Hello readers, it's been a while. I realised with my previous chapter upload that I didn't leave a comment to you all, so I'm doing it now.
I hope you're enjoying the chapters, it seems a bit rushed to me as I'm struggling with a mental block. I've decided to bring this story to an end, the one after this upload will be the last I think. My other fiction is still up and I haven't finished that one yet, so head over and have a read of that one if you like.
I'd like to thank you all for you kind reviews, I love reading them! Much love x
"Darling I'm home"
Why Adam thought the need to shout that thinking anyone would actually be home, the house was quiet and dark. As he walked through the hallway, turning on the lights as he passed he heard a sobbing coming from behind the utility room door, reaching for the handle and slowly opening it, the light from the hallway catching reflection of her, there Rachel was balled up in the corner with her knees to her chest and her make up half way down her face that it looked like a toddler had done it.
Approaching her softly, he knelt down beside her and placed an offering hand on her back to welcome her into a hug, which she did not accept
"Sweetheart, what's wrong? Why are you sat in the corner of the utility in the dark? Did you manage to shrink all my shirts?"
Rachel looked up, rolled her eyes and placed her head back into her lap. Of course Adam had to make it about himself and to try and crack a joke, at the time Rachel would of probably laughed and teased back but now wasn't the time for joking around. She wasn't happy, hours ago she had been told near enough all the missing pieces of her past that her brain would not allow her to remember and now her head was like a tornado of information, whooshing around with ideas, thoughts and more questions and one of the questions to herself being 'have I made a mistake with Adam?'
Adam felt like her saving grace, her safety, he is all that she knew and what her brain allowed her to know, it felt right at the time but then as time went on it started to not feel right. Rachel started to compare her date with Eddie to her weeks with Adam, Adam reminding her of herself when she was Amanda but of course it makes sense, he never knew her as Rachel and Rachel was a completely different person to Amanda or she had hoped considering she doesn't actually have much memory of Rachel' life but for what she does remember it's been good and she was happy until recent events.
"I can't do this anymore Adam" she lifted her head up and rested her chin on the tops of her knees
"What do you mean you can't do 'this' do what?" Shuffling back and sitting opposite her on the floor
"I mean this" moving her hands around to gesture them both "us, I can't do it anymore. It's not right"
"Don't be silly Rachel, I love you"
"No Adam, you don't. You love Amanda and Amanda and Rachel are very much two different people"
"You're the same person? So that doesn't make sense…"
Laughing as he was kinda right there "yes you're right but from when you last saw me I must've been what? 18? And I'm now in my 30s. People change Adam, I've changed and it's best to end now rather than signing divorce papers after we're married"
"It's him isn't it? The guy you was in the pub with"
"No" shaking her head and closing her eyes questioning her response to Adam, did she just tell a lie "it's not, it's not you, it's not him…
"It's you" looking up into her eyes "yeah that's what they all say"
"Yes Adam it's me" her voice sounding more firm than before, she didn't want this to be an argument but she disliked people that accused her of lying and sounding patronising "if you can't remember I was actually in an accident which then brought me into a coma?" She raised her eyebrows "which then lead to me not remembering majority of my life, I still go to hospital appointments as my memory hasn't come back and it's been over a year. My brain plays tricks on me I don't know what's real anymore, my brain is like a jigsaw puzzle that I'm slowly trying to fit back together and that means working myself out. I decided to take a chance with us and everything moved to fast and it put a lot into perspective for me, this isn't working for me it doesn't feel me anymore." She grabbed hold of Adams hands "look Adam, I'm sorry. I adore you, you were one of my closest friends growing up and I don't want to lose you. But I feel if we stay together as a couple I'm going to lose myself, my true self"
"Miss Mason"
"Yes that's me"
The nurse gestured a smile "Dr Smith will see you now"
It had been over four weeks since Rachel saw Eddie and then ended things with Adam, Adam hadn't spoken to her since she had ended things but at least they didn't end badly and badly being a full blown argument and throwing objects around the kitchen. Eddie on the other hand, he's been trying to contact her since she left his office that day in a full blown panic attack, she chooses to decline the calls whilst she wraps her head round it all.
