CHAPTER XIX

The last few hours had made Thomas hope for something he had never dared to think about in the previous three years. They made him almost believe in a second chance, they made him hope for the possibility of redemption – maybe, Thomas too deserved to be truly loved at last.

"Do you want a coffee?" he whispered to the man who was half-asleep next to him, with his head resting on Thomas's shoulder.

"I don't know," Alex replied with hoarse voice, "what if John wakes up and I'm not there?"

"I'll go buy a cup for you," Thomas moved to stand up, but Alex stopped him.

"Please, I need you here now," he sounded desperate. He looked up at Thomas; his eyes were red from all the crying and the tears were never really dry on his face. "I'm sorry, I swear after all this hell is over I'll let you free and you won't ever have to see my face again."

Thomas instantly sat down and encircled Alexander's shoulders with his arm, holding him close. "I'm here and I'll always be here. I don't want to lose you again, please, don't even talk about it."

Alex stood silent for a moment, looking at Gilbert, who was sleeping with his head on the side of John's bed, and John – Alex couldn't stop the tears from streaming down every time he looked at him. Monitors were beeping regularly and the sound made Alex feel a little bit better, but all the pipes and IVs around his friend made Alex live the moment of John's seizure again and again in his head. He felt Thomas's hand gently squeeze his shoulder, as if he knew what he was thinking and wanted to help.

"I'm not with John, I lied to you," he confessed in a whisper.

"I knew it, I saw him making out with that guy at the party before – " he didn't finish the sentence, none of them wanted to talk about Mr Laurens. "I simply assumed you lied to me cause you didn't want me to bother you anymore."

"I don't know why I did it – I was angry, I guess."

"Are you now?"

"I'm too tired to feel anything else." Alex sighed and closed his eyes again.

Thomas didn't answer but simply kept caressing Alex's hair. He was tired as well, but couldn't disagree more with Alexander – weariness couldn't stop him from feeling a million of other things. He was feeling alive after months, free after years and, somehow, loved. He couldn't explain why he was only now able to sense Alexander's love for him, but he knew it was still there – he needed to tell Alexander all the truth.

"You were right not opening up with me, y'know," Alexander said before Thomas could talk. "I'm not saying what you did was right, I'm just saying that you weren't the only one who made mistakes."

"You never lied to me, Alex, you're the most honest person I know," Thomas shook his head, "it's normal to make mistakes, but mine is not forgivable."

"Lies are not the only thing that can ruin a relationship. I pushed you to do many things you weren't ready to do. I knew you liked me, but I sensed that you were restraining yourself around me and now I know why. You're married and maybe you were going through some tough business when we first met."

"Business?"

"I have my theory, but maybe it's just the way I want to see you."

"Let's hear it."

Alex sighed. "I know it's stupid. But my theory – no, maybe it's just my hope – is that you were about to divorce: I never saw anything in your house that made me suspect of a wife, you were always either at work or with me and you also introduced me to your friends. You don't usually let your secret lover meet your friends and sleep at your place almost every night."

Thomas's expression didn't give away anything, but he shifted a bit to look Alexander in the eyes. "Is it why last night you told me that cheating was not the problem? Cause you thought I was getting a divorce?"

"Yes, but it's true even if you're not divorcing. Lying was the worst part, I felt more betrayed because of that." Alex would've said he'd run out of tears by now, but here he was, crying again. "At first I thought that you never told me that you loved me cause you were married and our relationship didn't mean anything to you."

"Alex – " Thomas's voice reflected his pain.

"But then I understood that I pushed you in that matter too. I had never loved someone else before and I thought everything was as simple as I perceived it, but it wasn't – not for you. You needed more time. And I never considered that, I never respected that, and I'm sorry."

"It was not your fault, Alex, you didn't do it on purpose."

"And did you? I don't think you lied to me on purpose."

"I didn't." Thomas admitted. "I wanted to tell you many times but I was too scared to lose you. And every day was worse than the previous cause I knew that the more I waited, the hardest it would be."

Alex took Thomas's hand and looked at him with tired but interrogative eyes. "Was my theory completely wrong?"

"I don't think anyone could really guess the truth," Thomas smiled sadly, "but before I tell you everything, I want to know whether you can forgive me for my lies."

Alexander placed Thomas's hand on his cheek and leaned into it, as if he wanted to disappear into his warm and gentle touch. He tried to imagine what would he do if that touch was once more denied to him, and his heart ached. Maybe they were not destined to be together – like Gilbert and Herc – but Alex would still love him as long as he lived.

"I think deep down I've already forgiven you."

