There was a knock on the door, as much as I tried to ignore the loud disturbing sound as I tried to remain bundled in my duvet and stay comfortable in bed, the noise wasn't stopping. After a few more minutes of knowing that the person was getting more and more impatient, the knocks were becoming banging on the door and they were getting quicker. I fumbled my way up and off of my bed with the duvet still wrapped around me tightly and I waddled out of my bedroom and to the front door. I looked a mess, but it wasn't my problem right now, I didn't care it was the fault of the person who wouldn't go away. I turned the key that was still in the lock of my door and looked through the small gap of the door until it was pushed back into me, and Michelle came storming in.

"Right, what has happened to you?"

"What?"

She was standing in my flat, angry at me with a scowl and her hands on her hips, she was beyond annoyed, but I definitely noticed her tan from her honeymoon, it was hard to miss. Meanwhile, I was still stood by the open front door cocooning in my duvet and looking terrible, I finally snapped out of my shock and pushed the door, so it slammed shut. Michelle was still staring at me and beginning to judge my appearance, I hadn't looked in the mirror in a while, I couldn't imagine what state I was in.

"And why did you leave your key in the lock so I couldn't get it?"

"Oh… I just forgot…"

When was the last time I had actually left the flat or opened the front door? My key in the lock was a complete accident but at least it didn't let Michelle see me in bed and what I had done to my room. It was in complete darkness with the exception of the laptop screen glaring at me, food wrapping was littered over my bed and the floor as well as half-eaten packets, glasses and mugs were also littering my room and surfaces. If she were judging me for being bundled in the quilt, she would have ripped a new one out of me for the state of my room.

"Carla, what happened?"

Her defences were coming down, her fake annoyance was leaving her, and she took her caring approach and I realised that I probably looked like a shell of myself. She moved over to the sofa and beckoned me to join her there so that she could comfort me. Giving in, I shuffled over to the sofa to sit and let her search for my hand as the quilt slowly fell off my shoulders. Just like I predicted, her eyes fell to my stomach, staring at the small bump that had started to form and was obvious under my tight tank top, I had popped recently, and I was the only one that had actually seen it up until now.

"Come on love, Liz told me what happened after we left… but, what happened to get you in this state?"

"I… I just couldn't face it right now."

"Oh, love…"

She pulled my head to her chest and hugged me tightly to comfort me the best way she knew how to, I let myself settle into her warmth and took what felt like the first real breath in a while. Her hand was on my back rubbing circles soothingly and was giving me physical contact which I hadn't received in two weeks since I had barricaded myself in my flat to hideaway. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, and it was so easy to block out of the rest of the world, so why wouldn't it be a good idea? But then I let myself get wrapped up in it and the next thing I know, I was ordering takeaway and getting things that I needed to be delivered so that I could stay isolated.

"Carla… Tell me what happened. Liz told me that Nick found out about Peter being the dad and told the whole pub. I heard that you guys argued and then I'm told that no one has seen you since…"

"He argued, I'm still doing my work, ask Peter, I text him every day to keep me in the loop for the physical aspect. I'm emailing everyone, all the clients know is that everything is the same and Peter does the meetings to get experience or I'm not feeling well."

Chelle dropped my hand and sighed in annoyance, she was not happy with my answer and groaned at me. I thought she would be happy that there was one part of my life that was still functioning right, that I hadn't completely self-destructed and ruined all of my life. Normally I would have abandoned my work, my social life, and everything, but technically I was still fulfilling everything I needed to do and taking care of myself. Why wasn't that enough?

"Car, I care about you, not the factory, what happened with you and Nick?"

"The truth? Well…I got berated, shamed for sleeping with Peter, reminded me of the loss of my baby. He just said what everyone was thinking, it still didn't make it any easier to hear."

My hand was back in hers and it was tight as I saw the anger in her face listening to me, she was very vocal with how she was feeling so that I could hear she was frustrated.

"How dare he? Like how dare he actually say that to you? You weren't even with him when you slept with Peter, it has nothing to do with him. You could have slept with the whole street, and he would still have no right to shame you after saying that he loved you."

