"One more efing class. Just one more and low and behold it's mom's"
A low mumble could be heard as I walk through the halls of the new highschool I was apart of. A new school in the middle of the school year was exactly what I wanted. And senior year mind you. But it's fine right? Just a little less than a year to go then I'm free well somewhat free. I let a long sigh leave my lungs as I gather my book for my next class and make my merry way to the room. Mostly I stayed to myself and really only slightly waved to a few "friends" in passing from one room to the other.
Stepping into the brightly lit room I make my way to the very back and sit in the corner where I was usually left to myself. I liked being unnoticed. It meant that I didn't have to try so hard to put in the effort of making friends that would quickly fail once they get to know me. Or at least that's what my mom thinks. On one hand I was tired of having no friends or no life but on the other I didn't really have a choice. Eighteen yes, but I still live with my parents and where I'm from if you live under there's roof you live by their rules. It really wasn't all that bad but still. So instead of making friends I sat and watched them. All my classmates seemed to be very well clicked and clearly I wasn't apart of that. But again I didn't mind nor had a choice.
I sat back in my seat watching the class as everyone talked and laughed then a tall blue eyed boy caught my attention as he stepped foot into the room in what seemed like perfect slow motion. He stared down at his books making his way to the center of the class and took his seat. Two other boys sat on either side of him asking how his day was and though I could hardly hear what was being said I assumed that from what little I did hear it was a long day. I watched them and noticed that all three had an object in their pockets that seemed similar to one another. I thought it was strange at first but it was most likely just part of some kind of club. I shook my head then turned my attention to my text book
My knee bounced while I drifted into a zone staring at the materials given for the class. All the noises around me turned out to just background noise only to be jolted back to reality when my phone rings. I could feel my cheeks turning bright red with embarrassment with how loud it echoed and I knew that nearly everyone had stopped what they were doing and stared at me. Well there goes the hope of being unnoticed. Quickly I pick it up and answer it walking past the three boys as I exited the room.
"Mom I'm in class what's wrong?" I ask quietly.
"Nothings wrong I was just wondering when you were gonna be home."
I sigh and run my forehead with the palm of my hand . "I'll be home after school like everyday. How's Lily?"
"She's fine just napping."
"Ok well I have to go now. Class is starting soon."
I hang up the phone reentering the room as my cheeks turned an even brighter red seeing that nearly everyone had been seated and as my luck would have it, I was standing at the very front of the class.
"Yes Mrs. Oliver."
I heard then slightly relaxed realizing that they weren't all staring at me but at the blue eyed boy and his friend that I'm assuming just got into trouble of some sort seeming that now they were seperated. Both on either sides of the classroom away from each other. I looked around catching Mrs. Oliver ,our english teacher, watching me. I slightly panic and drop my gaze to the floor.
"Sorry Mrs. Oliver." I mumbled then made my way back to my seat in the back away from everyone.
She smiled at me and I gave a slight shy smile back.
"Ok class", she started "Today I want you to write a paper on the very first good memory you have."
Knowing exactly what I was gonna write made me smile and pulled out my notebook and pen then bite my lip twirling my pen between my fingers out of habit as my brain wandered thinking of a good place to start my paper. A smile softly spreads over my lips and I pressed the ink to the page and began to write about the day I finally got to hold Lily. All the emotions that ran through me, her perfect little face and gorgeous brown eyes. The moment she wrapped her little hand around my finger and smiled that sweet baby girl smile at me. I wrote about how she was my everything and that even though it wasn't the most ideal situation I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Moments later, my paper was finished and I looked up seeing Mrs. Oliver crouch down by blue eyes as she smiled at him. It would probably help to know his name but that meant getting out of my comfort zone to talk to him. And that I'm not so sure I'm up for just yet so blue eyes will have to do for now. I mean it's not like I actually have to explain who I'm talking about since I don't talk to anyone at school and I knew better than to talk about boys to mom. So Instead I just reviewed my paper going over every little detail making sure that I had fixed all the mistakes made. Which wasn't many so there was still time to kill. My gaze wandered out the window of the classroom. It was a beautiful day and so close to summer. The air was warm and days lasted just a little longer. The sun was bright and more people were out during the day. A luxury I would never get. For me on more than most days it was school then straight home to my Lily bug. I didn't mind it though. Lily seemed to be the only one that didn't look at me in a judging way. Of course she was my daughter and didn't really know any better but still. I love my little girl from here to the ends of the earth and back again. I smiled and chuckled slightly.
