So Long, Farewell Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not have the rights to SOA and make no profit from my writing. Anything you don't recognize from the show I have created.

Content Warning: This fanfiction is rated M. Please respect that warning and do not read this if you do not want to read M rated material.

Story Summary: NON CANNON Set after end of season. A woman and her ill father move in to the house next door to Jax. Carly's father grew up in Charming and wanted to come back to live out the last of his days. Carly needs support in a town where she knows no one. Jax is without his wife, his kids, and his mother. Is shared loneliness enough to build a relationship on for two people so different?

Set after end of series. NON CANNON. Jax has not died. Wendy and Nero are raising the boys in Mexico for their safety. Jax is still the president of SAMCRO.

Jax lay awake in bed with the sun streaming in. He hadn't slept since he had brought Carly back inside. He watched her sleep, pushing her hair behind her ear. It was nearly 11. He had no idea how long it would take her to sleep off the pills, but he sure as hell wasn't gonna let her wake up alone.

Kenya was laying on the floor staring at him. Every so often she would come over to the bed and try to poke at him with her nose, or paw at him. When she started crying, he gave up and got out of bed. He let her out the back door and poured her food in her dish. He let her back in quickly and went back to the bedroom.

Carly had turned onto her back and Jax laid back down next to her. She curled up onto her side and tucked herself into his body. She wound her arm around him and her thumb stroked back and forth along his ribs. She opened her eyes slowly and looked up at Jax confused.

"Morning." He whispered.

She groaned and pressed her forehead against his chest. "I feel hung over." She murmured against his skin. She slid off of him and sat up in bed, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Valium will do that to you." Jax responded and sat up next to her.

"Valium?" She asked.

"Yeah." Jax stroked her hair. "You remember last night? Going outside?"

Carly stilled for a moment and then buried her face back in her hands. "God… I'm sorry. I…"

"It's okay." He assured her. "You scared me a little." He admitted.

Carly took a deep breath and lowered her hands. She glanced at the dresser where the gun safe used to be.

"I moved it." He informed her. "You asked me to."

Carly nodded her head and drew her knees up to her chest.

Jax sat quietly next to her for a few minutes. He had questions he wanted to ask, but he didn't know how to start, and he didn't want to upset her.

"Where is it?" She finally asked.

"Put away." Jax answered. "You, ah… you feel like telling me what happened last night?"

Carly lowered her legs and went back to sitting cross legged. She stared down at her hands in her lap. "I… it was just a panic attack… I'm… I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry." He assured her. He turned her face to look at him. "But I need to know. You asked me to put it away. Were you thinking about using it?" He bit the inside of his cheek while he waited for an answer.

"I don't know. No. I don't… It's complicated." She looked away from him and he turned her towards him again.

"Please talk to me Carly." He begged her.

"Suicidal ideation." Carly said after a long pause. She didn't add anything to it so Jax urged her onward with his eyes. "It… It's where… I don't know. I think about it a lot. Like it's a normal thing to think about. It just, worms its way in my head. I've never… I've never tried to hurt myself. But… God…" She stopped and took a deep breath. "I've never lived with a gun in the house. A gun is… quick, easy. Last night, I just kept thinking, 2 seconds. Aim and fire and it would all be over. I wouldn't have done it."

Jax nodded his head and kissed her temple. "Why did it worm it's way in your head last night?"

"I don't know. Change? Stress? Not wanting to deal with what comes next? It was just a… thing."

Jax rested his forehead against hers. "I thought about it too. After my wife died. It's part of the reason I sent my kids away." He swallowed down the feelings that admission brought up. "I guess we make quite the pair. Huh?"

"Guess so." He pulled his head away and looked in her eyes. The thought of her feeling what he himself had felt at his lowest, it pained him. He slipped his fingers through her hair and kissed her slow and deep. Where his words failed him, he tried to communicate through touch that he was there for her, that she wasn't alone.

Jax followed Carly next door and played with the dog while she made the phone calls on her to do list. He got cardboard boxes out of the attic for her that she had saved and taped them back together. He didn't know how else to be of help, but he didn't want to leave her alone.

