threaten to break up Sheldon and Amy, he knew they needed to part; that they were just causing each other pain. He finally had to accept his love for her was not what she needed or wanted.
In the years since, he had concentrated on his work. As for Amy and Sheldon, they grew closer. He was relieved because he felt he was partly responsible for what happened. Now they had a little boy and were a happy family.
As for him, he had a few instances of possible serious relationships, but his heart really wasn't in any of them. It wasn't that he harbored any ideas of ever getting back with Penny, it was just that none of them were Penny.
He was thrilled and happy as he followed her career, knowing she finally was living the life she wanted to live. He went to all her pictures, amazed at how talented she was. He smirked to himself, he always had to fight the temptation to tell those near him in the movies that he had once been married to her.
Leonard had been stunned when they had chosen him to be the advisor. Now he found himself waiting in the lobby for Penny to arrive. When he talked to the producer, he had made sure that Penny knew he was the one that was doing the job. He didn't want to cause her any problems. He probably should have turned it down, but he was far too weak to do that. He really wanted to see her again.
He saw them come through the door. Although he had seen her in all her movies, he was stunned how beautiful she still was in person. For a moment, the years slid way and he remembered how he and Sheldon saw her that first time in her apartment.
When he saw the director wave him over, he took a breath and started across the room.
It was their first day to shoot at the Collider. They had just entered the building when she saw him. He hadn't changed at all. As usual when he was dressed up, he looked very handsome and impressive. Her director motioned to him and called out, "Dr. Hofstadter."
She saw him hesitate and then head for them. When he reached them, he met her eyes.
The director spoke up, "Dr. Hofstadter, this is Miss Penny Lawrence. Penny, this is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, who will be assisting us as science advisor."
Penny smiled, "We've met. Hey, Leonard, it's good to see you again, it's been a while."
Leonard showed the smile she had always loved, "Hi, Penny, it's good to see you too."