After waiting a few minutes more I looked back around the room and it seemed as though I was still the only one done then I caught a glimpse of his beautiful blue eyes looking at me and his goofy smile. Caught off guard I dropped my gaze to my desktop.
"Breath Carlee. Just breath." I mumbled to myself then glanced back up at him.
I could hear his light chuckle from all the way over here and his slight attempt at a whisper. At least he thought I was beautiful. I smile watching him close his notebook then heard the crackling sound of the intercom instructing us to turn the class tv to the news. Looking up at the tv I felt the school start to shake and instantly I panic, breathing hard. Gazing around the room I noticed blue eyes gripping his desk making me feel at least a little better that I wasn't panicking over nothing.
The screen on the TV flashes a few times and a monster of some sort appears as it destroys the buildings downtown.
"Um. Mrs. Oliver can I go to the restroom please?" a guy in front of me asked.
"Yeah me too?" blue eyes asked as well.
Breathing hard I look over at him seeing he was already watching me.
"It'll be ok." he mouthed to me with a wink that followed.
Reading his lips I nodded feeling oddly safe. I didn't know why I trusted him but I did and slowly I calmed down taking in a deep breath watching the two leave the room. Another one of blue eyes friends snuck out when Mrs. Oliver wasn't paying attention. I watched everyone around me panic and I did the same though I tried hard to focus and remember that it will be ok. My hands start to tremble trying to reach for my phone. Finally after fumbling with it I called mom.
"Hey are you ok? Have you seen the news? What's going on?" I asked her.
"I don't know… are you ok? Are you in a safe place?"
"I'm still at school and yes I'm in a safe place. Is Lily ok?"
I started to panic even more than I already was at the uncertainty of my daughters safety. The news shows the monster then a few people appearing out of literally nowhere. One in white, another in red, a third in black, and fourth in blue. But all four seemed to work well together. Fighting the monster threatening our town as they did back handsprings and other various movements. It was all happening so fast couldn't keep up with it and then sound of my daughter whining drew my attention back to her small sad whimpers.
"It's ok baby girl mommas still here."
Hoping my voice would keep her calm I mindlessly talked to her while watching the news. A man ran up to the camera trying to get them to leave the area.
"You have to get to a safe area now." throw the helmet the voice coming from behind it was slightly muffled and as soon as he appeared he was gone running back to the others slashing the monster as it backs up and falls over exploding. Watching it made my stomach turn into a twisting roller coaster of nauseousness so to distract myself I focus on talking to Lily.
"Hi sweetie. It's ok baby momma will be home soon ok?"
I tell her though I know she can't really understand me just yet. But she laughs and giggles cooing slightly at whatever it was mom had done to help distract her. The room grew quite a few moments later and I assumed that it was over. Taking in a deep breath I slowly exhale.
"Ok mom. I have to go now. I really can't get into trouble in class so I'll be home soon."
"Ok Carlee just be careful ok?"
"Ok mom. I love you Lily bug. Momma will be home soon I promise."
I hang up the phone and slip it back into my bag then looked back up at the tv to see what else had happened. It seemed to be over then as they all started to walk away the monster rose up from the ground. The four men turned around yelling all at the same time for their zords. Jumping into them they continued to fight the monster until it collapsed again dead this time.
Breathing hard I bounced my knee noticing that at some point I had covered my mouth with my hand. What had I just watch? Who were they? And where the hell did they come from? All these questions ran laps in my head while I tried hard to make sense of it all.
Moments later blue eyes and his friends walk back into the classroom breathing hard and sweating. Blue eyes looked over at me and winked taking his seat as if none of that had just happened. I shake my head slightly and uncover my mouth smiling a little at him then looked back up to the front of the room. Mrs. Oliver exhaled then turned the tv off.
"The Power Rangers saved the day once again." she smiled. "Anyways class is almost over so talk amongst yourselves quietly please."
Power Rangers. That's what they were called. Leaning back in my chair my mind still ran with random thoughts but at least one of my many questions had been answered.
"You're not from here are you?"
