Chapter 11

Gale Pov

As i lay beside her watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest I realise how peaceful she looks when she's asleep, and definitely a lot less scary. She looks almost child-like in slumber and i have to resist the urge to reach out to brush her hair off her face. All i want to do is gather her in my arms and hold her, shielding her from this cruel world…but then I remember that its too late for that, she's been through more than I can even imagine and survived to tell the tale. I wonder what she was like before the games, before everything…as much as I know nearly every inch of her body, I really don't know anything real about her. I wonder what her favourite colour is, I wonder what family she had, I wonder if her lips are as soft as they look. I'm jolted from my thoughts when she suddenly starts screaming in her sleep, kicking and swiping her arms at an invisible assailant.

"Johanna" I shout over her screams to try and wake her, pinning her arms to her sides but It's only making her worse. Her head collides with my nose and I feel the hot, sticky blood start to run down my face and drip onto her below me, but it seems to have roused her out of her nightmare and she stares up at me wide eyed and breathless.

"You had a nightmare" i say dumbly.

I let her go and she sits up and buries her face in her hands. She's shaking and before I know what I'm even doing I envelope her in a hug, she stiffens for a second before leaning her forehead onto my shoulder. We just sit there, neither of us saying a word, just an unspoken understanding of the horrors that plague dreams. She finally lifts her head but keeps her eyes down, she doesn't say anything just lets out a long sigh and closes her eyes. I see all my blood on her from my nosebleed and really want to wipe it off before she sees it incase it triggers an Arena memory for her, but before I can make a move to grab a towel she looks at me, clearly seeing the blood on my face. She reaches up with her and wipes the drying blood from my face and smiles. "See this is why I make a point of never letting myself fall asleep next to anymore."

"Its fine" I shrug. Her eyes flick up to meet mine again and I realise how close her lips are to mine and how badly I want to just close the few inches between us. What would she do? Would she punch me? Does she want me to do it? Before I've even consciously decided anything, my lips are upon hers, I almost brace myself for the incoming pain but then I feel her lips move to accommodate mine.

Johanna Pov

He's close, really close and I can feel the awkwardness rising, I'm just about to make a sarcastic comment to break the silence when I feel his lips on mine, I have a fleeting thought of pushing him off and storming out of there but its gone in a flush of heat from my core. His lips feel like heaven and I try to recall the last time anyone really kissed me….but I can't, not like this anyway. His hand reaches for my face and I feel his thumb brush my cheek while his hand curls round my jaw. His hands move down my back and I bury mine in his hair. When we finally come up for air, he rests his forehead against mine and laughs softly. "I though you were gonna punch me for doing that."

"The thought crossed my mind" I smirk.

"What stopped you?" he asks

I just shrug and say "I figure I already spilled enough of your blood for one night."

He laughs and disappears into the bathroom, when he comes back his face is blood free and he has a cloth in his hand, he sits back down beside me and starts wiping the dried blood from my face and neck, when he's done he plants three chaste kisses on my lips, cheek and jawbone. When I close my eyes and tilt my head to allow him access to my neck he just grins and says "Can't get enough now can you." I punch his shoulder and he laughs while rubbing it. "Seriously, if this is what you do to people you like I would hate to be on your bad side" he says with a half smile.

"Who says i like you, Hawthorne?" I retort, folding my arms across my chest.

He gives an awkward laugh and I just throw him a sarcastic smile. That boys is far too easy to play games with.

He doesn't say anything for a while then he stands.

"You should get some sleep," he yawns "As long as you promise not to hit me again" and he pulls back the covers to get back into the bed. I actually consider this for a brief second, seeing him standing all god-like in just his shorts, the thought of his arms round me and his comforting smells… and then it clicks….the comforting smell i smelled in Finnicks room a few months back….that was Gales smell…and suddenly I'm freaking out in my head. Clearly on some weird subconscious level Gale Hawthorne has been some sort of source of comfort for me, how did that happen?

"Nah, i'd better get back" i say hoping to keep the panic out of my voice. I throw on the remainder of my clothes.

"Ok" he nods. But i walk over to him and give him a quick kiss because I'm hoping he won't notice the weirdness that fills the rooms now.

But i as turn to leave he grabs my arms and spins me to him and kisses me deeply for a long time, i can't help but smile when he finally lets me go. Then i try to hide it quickly since apparently I'm a massive girl now, jeez next i will be writing 'Mrs Johanna Hawthorne' in my . Okay I clearly need my stolen Morphling and some sleep before i enter full on girl-mode.

