Levi turns around. His grey, tired eyes narrow in disbelief for a fraction of a second, certainly not expecting her here. A sharp intake of breath gives away his uneasiness.
The last time they were alone was in her room that night when they ended everything. Well, when he ended everything.
Petra shifts her weight clumsily as her gaze travels to his bed. What used to be her favorite place in the world. At first, Levi insisted she brought her own pillow, but Petra didn't find it necessary, since she could use his chest for that purpose.
"I won't have you drool on me, brat," he rolled his eyes when she rested her head upon him, but he didn't push her away.
"Hey, I don't drool!" Petra giggled. "Besides…" she brought her mouth next to his ear and whispered: "I thought you liked my fluids".
A coy smirk appeared briefly on his lips. "Only when they're not on my clothes," he whispered back, failing to mimic Petra's seductive tone, but still sounding cute.
She brushed her nose against his cheek. "Then, take them off".
Petra tries to kick all these happy, heated memories out of her head. She looks away from their—his bed, and focuses on the floor instead, trying to find an opening line. He beats her:
"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with your boyfriend?"
His voice is harsh. His words like a million bolts of lightning. Petra sighs. "He's not my boyfriend".
"He doesn't have to be," Levi snorts. "You can still have fun. I'm glad you found someone who wants to fuck you".
"Levi, don't—"
He chuckles. "I should have known I wasn't your type. You didn't have to put up with a freak like me. You prefer tall, blond guys? Why don't you sleep with Erwin too? Or your new squad leader? Shitty four-eyes wouldn't be opposed," he shrugs his muscled shoulders.
Petra growls at him, her face red as a tomato. "You are being ridiculous".
"How many men have you slept with since we broke up?" he takes two heavy steps towards her, clenching his fists.
She feels like an erupting volcano when she shouts: "If you must know, the last one I slept with was AMAZING!"
"I'm glad for you".
The fact that he didn't even flinch, makes her almost lose her senses. But she continues, raising her voice louder with every word: "He was the sexiest man alive! So sweet, so perfect! With a six-pack. Very privileged, if you know what I mean. I had multiple orgasms!"
When she runs out of breath, she kneels on the floor, ginger strands of hair falling messily into her face. She sniffles, before continuing with a sweeter voice: "He was a little grumpy. And sometimes too stubborn and blunt. His cleaning issues drove me crazy," she smiles faintly. "But I loved him".
Petra gets up from the floor and slowly walks towards him, fearing the wood on the floor will break from all the pain she carries on her shoulders. "Levi, you were my last. My first. My only".
His expression softens, but he quickly hides his face with his hand.
"It breaks my heart to hear that you're not doing good!" Petra says tenderly, doing her best to hold back the tears she feels at the edge of her worrisome eyes. "Eld told me…"
To her disappointment, he turns his back to her.
"Don't flatter yourself, Petra. I had sleeping issues long before I even met you".
"I know. But..."
She reaches out her hand to touch his shoulder. But the moment he feels the tip of her finger on him, he moves away. "Petra, get out! Why is it hard for you to understand? I can't give you what you want. Go find someone else to have kids with".
"Levi… I don't want kids. I want your kids. Please, don't give up on us!"
After a few deep breaths, he turns around to face her. "Even if we wanted kids, you think the kids would want us? We can't offer them a stable home. Fuck, we wouldn't know if we would even live to see them grow up!" he hisses. "If you love children, you should know better than to expose them to that kind of life".
Petra closes her eyes and sees one more time the boy with black hair and amber eyes. It is true. He wouldn't see them as much as most kids see their parents. Their poor salaries wouldn't allow them to live comfortably. He wouldn't have many new clothes or toys. But he would be loved.
"Not being able to provide the perfect life for your children doesn't mean that you should not have them," she responds calmly.
He gives her a confused look.
"You know how many children are born in poverty?" she continues. "In horrible conditions? Levi, you were one of those kids! You didn't have a perfect childhood. Far from it. But your mother raised you as best as she could. And look at you now! You've grown into a brave soldier. A kind person. You make the world better, Levi!"
She steps closer to him and a weak smile makes its way to her lips. "You make my world better".
Petra slowly moves her hand to cup his cheek, and this time he doesn't pull away. Yet, he doesn't give in to her touch either. She persists: "We won't always be there for our child. But he'll know that his parents love him with all their hearts! And the only reason they are risking their lives is so every child can be happy in this world!"
"Petra… I…"
"You will try to deny it, but I know that you'll make a wonderful father," she brings her other hand on his chest and she feels how fast his rushed breath makes it go up and down.
