Chapter 1 — Decision

FUCK.

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

I can't believe I haven't gotten over it yet; it's been months already. I bet no one else even remembers or cares anymore. God, that just makes me sound even more pathetic.

Why him of all people? Why did he have to say those things to me? Who does he think he is?

He's a nobody, that's who!

And in front of Hayato-sama, no less! Thank heavens you were there to save me from further humiliation at his hands! Curse you, Hikigaya! Making me feel worthless! Telling me that my 'friends' had abandoned me in my time of need! I don't want your pity!

FUCK.

The worst part is that I don't have anyone that I can talk to about this.

My friends? They'll just tell me to get over it (and I really should).

Hayato-sama? With that bitch always hanging around him, I'd have an easier time teaching pigs how to fly! Seriously, that vapid cunt Miura needs to get a clue; Hayato-sama just isn't into you.

Hiratsuka-sensei? Had this occurred earlier in the school year, she might have given me solid life advice, but now I'm not so sure. She seems to be spending an unusual amount of time with Hikigaya outside of class, from repeatedly being called into her office to that stupid 'Service Club' of his.

If that loser had the balls, I'd almost believe that the two of them were having a student-teacher affair! HAH! As if that could ever happen. Even a desperate Christmas Cake wouldn't stoop so low. At the very least, she'd probably choose a partner with higher standards. Like Hayato-sama. But if she ever did that, I'd have to put her on the top of my shitlist, even above Miura and Hikigaya.

Nobody is going to come between me and my Hayato-sama.

Speaking of the Service Club (seriously, what kind of dumb name is that?), maybe I should ask Yuigahama, my former best friend? I'm no longer upset that she got deceived by that cunt, Miura. I don't own Yuigahama, don't control her, don't make her life choices for her, so I can only observe her and hope she doesn't make any irreversible mistakes with catastrophic consequences.

Like crushing hard on Hikigaya, of all boys.

What the fuck, Yuigahama.

While I'm certainly relieved that you aren't setting your sights on Hayato-sama like literally every other girl (myself included), surely you can do better than that creepy fish-eyed loner.

But rather than jumping for joy that a pretty girl is giving him attention, he goes and ignores you! ARGH! It's like he doesn't even acknowledge your feelings, let alone return them! What, does he think he's too good for you? He should be groveling at your feet for even sparing a second glance in his direction!

FUCK.

I can't even lie to myself and say he's deceiving Yuigahama, otherwise he wouldn't be so indifferent around her all the goddamn time. Even when they head off to that stupid club of theirs, he always makes it clear just how much of a chore it is for him. Is it because he's actually hoping to spend alone time with that frigid bitch, Yukinoshita? Sounds like a match made in hell frozen over.

What does Yuigahama even see in him anyways? So what, he saved her dog once, at the cost of his own body, but this seems to go far beyond mere admiration and gratitude. He's not exactly the type of warm and friendly person you would mesh well with, unlike Hayato-sama. And how on earth did Yuigahama end up befriending the Ice Queen, now that I think about it? The walls she puts up between her and everyone else should be impenetrable, but you're telling me Yuigahama managed to break through? Not even Hayato-sama, perfect as he is, has achieved that!

Shit. Everything keeps circling back to him. I hate it. I hate this. I hate him.

I doubt Yuigahama will be able to give me an unbiased answer, so that's out of the question. And I certainly won't be asking Yukinoshita for advice; I'd sooner kill myself than bow down to her, like the commoner she probably views us as. Fucking bitch, acting all superior just because your family's some kind of big name.

Sigh. In the end, looks like my only remaining option is to ask him, the source of my current problem. I chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Either way, I'm going to resolve this today, after school.

I don't bolt out of my seat as soon as class ends. I subtly glance at that guy; looks like he got my letter after all. I'll admit, I was worried that he would crumple it up and throw it away as soon as he saw it was from me. Now I need to head to our meeting spot, the rooftop, and wait for him to show up.

As I'm leaving the classroom, I hear overhear part of his conversation with Yuigahama.

"Hey, Yuigahama, could you tell Yukinoshita that I'll be a little late to club activities?"

