Penumbra

A/N: This one is my take on a prompt from the Blackinnon Week Tumblr. =)

Sirius stumbled down the stairs of Grimmauld Place, disappointed to find again that this wasn't a bad dream, this was his life.

"I thought I was the clumsy one in the family," a voice sounded behind him.

"Ah, Dora, you're here early," Sirius moved past her towards the kitchen and she followed along behind him. Merlin, she'd gotten tall.

Just a bit taller than-

No. No, he was not going there. It wasn't even nine in the morning.

"I'm here late." She corrected him as he waved down a mug. "Remus and I got back an hour or so ago."

"And he didn't stick around, I'm wounded." Sirius diffused the actual sting with humor. He shouldn't have been hurt that his friend had skipped home after a long night mission. Remus had his own problems.

"Sorry, that's probably my fault," Dora sat down at the table and waved a mug to her.

"You scare him off?" Sirius joked again, only to turn and see his cousin looking dejectedly down at her empty cuppa.

Oh.

Sirius filled both their cups and sat down across from her.

"He's a good bloke."

"It's- it's not-"

"He turned you down?" Sirius interrupted her.

"I didn't even make a real go at it and he immediately shut himself up and left at the first chance of escape."

Sirius rubbed at the pain in his head from the shadows of his past that wouldn't leave him alone.

"Remus just needs some time, I'll point out he's being an idiot."

"No!" Dora knocked some of her tea from her mug. "It's bad enough he doesn't feel that way about me."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "You let me be the judge of that."

Dora looked like she might protest, but stopped herself to sip her tea.

"Did he have someone before the first war too?"

"Too?" Sirius looked at her over the rim of his mug trying to push back the face that was haunting him.

"You did, Mum told me."

Course Andy had said something. She'd gone on and on to him about how when he and Marlene finally stopped fighting a war and settled down they'd be sent Dora for a week. Now Dora was sitting across from him with relationship troubles. Sirius slowly shook his head, Merlin, his life had gone pear-shaped.

"Remus didn't have anyone like that."

Dora nodded and it went quiet between them as Sirius tried desperately to push away the shadows.

"What was Marlene like?"

Sirius bristled, gripping his mug in a death grip.

Dora reached out and put a hand on his. "Mum talked about her every now and again."

Sirius scoffed, "And what did she say?"

"Just that she was with you, and that she was killed." Dora didn't meet his eye and he was sure that there was more. Probably what Andy had told him to his face when Marlene was killed, that him dying wouldn't bring her back. That he had to get a grip.

Sirius leant back in his chair and closed his eyes, giving in to the shadows, giving in to seeing her face tattooed on the back of his eyelids.

"Marlene was everything," he rubbed at the tension that was building in his neck. "And I was too late."

"Do you regret it? Regret getting close to someone when you knew you or they could die? When she did?"

Sirius opened his eyes and moved slowly, intentionally, keeping his emotions in an iron grip as he leant forward over the table, holding on to his mug like it was a lifeline.

"My only regret is not being there with her."

Dora held his gaze and he saw something settle in her resolve. "Thanks, Sirius."

It went quiet again and after a few moments, Emmeline walked in, pushing their conversation on to other things.

But the shadows now had a better hold, a surer grip on his sanity, and Sirius resigned himself to the reality that Marlene would not stay hidden in the depth of his past. She'd never been one to sit quietly in the background anyway. And he'd never been able to ignore her, never really wanted to.

Because in life, and in death, Marlene McKinnon was and always would be, everything.