By 3, Carly was ready to start cleaning out her fathers closet and urged Jax to go to work. He left with the promise of bringing back dinner.

While Carly boxed up her father's clothes, Jax rode in to work. He checked in with Chuck in the office and looked at the work orders for the past 3 days. He set about work on an old pickup in silence. He didn't know if Chibs had informed the other men of why he had been gone, but they left him more or less alone. He left promptly at 5 without a thought of hanging out with his brothers in the clubhouse and picked up hoagies on the way back to Carly's.

When he got there, she was packing stuff in the trunk of her car and Jax swallowed down a lump in his throat. She wasn't leaving yet. He told himself. She still had too much to do.

"Hey." He greeted her and kissed her temple. "What's all this?" He tried to sound casual.

"Linens and towels for the dog shelter. I'm going there first thing tomorrow." She answered as she closed the trunk. She looked at him and placed her hands on either side of his face, giving him a gentle kiss.

"You look tired." She said nicely.

"A little." He answered and grasped her hand so they could walk back inside hand in hand. "I got sandwiches." He held up the bag in his other hand.

"Thanks." She answered and leaned her head on his shoulder.

He looked around the house. Everything had been dusted and empty frames and nick knacks had prices on them.

"You've been busy." He remarked.

"I guess." She shrugged. "Haven't tackled the valuables or the kitchen yet. Trying to figure out how I sell the furniture and kitchen stuff while I'm still living here."

"Move into my place." Jax shot out a little too quickly. He cleared his throat. "No point in living in an empty house when I'm right next door with a warm bed." He tried to cover up his urge for her to live with him.

Carly looked at him with a furrowed brow. "That would let me sell more. You don't mind? I'd store the stuff I want to keep in the car."

"I have room for that stuff too. Just set it aside, I'll carry it over." He ran a hand down her hair and rested his fingers on the back of her neck. "I can bring over a few of the guys, carry over your dresser and stuff."

"Not keeping that. The whole set, and the queen mattress were dads. Thought it would be easiest not to have to lug any of my own furniture back. It's just clothes, that tote of pictures, a few boxes of paperwork." She shrugged.

Jax nodded his head slowly. She had planned from the very beginning to move back to Delaware. Of course, she had. And she was still going to go. Possibly in a matter of days.

"Come on, lets eat." He tried to distract himself and unpacked the bag. They ate at the kitchen table, Kenya getting more than her fair share of bread off Carly's sandwich.

"So ah, you have a date for the estate sale yet?" He asked in the most casual voice he could muster.

"Yeah, next week, Friday and Saturday."

"Next week?" Jax asked, setting down his sandwich. "That's quick. You gonna be ready in time?"

"Yeah. I don't have any free lance jobs set up, so I can spend all the time I need here." She didn't meet his eyes as she spoke. Jax noticed that immediately. Maybe she wasn't sure about leaving. Maybe she was waiting for him to ask her to stay.

STAY. He screamed in his head. He cleared his throat and tossed Kenya the last bite of his sandwich. He couldn't ask her to stay. He wouldn't. He had no right.

Kenya dropped the sandwich and started barking at it and pouncing at it. Carly laughed for the first time and Jax smiled.

"She doesn't like pickles." Carly said. "They're like Satan to her."

Jax bent down and took the scraps apart, pulling out the pickle slices. He showed them to her before he put them back on his plate. Kenya went about happily scarfing down her treat.

Carly got up and scraped their plates off in the sink before loading the dishwasher. She leaned against the counter and looked at Jax. He could tell she wanted to say something. He came over and placed his hands on her hips, pulling her a fraction closer to him.

"What?" He asked.

Carly was quiet for a moment before she placed her hands on his chest and kissed him. "Nothing." She answered and placed her hands behind her on the counter. "Thanks for volunteering your bed." She added.

"Sexy woman in my bed, it's a sacrifice, but I'm a giving sort of guy." He teased her.

Over the next week Jax watched and sometimes helped Carly sort through her father's life and price things. He dropped clothes off at goodwill and carried paperwork and the like over to his house. They slept at his house every night. Carly had emptied her fridge into his and would cook for him. He liked to watch her from the doorway. Watch her chop, or stir, he liked to walk up behind her and wrap his arms around her. He liked having a woman living in his house again.