My gaze turned to the direction of the deep soft toned voice only to see that blue eyes was crouched in front of me smiling a seemingly perfect smile and it took me a moment to realize it was me he was talking to. I shook my head no while he rested his forearms on my desk, his hand slightly grazing the side of mine sending a small shocking sensation through it.
"I'm Tommy but you can call me Tj" he spoke softly.
Tj? Hmm blue eyes did have a name after all. A cute one too. I smiles looking up at him locking my gaze with his.
"I'm Carlee."
His smile widened just slightly as I spoke.
"It's nice to meet you Carlee."
"It's nice to meet you as well Tj."
I was surprised he could hear me over the hum of everyone talking as they gathered off into their groups. My voice had one volume and it wasn't very loud. But why was he here talking to me instead of with his friends whom were staring right at us?
"So where are you from?"
"Ummmm I'm uh….. I'm from Louisiana honestly"
"Well welcome to Angel Grove California." he smiled at me again while his hand rubbed mine.
"Thank you. I don't know many people here. We kinda just moved in the middle of the school year."
"Well." he looked behind him at his friends then pointed, "that's my cousin Jason and beside him in the black shirt is my cousin Greg."
My gaze drifts in the direction he pointed. "Well it's nice to somewhat meet them." I gave a nervous laugh while my knee bounced.
"Monsters come and go but they are scared of the rangers. You'll get used to it though." he softly gave my hand a squeeze. "But what are you doing after school?"
I froze and my gaze dropped to the floor at his question then I pulled my hand back. "I have to get home after school. I'm sorry." "Hey." his tone was so gentle, "It's ok. There's always next time Carlee." he offered with another soft smile.
"Yeah there's always next time." I glanced back up to him, a soft smile returned to my lips.
The final bell rang and he finger lightly taps the desktop.
"Ok everyone I'll see you all on monday. Have a good weekend." Mrs. Oliver announced.
Watching him walk away I gather my book to leave. Clumsily as I walked out of the room I walk right into a desk dropping everything in my hands. Embarrassed that now all eyes were definitely on me I knelt down and quickly picked up everything then I darted out into the hall. Surly now blue eyes.. I mean Tj will realize how much of a clumsy person I am and probably change his mind on ever talking to me again. Or so I thought,
"Carlee."
I turned at the call on my name to see the tall blue eyed boy walking towards me.
"Oh hey Tj. what's up?"
He hands my a small piece of paper. "Call me if you need anything."
"Ok." smiling I slowly take the paper placing it into my pocket.
He returned the smile. "Or text me whenever."
Still smiling I bite my lip before softly speaking. "I have to get home now. But yeah I'll text you."
"Ok beautiful."
I watched as his face turned red and slowly he backed away, turned, then walked back to his friends. JJ and Greg I'm assuming that's what their names were, if I'm remembering correctly, teased him from the looks of it. Blue eyes slightly laughed then elbowed one of them in the ribs and left for the parking lot.
"Wow ok then."
I smile getting into me car and sightly squealed. I took a deep breath trying hard to calm down before I had to drive home to my sweet little Lily bug. I drove the short time it took me to get home and on more than one occasion my mind wandered off to blue eyes. As a teenage girl it was bound to happen and there wasn't much I could do to stop it. He was tall, very handsome, gorgeous blue eyes, a smile that could melt you quick, and was quite mysterious. Something that could be one of the best things to happen to Lily and I or just a repeat of the last school. I couldn't help but smile and I tried hard not to. I pulled into the driveway and parked my car then took in a deep breath to calm myself before walking inside. I knew mom would be waiting and I didn't really want to explain this just yet.
I grabbed my bag after shutting off the car then stepped out walking into the house where sure enough mom was waiting at the door with Lily in her arms. Seeing her sweet little face made me smile as I took her into my arms and kissed her small smiling face. She cooed and giggled then squirmed around some.
"Hi my babygirl!" I held her close to me then looked up at mom. "Hey mom."
"Hey sweetie." she closed the front door behind us.
"Hey dad." I smiled walking into the living room.
"Well hello my pretty girls."
I lend over placing a kiss on his cheek then sat on the couch holding Lily on my lap. Mom sat in her chair reading her book. It was usually this quiet in the evening, mom would read her books, dad would be out working on something in the garage or cooking dinner, Lily would be getting ready for a nap and I would be starting on homework. But with the excitement of the day dad ordered food and sat in the living room with mom. They were good parents though. They've helped so much with Lily to the point of packing up their lives and moving us half way across the country.
