Chapter 21: Somehow…Someday

Ned Ashton glanced from his son to his sleeping daughter with love. He had made so many mistakes but, with Brooklyn getting better, he felt like he had a second chance to be there for both of them.

"She is really going to be ok now, right?" Cooper asked as they both sat watching Brooke sleep.

"I think she still has a long road ahead of her, but she is doing so much better, and I really think she will get there. Cooper, there is something else we should talk about."

Cooper looked at him warily. "Yes?" he finally asked with so much uncertainty in his voice that in the moment he appeared so much younger.

"You probably know Clint Buchanan is in town."

"Yeah, Sarah mentioned he was going on some business trip. I guess she was confused."

"Clint sometimes has trouble separating business and personal."

"Right, Cord said that before. So does this have something to do with my mother's company?" Cooper asked.

Ned realized it actually could. He had started to accept that he would always have questions for Julia that he would never have an answer to. Her will answered some of them and created new ones in his mind. He had a copy of Julia's will in his ELQ files because she had left her Barrett Industries stock to ELQ. However, it was one of the clauses and stipulations in how she had ultimately left Acme to her son that was the most personally interesting to Ned and he supposed to Clint Buchanan.

"Clint may think that. I suppose I'm not really sure what his motivations are there."

"You mean like he's going to try some corporate takeover?"

"Not exactly, Clint Buchanan believes that he is your father."

"Do you believe him?"

"I guess I believe that Clint truly believes that. But I know he's wrong. You are my son."

"Why does none of this make any sense?"

"I wish I had all the answers for you. Some of them I think can come only from your mother, and maybe they're in your heart already," Ned said.

"So, my mother was seeing you and Clint Buchanan at the same time?"

"I actually don't think she was. She had ended a relationship shortly before we were together. Although I didn't know it at the time, I guess that was with Clint."

"So, he could actually be my father?" Cooper asked.

"No, he isn't your father. Although it may seem like too little too late, I am your father. I wish things had been different, Cooper, I truly do. They weren't though and we're just going to have to figure out where we go from here."

"I guess I just still don't understand why this was all such a big secret. The more I think about it the less it makes sense. Brenda thinks it is just that Harlan gave mom such a warped perspective on what fathers could be that she didn't realize they mattered."

"Maybe that was it," Ned said uneasily. A portion of Julia's letter echoed through his head though. Being involved with you when you were barely eighteen was wrong on my part and I do apologize for that. At the time, I was sure that asking you to take responsibility for the life we had created would be wrong. Now I am less certain of that, but I am unable to change the past, so I must allow it to rest.

Those words made him wonder if it was more embarrassment and shame that had led to Julia's secret. Or maybe it was a combination because he did believe that if Julia had realized how much Cooper had needed him, she would have put that aside. But she hadn't, and for that reason Ned truly hoped that her words also conveyed that she had truly forgiven herself.

"You don't really believe that though, do you?" Cooper asked.

"One thing that has always been very clear to me is that your mother loved you and, within her power, would have done almost anything for you. So, I think if she knew how much you needed your father, she would have figured out how to give you that. I'm sorry she didn't," Ned said. He reflected back on the conversation he and Cooper had, had on the plane back to London after Julia's death.

January 23, 2007

As his fellow travelers slept, Ned reached for his laptop and powered on. ELQ Pharmaceuticals was looking for a west coast warehouse and distribution plant. He was toggling through the prospectus Rob Olmstead had emailed him when he heard the gentle thud as Cooper sat up.

"Are you alright?" Ned asked. He regretted the question once he had asked it. Obviously, he wasn't alright; his mother was dead.

"Yeah, sorry if I snore."

"You don't. If there is anything I can do for you, please tell me. Are you hungry?"

"No, but thanks," Cooper said pulling a book out of his backpack and starting to read.

"What are you reading?"

"The Psychology of Eating, it's actually for a class."

"What class?"

"Psych 318-Psychology of Adjustment. Although it seems a little unbalanced towards maladjustment and unhealthy coping mechanisms."

"Are you majoring in Psychology?"

"I don't know, maybe. I'm sure most people think a bachelor's in criminal justice makes the most sense if I want to continue in law enforcement. My mother hated that major, not that she would approve of psychology either."

"Well, as I tell Dylan, in the end, you're the one who has to do it."

"He's in my class actually. I think he is minoring in psychology. Which is I guess what Brenda majored in. My mother majored in applied chemistry and minored in business which I guess was the perfect combination because she had enough of technical background to go along with her MBA."

"Which is useful if you want to run a technical corporation and don't trust your science and technology group."

