So Long, Farewell Chapter 8
Disclaimer: I do not have the rights to SOA and make no profit from my writing. Anything you don't recognize from the show I have created.
Content Warning: This fanfiction is rated M. Please respect that warning and do not read this if you do not want to read M rated material.
Story Summary: NON CANNON Set after end of season. A woman and her ill father move in to the house next door to Jax. Carly's father grew up in Charming and wanted to come back to live out the last of his days. Carly needs support in a town where she knows no one. Jax is without his wife, his kids, and his mother. Is shared loneliness enough to build a relationship on for two people so different?
Set after end of series. NON CANNON. Jax has not died. Wendy and Nero are raising the boys in Mexico for their safety. Jax is still the president of SAMCRO.
Jax kept quiet about his inner turmoil for the next few days. He spent every night at Carly's house. He skipped the Friday night party to stay in with her instead. He helped her cook dinner, he took the dog for walks, he made her a terrible Sunday breakfast, but she appreciated it anyway. He got a solid 8 days with her as a couple before her father came back home. Then it was a few hours a night in his house. Making epic love in bed, cuddling on the couch, sitting outside smoking in the cool summer night air.
He took every moment he could get with her. He never discussed his feelings for her, and she didn't hers with him. It tore him up inside to think she still thought of them as just hooking up. But when they connected in bed, when they made love, he knew there was more between them. And he reveled in it.
With every day Carly grew more and more quiet about the health of her father. Jax always asked, and as of late she would simply shrug. He assumed that meant she didn't want to think about how bad it was. He couldn't bring himself to ask what her plans were after he passed. He couldn't bring himself to think about the fact that she might not stay.
It was 2 months, nearly to the day that her father had last been in the hospital that he got a text in the middle of the afternoon that he had gone back in by ambulance. Jax stopped by the house and let the dog out and fed her before he headed to the hospital. He didn't ask if she wanted him there. He wanted to be there for her.
He peered into the old man's hospital room and watched Carly sit next to the bed and scan through pamphlets. He assumed they were for nursing homes. He gave one quiet knock on the door jam and she looked up and saw him. She gave him a half smile and got up out of her chair.
"Hey." He greeted her with a soft kiss.
"Hey." She answered. She checked her watch. "I need to-"
"I took care of Kenya." He cut her off. She gave him a smile. "Have you eaten anything?" He asked.
"No." She shook her head and looked down. "I can't."
"It's bad, isn't it?"
Her eyes welled up with tears and he wrapped his arms around her. He rested his cheek on her hair and listened to her taking deep breaths trying not to cry.
She pulled away and he let go. She looked down at the pamphlets she was holding and handing them to him. They weren't for nursing homes. They were for hospice. He was dying.
He swallowed back his own tears and lifted her chin with his finger. "How long?"
"They said maybe a few weeks. He was spitting up his food last night and this morning. And then he just got really weak. The doctor said his body is rejecting food. They think his liver is shutting down too. It's not breaking down his medications the way it's supposed to." She stopped talking and took a deep breath. "His body is just shutting down." She said on a shaky breath.
"Is he conscious?"
"He's in and out. He can't stay awake for more than a minute or two." She turned to look back in and make sure he was in fact, still asleep.
Jax ran his hands up and down her arms. "What can I do? Can I make calls? Can I get you something? Do you want me to stay with you?"
"I don't know." She rested her forehead against his chest and he ran his fingers through her hair. "I don't know, Jax." She lifted her head back up and looked at him. "I ah, I need to call my brother. Let him know. Can you, can you stay here, and come and get me if he wakes up?"
"Yeah, yeah I can do that."
She went back in the room and set down the pamphlets, she grabbed her phone and walked diagonal across the hall to a bench to sit on. Jax leaned against the door jam, half in, half out of her father's room.
He watched Carly call her brother. She hung up, texted him, and called again. He picked up the second time. Carly told him what she had told Jax, that their father's body was shutting down. That the hospital was recommending hospice. He interrupted her quite a few times. When she hung up the phone, she wiped her hands over her face and groaned.
"He's not coming." She said as she walked back to Jax. "He said he can come in now or come in for the funeral, not both." She glanced in at her dad and swallowed back more tears. "I'm gonna sit with him till they kick me out." She said in a surer voice.
"Okay." Jax ran a hand down her arm before she walked back in the room. He was at a loss as to what to do. He headed down a level and got a bottle of water and Carly's favorite candy out of a vending machine. He came back up and came in the room quietly. He set them down on the table next to her and kissed the top of her head. "I'll wait for you at home. Text me if you need me. I'll be 10 minutes away."