"Ah Rachel, good to see you!"
"William, hi how're you?" She smiled towards him whilst taking a seat and making herself comfortable in his office
"Busy but I'm good. Right let's get started shall we, what's new? How are you doing?"
"Gosh, what hasn't been happening! You're going to need more than one notepad for this" she laughed
William didn't say a word, he smiled but kept quiet to allow her to spill all
Rachel told him about her and Adam from moving into together, engaged to then breaking up. She filled him in with the reason for that break up on how it didn't feel right and also the true reason, being visiting Eddie at the school
"You went to Waterloo Road?"
"Yes"
"That's a big step Rachel, how was it?"
"Overwhelmed, confused.. there's a lot I'm feeling. I'm like a walking tornado and my head is like a jigsaw puzzle. I need fixing.."
"You don't need fixing, you're not broken. You're lost and just need a little help in finding the way. It'll soon come, the memories will start to appear piece by piece just like a jigsaw puzzle"
She smiled, she liked that "Eddie told me everything; I knew from when we went on our date something seemed familiar and the connection between us, it felt right"
She went on to tell William everything Eddie had told her those few weeks back, how they met, the history of Amanda and Stuart and then the fire, which lead to panic attacks and her walking out and not speaking to Eddie since.
"I can see why you feel like a walking tornado with all that information whirling around you"
He stood up and grabbed his chair and placed it directly in front of her, taking a seat and leaving his notepad on the desk. He wanted to give his full attention to the women in front of him and make sure she is paying full attention what he was about to say next
"Rachel, it's ok. You've amazingly decided to take all this on and surprisingly rushing into it head on like a steam train, no wonder you feel all over the place and that's ok.
I mentioned to you in a previous appointment that even if you get told your past that you might not remember, it takes time. But I want you to listen to me and don't worry when I say this but you might not get those memories back you need to remember that, you just need to figure out what and who makes you happy and maybe thinking about starting fresh?"
Rachel looked up and just started at Will, she knew what she wanted and she told Will but she was scared and unsure.
"Well you don't know unless you try, just keep your head strong Rachel I think you can do this. I wish you all the best for your future!"
"Thank you so much Will, it was nice to see and chat to you again"
"You too, goodbye" he gestured towards a hug as this was their final appointment for the foreseeable
"Bye Will" a tear making its way down Rachel cheek, he had helped with so much he had been her rock through all her break downs and thoughts. She hoped that they could be friends and keep in touch, rather than the patient and staff relationship.
Parked outside the school gates it was exactly 15:21 on her car clock.
When Rachel left the hospital she realised if she was going to do what she told Will then she needed to do it now before he mind had other plans for her. So she got in her car and headed straight for Waterloo Road.
It was perfect timing as she didn't want to bump into the children again, she didn't want it to be awkward for them as it was for her because she doesn't remember any of them. So getting to the school as the day had ended was a great, she just hoped Eddie was still here.
She drove down into the school and pulled up into a spot near the front entrance, checked herself over in the rear view mirror and stepped out of the car.
"Well I never, fancy seeing you here Rachel"
Rachel turned on her feet to find a woman in her mid forties power walking in stilettos towards her "I'm sorry?"
"You, here back at Waterloo Road"
"Ah right" looking around rather sheepish trying to avoid eye contact as she felt terrible that she had no idea who she was speaking to "I'm here to see the Head Teacher, Eddie Lawson"
"I bet you are" giving a little wink
"Excuse me?"
"Oh come on Rach, we all saw it over a year ago, you're madly in love it was only going to be a matter of time. After I saw you leave here a couple of weeks ago we all started to place bets, you know me"
Rachel could only gesture a smile "I'm sorry I'm a little confused now.."
