CHAPTER XVI

When Alex woke up the following morning, everything was off focus, his head hurt as hell and the morning light literally stubbed him in the pupils. He sat on the bed and, as soon as the world stopped spinning, registered a new piece of information: that was not his room. However, his brain was still sleepy – and generally hurting too much – to put the pieces together. He slowly scanned the room, although there was very little to look at: a big window lit the room from the left, towering over a simple wooden desk. Books were scattered everywhere, crowding the desk and every corner of the place, together with every bookshelf. And then, drawings – they were everywhere. There were drawings in between the books pages, on the sketchbooks abandoned on the floor and many of them were also stuck on the walls and on the doors of the little closet on his right. The bed was in the middle of that mess; only then, Alex looked at the spot next to him and almost yelled – there was someone sleeping next to him.

"Oh, shit!" he hissed, trying to peep at the sleeping figure of…John?

"If you have to throw up, I've put a basket next to your side," he mumbled sleepily, "just, be quiet please."

"John!" Alex whispered, trying with all his might to remember something of the previous night, "John, wake up!"

"Lemme sleep" John answered, only half-awake.

Alex pull the blankets off with a quick movement and John groaned. In that very moment, Alex realised they were both without their clothes on – thank god, he was still wearing his underwear though.

"Come on, man! It's Sunday!" John protested weakly, keeping his eyes shut and blindly searching for the blanket.

Alex was slightly distracted by the sight of John in his black underwear and it took a couple of seconds for him to answer. "Actually, it's Sunday afternoon," he finally managed to say, glancing at the clock. "Oh, shit! Hercules will kill me!"

"I texted him last night, he knows you're here."

"Oh, cool, thank you, I guess."

"You guess?" John lazily rubbed his eyes. "Are you usually so talkative and jumpy the day after getting drunk?"

"I am when I wake up in someone else's room," Alex pitifully tried to joke, but John immediately understood.

"You don't remember coming here."

"I – er – I don't."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Uhm, I think – maybe asking you to dance."

"Oh."

"John," Alex cocked his head, trying to read his friend's expression, "what happened?"

"Nothing."

"John, please. Are you aware that we're in the same bed, almost completely naked and – "

"We didn't have sex."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," John laughed, "I'm not in the habit of having sex with corpses."

"Excuse me? I wasn't that drunk!"

"Oh, you were!" John laughed again, lightening the mood. "You kissed me though," he added quietly.

"Did I?" the memory of John's soft lips suddenly came into his mind, "I did! Oh my god, I'm s – "

"Please, don't say it. It was just a kiss, I know you don't like me that way." John stood up and grabbed some clothes from the floor. Then, he disappeared for a moment behind the closet doors and threw something at him. "Wear this. You threw up on your clothes, I doubt you want to use them today."

Alexander slid the T-shirt on and wore the sweatpants John had given him, silently looking at his friend while he dressed up.

"Do you want to have breakfast together?" he suddenly asked.

"I thought you wouldn't want to stay with me after knowing what happened," John replied hesitantly, his voice barely audible, giving his back to him.

"John," Alex moved closer and placed his hand on John's shoulder to make him turn, "I like you very much. I can't give up on your friendship only because I was drunk and I messed up."

John finally smiled, relieved. "All right, let's go get breakfast. May I offer you an aspirin?"

"Yes, please. Can I borrow your toothbrush?"

"Are you serious?"

"Aw, come on! We've already kissed, what's the problem?"

"I can't believe you're already using it against me!" John shook his head, laughing. "I'll give you a new one though. It's gross to share a toothbrush."

"What? Gilbert and I share it all the time!"

"Aargh!" John plugged his ears with his hands and ran out of the room.

When John came back, he smelled nice and his hair was wet. He gave Alexander a new toothbrush and some towels.

"Where's your roommate?" Alex asked while heading to the bathroom.

"He goes home every weekend."

"Wow, you have the whole dorm for yourself every weekend? We should throw a party!"

"How can you think about that after all the alcohol we drank yesterday?"

Alex laughed and headed to the bathroom, while John threw himself on the bed and distractedly scrolled his Pinterest. Suddenly, Alex's phone went off – it was an unknown number.