Thomas's breath quivered and he hugged him, sinking his face into Alex's neck to hide the happy tears that were freely dropping from his eyes – he was worthy of love, after all.

"Guys!" Gilbert's excited voice startled both of them and they quickly drew apart. "I think I saw John opening his eyes for a moment, maybe he's waking up."

"I'll go call someone," Thomas got up and walked out immediately.

Alexander moved closer to the bed and took John's hand into his. "Did he move?"

"He flinched a bit – maybe he was trying to ignore your corny love confession," Gilbert stuck his tongue out and giggled, while Alexander suddenly felt his face grew hotter.

"Shit, weren't you asleep?"

"I was, but, you know, when there's gossip around I need to keep updated." Gilbert placed his hand on Alexander and John's and his face softened. "I'm proud of you, mon ami."

"Alex?" John's voice sounded too weak to be his – to Alex it was the most beautiful sound in the world at the moment.

"I'm here, John," he sobbed, standing up to let John see him without moving too much, "I'm here, you're all right."

In that moment, Thomas and a doctor came in. John's eyes were still unfocused but the doctor checked him out and then smiled at Alex. "There's no brain damage and he'll recover in a few days. He can rest now but, for the future, never let someone who's hit his head sleep right after."

"Yes, thank you doctor!" Gilbert nodded and carefully sat on John's bed, talking softly to him.

Thomas took Alexander's hand for a brief moment. "I'll leave you alone, all right? I'll wait for you at the bar – don't worry, I'll only be a floor away," he added when he saw Alexander's eyes fill with fear; he walked out, leaving Alex and Gilbert welcome John back to the world of the living.

"Alexander," Hercules's voice woke him up some hours later. John was sleeping peacefully now and Gilbert was nowhere to be seen. Alexander rubbed his eyes and stood up, hugging his friend.

"Where's Gilbert?"

"He's at the bar, he needed to eat something. And you need to go home and sleep a bit."

"I don't want to leave John."

"Look, I'll never leave his side until you come back, but, please, don't make us worry for you too."

Alexander still looked reluctant to leave.

"Thomas's still waiting for you, he's already worried. Do it for all of us please. You'll be back in a matter of hours."

"All right," Alex stretched his back and headed out, "I'll see you this afternoon."

The bar was almost empty except for two tables and a man at the counter. Alexander headed towards the table were Thomas and Gilbert were talking to a woman, who was sitting with her back turned to Alex, but looked somehow familiar –

"Martha?" Alexander was really too tired to connect all the dots. "What are you doing here?"

Gilbert got up and moved closer to Alexander, taking his hand.

"Alex, please, don't freak out OK?"

"What do you mean? Why were you talking to them?"

"I wanted to listen to what they had to say and I think you should too." Gilbert gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked away.

Only then, Alexander's mind cleared enough to understand. He dropped on the chair, and forced his heavy eyelids to stay open – that day seemed never to end.

"Hello, Alexander." Martha placed a cup of black coffee in front of him and smiled shyly. "I'm sorry about John, your friend just told me."

"Yeah." Alexander accepted the coffee and sipped it, glancing at Thomas, whose face was unreadable. "Now I understand why you came talking to me at the party."

"I'm sorry, I was curious to meet the person who finally unlocked Thomas's heart."

"W-What?" Alex was now on the verge of a breakdown. "You know about us and you're… happy?"

Martha simply nodded and looked at Thomas, waiting for him to say something. Alex turned his impatient gaze to him as well.

"I can tell you the first part of the story, then Martha will tell you the rest if she wants to." Thomas begun. "Alexander, I had to deal with many losses in my life and the greatest one was a person both Martha and I still miss deeply now.

"You see, when I was only fifteen I fell in love for the first time. It was the kind of love that blooms so naturally that overwhelms you, and knowing that he loved me back felt like a blessing to me. His name was David Wayles and he was Martha's brother."

Alexander jaw almost fell. He glanced at Martha, who was swiping away her tears with a napkin.

"He was ill; he knew it, I knew it and everyone knew his leukaemia was terminal. Still, we loved each other and were too young to really think about death. But death has no mercy and, three years later, she took our David away from us.

"I was heartbroken. I couldn't talk to anyone cause no one knew about us. I only wanted to see David again, so I – "

Thomas's voice broke and Alexander took his hand. He already know what Thomas was about to say.

"I was about to jump down the Free Bridge when Martha found me. In his last year, David had mostly been bedridden and the three of us had bonded; she'd noticed that something was going on between us. She saved me – not only that day on the bridge, but many other times in my life."

"And you saved me, Thomas," Martha whispered, "we needed to stay together to survive David's death."

