A/N:
Hey y'all! Sorry for disappearing, but I'm back again and I'll try to go back to the previous schedule of one chapter every weekend :D Thank you for all your support, I really appreciated your comments! Love ya!
CHAPTER XV
People were crowding the terminal like a million of little colourful ants, trying to find the right place where to retire their luggage or fishing out their bags from the conveyor belt. Hercules was in the furthest corner, fidgeting on his spot and scanning the multitude of heads in front of him to spot the person who he'd been missing the most.
"Gilbert! Over here!" he waved his arm to help the Frenchman orientate his path through the thick crowd.
"Mon amour! I –" someone suddenly crashed on his trolley bag and Gilbert lost his balance, stumbling forward, "oh, merde!"
Hercules grabbed him just in time, saving him from very ugly fall and finding himself with the most beautiful person on earth between his arms. "Hi, Gilbert," he breathed softly. Laf's flowery scent hadn't changed a bit – that perfume smelled like home to him.
Gilbert's kind eyes met Hercules's. "Hi, my love," he greeted back with the same intensity he'd always had – three simple words and Hercules already knew that the feelings were still there, untouched.
Despite its perfection, that brief moment ended too soon and Gil straightened up again, picking up his bag.
"How was your flight?"
"Long and very boring! I thought I'd go crazy before having the chance to see you again!"
"Dramatic as usual," Herc smiled and took his luggage, "we need to get going. Alex is – he's not doing very well lately."
"What the hell happened? He hasn't been answering my phone calls in the last two days!"
"He broke up with Thomas I think, it's just – I don't know, something bad has happened but he won't talk to me right now."
"Don't tell me – he's working non-stop and almost starving himself to death?"
"Yup. I thought that, you know, after his parent's death, he wouldn't act like that anymore," Hercules said slowly, instinctively finding Gilbert's hand.
"He finds shelter in his work, you know that," he sighed, "but I'll shake him out of his self-pity as I did last time, ne t'inquiète pas." [don't worry]
"You're sexy when you talk in French."
"I know, that's because you can't understand a word, n'est-ce pas?"
"Yeah, probably."
The room was dark and somehow comforting to his eyes – he'd been looking at his computer screen for so long that day that his eyes had started to physically hurt. But in the darkness, the rest of the world was completely quiet, everything was so far, yet so close to him; in the darkness, he could decide to forget what had really happened and pick the single memories he wanted to remember. The first night it'd been almost impossible to stop seeing Thomas kissing his wife's hand in front of his shut eyes, but now that the anger had mostly given space to desperation, he was torturing himself by remembering every single perfect moment in the last months – when he'd been happily unaware of everything and had trusted Thomas with all his being; when they'd still been two common lovers who struggled to overcome their everyday obstacles to be together. Well, now the problem was huge, impossible to ignore; it was unsolvable.
Alexander sank on the floor, gripping his hair and trying to focus on the good memories, rather than all the other things that were ruining them. Thomas's eyes. His smile. His beautiful hands, caressing his hair in the morning light.
Breathe.
The months spent in the hospital, when Alex had slowly stopped dreaming of John, while waking up every day at the sound of his favourite voice calling him 'darling'.
In. Out.
The night before his surgery, when Thomas had talked him throughout his panic attack. The day he'd called the hospital and Thomas had answered the phone, sounding so relieved to hear his voice.
How could he lie to him?
All the times Thomas had patiently waited for him during rehab. All the hours spent together only to have Alex walk again.
He was only acting out of guilt.
The day they'd kissed. The night he'd abandoned himself to Thomas, loving every single moment. The day he'd finally told Thomas he loved him, waiting for an answer that never came.
He never loved you.
A sob broke free from his throat. He'd only wanted to be worthy of Thomas's affection, he'd longed for his approval since the first time they'd met. And it had all been for nothing – he'd yearned for a liar's love.
"Alex – "
Thomas had never really cared about him. He didn't love him. He was already someone else's.
"Alexander, mon cher, I'm here. Just breathe, honey," Laf's voice came to him as the call of an angel.
"G-Gilbert?"
"I'm here with you."