"Chelle – "

"No Car, and talking about your daughter like he was a right? I will kill him. He didn't even know you properly when you lost her, he wasn't there, he didn't know what you were going through…"

She continued to rant as I zoned out, she had a point and I hadn't even told her what he had exactly said, how far he had actually gone. Michelle was beyond protective, and it was definitely showing in her face and when she kept clenching my hand when she had spurts of anger, I couldn't tell her the rest. There were certain things I needed to keep to myself to protect Michelle and I guess Nicks's personal safety. Instead, I took my other hand and placed it over our joined hands to stop her rant and venting for a moment for me to speak.

"I just wanted to hide away, to protect myself for a bit, no stress to protect me and the baby. I guess Nick reminding me about my little girl, made me scared for this baby, so I didn't want to deal with all the stress of everyone staring at me, gossiping, watching. I needed this break."

Michelle gave me a sad smile, full of obvious pity and I hated it, but I knew I had to accept it, I was pitiful right now and it was horrible. She was my best friend though, I know she loves me and cares about me, so it came from a place of love and caring but, it still sucked to be the person getting her pity.

"I hear what you are saying but Carla, you can't stay locked up here like you did something wrong because you didn't. I get it, this was to look after you, but this is making everyone think you did something wrong."

"But I did. I – "

"No, you didn't. Are you telling me that no one has hooked up with their ex? I've done it with Steve too many times to count… and aye, look at Nick, how many times has he hooked up with Leanne? It happens."

"Yeah, but I didn't tell Nick. I should have told him."

There it was, the truth she was dodging and pretending like it didn't exist, I should have told Nick that it was Peter I slept with, I should have told him that Peter was the dad. Of course, he was upset, if I were in his shoes, I would be too. We were now in silence as Michelle had told me to tell Nick, yet I ignored her warning, I didn't listen to her advice, she had every right to say I told you, she knew it too. Michelle was silently trying to think of a way to get out the corner I backed her into, trying to think of a reason why I wasn't in the wrong as she was a supporting friend and that's what they did. There wasn't anything she could say though, I was in the wrong and it sucked but it was what I deserved.

"Oh, who cares? Should you have told him? Yes. You didn't though, he had every right to be upset, but to announce it to everyone in the pub, yell at you, make you feel horrible and low, he never deserved you. If you ask me, it was a lucky escape."

I wasn't asking her though, she was a liar as she thought it would comfort me, it didn't because I knew it wasn't the truth. Nick was too good for me and even if I didn't ruin it this way, I would ruin it somehow, it was painful to admit but it was the truth. Good men and I didn't mix, I always felt for the bad boys as they destroyed me, it was what I had to go through.

"Chelle… I just… I don't know how things went wrong so quickly…"

"It's men, we blame the men."

Finally, for the first time in eternity, I laughed and suddenly it was uncontrollable laughter, Michelle joined in as well and then we were both in hysterics like lunatics. It felt good to just laugh and feel good, it was something to start to break me out of this weird funk I had found myself in. Tears appeared in my eyes, and I couldn't tell if it was from the sadness finally being able to hit me or from laughing too much but as I wiped them away, we were both able to finally stop laughing.

"My life is a mess…"

"Yeah, but if it wasn't then it wouldn't be yours."

I seriously don't know what I would do without Michelle as she was my own personal superhero picking me up when I think I have hit my lowest. Who needs men or family or anyone else when I have a best friend like this?

"In any way, you have this baby to focus on now, you know why? Because you are going to be a great mom and this little baby is going to be happy and healthy and I will be there every step of the way."

She was right, like always, not that I would ever tell her that, my baby was going to need my full attention, I kept myself locked away to protect them from any stress I might get from going out. There was nothing I wouldn't do for my baby, with my last pregnancy, I didn't realise how much I wanted her until it was too late, now I knew though, this baby was my family, my life.

"You're right, I need to focus on the baby."

"I always am, which is why you are going to go for a shower and get ready because we are going for a drink."

"Chelle – "

"No, you have looked after baby but now you need to look after yourself for the baby's sake, you need to get out. You also stink. Go now before I get a hose or spray you with air freshener."

