So Long, Farewell chapter 10
Disclaimer: I do not have the rights to SOA and make no profit from my writing. Anything you don't recognize from the show I have created.
Content Warning: This fanfiction is rated M. Please respect that warning and do not read this if you do not want to read M rated material.
Story Summary: NON CANNON Set after end of season. A woman and her ill father move in to the house next door to Jax. Carly's father grew up in Charming and wanted to come back to live out the last of his days. Carly needs support in a town where she knows no one. Jax is without his wife, his kids, and his mother. Is shared loneliness enough to build a relationship on for two people so different?
Set after end of series. NON CANNON. Jax has not died. Wendy and Nero are raising the boys in Mexico for their safety. Jax is still the president of SAMCRO.
Carly was up at dawn the day of the burial. Jax wasn't really sure she had slept at all. He came out of the bedroom showered and dressed at a more decent hour and found her taking family pictures out of frames and laying them neatly in a plastic tote. He didn't say anything about her not needing to do that yet. He went to the kitchen and made them coffee, bringing her a steaming mug.
He sat down next to her and watched her open an 8 x 10 frame and pull out 13 years of school pictures of herself. She went to toss them in the tote and he grabbed them from her.
"What?" She asked.
"I wanna see." He gave her a smirk and went through the pictures. Her senior portrait was beautiful, but the further back he got, the more he fell in love with her. He picked out her second-grade picture as his favorite.
"Why didn't you smile?" He asked, showing it to her. She had a large, closed lip grin on her face.
"I was missing a front tooth." She said defensively and grabbed the picture back to through it in the tote.
"What are you going to do with all of these?" He asked as he took more pictures out to look at.
"I don't know, but I figure I'll sell whatever frames I can. I'm certainly not gonna display all these like he did."
Jax nodded his head as he looked through more of the pictures. He had never given them much thought other than that there were a lot of frames sitting around the house. He realized with the number of pictures in the tote, every frame must have had years' worth of pictures in it, one stacked on top of the next. He stopped at one of Carly being thrown up high in a pool by her father. She couldn't have been more than 4. They both looked so happy.
He cleared his throat and put the pictures back in the tote. He considered the implications of her actions. She was getting ready to clean out the house, probably have an estate sale. He remembered her own things were still in storage in Delaware. He wondered how soon after the sale she would leave for home.
His heart started to pound at the idea. If he knew anything about medicine, he would have called it a panic attack, but he just pushed the heel of his hand in his chest and got up from the couch. He stared out the back window and took slow, deep breaths. She had to leave. She couldn't stay. She wouldn't be safe. He wouldn't ask her to stay, not if it killed him.
Kenya came up and whined at him, licking his hand. He squatted down and pet the dog, burying his head in her soft fur. He stayed that way for several minutes until his heart rate slowed down.
"Can I do anything to help?" He asked when his voice felt strong again.
"Do you know anything about pricing those?" She asked, nodding her head toward the curio cabinet and the miscellaneous collectables inside.
"Not really."
"Me either." She finished the last frame and finally reached over to her luke warm coffee. "I'm gonna have to google their value. I don't even know the proper names for half of them."
Jax nodded his head and sat back down next to her on the couch. She had stilled for the moment and Jax grasped the top of her thigh in his large hand, using his thumb to gently stroke back and forth. He wanted, no, he needed contact with her. Any kind of contact. He pushed the panic down this time when it rose up in his chest and kissed the side of her head.
"There's no rush." He assured her.
"I know. I just needed something to keep my hands busy." She leaned her head against his shoulder and he, in turn, rested his on top of hers.
"Let's do something." He announced after a few moments of silence. "Let's go for a ride. We have plenty of time."
"Ride where?"
"Anywhere, back country roads, something beautiful to look at, wind in our faces. Come on." He stood up and pulled her to her feet.