She nodded her head and squeezed his hand before turning back to her father.
Jax let himself into Carly's house and gave the dog a good rub down. Kenya was obviously upset that her dad was gone again. She followed Jax around the house and kept rubbing up against his leg.
Jax kept himself busy for an hour cleaning some spit up off the recliner and doing a load of towels and soiled shirts from her dad's room. He kept the house quiet. He wasn't in the mood for music or sports games.
When the laundry was done and put away, he sat on the couch with his head in his hands. He had 2 horrible thoughts going through his head. The first was the pain Carly was going through. The second, selfishly, was a panic over the fact that she might leave once he was gone. He had never brought himself to ask her what her plans were. He was afraid of the answer.
The dog joined him on the couch and he laid back and casually ran his hand over her soft fur while he thought about what he could possibly say to make her stay. And then his mind would turn towards his dead wife, and he would remind himself he had no right to ask her to stay. He would only be putting her in danger.
At some point he must have fallen asleep. He woke to Kenya jumping off the couch and saw headlights pulling into the driveway. He wanted to jump up and meet her at the door just like the dog, but restrained himself to stay on the couch instead.
"Hey." She said quietly as she set her things down and stepped into the room. She gave the dog a minute of attention and came to sit next to Jax on the couch. She leaned her head against his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her.
"Any change?" He asked.
"No. Nothing." She shook her head.
"You sound exhausted." He observed.
"Mentally, emotionally, physically…" She drifted off as she spoke.
"Come on." Jax stood up and gently pulled her up as well. He guided her to the bedroom and sat her down on the bed. He fished her night shirt out and helped her into it before maneuvering her under the covers. "I'll be right back, I'm gonna let Kenya out for the last time."
He kissed her head as her eyes closed and quietly led the dog out the back door. By the time he got back into the bedroom, she was sound asleep. He stripped down and joined her. Holding her close.
When he woke up in the morning Carly was gone already. He could hear her in the kitchen. He pulled on his jeans and went into the bathroom to freshen up. Before he left, he went to throw a tissue in the garbage and spotted a box he knew very well. He pulled it out. It was a pregnancy test box. His breathing stopped. He dug through the trash but didn't find the test. He set the box down on the counter and walked towards the kitchen. A baby. A baby with Carly. His heart wouldn't stop pounding.
Carly was slicing strawberries for her oatmeal when he came into the room. She gave him a smile and turned back to her task.
"Are you pregnant?" Jax asked outright. He meant to be smoother about it, but his mind was racing.
"What?" Carly turned back around to face him.
"Are you pregnant?" He asked again, his voice shaking.
"No." Carly shook her head. Something in her eyes clicked and she stepped up to him. "No, Jax. I'm not. Take a deep breath." She rested her hands on his cheeks.
"You thought you were, and you didn't tell me." He said quietly, licking his lips as his mouth went dry.
"No." She shook her head. He started to speak and she places a finger lightly over his lips. "Breathe Jax. I'm not pregnant. I took a test. My birth control stops my period and my doctor told me to take a test every 3 months. Just in case. I thought it was about time I did, seeing how often we find ourselves in bed. That's all. You…I didn't tell you because I didn't think you'd be here to see it." She explained.
Jax finally took the deep breath she kept telling him to take. He stepped away from her and wiped his hands over his face. He stared at her for a moment while his heart beat went back to normal.
"You almost look disappointed." She observed.
"I… I don't know what I am. A lot of thoughts raced through my head on the walk from the bathroom to here."
Carly bit her lip and took a deep breath herself. The look in Jax's eyes was equal parts relief and grief. She wasn't sure how that made her feel. She cleared her throat and grabbed a slice of strawberry from the counter. She offered it to Jax and placed it gently in his mouth.
"I didn't mean to freak you out." She tried to assure him. "I'm ah, do you want this?" She asked, holding up the bowl of oatmeal. "I want to get to the hospital before the doctors do their rounds."
Jax took the offered bowl of oatmeal and Carly wiped her nervous hands on her thighs. He stared at her intently for another moment, trying to interpret the thoughts and feelings rushing through his head.
He cleared his own throat. "Text me. If ah… for anything. A change, if you need me to do something, if you don't want to be alone, anything."