"Alex, someone's calling you!"

"It's probably Gilbert, can you answer please?"

"OK." John swiped to answer. "Hello, this is Mr Hamilton's phone, I'm his secretary, John."

There was a brief silence and then, "John, hi, I'm Thomas. Can I talk to Alex, please?"

"U-uh sure."

"Tell Gilbert I'll be home for dinner and – what? What happened?" Alex's voice dropped as he saw John's serious face.

"It's Thomas." John handed him the phone.

Alexander didn't move. He looked at the phone laying in John's hand without moving a single muscle. Then, the screen lit up again and a muffled voice – the speakerphone was off – called him.

"Alexander?"

Alex jumped forward and grabbed the phone, closing the call at once. He was breathing heavily, looking at the screen as if he'd seen a ghost; then threw the phone away, which hit the wall with a thud and dropped on the floor. For a minute, no one moved.

"Alex," John breathed softly after a while, "are you all right?"

"Y-yeah, of course." He didn't look up though. "We should get going – I think our breakfast will probably be a late lunch, but it's no problem for me." He threw the towels on the bed and walked out of the room.

"Cool, let's go." John muttered to himself – he picked up Alex's phone and followed him through the door.

They went to a nice place that sold bagels and then ate them while strolling around the park. John filled the silence with a lot of blabbering, just to keep Alexander distracted and happy, but his friend was still troubled by the phone call and spent most of the time in a thoughtful silence. After the umpteenth time Alexander answered him with a half-convinced smile, John sighed and stopped talking.

"What?"

"You're upset."

"I'm not. I simply like the sound of your voice," Alex said softly. "Tell me about all the drawings you have in your room."

John was taken aback by the question. "Oh, it's just – I love drawing; I wanted to be a cartoonist when I was younger, but then I fell in love with biology and my life took a different turn."

"I saw some on them on the walls, they're very good."

"Thank you," John smiled shyly, "I have drawn you many times, y'know?"

"Really?"

"Yeah," he pulled an old sketchbook out of his bag and offered it to Alex, "I made them while you were in the hospital, I couldn't see you so I decided to draw your face. I couldn't remember all the details, so they're not very good."

Alexander looked at the sketch with wide eyes. No one had ever done something so sweet for him – the lead on the paper depicted his face in a pensive countenance, his chin resting on his palm and his eyes looking far away. For a moment, he felt like a piece of art.

Alex gave the drawing back to John and got up, feeling restless all of a sudden. John stuffed the sketchbook back in his backpack and followed him along the cobblestone street, surprised by the unexpected reaction.

"Alex, wait! I'm sorry if I – "

Alexander abruptly turned towards him and took his hand, pulling him closer. He could feel John's breath on his face, he could almost hear his heartbeat growing faster and faster. He hesitated a moment before kissing him, then their lips touched again.

His blurred memories were true – John really had incredibly soft lips. But Alex suddenly remembered something more, something he knew deep down that he couldn't ignore anymore: he was not the one he wanted to kiss; he was not the one he wanted to receive drawings from. John was an amazing person, who liked him for who he was, but... Alex's heart wasn't beating fast, his hands weren't sweating, his mind wasn't completely absorbed by the moment. The only thing he could think about was Thomas's voice calling his name. God – he loved Thomas so much it hurt terribly.

But Thomas was gone, there was no way to have him back, while John was there for him. Maybe Alex could learn to love him back.

However, John took a step back, gently pushing Alex away. "Alex, you know I like you – god, I think I never liked someone this way before. But you also know, we both know, that your heart has no place for two people at the same time, and Thomas is still there."

"W-what? No, I don't love him anymore! And then, it doesn't really matter – he's married and I won't ever go back to him, you don't need to worry."

"It matters to me. You freaked out on a simple phone call, and you didn't even talk to him!"

"I didn't freak out!"

They were almost yelling now. A couple of people eyed them with a worried look and changed their route not to pass by.

"Yes! You were upset! You almost broke your phone cause you couldn't stand hearing his voice!" John replied. "I won't play this game, Alex, as much as I'd love to believe that you like me more than him, I can't!"

"But I do like you," Alex eventually whispered.