Jax got them back in time to change and go to the cemetery. Kevin and Carly barely acknowledged each other as the hearse showed up and the minister came. Jax stood next to Carly, hand on her shoulder while the minister said the prayer. Carly laid yellow roses, her father's favorite, on his casket before walking away. Kevin walked the opposite direction.
Carly leaned against her car and stared off into the cemetery as the undertakers lowered the casket into the ground. Jax stayed by her side, equally silent. It wasn't until the deed was done and the workers left that Carly turned to get into the vehicle.
Jax stayed quiet. He simply didn't know what to say. He drove them slowly back to the house. Carly went straight to her bedroom and slipped out of her black dress. She hung it neatly in the closet and laid herself out on the bed in her black bra and panties. She turned over on her stomach and hugged her pillow tight.
Jax crawled in bed next to her and laid on his side. He slowly slipped his fingers up and down her back. He knew by now the points that made her shiver and the points that made her laugh. He didn't think it appropriate to start tickling her, so he simply drew invisible designs along her bare skin.
He laid back when her breathing evened out, telling him she had slipped into sleep. He rested his head in his folded hands and stared at the ceiling. He was long past fighting the fact that he had fallen in love with Carly. If he wasn't careful his mind would slip into daydreams of being married, living in his house, doing mundane couple things.
That's what he seemed to miss the most about being married. He loved Tara, he would always love Tara, no one would ever replace her, and he wasn't trying to. But when he thought about what made him happiest, what stood out in his memory, it was the little things. Cooking together, cuddling on the couch watching movies. Sitting at the kitchen table making a grocery list. Doing the dishes together. Laughing through it all. When he thought of sharing his bed with Tara, his mind didn't go to sex, it went to holding each other, whispering to each other in the middle of the night.
He had gone without any of that for nearly a year before Carly showed up next door. And he had experienced almost all of that with her over the summer. Had it really been only a summer that they had been together? He couldn't stand the thought of going back to being alone. He looked over at Carly as she slept. He had no right to ask her to stay. To put her in danger, to involve her in his life. He had no right to put anyone in that position again. But the thought of her leaving took his breath away.
Carly napped for only 20 minutes or so before she turned over and Jax looked her in the eyes. She looked sad, worn out, exhausted, unhappy, he couldn't stand it. He loved her eyes. He held her chin in his hand gently and pulled her in for a kiss.
"I can't stay here." Carly stated as she lay back down in bed.
Jax's stomach leaped into his throat. His heart beat frantically.
"Can we go to your place?" She finished her thought and Jax swallowed his fear back down in a painful lump.
"Of course." He stretched his arm over her and rubbed her opposite bicep. "Throw some clothes on. I'll grab Kenya's food." He included the dog in their plans so she would spend the night with him.
Carly nodded her head and got up. She shimmied herself into a pair of jeans and threw on a t shirt. She pulled her hair back in a messy bun. Jax watched her and smiled. That was something else he loved about her. She was completely comfortable in her own body. She never felt like she had to impress anyone. She never pretended to be anything she wasn't.
He tore himself away from watching her and dumped some dog food in a gallon baggie. He waited for her in the kitchen and the two of them crossed the yard with the dog in tow.
"You don't mind, do you?" She asked when Kenya charged into the house for the first time and started sniffing every inch of the place.
"You know I love Kenya." He answered and stowed her food in a kitchen cupboard so she wouldn't get into it.
He came back in the living room with two bottles of water and set them on the table as he settled into the couch. She slipped her shoes off and curled up next to him, leaning against him.
"You wanna watch something?" He asked, before he picked up the remote.
"Sure. Anything." She added and he nodded and surfed through the channels till he came to a romantic comedy. He felt a comedy was the way to go tonight.
Carly barely glanced at the tv. She picked at her finger nails for a while and then pulled out her phone. Jax glanced at her screen and saw she was making a to do list for herself. Return oxygen tanks. Cancel automatic prescription renewals. Notify dialysis center. Call lawyer. Contact tax attorney.