We mostly sat in silence and when mom asked how school was I gave a vague play by play then took Lily to our room. We played for a little while and I read her one of her baby books while laying in bed with her snuggled into my chest as she sucked on her pacifier. Once my sleepy girl started to doze off I pick her up and lay her down in her crib then sat at my desk to do my homework.
Pulling out my books I read through the assignments for each class then began my work. After only a few minutes my brain trailed off and frustratingly I tried hard to concentrate but time and time again my mind drifted to blue eyes. I smiled and bit my bottom lip just thinking about his gentle gaze and soft touch. The tone of voice he used when he spoke to me and his perfect sweet smile. My heart fluttered and my breath caught then I smiled brighter. Hours passed but to me it felt like minutes though it was probably because my mind was on a boy and not my homework. But I didn't realize that until mom drug my attention back to reality.
"Still on homework? You're usually done by now."
"Huh?" I looked back to see her standing with her arms crossed slightly glaring at me, "what did I do?"
"Who is he?"
"Who's who?"
"Carlee I'm not gonna play this game. Who is he?"
"I don't know what you're talking about mom." I try to give an innocent smile. "I do have to finish my homework though."
"Well it'll have to wait a little longer dinner is downstairs."
"Ok we will be down in a minute. Imma change Lily first."
Mom nodded then left the room shutting my door behind her. I pick up Lily then lay her on the floor in front of me changing her diaper. She tried to roll over and crawl off giggling as I gently pulled her back and blow raspberries on her soft little belly then changed her diaper.
"At least you won't question momma huh baby girl?" I pick her up walking down to the kitchen.
Putting Lily in her high chair I cave pulling the piece of paper out of my pocket typing the number in then sent a message.
"Hey. It's Carlee." I hit send then made Lily a bottle then my plate of food.
"Hey beautiful."
"So it's a legit number lol I had to make sure."
I sat at the table eating while Lily drank her bottle. Mom and dad sat eating as well both watching me feed my baby girl bites off my plate and look down at my phone. Mom cleared her throat.
"No phones at the table."
"Sorry mom."
I put the phone in my pocket feeling it vibrating. I wanted to check it but if I did mom would no doubt start her questions again. So I ate quickly then put my dishes away in the sink.
"Imma go get Lily ready for bed I'll be upstairs."
I pull Lily onto my hip carrying her up to the room then checked my phone.
"Of course it's me." he sent followed by a shirtless picture of himself.
"Oh damn." I whispered nearly dropping my phone.
Setting Lily down in the bath room I change into pajamas then sent a picture of me back to him. Waiting for a reply I give Lily a bath as we play with her bath toys and all the bubbles then put her into pajamas. Back in our room we lay on the bed with her letting her finish the rest of her bottle.
"Damn you're beautiful."
"Oh? You think so? But why? You hardly know me." I sent back then felt like an idiot for all the questions.
"Maybe I want to get to know you. My family keeps asking question and I need something to tell them."
"What if you don't like what you learn about me?" I sent back slightly nervous then crabled Lily in my arms kissing her little forehead.
"My precious little girl." Lily cooed and reached up grabbing at my glasses. I gently pull her hands back.
"No no no no no Lily bug you can't play with momma's glasses. I need that silly girl." She giggles and my phone goes off again.
"Maybe I will like it though. But the same can go for you. You might not like that you get to know of me but we have to get to know each other to find out."
"You're not a murderer are you? Lol" I chuckled turning on my lamp and Lily lullaby machine.
"Lol nope just some guy that is maybe wanting to be with you. Also there's so many people at my house rn."
"Oh? I'm sorry. A lot of family over tonight?" I asked then put Lily in her crib with her bottle.
"Just all my aunts and uncles." he sent followed by another picture of his family sitting in the living room.
"Oh my that's a lot of people. Mines pretty much all in bed most likely."
"Just my parents friends that they've known since highschool and grew up with. And now they want to meet you."
"It's just me, mom, dad, and Lils here and oh? Who wants to meet me?"
"My mom has been telling my aunt Trini about you and she asked when she'll get to meet you. I just told them hopefully soon."
"Oh lord. Lol" laying in bed I turn onto my side getting nervous.