"Okay." She tried to give him a smile but it didn't quite make it to her eyes. "Kenya ate." She said over her shoulder as she grabbed her purse and slipped on her shoes.
Jax listened to her car pull out of the driveway. He set the oatmeal back down. He couldn't eat. His stomach was in his throat.
Jax worked with his head in the clouds all day. He spent more time checking his phone than working on cars. The same thought came screaming through his head every 10 seconds or so. He had no right to want a baby with Carly after sending his own 2 sons away. No fucking right.
But when he saw that test box. Jesus, when he saw that test box a whole new life flashed before his eyes. Carly in his bed every night, home for dinner every evening, finally being there for the birth of his child. Holding a baby again, hearing a child's voice call him daddy again. Watching a woman he loved turn his empty house back into a home he wanted to be in.
He could just picture Carly growing a baby bump. He could practically feel that baby kicking against his hand in the womb. He could do so much different this time around. Chibs was right, the club was different now. It was safer, it was calmer.
But damnit, he sent his boys away for a reason. Those reasons were still valid. If they weren't wouldn't he move heaven and earth to bring his boys home again? His Able, kidnapped as a baby. His Thomas, his mother murdered while he was practically an infant. He didn't have the right to bring them back and put them in that situation again. He didn't have the right to bring another woman, a baby into that situation again.
He threw a wrench across the garage in frustration and stormed out to the lot to light up a cigarette. The other men in the garage looked out at him, and then all glanced at Chibs to go see what was wrong.
Chibs set his own wrench down gingerly and slowly walked out to the lot.
"Something wrong, brother?" He asked in a calm voice.
"Yes." Jax said simply.
"You want to talk about it?"
"No."
"You want to take it out in the ring?" Chibs asked.
Jax's phone went off and he yanked it out of his pocket. 'He's gone' is all the text from Carly said.
"Jesus. Jesus Christ. I gotta go." Jax answered and jogged over to his bike, revving it up as he put on his helmet. It wasn't 30 seconds before he was riding off the lot.
Chibs looked back at the garage and the waiting club members. They were all staring at him for answers. He simply shrugged his shoulders and walked back into the garage.
Jax raced to the hospital and ran up the steps to the third floor rather than wait for the elevator. He went right into Carly's father's hospital room. Carly was calmly gathering her father's things into his ever-present hospital bag.
"Carly?" He asked gently.
Carly looked up at him with tears welling in her eyes and shook her head. She sniffed and went back to packing slowly.
Jax sat down in the empty chair and stared at the empty spot where the bed should have been. At least they had wheeled him out instead of bagging him up in front of her. He watched Carly's hands tremble as she zipped up the duffle bag.
She started to lift the bag and Jax stood up and took it from her. She grabbed her purse and silently headed out the door. Jax followed her to her car and set the bag in the back seat. He took Carly's keys out of her hand and walked her to the passenger seat. He sat down in the driver's seat and glanced over at her. She was biting her lip; her hands were wrapped around her in a self-soothing posture.
He started the car and silently drove her home.
When they got to the house Carly walked directly to the couch and sat down. Jax took the hospital bag to her father's bedroom and left it on the bed. He shut the door and joined her on the couch. Kenya whined and pushed her way between their legs on the floor. Jax rubbed her behind the ears and under her chin.
Carly pulled out her phone and sent a text message. Then she opened her purse on the coffee table and pulled out a folder the hospital had given her. She took out a business card for the only funeral home in town and just stared at it.
"You don't need to do that right now." Jax said after she didn't move for a few minutes. He gingerly took the card out of her hand and set it back down on the table. "Come here." He said, and opened his arms to her.
"I can't." She said quietly. "If I start, I won't stop."
"Yes. You will." He assured her and pulled her into him. "I'll make sure of it. I'm right here." He whispered into her hair.
Carly cried herself into a twilight sleep and Jax laid her down on the couch. He went through her phone to find her brother's number and saw she had sent him the same text she had sent Jax. The bastard had responded with, 'okay.' He took the liberty of sending another text, explicitly asking when he would be arriving in Charming so she could set an appointment with the funeral home. When he finally got an answer, he called the funeral home and made Carly an appointment for the next afternoon.
He grabbed his own phone and asked Chibs to pick his bike up from the hospital and bring it home for him. He also told his brother he wouldn't be into work for a few days.
With that done he sat back and watched Carly's gentle breathing. Her pain broke his heart. He tried to focus on her, what she needed, instead of his incessant fear that she would leave Charming after the funeral.
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