CHAPTER 33

Princess Carolynn Schreave

Thursday, the 23rd of January

It takes me a minute to get my bearings.

I'm on the ground, Divesh on top of me, and even with my ears ringing from the sound of...whatever that was, I can hear the yells in the distance behind me. They all sound concerned, surprised and a little...frightened.

Not much can elicit that reacting from a group of palace trained staff which meant it had to be something bad.

Something like… a gunshot.

Oh.

Obviously that's what it was. I might not have heard them a lot in my life, but I've watched movies and seen those cheesy murder mystery television shows. Everyone knows what a gunshot sounds like, me included.

Divesh must have reacted quicker than I did when he heard the noise, pushing me to the ground. I guess that's standard military training. He probably recognized the sound, and I guess it's safer to not be standing up. Either way, he's lying on top of me, so I would be fine.

"Carrie, Carrie," he says, trying to get my attention, "Are you okay?"

I feel fine. My elbows are probably a little bruised and I can feel some pebbles phishing into my palms. There's dirt in my mouth, grass probably in my hair, and I'd assume that my white outfit is probably ruined, but I'm fairly sure that I'll live.

So I definitely wasn't shot, unless this is some weird adrenaline effect. I guess whatever it was, probably a gun misfiring didn't hit me.

"Yeah. I'm okay. Don't worry about me." I say. It doesn't seem like a good time to list out all the minor inconveniences that this caused me.

It's about thirty seconds before a guard reaches us, pulling me up and escorting me (and Divesh by association, but I have the feeling that if he wasn't keeping pace the guard wouldn't have waited for him) to the nearest entrance to the palace.

"Your Highness, are you injured?" The guard asks, similar to Divesh, though his tone is much more gruff. I shake my head. "Can you walk to the hospital wing?"

"Yes. I can. No sprained ankle here."

"Does your ankle hurt? If so I can get a stretcher-"

I wave my wrist, "It was a joke. I'm fine. I don't need to go to the hospital wing. Really."

"It's standard procedure, I apologize, but I need to walk you there." The guard says, his expression unfazed. Damn it. I know that wording. That means their orders come from my mother and nothing I say will actually influence them. There's no use in putting up a fight.

"Sure. Let's go." I say grimly.

Divesh is surprisingly silent on the walk to the medical wing. Only nodding when the guard finally gets around to asking him if he's injured. I can't tell whether his quietness is from shock at the accident or a pettiness that he was their second priority. Maybe he's just worried about whatever it was that happened. I would tell him to calm down, that it was probably just a freak accident, but it feel wrong to reassure him when I don't know the truth of the matter.

Whatever.

The doctor who's waiting for me in one of the examination rooms looks worried too, but unlike Divesh, slightly relieved. "You seem to be alright. Not like that other one. Poor guy," he says, making small talk as he wipes my elbow with antiseptic.

I wince at the stinging sensation. "Divesh you mean? He seemed fine earlier."

"No, not him, Your Highness. The blond man, nasty situation if I've ever seen one."

"What happened?" I ask, registering for the first time that Nathaniel didn't come into the palace with us. I overlooked it in the moment, distracted by yelling and people fussing over me.

"You don't know?"

"I didn't see."

The doctor looks troubled for a moment, obviously not anticipating my response. His tone changes almost immediately, to one extremely upbeat. "Well, rest assured, Your Highness. He'll be absolutely fine. Maybe a month or so for recovery and then he'll be as good as new."

"But what happened?" I ask again. "Why does he need a month for recovery?"

"I'm sure Her Majesty will inform you. I'm not certain that I have the authority to…" his voice trails off as checks something on my left knee. "I'm going to get a band-aid for this. You're bleeding slightly."

"Oh. I didn't notice," I say, shaking my head, "But what does my mom have to tell me?"

"I'll be right back, Your Highness."

The doctor refuses to answer any of my questions, skirting around the actual answer or just giving me reassurances, much to my annoyance. I get that he probably has to report to someone else who then has to report to my mother who probably wants to tell me herself, but it's just aggravating. I don't want to have to wait for the doctors to clear me as being "calm" enough to see my parents and have them tell me what happened. I want to know already.