Her shampoo in his shower put a smile on his face every morning. He kept telling himself it was temporary. But his heart couldn't be stopped. He knew when she left, he would be crushed. He would be broken, alone again. He didn't want to be alone again.

So many times, he almost asked her to stay. She, herself, avoided the subject entirely. She never mentioned when she would leave or what she would do once she got there. As far as he knew she hadn't started looking for an apartment there either. But maybe she just did that when he wasn't around.

The morning of the first day of the sale Carly was up before the sun. She was showered and dresses and headed next door before 6 am. Jax had promised to stay home from work and help her, but he saw no need to be so early.

By the time he had gotten ready and wondered to the kitchen to find something to eat the street was full of parked cars. He peered through the window and saw a dozen people walking up and down the driveway. He skipped breakfast and headed next door. Carly was camped out in the kitchen.

"Sales are good, huh?" He asked as he kissed her temple.

"Early birds. Haven't you ever thrown a garage sale?" She asked

"Can't say I have." He lifted himself onto the counter to sit and watched her cash out a customer. "Are you, ah… are you okay getting rid of all this stuff?" He asked.

"Yeah…" Carly answered him. "I mean, I kept what I wanted. The rest is just material goods."

Jax nodded his head. He took $600 dollars back to his place when requested, and helped load a couch and a dresser and chest into a pickup. He was just headed back from putting another $1000 away at his place when he heard a motorcycle drive up.

Jax stopped in his driveway and watched Chibs ride up and park.

"Brother." Chibs greeted him as he pulled off his riding gloves.

"Something wrong?" Jax asked.

"Not so much. We do have a meeting tomorrow, was wondering if you were going to attend."

Jax glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing Jax, you just haven't been around much. You told the boys there would be no church tonight. Thought it odd."

"I'm just helping Carly with her estate sale."

"Hmmm." Chibs hummed and turned towards the house. "Maybe I'll take myself a look inside and meet the lass."

"No." Jax said firmly. He walked in between Chibs and the house.

"I'm beginning to think this girl of yours has 3 arms or something Jackie boy."

"The girl of mine isn't getting involved in the club. That means staying away from you guys." He clarified.

Chibs held up his hands in retreat. "I was just teasing ya. I know how you feel about the lass."

Jax ran a hand over his face and Chibs recognized the body language.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing." Jax answered.

"It's not nothing Jackie boy. It's about her, isn't it. She's selling the stuff. She's leaving." Chibs observed.

"She was always going to."

"But now it's real, and soon. And you haven't told her how you feel."

"How I feel doesn't matter." Jax snapped.

"Jax." Chibs stepped up and wrapped his hand around the back of Jax's neck. "Love matters."

Jax pulled his head away and stepped back. "I gotta get back."

"Alright. Tomorrow, 7, at the studio." Chibs filled him in on the meeting.

"I'll be there."

The next day after the end of the sale Carly laid down on the empty living room floor. Jax plopped down next to her, his hands behind his head.

"What's left?" He asked.

"The mattresses. Some kitchen odds and ends. A few other small things."

"You gonna try to sell 'em online?"

"No, I'll just drop them off at goodwill. Call the garbage company for a bulk pickup next week for the mattresses." She turned to her side and gazed at Jax. She rubbed her thumb over his beard. "Thanks for all your help."

Jax grabbed her hand and kissed it. "No thanks necessary." He held onto her hand tightly and pressed it against his heart. The sale was done. She would leave soon. He let go of her hand and rolled on top of her. He grasped her face in both of his hands and kissed her like it was more important than breathing.

He didn't stop. When she needed a breath, he kissed his way to her jaw and back again. One of his hands shifted to the back of her neck to hold her closer, the other slipping down to the small of her back to press the rest of her body against his. He couldn't say the words. He couldn't tell her he loved her and beg her to stay. But maybe he could show her his need for her.

That was his thought process till his mind went blank. He was too lost in her to even take her clothes off; he just wanted to kiss her. He wanted her against him, heart beat to heart beat. Fear and need egged him on. When she finally pulled her lips away from his they were both panting.