"Maybe we can meet everyone in each others family."
"Yeah. maybe one day we can. What's yours like?"
"Well my parents are our teachers but outside of school mom can be funny and dad has an ego sometimes and everyone else is nice."
"It would be nice to meet all of your family."
"I kinda really wanna see you rn. Is that bad?"
"No. why would that be bad?"
"I kinda do wanna see you though."
Smiling I send him a picture of me in bed, my glasses still on, hair in a messy bun, with the covers pulled up over me. "Well here's this until we can see each other again."
Moments later my phone buzzes. Picking it up I see his handsome face then his message. "Until next time beautiful."
"You're very handsome and yes maybe soon." I smile and bite my lip.
What I got from him next I wasn't expecting but it definitely made me smile from ear to ear. A video came through and I played it over and over just to hear him say, "sooner the better beautiful."
I blushed hard still listening to it then sent my reply. "Your voice is very nice btw."
"Thank you beautiful. What are you doing tomorrow?"
"Not much really. You?"
I send back then got up going over to the crib hearing Lily crying. Lifting her up out of her bed I cradle her in my arms and sat in the glider rocking her.
"Shhh my sweet girl. You're ok princess." she calms down as I rock her hearing my phone buzzing.
"I mean if you want to we can meet up at the park and walk around?"
Looking down at my Lily as she stared up at me with beautiful brown eyes I take in a deep breath then type out my reply with trembling hands.
"Sure what time? I might be able to sneak out for a little while."
"I know we have only known each other for a day but you can tell me anything."
"I mean yeah I know but what time do you want to meet up?"
My heart races while I tried to redirect the conversation. But my mind pounded with thoughts. Did blue eyes already know about Lily? I waited as patiently as I could and stared down at my phone.
"I'm not going anywhere beautiful when our hands touched I felt something and will noonish work?"
"You felt that too huh? And yeah noon works. I'll meet you there."
"I did and ok beautiful."
"I'll see you tomorrow ok? I need sleep."
"Yeah me too"
"Goodnight Tj sweet dreams."
I put my sleeping Lily back in her crib then climb into my own bed and pulled the covers over me before plugging in my phone to charge.
"Goodnight Carlee."
I fell fast asleep full of exhaustion from the school week that just ended before sleeping hard. I only woke up a few times to get Lily back to sleep. But morning came quite early on this bright Saturday morning. The sweet sounds of Lily cooing her in her crib made me smile as I rubbed my eyes and sat up to see her standing at the railing waiting for me to pick her up.
"Well good morning princess."
Lifting her up and holding her on my hip I take her to the changing table getting her ready for the day. I dressed her in a cute little pink sleeveless rose patterned shirt and little jean shorts then pulled her small curls back into puffy pigtails. Grabbing my phone we head down to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Everyone else was already up and chipper as usual. Eating and talked about their plans for the day while I feed Lily bites of my scrambled eggs pulling out my phone and sent a quick text.
"Good morning."
"Hey beautiful."
"Carlee you know why we moved here."
Looking up as mom glared at me I pulled Lily into my lap handing her her bottle then took a bite of my eggs before nodding.
"I know mom. but I'm still only eighteen and yes I have a daughter that I don't regret having but I can at the very least have a friend outside this family right?"
"Catharine. Let her be she's just trying to make the best of the card she's been dealt."
My eyes darted over at dad while he shook his head and gave a slight smile. Mom on the other hand wasn't as ok with it as he was. I know she was just trying to protect me and not have a relapse of the last school but she could be a little over the top about it sometimes. I mostly understand where she was coming from but I did like him and he did seem nice. I really wanted to get to know him and I hoped that it would all work out.
"Sorry, it's a little early. I hope I didn't wake you."
"You didn't beautiful. Mom it playing music which means she's probably cleaning. I'm heading into town rn beautiful but no rush."
"Ok I'll text you before I leave. Still meeting at the park right?" I ask still eating and playing with Lily.
"Yes beautiful look out for a red Camaro with white stripes thats me."
"Ok I will."
Getting up from the able with Lily I hand her to her pops then go to shower and get dressed. Sitting at my desk I start on my makeup and hair hearing a tap at the door behind me. Dad walks in with my pretty girl in his arms then he sits on my bed with her.
"Going out?" he asked with a soft smile.