"My mother isn't particularly trusting by nature. I guess it's part of being Harlan's daughter."

"Perhaps."

"Or maybe it's something else, I think my mother probably had more secrets than I will ever know. I guess that's just how it works."

"Sometimes it can be, I guess. Sometimes I think the truth is in front of us but we aren't ready to face it."

"Maybe it was that way for my mom."

"I know this is hard, Cooper, and I really don't know how your feel because I haven't lost a parent, but I really meant it, if you need anything please ask."

"Brenda said you never really knew your father either."

"No, not really. I know who he is, but I haven't seen him since I was an infant. I don't have any memories of him."

"Does having a name fill in some of the gap?"

"I don't know. I guess I've always known Larry Ashton was my father, so I don't know what it's like to wonder who."

"I should probably just leave it alone. I used to ask, she never told me anything and it was pretty clear I was upsetting her, so I stopped."

"You are a good son."

"I really tried to be, but I just couldn't be who she wanted me to be."

"That doesn't mean you weren't a good son. You get to pick your own dreams Cooper."

"Even if it destroys my mom?"

"It didn't destroy your mother."

"I want to believe that."

"Then do," Ned said.

At the time he hadn't a clue that Cooper was his son. Even a month earlier he hadn't a clue that Cooper was his son. Julia's letter had changed all of that and he knew he could only go forward. Hopefully they could go forward together.

"I know this is confusing, Cooper. I'll help you anyway I can," Ned said.

Cooper rubbed both temples. "What is going to happen with Clint?"

"Brenda and I are going to talk to him later. Is your head bothering you again?" Ned asked.

"I think it's just stress. I'm ok."

"Are you sure?"

"I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"Brenda mentioned that things with Bree were still a little hard."

"Yeah, she's trying, but it's just hard I guess."

"I'm sure."

"But it isn't just Bree. I think she finally finished that final dreaded snack by midnight. Of course, then Sarah called me at three am, which normally wouldn't have been so bad but since I had only been asleep then for less than three hours…"

"I understand. Is Sarah alright?"

"I don't know. This Jared guy concerns me."

"Her great uncle? Asa Buchanan's newest illegitimate son."

"Well his last one was a mass murderer so I'm not sure that is supposed to make me reassured."

"Actually Dr. Truman wasn't actually Asa's son. Dr. Ben Davidson was a pretty decent guy."

"He was somehow related to the Quartermaines right?"

"Not exactly. His adoptive mother, Jane Rappaport, was your cousin Celia's Aunt. So Sam, Ben, and Grace were her maternal cousins."

"Ok that makes sense, I guess. Celia has just always been a Quartermaine, so I was thinking of it that way," Cooper said.

"Well not always but her Putnam and Holt periods preceded your birth and, I think, your mother knowing her. She didn't start at ELQ-West until 1992 which was probably around the time, she and your mom became friends."

"She and Clint do not get along."

Ned laughed. "No, not really. That is more on Clint than Celia from my perspective, but the Buchanans may have a different view."

"Yeah, family loyalty is big in the Buchanan clan."

"It is with the Quartermaines as well, but your great grandfather is a bit more reasonable in how he interprets that."

"I guess I could believe that," Cooper said.

"I know you want to spend more time with your sister, but Brenda was going to call me if Clint returned, and I would need to leave then. I can take you back to your aunt's house when I leave, or you can stay here with your sister."

"She shouldn't be alone," Cooper said.

"No, but Lois isn't on call today. She should be almost done rounding so I can call her. I can call her even if you're going to be here too if you want but I didn't want to put you into an awkward situation."

"Yeah, why don't you not do that, and I'll stay with Brooke. Jolene is only working until one so she can get us lunch or something."

"If you're still apprehensive about dealing with the rest of the family we can delay telling everyone. Two potential pitfalls to that approach are your sister is very excited to finally have a brother so I think there is a decent chance that she will slip up and mention something which might lead to at least mild pandemonium. Also depending on how things go with Clint that could be an issue as well."

"I don't want to ask Brooke to lie. You can still tell everyone tomorrow like you planned and I guess you and Brenda can tell Clint now. Just promise me you won't let him hurt her."

"I will do my best. Promise me that you will call me if you or your sister need anything."

"So, when are you meeting Brenda?"

"When she calls to tell me that Clint showed up or if he hasn't done that by two, I guess we can call him."

"I'm sure you're looking forward to that."

"What I am looking forward to is putting all of this behind us and moving on with my children. Maybe you have already been more patient than I deserve but try to hang in there just a little longer and maybe we'll figure this out," Ned said.