Just before Rachel and Steph could say or try to say anymore to each other a man came up behind Steph and interrupted
"Hello, sorry to interrupt you both" the man smiled at Rachel and then faced Steph
"Could I borrow you for a moment, I need help with something"
"Sure" Steph was actually grateful that Tom came over and saved her as it started to feel rather awkward between herself and Rachel and Steph didn't like awkward situations that much. "I'll catch you later"
"Bye" Rachel didn't know what else to say, so just awkwardly waved and puffed her cheeks up and blew out air like a puffer fish then headed towards the entrance of the school.
"You're a bloody life saver Tom, thank you!"
"What we're you thinking?"
"What do you mean? I was talking to Rachel. What am I helping you with anyway, where are we going?"
"We'll I'm going to the pub, I don't know about you. I was heading towards my car and overheard you talking to Rachel and I came to save Rachel"
"Charming!"
"Steph you can be an idiot some times, don't you remember the meeting going back last year regarding Rachel?"
The clocks started to turn in Steph's had and the light bulb came on
"Oh my god" putting her hands over her mouth "what have I done, poor Rachel. Of course she didn't recognise me, she doesn't know who I bloody am. Hang on a minute, how does she know Eddie then?"
"She doesn't"
She grabbed Tom' arm and stopped in on his tracks and faced him
"That's a lie Tom Clarkson. You know something I don't, spill.." raising her eyebrows
"She doesn't know Eddie"
"Then why is she hear to see him, hmm?"
"We'll she doesn't remember him, but he met her again where she works and they went on a date and that's all I'm saying"
"What?" Scurrying after him in her heels "you can't just say that and leave it, Tom come on."
"No steph" he stepped into his car "I'll see you at the pub
Locking up the office, Eddie would usually be joining the others at the pub but he had the day from hell with Bolton being accused of sexual harassment which turned out to be a false accusation. You'd think after a year this merge would of been working wonders by now but there was still little bumps along the way. Then Rachel came to mind, if she was still head everything would be running like clockwork, he started to doubt his own headship.
He made his way down the stairs towards the entrance of the school, where his car was parked and there she was just about to make her way up, they stopped and stared for a moment
"Rachel" "Eddie"
They both laughed as they spoke the same time
"You go first" Eddie gestured and slowly made his way down the stairs towards her
"Eddie, I…" she stopped trying to figure out what to say or where to start, this all seemed clear in her head when she was driving to the school but now being her stood in front of him in person. It was harder than it looked, her nerves were getting the better of her
"Ahh why am I so nervous"
Eddie smiled and placed his hand under her jaw and raised her head so she was looking at him
"Hey, you ok?"
Her belted rested heavily into his hand, how she longed his touch, everything felt right
"Yes, it is now" she grabbed his hand off of her face and held it with both her hands
"Eddie, I've come here to tell you that, I want to fall in love with you again"
"After I left you a couple of weeks ago, I panicked. You was right, it was all too much and honestly I don't remember any of it, nothing really has come back. The only thing I'm sure of is that when I'm with you, it feels right. Some sort of familiarity is there and I like the person I am when I'm with you. I panicked because finishing everything out and still nothing came back to me that, that was it I had no hope and my life was over but then a friend reminded me today that I needed to figure out what makes me happy and staring my life from fresh. Not many people get a reset button on their lives but I do"
She giggled
"It's not the way i would of gone about getting a reset button but there we are, it's happened. The past is in the past and I want to reset that button with you, because you make me happy Eddie Lawson."
It was silence for a while, Eddie was beaming with happiness. He took his hand away from Rachel reach and took a step back.
Was this it, was this turning her down and then he held his hand out in front of her for her to shake as if they were strangers meeting again for the first time
"Hello, I'm Eddie Lawson. Covering Head Teacher of Waterloo Road"
She smiled and cried happy tears and gently placed her hand in Eddie's to shake
"Nice to meet you Eddie, I'm Rachel Mason"