"Sure thing, Hikki, but why?" That stupid pet name seems rather appropriate. [Note: Hikikomori = shut-in]

"Ah, I've just got some business to take care of first; it shouldn't take long." You and me both, Hikigaya. I want to get this over with just as much as you do, it seems. I enter the hallway and carefully avoid any familiar faces; wouldn't want them asking why I wasn't heading home directly. The less witnesses, the better. Can't have rumors spreading about me and Hikigaya, alone on the rooftop, leading to all sorts of insane theories.

I roll my eyes at the mere thought — like I would ever consider dating Hikigaya. He's the complete opposite of Hayato-sama, so even if I was rejected, I would never settle for him.

After making it to the rooftop and opening the door to the outside, I set my bag down and withdraw the one item I specifically brought with me for today's encounter: a stun gun for self-defense.

Now, I'm not saying Hikigaya is literal scum who would assault me, but a girl like me can never be too careful, alright?

The sound of footsteps approaching means that it's probably him. I hide the stun gun behind my back as best as I can, turning to face the doorway. The face of Soubu's most hated man appears, that unchanging bored look indicating he'd rather not have to be here if at all possible.

"Yo." At least greet me properly! I have a name, you know!

"Hey, yourself. Honestly, I was thinking you might not show."

He shrugs. "Well, I briefly considered the possibility that it might be a trap of sorts, like several stronger guys suddenly jumping me and beating me up, but it looks like you aren't out for revenge, at least. I take it that it's just you and me, then?" His dead eyes don't waver in the slightest. "What do you want, Sagami?"

I hate that piercing gaze of his, acting like he can see through me, read me like an open book. What's worse, if last time is any indication, he's not exactly wrong sometimes.

"Please, give me more credit than that. I know that you've somehow managed to get Hiratsuka-sensei into your corner, so if I tried any funny business, I'd be outed immediately." And to make matters worse, Hayato-sama would find out. "Also," I continue, "before you get any stupid ideas, this is not some cheesy confession scenario, so don't bother psyching yourself out."

He frowns, almost as if insulted by my statement. "Even if you had lost your mind and confessed to me, I'd never accept it, since we're too incompatible to ever work out." The fucking nerve of this guy! Him, rejecting me?! When it should obviously be the other way around?!

Whoa, calm down, Sagami, getting off track here. Remember what you wanted to talk about today.

His voice cuts through my inner thoughts, "So, are you gonna tell me why you called me here today? I don't have all day, you know? Besides, after that incident, I'd have figured you wouldn't want to re-enact those same circumstances, lest they bring back bad memories for you."

Smarmy bastard. That's exactly why we're here today and you know it. I'd never interact with you outside of class if I could help it. "Unfortunately, yes, it is precisely because of that incident. You see, even though you viciously tore into me in front of Hayato-sama and my friends, I've had a lot of time to reflect. On myself, my supposed friends, Hayato-sama, Yuigahama, Yukinoshita, and even you, Hikigaya."

"If you're asking me to apologize for simply telling the truth, don't waste your breath."

I snort derisively. "Didn't I just say to give me more credit than that? I'm not that stupid, OK? Getting you to apologize would be like trying to start a fire with only ice cubes. No, I realized that despite being hurt by your words, they were the sort of thing I needed to hear, even though I wasn't going to admit it at the time."

Hikigaya says nothing, apparently waiting for me to continue, so I do.

"I won't claim that I've changed drastically since then, but I am more aware of how people really see me now. I guess I was too blind to notice before."

He nods in agreement, "And yet, you still refer to Hayama as 'Hayato-sama'."

Anger rises within my chest; I try to force it down, only succeeding partially. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You really are blinded by your white-horse-riding-prince ideal of him, so much so that you can't even admit that Hayama will never live up to your lofty expectations." His face still maintains a neutral expression, but it's obvious this attack on Hayato-sama's character is personally driven.

This talk wasn't supposed to be about Hayato-sama in the first place, yet I am the only one who can defend him in his absence. "Hayato-sama is a million times the man that you'll ever be, Hikitani." I use that nickname that I often hear Hayato-sama say, knowing full well that it gets under Hikigaya's skin. Oh, if only Hayato-sama were here to see me now!