Jax kissed her shoulder and pulled her in tighter to him. He slipped the arm behind her shoulders down to her back and wrapped his hand around her hip. He slipped his index finger under her jeans and hit just the right spot to make her jump and squeal.
Jax laughed lightly. "Stop thinking." He instructed her. He took her phone out of her hands and tossed it on the opposite love seat.
"Yes sir." She mocked him and glanced at the tv. After a few minutes she went back to picking at her fingernails.
"You hungry?" He asked when the movie ended. It was nearly 7.
"Not really." She shrugged.
"You didn't eat lunch." He reminded her. "Or breakfast."
"I had toast." She informed him.
"The dog got more than half of it." He shot back nicely.
"Maybe…" She admitted and shrugged again.
"Pizza." He named off something he'd never seen in her house.
"MMM cheesy bread." She added.
"Done deal." He got up and fished his phone out of his pocket to order dinner. While he was up, he fed the dog who had to thoroughly investigate her plastic Tupperware food and water dishes before diving in to eat.
Jax turned over in his sleep looking for Carly's warmth in the bed. When his hand didn't find her, he opened his eyes. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring in the direction of his dresser. He was about to reach out for her when she abruptly stood up and walked out of the room. Jax didn't give it much thought till he heard the back door open and shut. At that sound he climbed out of bed and pulled his jeans on.
He opened the back door and stared at her for a minute. She was sitting cross legged on the grass with her head in her hands. He came up in front of her and knelt down.
"Hey." He said softly and pulled her hands away from her face. She was pale, and had tear stains down her face. "Carly?" He asked gently.
"I'm okay." She murmured. "I just need some air."
"Alright." He nodded his head and stayed kneeling in front of her. She was taking long deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. Jax stroked her hair. "Can I do anything?" He asked.
"No… no. It's just a panic attack. Just give me a minute." She assured him. She was trembling now and Jax ran his hands up and down her arms.
"Come inside, Carly. It's cold." He tried to urge her.
"I can't." She whispered and shook her head as she tried to hold back a sob.
"Okay." Jax tried to calm her down. She was scaring him. "It was a hard day, Carly. I know. I'm here. Talk to me."
Carly just shook her head. She let out another sob and covered her face in her hands.
He gave her several more minutes to calm down before he spoke again.
"Come on Carly, you're freezing. Let's go inside."
"I can't." She repeated.
"Why not?" Jax asked.
Carly shook her head again. She attempted to wipe the tears off her face and took slow breaths.
"I can't go back in there." She whispered. "I can't. I can't stop looking at it. I can't go in there with it sitting there."
"With what sitting there? Carly? Honey, please, tell me what it is, I'll get rid of it." Jax searched his mind for anything she might have brought with her that reminded her of her father but came up empty.
"The gun." Carly whispered after another moment.
Jax stared at her, half perplexed, half shocked. "The gun is in the safe." He assured her.
"Please just put it away. Put it somewhere else." She begged him.
"Okay." Jax ran his hands up and down her arms to warm her. "Okay, I will. Just… just stay here. Don't move. I'll be right back."
He rushed back into the house and straight to his bedroom. His gun safe was sitting on top his dresser. Right where she had been staring. He grabbed it and turned around in his room. He started for his closet and changed his mind. He went into Abel's room and tucked it under the bed. He stood back up and pushed his hair out of his face with trembling hands.
He stopped in the kitchen and grabbed water and 2 pills out of a bottle in the back of the cupboard.
He came back out and knelt down in front of Carly. "It's gone, Carly. Look at me. I want you to take these." He held the pills out. She stared at him blankly and he slipped them into her mouth. "Swallow." He instructed her as he tipped the glass of water for her.
She did and he set the glass down in the grass a foot away. "Okay. Come on, come with me Carly." He eased her up on her feet and walked her back into the house and the bedroom. He laid her down in the bed and wrapped himself around her. "Go to sleep, Carly. I'm right here. The pills will help. Just go back to sleep."
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