The only bright side is that the doctor has the common sense to use plain white bandages on the few scrapes on my knees instead of some ridiculous pink band-aid with pictures of unicorns on them like they still use when I get blood drawn. That would have been the final straw in an already crummy day.

Finally, the doctor hands me a small bottle of water and opens the door waving Divesh in. "You both need to wait half an hour to make sure that there's nothing we missed, no sudden pain or bruises. If there's anything just yell and someone will come."

"Right," Thanks for nothing. I mutter the last part in my head though. That might be crossing a line with my New Year's resolutions, and I suppose that he did make sure that the scrapes on my arms don't get infected...so this wasn't entirely useless. It just came pretty close.

"Divesh," I say when the door closes. "Do you know what happened to Nathaniel. Because the doctor wouldn't tell me."

Divesh shrugs noncommittally, "Not exactly…?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I…" Divesh sighs, "I can guess what happened. I didn't think that they would actually do anything. I don't know. I wasn't thinking…"

"Divesh," I say, cutting off his rambling, "What are you talking about? Start from the beginning."

"Okay. This is going to sound really bad."

"Yeah. I can tell."

"I'm a horrible person," he says to himself, looking down at his hands. "I should have.."

"Divesh," I snap my fingers to get his attention. "Focus please."

"Um, after Henri left, my boss wanted me to still collect information on the selected. Which I told you. That's pretty standard procedure. But about a week ago, they told me to just forget all of that and focus on Nathaniel. Which was weird, but I did it. I don't know why, but I did it. And then earlier today they told me to put a tracking device in his jacket pocket. So I did it during breakfast. I would have thought more about it, but I was so preoccupied with the projects I didn't realize what was going on till we were in the gardens and…"

"And he got shot." I finish for him, because Divesh looks reluctant to say the words out loud. As if saying them will make them true. I mean, he already caused a guy to get shot but you do you I guess.

"Yeah, that. I...I think he'll be fine." Divesh said quickly. "I don't think I killed him. The device they told me to use was too specific for them wanting to," he gulps, "actually kill him."

"Relax, you didn't. The doctor said he'll be fine in a month." I say, distracted.

"That's good. I need to talk to him. I need to-"

"He offered me the jacket." I say, mostly to myself.

"What?" Divesh asks, his eyes widening.

"When we were going to find you. I was cold and I was complaining and he offered me his jacket." I say in one breath, realization washing over me. I could have a bullet...somewhere in my body right now.

Thank god I prioritize looking pretty over being warm.

Whoever said looks won't get you anywhere in life clearly never stopped to consider that there might be a tracking device in a jacket pocket that would lead to you getting shot.

"You...you could have been killed," Divesh says quickly, his breaths coming faster now. "I could have killed you."

"I thought you said that the device was too specific or something like that." I point out.

"I...I did. But that was for him. Not you. You're half his size. The measurements would have been all off and I don't...you- you could have died."

"Oh," I say, looking at the ground. "But that didn't happen so-"

"No, but it could have, because of me. I… I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry Carrie. I know you wanted me to stay in the selection, but I don't think that I can. I could have hurt you. I need to tell the Queen or someone. In case something bad happens later they need to know." Divesh says even faster, seemingly getting more and more upset with himself.

I'm getting upset with him too, but for very different reasons. "Listen to me Divesh," I say, my voice cold. He stops talking, looking towards me. "You will do none of the things that you just listed, certainly not telling my mother, because then you know who's going to get in trouble?"

Divesh doesn't look like he knows. "Who?"

"Me. And you want to know why? Because I kept this secret too. Which means I'm partially responsible for what happened to Nathaniel, and I absolutely refuse to be yelled at for another country's decision to shoot someone."

"You're not responsible for it." Divesh says. "You had no idea. I did everything myself and I could have hurt you really badly. I need to tell her. Carrie, please."

"No, it is my fault. I let an intelligence agent from a foreign country who we were currently at odds with stay in my selection for some stupid reason. You couldn't have done what you did without my help, however inadvertently, and that's a really bad look for me, so you're going to keep your mouth shut, do you understand me?"

Divesh is silent for a long time, then quietly, he says, "I...I have to. It's the right thing to do. I won't mention anything about you."