After all these years of knowing her, I could tell that she wasn't going to back down as much as I fought, and I couldn't be bothered to fight an argument I wasn't going to win. She also had a point, I did miss the fresh air and being somewhere that wasn't these four walls, I guess I also did smell a little ripe. Being as dramatic as I could, I got up and walked over to the bathroom, hearing her laugh at my performance, trying to display how much of an effort this was.

When I came out of my bedroom, fully dressed and presentable, she was at my kitchen counter, reading a card that was sticking out of a bouquet of flowers. She was being nosey, and I wanted to punch myself for not hiding them or realising she would snoop when I was out of the room. I knew exactly what she was reading, I had read it so much I had memorised it.

'To Carla,

I'm sorry, we should talk.

Nick'

Something so simple had kept me up the night I had received them as I thought over every word analysing it and then deciding to ignore it. Other than that, he hadn't tried to communicate or reach out, so I thought there was no point anymore. She turned to me with a fright and we both decided to ignore what she had seen which I was grateful for, I really didn't want to talk about it. Instead, she looped my arm and escorted me out of my own apartment building.

Her smile was too big to be true and I knew it was to try and ease me but as soon as we passed the first person, eyes were on me, and I tried to hold my head high. Like Chelle had said, I hadn't done anything wrong to them, I lied to Nick but not to them, so I had no reason to be embarrassed. I saw Leanne outside of the Bistro and she definitely saw me, I chose to look away, not ashamed but to avoid confrontation. Liz's eyes were kind when she saw me, I actually believed her, she got the drinks that Michelle asked for and we moved to a booth to give us a bit of privacy from nosey stares and looks.

"See, you didn't suddenly pass out from a few stares."

"Ok, I didn't say I would."

I was slowly starting to feel more like myself just sitting here with my friend and sadly sipping a soft drink.

"So, tell me about your honeymoon."

"Well, Car it was amazing, we…"

I listened as she practically went through every day that she was away and everything she liked and disliked, what she would do differently next time, I couldn't help but smile back at her as her emotions were contagious. It was nice to have something be able to lift the mood after I had started it on such a depressing note earlier.

When she started telling me about her pile of mail she got when she got back but there was nothing important, my bag next to me felt like it was on fire as I remembered the letter in there. It was the date for my next ultrasound and I had yet to tell Peter, I was trying to keep our communication professional, but he needed to know, and I wanted to tell him now.

"Hey Chelle, do you mind if we pop into the factory."

"No, sure, let's go."

She caught onto my use of the word us and was amazing enough not to point out that I was needing her back up to visit my own factory. Our drinks were basically finished, and we were strolling down the road, arms looped on the way to the factory and this time my head was held a little higher.

Leanne and Nick were outside the Bistro, looking up at the sign and talking to each other, Leanne must have heard our heels tapping on the pavement and caught sight of us. The quick whip of her head back to Nick was enough to tell me that she didn't want him to see me, but she was too late, he looked at me as we passed, and I caught sight of his black eye. He looked like he wanted to come over to us, but Leanne held his arm and spoke to him, holding him there. We carried on walking to the factory-like nothing had happened, but I was still curious.

"I wonder what happened to him."

"Who? Nick? Peter punched him, I thought you knew."

"What?"

"Yeah, Liz said, I thought Peter would have told you."

I had a million more questions, but we were out of time as the machinists caught sight of us and stared in silence, not knowing what to expect. I played my part though of the hard-ass boss and took control straight away.

"Shouldn't you lot actually be working if you want to keep your jobs?"

Just like that I strutted in my office like I hadn't been in hiding for two weeks, Alya was the only person in the office, and she stared at me in shock just like the machinists had. I get that it was surprising, but it was my business, so they had to expect me back at some point. My attention was on Peter's desk though and it was annoying me that he wasn't here.

"Peter not here?"

"No, Mrs. Connor, he has a meeting with McDawson."

Doing the only thing I could, I pulled the envelope out of my bag and placed it on his desk right on top of his keyboard so that he couldn't miss it.

"When he gets back, make sure he gets that letter, and he knows it's from me. I'll see you tomorrow Alya."

I think we all need a friend like Michelle. Thank you so much for the reviews, I am definitely taking everyone's thoughts and feelings into consideration.