"And so we stayed together." Thomas carried on, "we were inseparable and everyone thought we were a couple; I guess it was only a matter of time until we started acting like one. We both studied in order to be able to help other people – to save people's lives. I became a nurse and she a pharmaceutical chemist, we got married and moved to New York to work.

"After almost ten years, something happened. Something that woke us up and made us realise our marriage was based on need rather than love. We tried to have a baby, we tried several times, but none of the pregnancies ended well... every time was worse for both of us, every time reminded us of the day David died leaving only the two of us.

"So I started working double shifts, sometimes more, to avoid going back home. That was another stupid mistake that I'll never forgive myself for – Martha was as heartbroken as I was, but I was only able to focus on my pain and so I worked myself to exhaustion every day. Until one day, three years ago, I went home and there was no Martha, nor her clothes or possessions. I called at work and they said she'd resigned the previous month. I hadn't even noticed.

"I didn't search for her, I knew that she'd voluntarily left and I felt guilty. Since David died I've always avoided love, but that moment I started feeling as if I didn't deserve it. And that's how you found me, almost three years later, still mourning for a marriage that wasn't even real and my lost love."

Alexander opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Then he swallowed down the lump in his throat and tried again, "I'm so sorry. I forced you to go out with me while you were struggling with all these things and – "

"Alex, you did well," Martha placed a hand on Alex's shoulder. "As I said before, you helped him out of his misery and, guess what, he has discovered he's worthy of someone's love after all."

"Y-You thought you weren't worthy of me?" Alex turned to Thomas again, incredulous. "After what I did to Bernie the first week at the hospital, you proved to be a hundred times better than me! I was the one who want to be worthy of your love!"

Thomas gently shook his head, moved his chair a little closer and buried his face into Alexander's hair. It was a bit too much for everyone, so it seemed.

"Well, you are probably wondering about him now," she gestured at her belly. "He's not Thomas's, obviously, but his father's a jerk who decided to take advantage of the frail state I was after leaving my husband. You see, my sad story goes on a little longer. Before leaving Thomas, I started an affair with one of my colleagues, who was about to leave for England. I know it was wrong, but we were both deeply miserable at the time and I held on to any hint of happiness that was offered to me.

"So I left for England with him, I really believed that I could be free from the past by moving to another nation with another man – as if one could ever escape oneself! Well, I moved in with Arthur, that was his name, and felt almost happy for a year. Then, depression came back and I started to struggle with the usual thoughts, but this time there was no Thomas taking care of me or understanding what I was going through. There was only a man who got tired of me and begun mistreating me more and more.

"He slapped me once. Then, it happened more frequently. After a while, I started to hide the bruises and lie to my co-workers. I wanted to go back but was too ashamed of myself to ask the people I'd betrayed for help.

"Then, I got pregnant and that saved me. Arthur kicked me out of his house, accusing me of cheating on him cause he'd never do something so stupid like making someone pregnant. I was free. My baby gave me the strength to ask for help at last – I bought a one-way ticket to New York and met Thomas again. He offered to help me and the baby at once, of course... and that was probably a few days later when you saw us at the restaurant."

"I'm sorry – oh my god, I'm really sorry – I presumed he was cheating on you with me and I freaked out." Alexander was stunned by the news and started to feel dizzy. This was really too much for a single day.

"Well, I was really surprised to know that he'd omitted to tell you about me or David." Martha cast a severe glance at Thomas, who was still resting his head on Alex's shoulder. "But I guess it was too early, and I had the worst timing ever."

"Don't blame it on you, please, I'm happy you came back," Alex smiled at Martha, who beamed back.

"Thank you. I think we've told you all our secrets now, so maybe you can go and rest a bit. You look as if you could faint at any moment."

"I feel pretty shitty, yeah." Alex let out a weak laughter. "Maybe we can talk more next week?"

"I hope so." Martha took his hand. "I really hope to see more of you in the future, Alexander, but that's something you and Thomas need to discuss between you," she winked and got up.

Alex and Thomas got up as well and slowly walked to the car, their hand clasped together. None of them said anything, they were both too tired to keep talking; the last thing Alexander remembered was Thomas's arms taking him off the car and tucking him in bed.

A/N:

I need you to comment right now and tell me what you think of Thomas and Martha's story! If you haven't commented yet, use this chance to do it! (it'd also make me super happy:D )

Also, I think I'll end the story in a couple of chapters cause I got a bit bored of it and I'm not feeling inspired anymore. Sorry guys but I promise I won't leave you half-way through and that I'll take it to an end.

**again: thank all of you for every single comment, this website doesn't let me directly answer to them but only send a private message as an answer and that scares me a bit (social anxiety intensifies) so sorry if I don't answer every time**