Author Note- So its been 9 years but i decided to come back and finish this.. bear with me, even though i have an idea where i was going with this story, i threw out all the notes i made years ago. I can only say "better late than never" and hope you forgive me for anyone who was waiting on this.

Chapter 9

Johanna pov

After a few minutes i disentangle myself from under him while hoisting my pants back up, the feeling of being trapped mixed with the creeping feeling of awkwardness is starting to become overwhelming. I push past him towards the door lifting my arm in a backward wave and add " always a pleasure soldier" just so he doesn't think he's gone too far or anything crazy like that, but i can't be bothered with small talk and i need morphling. That's actually where i was heading when i came across the scene earlier, i swear that girl is a walking disaster zone, i sigh to myself and roll my eyes.

When i make it back to my room at the hospital see i have a new roommate, separated only by a curtain… fantastic….i was enjoying having this wing to myself, although i think its only because they are too scared to put anyone else in here with me. I'm chuckling to myself when i get to my bed and notice my morphing still hasn't been replaced… they are cutting me back because they think I'm starting to rely on it too much now, maybe i am? or maybe there's just not much else to do here when everyone else is busy? either way, it's better than sitting here alone with nothing but my thoughts and memories to keep me company plus its the only thing that gets me into that shower every day. Yes that's how pathetic my life has become, i need to be high to shower, i HATE that i have this weakness, I'm a damn victor for fuck sake, i survived the games twice, three years of mentoring and watching my tributes die knowing there was nothing i could have done, three years of torment from Snow as he took everyone and everything from me forcing me to do unimaginable things and finally i survived weeks of torture without breaking and giving any information….but a shower is too much without the sweet dutch courage morphing brings. What even is that !?

I creep round and when i make sure the coast is clear i find her morphing drip all set up for when she gets out from surgery and plug it into my own arm. The sensation is immediate and intoxifying. I must have passed out on her bed because i wake from a nightmare with Haymitch standing over me tutting and shaking his head.

"You're shameless" he smirks.

"You can talk! Im surprised they leave you here unattended incase you start drinking the rubbing alcohol" i bite back. I see Ive been detached from the morphing while i slept…asshole.

"Go shower, you smell like a walking whore house" he grins at me, but i have nothing to say back this time.

I start to walk out the room but determined to have the last word i shout "jealous" as i disappear out the door.

Gale Pov

When i get back to my room i find Finnick there, I'm surprised to see him…not because he shouldn't be there… i mean its his room too but he's not been there much since he moved in. He spends every second he can with Annie and even when she's in with her head doctor he's usually waiting outside, he even sleeps curled up on a chair in her room at the hospital most nights, they didn't let him at first since his nightmares woke her up and set her off but very quickly his nightmares got less when he finally came to terms with the fact she was safe, I'm sure he still has them, but I'm guessing its more bearable now or maybe its just that he doest wake screaming her name now….

"Hey" i say with a slight question since he looks like he has something to say.

He just nods back so i continue…"Hows Annie doing?" i continue.

"She's doing better" he shrugs, but i can tell that not what's on his mind.

I busy myself with sorting through some of my uniform but i can feel his eyes watching me. I think back to when i agreed to share a compartment with him, He just got released from the hospital but even though Annie was back and it didn't look like he would fall apart again they still wanted someone to be with him, It was Haymitch who brought up the idea and although i felt like i couldn't really say no, i actually grew to like the guy, he's not at all what he comes across like on television….but i guess none of them are… except Johanna who seems just as crass and sharp-tongued as i expected.

"So where have you been?" he interrupts my thoughts with the question.

"Just around" i say evasively although i have a feeling he knows exactly what I've been doing.

I'm just about to head to the bathroom to jump in the shower when he blurts out "Did you ever see the broadcast i made when you were on the rescue mission…the one to distract the Capitol?"

I freeze…i had seen it, the played it on our way back from the Capitol while we were on the hovercraft.

I turn to face him and he's staring intently at me with a look of determination on his face that i haven't seen since the Quarter Quell.

"I did…" i say a little apprehensively, i really don't want to talk about this, i don't even want to think about this. I shoved it to the back of my mind because i couldn't stand the thought what he did to those people, it made me sick to my stomach.

" Im not looking for a heart to heart or someone to talk about it with, i just wanted to know if you knew…what we went through i mean" he seems to think about it for a second then adds " what she went through."