I'm rudely awakened the next morning by a petrified looking prep team staring down at me! Apparently Plutarch wants some footage in a Propo showing me alive and well and working with the rebels, now that I look semi-human again. They do my make up and actually manage to style my still-growing-in hair into something they deem as passable. Fierce, dark eye make up and hair spiked I actually feel almost like my old self…well that's a lie but at least I look more like it. They give me a black, skin-tight jump suit type thing and the completed look makes me look proper badass, I actually love it. They film me throwing axes around, interview me on my thoughts about the rebellions progress and ask me about Finnicks wedding and life in 13 in general. I give some vague and snarky comments about it all because I'm suddenly getting the impression that I'm not actually coming to the Capitol and my suspicion is confirmed when Plutarch makes a speedy exit when I start asking questions about it.

I tear out of there in search of command so I can tear that crazy bitch a new one and tell her I AM going whether she likes it or not! Nobody is the boss of me and its not up to her what I do. After about 20 minutes of storming round the halls of this fucking maze I come to the realisation…I have no fucking idea where I am going. I turn another corner and hit something, I'm going at such a speed the force lands me on my ass.

"Fuck!"

I look up and see it's not something, it's someone…its Gale. I just glare at him as he offers me a hand to help me up.

Then it's his turn to stare. I rise unceremoniously from the ground and he's still acting weird. "What the hell are you gawping at?!" I demand. He shakes his head as if trying to clear a though "Sorry, I didn't mean to….you just…well…" He's annoying me now and I'm not in the mood,' "Oh my god, will you just spit it out, Hawthorne!"

"Sorry!" he says again, more defensive this time. "You just look damn hot!"

Of course, I know this, but I don't even have the time for this just now so I ignore his statement. "I need you to show me where command is" I tell him.

"Why" he asks me suspiciously with narrowed eyes.

I decide for honesty, "So I can tell that grey haired bitch that there's no way I'm staying behind here while everyone else goes to war." He takes a breath and seems to deliberate on something for a second.

"I don't think that's a good idea" he finally says. I open my mouth to scream him out but he holds up his hand and continues. "Not because you shouldn't be there, because you deserve the chance to fight along with the rest of us, but because it won't help your case at all if you go in there all guns blazing." He probably has a point, Coin is about the only person that doesn't seem afraid of me. "Let me talk to her…I mean, if you want?"

I sigh "Okay, i guess so." He raises his eyebrows, a little surprised I guess. "Im still mad though" i add, crossing my arms over my chest and throwing out a hip.

"But you look sexy as hell doing it" he grins.

I just turn on my heel and strut down the hall away from him, i give him a quick glance over my shoulder and the middle finger just for good measure. He just laughs, still watching me walk away.

Gale Pov

I manage to convince Coin to let Johanna do the training and take it from there, her and Katniss will be doing it together. The girls have both been through two Arenas but they want trained soldiers here and not people who can actually think for themselves and are unwilling to follow orders, like they both are. Hopefully they can at least fake it until we are deployed to the Capitol though. The training is rough though, I see her only briefly for dinner after her first day of training and she tells me how Katniss went to go and get her bruised ribs healed quicker but that she made it to the end of the day and completed the 5 mile run at the end. She looks tired but happy, she's never lacked for endurance anyway from what I've seen.

By her second day of training she looks awful, she's ghostly white and shaking and it takes everything I have no to go over to her and see if she's alright but I think that would just piss her off. I'm on the other side of the large hanger they use as a shooting range here and I'm so distracted with thinking of some excuse to go over to her until I hear "Hawthorne!" and look round at my training leader, he has one eyebrow raised but says no more so I continue with my target practice. As soon as I finish training for the day I grab a quick shower and head to the hospital, when I walk in there's a heated discussion going on between the girls, Haymitch and the Doctors about being discharged. From what I can gather, they won't let Johanna live alone and I'm just about to volunteer to let her share with me (completely without thinking) when Katniss jumps in there first. Well that's going to complicate things slightly for me. I slip back out the door before anyone notices I'm there but when I'm halfway down the corridor I hear my name. I turn and see Haymitch, I let him catch up with me before we begin walking to the dining hall together. We walk in silence for a little while both knowing the other one has something to say or to ask the other but neither of us actually doing it. Finally I give in because I really need to know.

"Whats wrong with her?" I ask him, I know he knows exactly who I mean.

"Morpling withdraws" he replies. Although we never actually spoke about it properly, I know she was dependent on the stuff to some extent and still used it regularly despite having her own supply stopped. "She's in for a rough few days" he added.

"What can I do?" I ask, hoping that since he just went through something similar he might have some helpful advice.

"Nothing" he grunts back.

"That's helpful" I say cooly. He just shrugs and walks into the Dining Hall ahead of me.

After dinner I return to my compartment and try to think of some excuse to go knock on their door and get Johanna alone so I can talk to her but nothing comes to mind so I just lay there on my bed with my arms behind my head feeling helpless. I don't know exactly how much time passes, I think I must have drifted off for a whole but I'm startled out of my daydreams by a soft knock.

I glance at the clock and its nearly midnight, I get up and open the door. Johanna stands there looking pained and agitated.