"No. Do you really think that you won't crack under the pressure. You're in the secret service, I'm sure you've seen some of the interrogation tactics." I say, shaking my head in dismissal. How can he actually be entertaining this ridiculous notion? Why would he even want to? Some moral high ground? Please. I would think the first thing they teach them in super spy school is when to just stop talking and thank your lucky stars.

I guess it's nice of him to worry about me though, and in some weird way, I care about him. Sure, I don't want to get in trouble with my mother… but at the same time I don't want Divesh to have to leave the selection. I haven't picked my winner yet, but there are only four other guys left - one of which was just shot - and I need to keep my options open. If Divesh leaves then I'll be at the top four, and if Nathaniel requests to go home (which obviously he won't do but details) I'll have my final three...and I'll have to have the ceremony and choose the winner.

Somehow being at the top three is a lot scarier than the last five.

Five means I have some time, three means I have to get married and I haven't even thought about what I want my engagement ring to look like or any of the stuff like that.

So Divesh needs to stay. Plain and simple.

"I can't," he says, simply shaking his head. I frown, I hate hate hate when people don't listen to me.

"You're making a mistake," is all I say, turning my body away from him. The silent treatment. Might not be the most mature thing to do but it certainly is effective.

Divesh stays with his head in his hands for the remaining ten minutes we have to sit in here as I make a show of scrolling on my phone. He doesn't say anything, whether to agree with me or otherwise which is a bit unsettling.

If he doesn't listen to me the palace might have an actual murder on their hands.

After the doctor asks all the standard questions, having to do with pains, bruises and medicine, he clears us to leave the medical wing (which was ridiculous because neither of us were ever injured in the first place).

My dad is waiting outside the doors, looking more worried than I've ever seen him. He hugs me quickly, "Thank God you're okay," he says before letting me go.

"Of course I am. I've been telling everyone that but they still made me sit in the medical wing," I whine slightly.

"I would have come and seen you," Dad says, "But they didn't want you to be overwhelmed."

I actually laugh at that, "Please. I'm fine."

Dad nods before turning to Divesh, "How are you doing?" he asks kindly.

"I'm fine," is all Divesh says.

Dad must brush it off as nerves or something leftover from the situation in the garden because he doesn't press Divesh for more information. "Your mother wants to see you. Both of you, that is. She's worried sick."

"Where is she?" I ask for the second time that day.

"In a meeting with the head of the security bureau and the captain of the guard. They're trying to figure out what happened," Dad explains, leading us to the meeting room. "It seems like it was a drone malfunction. You know, we have several of them patrolling the grounds, mostly in the woods where actual guards would be a waste. Nothing like this has ever happened before."

"I know. I live here." I state bluntly.

"They immediately called all the drones out of patrol. After that they're going to get in touch with the manufacturers."

Divesh looks like he's about to be sick as he trails behind my Dad and I towards the meeting room. "A...are you sure that's what happened? I didn't know they broke like that."

Dad shrugs, "Of course we're still looking into it, but the drone was the same model as we use. They're scanning it's pin to make sure but probably."

The meeting room looks strangely empty with just my mom, the elderly head of the security bureau, and the captain of the guard sitting in there.

Mom stands up immediately when she sees me, hugging me the same way Dad did. "Oh, Carrie, I'm so sorry," she whispers into my ear.

The head of the security bureau - Thompson or Thomas or something along those lines speaks up, "Horrible accident really," he says, "Might I say, I'm delighted that you two are okay. Never would I have thought that the drones would malfunction like this. Makes me wonder what we're paying top dollar for,' he says, chuckling to himself.

Mariah shakes her head, "I told you already. None of the drones we have match the serial number on the one that fired the shot. It didn't come from our stock."

Thompson laughs in a way that makes me think it's not the first time that they had this discussion. "That's absolutely impossible. Maybe they were purchased for the military and were transferred over. It's probably simply in another computer base."

"Yes," Mom says, "Have someone from each of the military bases run the numbers too. Though I don't think they're in use in many other places."

"I don't...I don't think you'll find them," Divesh says, sounding out of breath despite the fact that he's just been standing there for the past few minutes. His gaze is trained on the ground and I can sense where he's going with this.