I just stare at him for a second….i hadn't…i selfishly only thought about how glad i was that never had a chance to happen to Katniss…then i hadn't let myself think about it since. It never once crossed my mind that Johanna had suffered the same fate as Finnick and the rest of them and I'm not sure why it didn't…maybe i just didn't want it to. I exhale loudly as my heart sinks and i just nods with my eyes on the floor. I can't believe how self serving I've been, i had been so consumed with how self-absorbed Katniss had become i completely missed that I'm just the same.

He stands to leave and gives me a sad smile "I'd better get back to Annie". As he's reaching for the door the words just come out of my mouth before i even have a chance to stop them "what was between you and her" and we both know I'm not talking about Annie.

He pauses, his back still to the door "just remember she's a person, and a pretty broken one at that, underneath it all." and he walks out the door without answering my question .

He sinks onto his bed wondering for the first time what's beneath the sharp edges and cutting comments of Johanna Mason.

Johanna Pov

When i come back from my shower i find my morphing drip still isn't filled and I'm mad…spitting mad…and when i go find someone they all skirt round the subject until, again, Prim is the only one with balls enough to tell me that I'm not getting anymore incase i become addicted. Become…..maybe its already too late, but i don't give a shit! After everything I've gone through i deserve it more than anymore….I'm ready to kill someone at this point and, even though clearly I'm not above killing kids, the little blonde girl is about the only person right now who is even slightly safe to be around me. Haymitch! I growl to myself in my head…i bet this is his doing! Self-righteous asshole. He's just mad because he had to sober up and face his demons. I can hear her soft little voice trying to calm me but she doesn't flee when i start trashing the room, i guess I'm not helping my case but i don't care right now.

I storm out of there when there's nothing left to throw and stomp down the corridor towards Finnicks room, i need to kill someone or rant and scream at someone but since i don't know where Haymitch's compartment is, i choose the latter. I pound on the door and I'm half way through shouting "Open up Fi-" when the door flies open and Gale is standing there in just pants, bare feet and clutching a towel with water still dripping from his hair in beads onto his chest. I'm so taken aback by this combination, confusion at why he's here and the instant heat that radiates through my body that i just stand there open mouthed for what seems like forever.

"Back so soon?" he smiles smugly.

I snap back to reality "One victor isn't enough for you? You need to sleep with Fin too?" I cant keep the accusation from my voice and i have no idea why i feel annoyed about this.

"What are you on about!" he snaps "This is my room…"

Im genuinely confused here, "how did i not know about this?" i frown, i knew he shared with someone i just never imagined it would be him….and for some reason, it bothers me.

He just shrugs.

"So he's not here then" it's a statement not a question and i turn to leave.

And just as I'm about to start walking away i hear "Johanna" and i pause "Im a good listener…if you ever need one."

I sigh and turn to face him "Its nothing" i don't even want to talk to him about it but i don't really want to leave either. At least i can still steal Disaster Girls supply of morphing when she's sleeping i think wryly.

"If you say so" he shrugs.

But I can't help it, as much as i don't want to look dependant on pain drugs i find myself spewing curses and ranting like a maniac for the next twenty minutes while pacing around his room. Im annoyed at myself for looking so pathetic but it does feel good to get it all out. He sits on his bed and towel dries his hair and just listens but doesn't say anything.

i throw myself on his bed backwards dramatically when I'm done and stare up at the ceiling, arms to the side, exhausted after my anger ebbs. After a few minutes i close my eyes and take a deep breath, when i feel the bed sink down as he lays beside me my eyes snap open and suddenly I'm aware of the change of atmosphere in the room. I don't turn to look at him but i hear him say "i can make you forget about it…at least for a little while anyway". I smile slyly.

"Cocky…I like it" and suddenly he's sat up, grabbed my legs and pulled me sharply to him so i end up with a leg either side of him. I sit up long enough for him to pull my shirt over my head then his lips go straight to my collar bone as he grazes his teeth all the way down to my stomach.

But apparently he's either not as good a distraction as he thinks because I'm soon back on my tirade cursing everyone out " I mean who the fuck does he think he is, stupid old drunk!" I'm only vaguely aware that he's still kissing my stomach and that I'm only in my underpants now, when he says in a low voice while kissing my inner thigh "Do you want to keep talking about it or are you gonna let me do this?" i sit up slightly and his dark eyes meet mine, his lips still brushing my inner thigh. A smile crosses my lips and i lay back again, he hooks his thumbs in the waistband and pulls my underwear off my hips and throws them over his shoulder in one swift motion, the next word that comes out my mouth is another curse but a completely different tone.