"If you don't mind watching lily for me. It's just a few hours not long I promise." I turn and give him my best daddy's girl smile in which he chuckled and nodded his head.
"You know I don't mind watching this little one. But your mom will have a million questions."
"I know I just wanna get to know him first before I actually introduced him to everyone. "
"I get that. Just be careful ok?"
Nodding I smile then get up and kiss both their cheeks then grab my keys heading out to my car.
"I'm on my."
I texted blue eyes then pulled out of the driveways making my way to the park to meet him, the closer I got, the more nervous I became. Pulling into the parking lot I park next to him and then step out and wave smiling shyly his way. Blue eyes flashes his perfect smile back climbing out of his own car. His muscles more defined then the last time I saw him. I smiled more unaware that I was staring seriously hard at him.
"Nice tattoo."
He smiled a goofy smile and chuckled some. "Thanks beautiful."
"You're welcome." I walk over to him looking at his car the glance up to see his blue eyes watching me. "So what do you wanna do?"
"We can walk. Talk and get to know each other." standing in front of me his body towered and his voice was soft and sweet.
"Ok."
I turn and start walking the path trailing down the center of the park while staring at my feet.
"So tell me something." I say breaking the silence between us.
"I was adopted when I was four."
"Adopted?. I would have never guessed that. Is that what you wrote your paper on?"
"Yeah it was. And just my birth mother wasn't ready to take care of a child and my parents adopted me while they were in college."
His voice grew even softer than before and his hand brushed against mine making my heart skip a beat. I started to feel this need to know more about him. I wanted to know everything and to just listen to him talk. That was something I didn't mind doing at all.
"I understand that completely. Caring for a child at a young age is hard." My finger gazed over the top of his hand as we walked.
"Tell me about yourself." he offered then took the invite and laced our fingers together.
"Well what do you wanna know?" I asked holding his hand in mine now blushing as the feeling of his thumb graze over it.
"Anything."
He nearly whispered then squeezes hand softly and pulled me to him. My shoulder bumps into his arms and I hold onto his hand a little tighter.
"Well we moved here just a little over three months ago. My dad is chill I guess you can say though my mom not so much. She's just a tad bit more protective of me. She's afraid that a relapse will happen and school will end up the same as the last one."
"Relapse? Relapse from what."
My gaze drifted up to him locking with his blues.
"Nothing bad. Its not drugs or self harm I promise. Just a lot happened at my last school and I needed to get away from it."
He nodded his head then drifted the subject back to the original topic. "But mothers are protective. I know mine is but you'll like it here."
He stopped and leaned up against a tree looking softly down at me. He smiled and lifted my hand still thumbing over it with the flat of his thumb. I watch and blush softly looking up at him.
"I think so too. So far I like everyone I've met."
"Will you go out with me?" his voice even softer than before as he asked a delicate question.
My smile slowly faded away and my gaze dropped to the ground while my brain processed the question he asked.
"You really want me too?"
"I mean I really do like you."
He whispered then rested his warm smooth hand on my cheek bring my gaze back to him. He was giving me that look and my heart instantly melted. I was lost for words and I wanted to just take him up on the offer but there was more blue eyes needed to know. Important things that could very well make him change his mind.
"Well I have something to tell you and you might change your mind on that."
"Tell me beautiful."
"I ummm… I have a daughter. She's a little over one." nervous I bite my lip still looking up at him while he thumbed my cheek softly
His soft blue eyes looked down at me then slowly he pulled me into him. He was holding me. Like pulled me into him, wrapped his arms around me and held me. I just told him something that would make any eighteen year old boy turn and run from me yet he's holding me. Why was he holding me? I mean I wasn't complaining that he was I just don't understand why. My anxiety started to spike and I'm sure he could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I rested my head against his and closed my eyes for a short moment.
"It's ok beautiful." he pulled back speaking gently.
"Are you sure?" I looking up at him. "I mean I understand if you change your mind. We are only eighteen and I don't want you to just pretend to be nice to me because you feel sorry for me now."
"I'm not pretending Carlee. I want to be with you. I wanna protect you and there's something inside me that keeps bringing me back to you."
"I got the same feeling. Like a magnetic pull. I just needed to sure because of Lily." I say softly and blush hard.
"I would love her and treat her as my child.. If you let me that is."
I smile looking up at him then nod. "Ok."