"Let me have you." Jax whispered in her ear as his hand on her back finally traveled under her shirt. "Let me take you." He whispered again as his heart pounded.

She responded with a moan and Jax pushed himself up on his elbows to look at her. Her face was flushed, her lips were swollen, her eyes were glazed with lust.

"God Carly." He whispered as he pushed up to his knees. He quickly pulled her shirt off over her head and pulled off her bra. He made quick work of her jeans and panties and knelt in front of her. He ran his hands over her skin, taking in every inch of her with his eyes. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He buried his face in her neck to hold them back.

"Do you trust me?" He said instead.

"Yes." Carly breathed out. Jax kissed her again before kneeling. He pulled his belt out of his jeans and wrapped it just once around her wrists, feeding the belt through the buckle. He raised her hands over her head and pressed them gently against the carpeting.

"Don't move." Jax whispered in her ear. He slipped his tongue down her body. He wanted, needed to taste every inch of her, commit her to memory.

He licked and nibbled and bit and kissed his way up and down her body. He sucked at the heavy bottom of her breasts before taking in her nipples. He slipped his tongue around her navel on his way to suck on her hip bone. He spread her legs and sank his tongue into her core. He drank her in, urged on by her breathless moaning. He didn't move on till she reached her peak. And he still wasn't done with her.

He moved up and down her legs, the back of her knees and her inner thighs. Up and down her stomach, her breasts again. Up the backs of both of her arms, her sternum. He lost himself in her. He didn't know what part of her he was touching, he just wanted more of her.

He made his way back to her core and brought her to peak once more. Somewhere in the back of his brain he could hear her. She was begging him, chanting his name, her skin was flushed, her heart pounding, she was trembling with need.

He stripped his own clothes away quickly. Before he slipped inside of her, he used his fingers. He curled them inside of her causing her to buck and cry out. Her eyes were completely closed now. He laid over her and kissed her again before sliding himself inside of her. They both groaned with the contact.

Jax slid his hands up her arms and freed her from the belt. Before she could grab at him, he intertwined his fingers with hers. He squeezed them tightly as he thrust inside of her. He felt like he was in a trance. He moved automatically, her body matching his thrust for thrust. He latched onto her lips like they gave him life. He couldn't stop.

He was lost in her and he loved it. He couldn't find his way back out again. His body reacted to his movement before his mind could acknowledge it. When he exploded inside of her his hips ceased. His fingers slowly pulled out of hers and he ran them through her hair, giving her one last hail Mary kiss before pulling his lips away and resting his forehead against her own.

They both panted for several minutes before Jax could summon the energy to roll off of her. When he finally did, he lay flat on his back. He was too exhausted to pull her into him, but his hand sought hers out and he held on, just that one little point of contact.

"God." Carly panted out and her free hand rested against her rapid heartbeat.

"You okay?" Jax muttered.

"God. I think I saw God." Carly joked and Jax smirked.

"You can call me Jax." He shot back and they both laughed.

His phone rang and he groaned. He didn't have the energy to fish it out of his jeans. He checked his watch and saw it was 5 minutes to 7. Had he really just made love to Carly for nearly 2 hours? If he had, it was a new personal best.

"I have to go." He said without moving and held on tighter to Carly's hand. He blew a breath out and raised his head to look over at Carly.

She was naked on the floor, skin flushed, hair mused. She had marks from him on her breasts, on her hips, on her clavicle.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered and turned onto his side. He let go of her hand and ran it up her torso instead. "Gorgeous." He added as he ran his hand back down again. He pushed himself up and turned her head to kiss her. "Perfect." He whispered and kissed her again.

She moaned and he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers once more. "I don't want to leave you." He admitted.

"Go. When I can feel my legs again, I'm gonna make my way next door and soak my carpet burn in the tub."

Jax slowly made his way to his feet and pulled her up on hers as well. He turned her to peak at her back and whistled. "Take your soak. I'll rub you down with lotion when I get back."

"Mmmhhmm." Carly agreed with him as he kissed her again, her chin in his fingers.

"Fucking perfect." He whispered again before letting her go and pulling on his clothes.

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