"I know." John took a deep breath, "but I can't be anyone's second choice."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, Alex, and I know that your meant well. But I can't be satisfied by winning the second place in your heart."

"I really wish I loved you, John."

"I wish it too, but you can't control your feeling. Who knows, maybe one day they'll change."

"Friends?"

"Friends."

Gilbert opened the door with a frown on his beautiful face. Behind him, Hercules was standing with his arms crossed and an inquisitive stare.

"Hi…guys?" Alex greeted hesitantly.

"Where have you been?"

"We've been worrying about you all day! We've called you a hundred times, but your phone is off!"

"You could've texted!"

"I was ready to print your face on milk boxes!"

Alex giggled at his friends' exaggerated account and raised his hands in surrender.

"All right, I'm sorry. I've been at John's."

"Till now?"

"Yeah. We walked a bit after lunch, we needed to talk."

"Mon dieu – so it happened!" Gilbert chirped.

"Can I at least come in before telling you everything?"

"Yes. HERC!"

"I'm right here, you don't have to yell!"

"We'll need wine and privacy, come on!" Gilbert clapped his hands twice and Hercules rolled his eyes.

They moved to the kitchen and Alex placed his phone on the table, switching it on. The screen was cracked but it fortunately lit up. Gilbert sat in front of him, looking questioningly at the ruined phone.

"What happened, mon ami?"

"I threw it against the wall."

"Why would you do that?"

"Cause… Thomas called."

"Wait, what?" Hercules's voice preceded him into the room, "you talked with Thomas?"

"Not exactly, John answered the call and – "

"John talked with Thomas?" Gilbert's voice raised to a squeak.

"Can you stop interrupting me for a moment?" Gilbert nodded quickly and took a sip of wine and Alex sighed. "I'll go in order: yesterday night, as I think you noticed, I was drunk as hell; John and I kissed and I went home with him."

"Yes, he texted me about that," Hercules muttered, while Laf was really trying not to interrupt again (even if he'd dramatically brought his hands at his mouth when Alex had said the word 'kissed').

"Well, this morning I was brushing my teeth when the phone rang and I thought it was you, so I asked John to answer."

"Oh, merde!"

"Yeah. Well, it was him. And the moment I heard his voice I felt m-my heart being torn apart in so many different ways... I couldn't stand to hear him call my name like that, I – " Alex's voice broke and a couple of tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Alex, my love, it's OK to be so upset. It hasn't even been a week, you don't have to move on so early."

"I know b-but I want to! I want to be loved, I want to fall in love with John, but I can't!"

"What did I tell you yesterday?" Gilbert took his hand gently from across the table, "love cannot be controlled. It's not about what you want, it's all about what you feel."

"Well, I feel like shit now."

"That's part of the game. It may happen when you think he's worth the trouble," Herc shrugged and exchanged a knowing look with Gilbert, "you know, love is a bet. If you truly want to love someone, you have to open up to him, give him the tools to potentially hurt you. You can only hope he won't. But if you don't fully give yourself to the one you love, you'll never enjoy the beauty of love."

Gilbert smiled sadly, the sweetest look flashed in his eyes for a moment. Then he sighed and focused back on Alexander. "What happened with John?"

"Nothing! We only kissed at the club and then… I kissed him again earlier, but he told me he doesn't want to be a consolation prize."

"Good," Hercules nodded in agreement, "I like that guy, he's got character."

"We agreed to be just friends, for now."

"Great," Gilbert beamed at last, "cause I really want to go to that party, and I'd have killed you if you'd ruined things with John."

"Thank you for considering my feelings less than a masquerade party," Alex dramatically put a hand to his heart.

Gilbert snorted. "Shut up, pretty boy. You need to work on yourself first before thinking about another relationship, so stop fucking things up with John. I'll be here as always, mon cher."

That night, Alex eventually found the courage to unblock his phone – several missed calls popped on the screen at once. He blocked the unknown number like he'd already blocked Thomas's and put the phone away. He needed to move on.

A/N:

You can finally stop worrying about John! Now we only need to get Thomas back! What do you think will happen at the masquerade ball? Let me know with a comment, and if you like the story, please add it to your favourites or bookmark it! ;)