"This will destroy your career," he eventually speaks up. "You'll be out of service for nine months. And I doubt you want only one kid. So, what happens? You are on and off for a few years and then we neglect our children?"
"Levi, listen—"
"My mother was selfish to keep me," he interrupts her and steps away from her. "She couldn't feed another mouth. She'd be so… so much better without me! Maybe she could have saved money and leave that fucking whorehouse. Find a decent job. Or at least have enough money for stupid medicine that could have let her live! But no, she chose to give birth to a child, whose father she has no fucking idea who might be, and traumatize it, hiding it every night in the closet and telling him to keep his mouth and ears shut!" he yells frustrated.
Petra watches in silence as he falls back to his chair and hides his face in his hands. Muffled words escape his mouth: "I shouldn't have been born".
The moment she hears this, Petra weeps. She wants so badly to protest, to prove him wrong. He can't really mean that, right?
"Please, leave," his feeble tone reaches her ears.
She has never seen him so vulnerable, so defeated. That's why she's determined not to leave him. She approaches him and kneels next to his chair.
"But you were born, Levi. And I can't imagine a world without you. If I ever meet your mother in another world, I want to thank her. Because of her choice to keep you. So, don't ever say again that you shouldn't have been born".
She caresses his knee gently, as she continues: "And as for me, I want to make the same choice your mother made. I want to bring a child into this world. It's cruel, yes. But at the same time, beautiful. As long as there are children, there's hope. And I choose to hope for a better world. That's why I want to have a family with you. It's not that you'll never be enough for me. It's that I want to share our love with another being that's ours. I want to be for someone what my mother was for me. We'll not be the perfect parents. No one is. But we will try. I know we will!"
Something in his eyes has changed. She continues circling his knee with her thumb, hoping this small gesture of affection will help soothe him.
"So, Levi…" She chuckles. "Remember what you told me the day before our first time? When I had my… eh, snickerdoodles? I offered to please you, but you said no. Because you wanted… all or nothing. Remember?"
Levi nods.
"That's what I'm saying to you today. I want everything," Petra says as she gets up and sits on his lap. He doesn't put his arms around her, like he used to do, but he doesn't push her away.
She feels she is right where she belongs. She wants to close her eyes and get lost in this wildly beautiful sensation. But she has more to say. And if this conversation goes well, she will sit on his lap every day from now on.
"Levi, if you don't want to have a family, it's okay. You have every right to, and I won't pressure you. It will hurt, but I will accept it. And I will be with you no matter what. But if you are only afraid, let me prove to you that you don't have to be. But, please, don't ever think that I will eventually hate you if we don't have children. I could never do that. I love you".
The innocent, truthful confession causes Levi to break down. He suddenly gasps and then his expression cracks. The mask is gone, he is fully vulnerable in front of her.
"Fuck, Petra…" he mutters, cupping her face and pulling it closer. "I just want to make you happy. Because I love you so damn much!"
That's all she needs to hear. She lets her head fall on his trembling shoulder.
"Forgive me. I realized I never told you," he adds. "And I regretted it so bad! But from now on, I promise… I will tell you… and our children… every single day".
She looks up. "Levi?"
"I have to be honest with you. I never imagined myself being a husband, raising little shitty brats and all that. But I also never imagined I'd have this with you".
The hope in her eyes comes out of them in the form of tears. "So, what are you saying?"
He gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Sometimes life amazes us". He kisses her again, but this time he captures her parted lips.
God, how she missed this! The familiar taste of his mouth awakes every nerve on her tongue. He is hers and she is his. Each passing moment they get lost more and more in each other's passionate embrace. His continuous kisses make it difficult for her to breathe. So what? She doesn't need oxygen. His undying love fills her lungs, her heart, her mind, her whole body, her entire existence.
Before they get carried away, she pulls back and asks: "Are you sure?"
His smiles are rare, but they're always genuine. "I will trust you. You said to me once that I'm not allowed to break up with you. Well, I didn't listen to you, and see how miserable we both became? So… I think it's safe to assume that you are always right".
Petra gives him a playful grin. "Never forget you said that," she leans in for another round of hot kisses.
Soon, Levi carries her to his bed, bridal style. Both hungry for each other, they become one once again.
Nothing will ever break them apart.
Except for a gentle knock on the door.
But only for a while. Gunther doesn't wait for an answer. He opens the door and enters the room.
"Hey, captain, I just want to check if you need something and if you are alri—"
As soon as his gaze falls on the bed, he turns around and leaves in a haste, slamming the door behind him.
"You probably are," they hear him from the other side of the door. Petra giggles.
"That shitty brat…" Levi scoffs. "But he is right. I'm alright now. I've got everything I need," he whispers into her ear.