Suddenly, Hikigaya lets out a guffaw. I do not expect it, to say the least. Even more surprisingly, he starts to double over in laughter and pain, unable to stay upright.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…oh, wow. You're actually serious, Sagami. You really don't know the real Hayama Hayato at all, do you? If even Miura Yumiko, Queen of Soubu, can't get him to see her as more than a friend, what chance do the rest of you girls have?" He readjusts his posture, as if the previous scene never occurred.

I growl, "Don't you badmouth Hayato-sama, you trash."

Unfazed, he continues, "I just don't know if you delude yourself into thinking his fake persona is worth chasing after."

"Shut up." My teeth and fists clench as I struggle to keep my temper in check.

"Sure, he's charismatic and has the pretty boy looks, but is he utilizing his influence it to enact change on a meaningful scale, like the student council, for instance?" Hikigaya pauses, waiting for me to answer his rhetorical question. I remain silent, so he resumes talking. "No, Hayama is unfit to be a real leader. Whenever there's a dispute, he always opts for the middle ground, never taking a stand and picking a side. That shows a lack of strong will, that he's only –"

"I said, shut. Up."

"At least I directly say what's on my mind, even at the cost of my non-existent social status. That's me: genuine. Not like you fakers and posers. Huh, I guess birds of a feather do flock together."

This asshole is getting way too full of himself. Who the fuck does he think he is, comparing himself favorably to Hayato-sama?

"What's your goddamn point, Hikigaya?" I'm practically snarling at this point, not that I care anymore. It's Hikigaya after all, no need for civility here.

"Sagami, you and every girl at this school are wasting your time going after Hayama. He'll never return your affections, no matter how hard you try, simply because you aren't her."

My eyes see red and my body moves unconsciously before I even register what's happening. The stun gun activates and I drive it straight into Hikigaya's chest. It takes around a minute for me to regain control of my senses and I finally realize he's crumpled to the ground.

FUCK.

I haven't killed him, have I? No, hang on, stun guns aren't designed to kill, right? He should still be alive, I can see signs of life as he breathes in and out. Phew, nearly landed yourself in jail there, Sagami. Good fucking job, me.

Now what? Do I just leave and hope he doesn't press charges against me later? No witnesses nor recording devices. His word against mine. I'm not the most well-liked person on campus, but he's got the nickname of 'the most hated man in Soubu' for a reason. I don't feel like taking my chances on those odds, though. He's still got Hiratsuka-sensei backing him up, after all. And Yuigahama. And possibly Yukinoshita.

FUCK.

Calm down, Sagami. Take a deep breath. Let's step back for a moment and assess the situation.

1. Hikigaya is unconscious, The only people here right now are him and me.

2. Hikigaya claims that Hayato-sama will never return my feelings. Hard to accept, but assuming it's true, where does that leave me? I've never even considered any other guy.

3. I arranged this meeting to find some closure, but my frustrations seem to have increased instead. And now I have to deal with possible assault charges?

…I'm drawing a blank here. Fucking god damnit. Even when he's not awake, he's causing me stress and denying me an outlet, since my words will literally not get through to him.

…Should I just throw myself off the building and end it all now? If Hikigaya reports me, my life is over anyways. Would anyone even miss me when I'm gone? Hopefully Hayato-sama attends my funeral and gives some nice parting words.

I shake my head. Can't let myself think like that. Bad thoughts lead to bad decisions. I'm still young and have so much ahead of me. But first, I need to deal with the problem in front of me.

It's not like Hikigaya has taken all my hopes and dreams and dashed them into tiny fragments.

Just my reputation, my friendships, my future with Hayato-sama…

Then it all clicks in my head.

I should just take my frustration out on him.

Grinning, I start thinking of what I want to do to him first…

End…?

Author's Notes:

Long-time lurker; this is my first published story on here.

Originally, I was going to write Sagami as a Yandere (insanity driven by love), but I couldn't find a way to make her reasonably go crazy (yes, I know that is an oxymoron) for Hikigaya. You could argue that she's clearly crazy for Hayama (as evidenced by her constant 'Hayato-sama'), but I feel her emotions don't quite drive her actions. Hence, in this story, Sagami is a Yangire (psychotic if triggered).

As for what exactly Sagami does to Hikigaya, well, let's just leave that to your imagination, shall we? All I can say is that it makes the Sable-car-accident look like a bug bite.