"Divesh." I hiss, my voice a clear warning. He shrivels slightly but doesn't say anything.

"Oh dear boy," Thompson says, "Of course we will. Military grade drones don't just materialize out of thin air. They're highly regulated. But please, if you think they came from somewhere else, indulge us. Maybe Mariah here can have another place to look."

"He's kidding," I say on Divesh's behalf, hoping he has the common sense to agree with me. "Of course it probably came from one of the military bases."

"No. It didn't." Divesh says.

"Divesh, think about what you're doing." I mutter under my breath.

Mom holds up a hand, "Let him speak Carrie. Divesh, where do you think it came from. We do need another place to look if this one doesn't pan out."

"Well," Divesh starts, and the whole sad story comes slipping out. A mash-up of the first one he told me in his room that day and the new one he told me today. As he talks I look down at the ground, cursing him for being so moral. How hard is it to lie like a normal person.

Mom's face becomes increasingly angry as the story goes on, Thompson's becomes extremely embarrassed, probably for not catching this sooner (I give him about two weeks left in his job depending on how preoccupied Mom is) and Mariah looks as if she's satisfied that she was right. That the drone hadn't come from the palace at all.

"I guess we have our answer as to where this drone came from," Mom said, punctuating each word. "What a turn of events."

"You don't even go to the University of Allens?" Thompson asks, sounding dumbfounded.

"I've...I've never actually stepped foot in the… uh province." Divesh confessed, his eyes trained on where the wall meets the carpet.

"And that boy...the other British one, did he know about this too?" Thompson continues, his face getting red.

"I sincerely doubt that," Mom interjects. "No offense to him but he has no idea how these types of things work." It almost hurts to hear Henri referred to in such a casual way… but much less than I thought. Especially when I'm so concerned with the current war criminal standing next to me.

Thompson doesn't look convinced, but he can't exactly argue with his boss knowing his job is on the line with his recent -and massive- blunder. "Well..if you say so Your Majesty," he concedes.

"I do say so, but don't you agree that we have bigger things to worry about right now?" Mom asks, placing a hand on Divesh's shoulders. In her four-inch heels they're roughly the same height. "Divesh, I want you to get me in touch with your superiors. One of them must have a direct line to the king. I doubt that they would let information like this pass through too many ears."

"You..Your Majesty, can't you just call him?" Divesh asks nervously, looking even more scared of having to call his boss and explain that he just derailed his entire mission."

"I can, but I want to do it this way. I suggest you cooperate with me."

"Sure. Of course. I...I will, I just need my laptop."

"Mmmhm, Mariah if you will."

The captain of the guards stands up, moving to escort Divesh out of the meeting rooms and into one of the interrogation rooms I would expect. After the door slams Mom turns to her next victim- I mean, employee. "Thompson… I don't have the energy to speak with you about this horrendous breach of security right now. Just get the boy's laptop and leave."

"I will. Right away." Thompson says, exiting the room so quickly he doesn't even have time to complain that he's being forced to do the work of someone at least seven pay grades below him. I guess he should be happy that he's still getting paid.

"I didn't see that coming," I say brightly, trying to dispel Mom's suspicious gaze.

"Didn't you?" She asks, "You seemed very concerned with getting him to stop talking."

"What are you talking about?" I ask, deciding to play dumb. At least I can keep some sort of plausible deniability.

"Carrie, are you sure there isn't anything you want to tell me before he confesses to the captain of the guard. This way you can give me your… creative twist on it."

Ugh. Putting it off will only make it worse. Maybe if I'm lucky by the time she hears everything from Divesh, talks to the King of England and does whatever it is she's planning on doing to rectify the situation, she'll forget to tell Dad about the whole part of the situation where I'm involved. Then only one parent will be disappointed in me.

"Fine. I might have found out about the whole spy thing a week or two ago." I confess, crossing my arms across my chest.

"And you didn't tell me because..?"

I heave a large sigh, "Because I like him, and I didn't want him to get in trouble. There I said it. I actually like some of my selected."

"I knew you would," she says smugly, "But that's wholly besides the point. Don't you think you should have told me. Don't you think you have a duty to Illéa that oversteps whatever feelings you have for this boy?"