Alexander's hands found Gilbert's and he focused on his breathing, trying to calm down, trying to shut out all the thoughts and nightmares that had been haunting him lately. He hadn't felt so lonely since the day his parents had died. But now, Gilbert was there; he'd always been there for him, he couldn't even remember how it was not to have Laf in his life.
"Alex, tell me, what happened with Thomas?" Gilbert asked softly as soon as Alex breathing was even.
"Oh, Gil," Alex whined pitifully – it was the first time he had to say it out loud and it was extremely difficult – "he's… he's married."
Gilbert sat down next to him and gently encircled his shoulders with his arm, letting Alex's head rest on his chest.
"I see," he said after a minute. "Alex, when I met my Herc he was already engaged to marry," he started telling, "I couldn't help but love him despite the situation – you know that you can't control your heart. Well, he wanted to leave Beth to stay with me –
"He what?!" Alex suddenly stopped his sobbing to look bewildered at his friend.
"Yes, that was the idea; but then she told him she was pregnant and… Well, you know how much Hercules wanted to be father. I couldn't deny him that, I couldn't rob him of the life he'd already chosen for himself before meeting me."
"But he – "
"He told me about Beth's pregnancy and I already knew what his choice was."
Alex closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying having Gilbert so close to him after all those months, relaxing a bit while his friend ran his fingers through his hair.
"How can you love again after something like this?"
"After I returned to France, I remember wondering about the same thing. But years have passed and now I'm finally feeling something similar – equally strong but somehow different – for Adrienne."
"I'm happy for you Gil, you truly deserve to be loved."
"And you deserve it as well."
"I'm not so sure about it."
"Yes. I know it. You're one of the best people on this planet and I'd want everyone to acknowledge it. Thomas is an idiot if he cannot see how wonderful you are."
"He never loved me."
"I don't know, my dear, I thought he did love you – but he's done a terrible mistake not telling you the truth right away." Gilbert moved away to look at his friend in the eye. "Now, there's something important I need to tell you."
"What?"
"You smell, my friend."
After a quick shower, Alexander joined Gilbert and Hercules, who were sitting in the living room trying to calm down two screaming children. Hercules picked up the youngest of his sons, John, who was only one year old, and took William's hand, placing them on the couch and putting a Disney movie on TV to keep them quiet. They retreated to the kitchen and Hercules poured some red wine for them – he didn't like wine so much but always kept some good bottles for Gilbert's visits. Alex was completely lost in his thoughts, looking numbly at the brilliant red liquid in his glass, and he didn't heard the knock at the door. After a minute, a familiar voice shook him out of his daydreaming.
"Alex, how – how're you doing?" John placed a hand on his shoulder and cast him a sympathetic smile.
"John? What are you doing here?"
"Gilbert called me while you were showering," John shrugged as if it was completely normal for a person you've never seen before to call you and ask to stop by, "he told me you needed 'the whole squad' to get on your feet again. So – here I am."
"John, you're far more handsome than Alex told me," Gilbert shook his hand and winked flirtatiously at him.
"What did he told you then?" he laughed.
"Oh, he assured me that you were beautiful, but I'd never imagined you to be so c-u-t-e."
"Oh – " John blushed at the compliment and look down at Alexander, silently asking for help, "well, I – "
"Don't take him too seriously, John," Alexander smiled and offered him a hand, "he likes to flirt with anything that moves."
John accepted Alex's hand and sat at the table next to him, smiling back. After some moments, Hercules emerged from the room nearby, beaming at John and offering him a glass of wine.
"So, Alex," Gilbert eyed Alexander and John's interlaced fingers and raised his eyebrow imperceptibly, "do you want – "
"Please, don't ask me to explain everything, cause I could throw up," Alex interrupted him before he could ask anything.
"Let me finish!" Gilbert rolled his eyes and started again – "do you want to go get drunk?"
"Hell, yes."
The muffled sound of the music could be heard from the street, even before entering the club. Alexander shivered in the crispy air and almost changed his mind – taking a night off from work on a Saturday night suddenly seemed the worst thing to do in his current condition. He was indebted with Hercules and had no money whatsoever for himself; his scholarships had all been used to help Bernie have surgery and if it wasn't for Herc he would be living on a street by now. He really had no need to take a day off.
"Guys, maybe I should go to w – "
"Maybe you should chill out for a moment, mate," John lightly elbowed him, "you need to take care of yourself."
"Oui, Alex, forget about duty for tonight!"
"Come on, let's have some fun," Hercules winked at him, silently telling him that is was OK to turn the whole world off for a night.
Alex sighed and let his friends push him through the doors. As soon as they stepped in, they were overwhelmed by the music, the lights and the amount of people all stuffed on the dance floor. Hercules led the way through the crowd and they luckily found an abandoned table on the very corner of the club, with two unclaimed stools. Hercules sat on one of them and happily placed Gilbert on his lap. Gilbert giggled and whispered something in his ear.
"You take the seat, I'll stand."
"Don't worry, John, I'll go get the drinks first," Alex shouted over the chaos.
"I'm going with you!" Laf jumped on his feet again and took Alex by the arm, dragging him away.
After some minutes, in which John and Hercules tried to have a conversation – they both ignored what the other was actually saying because of the noise – Alex returned to their table with four drinks, followed by Gilbert, who was balancing several little glasses of colourful shots on a tray. Alexander was already smiling and, as soon as they reached the table, he looked at John with a questioning look – Gil had claimed back his place on Hercules's legs.
"Are you going to challenge me for the right to sit on the only stool left?"
"What if we split it?"
"And spend the rest of the night with half of my ass off the chair? No thanks, just sit on my legs."
Alex repressed a laugh and sat on John's lap, rising his glass before taking a shot. The burning liquid went down his throat in a moment and someone moved another little glass in his way. Several shots and two cocktails later, they were laughing their heads off while John was telling them about that time he'd forgot about dinner with his parents and was having a very pleasing evening at his dorm, when they'd suddenly showed up at his door.
"I had to ask Will to hide in the bathroom, but then my parents had the fantastic idea to stay there for dinner!" John told them, while Hercules wiped away the tears in his eyes, "Will was completely naked and he apparently decided to escape by exiting from the bathroom window and entering the nearby dorm with only a towel wrapped around his hips."
"I can't believe it – poor thing!" Gilbert wanted to be sympathetic, but he couldn't stop the giggles.
"Yeah, I've never talked to him again after what happened," John sipped his cocktail, his arm was resting around Alex's waist to prevent him from slipping off his legs.
Alex threw his head backward and drank his last sip before turning to John. "Do you wanna dance?"
"I don't really know how – oh, OK" – Alex was already dragging him to the dance floor.
As soon as they were surrounded by grinding bodies, Alex threw his arms at John's neck and started dancing. John couldn't help but admit that he was very good at it, even when drunk. He closed his eyes and let the music lead his movements, feeling Alexander's fingers in his hair and his face so close to him. Their hearts seemed to beat according to the music, their bodies moving in harmony with the others, like if a giant wave was taking over the whole dance floor. After a while, Alexander's phone suddenly went off – it was a text from Hercules.
Herc: Laf fell asleep, we're going home. Are you two coming?
Alex cast a quick look at John, who was now dancing freely, a hint of a smile on his face, and typed a short answer.
Alex: I'll see you later.
He put his phone back in his pocket and his attentions back to John, who took his hand and pulled him closer with a fluent move. His hands were nothing like Thomas's, his smile was wider and more carefree and his green eyes were definitely beautiful, but so different from the dark eyes he loved. Alex shook those thoughts away before clasping his hands behind John's neck and placing his head on his friend's chest. They slowed down to a gentler rhythm and Alex felt John's arms return the hug, holding him tight.
And then, a moment later, Alex pressed his lips on John's. They were soft – softer than any other lips he'd ever kissed. John flinched slightly at the suddenness of Alex's kiss, but then he gladly returned it, taking Alex's face into his hands and savouring every moment of the kiss he'd been dreaming of for so long. To soon, Alex eventually drew back from him and doubtfully looked him in the eyes, without saying a single word. They stood like that, in the overcrowded club, for what seemed to be hours; then, John gently took Alexander's hand and led the way out of the place.
"John?"
"Yes?"
"Can I come to your place tonight?"
John stood silent for a moment. "OK."