"I guess, but I like him, Mom. I don't want to send him home."

"Send him home? This is worthy of jail time!"

"Mom, don't. Please for me. At least until the end of the selection and then you can do whatever you want. I just need to make my decision and I don't want to get rid of him yet. Please."

Mom doesn't answer me for a second.

"I was never going to send him to jail anyway. He's a child, and this wasn't his choice." Mom says, sighing. "Fine. He can stay."

"Wait, really?" I ask, needing to hear the words again. I might have hallucinated them.

"Yes. Fine. The things I do for you," Mom says, rolling her eyes the same way she scolds me not to. "Did you talk to Nathaniel yet?"

"No." Oh god. That makes me an awful person doesn't it. If the roles were reversed he would be worried out of his mind about me.

"You should. I feel horrible for him. Though, the bullet didn't hit any bones, not even any important muscles. Whoever was in charge of aiming the drone knew what they were doing. Maybe I could recruit them to come work for us," Mom muses.

"That's good."

I consider going to change out of my dirt-stained outfit before seeing Nathaniel, but I don't want to make him think that changing clothes took priority over making sure he was okay. I would be furious if someone did that to me.

He sits up in his hospital bed when he hears me open the door. "Carrie, are you okay? I was worried about you. The doctors said you hadn't been injured but I didn't know if…"

I think I've heard the question if I was okay today more than in the past year. I don't like it.

"Of course I'm okay, the question is if you are?" I point out, going to sit in the chair near him. "I mean...your arm."

"I was so surprised I didn't register what happened until the doctors were standing over me," he says, gesturing to his arm which is in a sling. Oh God. "They gave me a lot of pain medicine...so I can barely feel anything anyway."

"That's good. That's really good. I didn't know… I didn't know what to think at first." I confess, giving him a small smile. "I don't know what I would have done with myself if you weren't okay. If your arm was permanently hurt."

"The doctors said I got lucky," Nathaniel says. "I guess it's something to do with all the luck of the seas."

"Isn't it the luck of the Irish?" I ask, trying to stop the smile forming on my lips. Not really appropriate for a hospital wing.

"Same thing," Nathaniel agrees. "Either way, I'm happy for whatever little thing I could get. What a weird accident."

"Yeah...accident."

Nathaniel luckily doesn't seem to notice my hesitation to agree with him. Probably to do with all the pain medicines they gave him. Here's another benefit of modern medicine. "I don't know how I'm going to explain this to my family. They're never going to want me to go outside again."

"Don't sue us." I murmur.

"I'm pretty sure the contract I signed took away my ability to do that. And my ability to get a haircut. And to cook anything."

"What about Tyler?" I ask, the thought occurring to me. He's what… three years old? His father left him to go compete for my hand, which is a very noble and worthy cause obviously but maybe not so much to a three year old. Then, to add salt to the wound, his father gets shot while he still can't see him.

I guess he probably doesn't know the meaning of the word, so that's a plus.

"I haven't talked to him yet. He'll be fine, he's staying with my parents. He won't even know what happened. It's better for him not to find out till he's older anyway. The selection in general I mean, not just the whole getting shot thing."

"Oh. Nathaniel...do you love him?" I ask, my voice quiet.

Nathaniel doesn't hesitate. "Of course I do. You know, he might not be mine biologically, but that doesn't matter. I raised him, and I love him. It's a lot of work you know. No one expects to be a parent at twenty years old, but it's worth it. Every moment is worth it. I'm excited for you to meet him," Nathaniel says, looking up at me with hope.

God.

The thing is...I'm not sure that I want to meet Tyler. I'm twenty-one. I'm not prepared to be a mother to some boy I've never met. I can't do that. I can't raise a child right now. Nathaniel loves Tyler, and he deserves someone who would be a good mother to him, and that's not me. I was selfish to keep Nathaniel here for as long as I did. I knew the first moment he mentioned Tyler to me that I couldn't be this boy's mother. I didn't do anything then because I liked Nathaniel. I wanted to spend more time with him where I could just forget about the extra baggage.

But when push comes to shove I can't do that anymore.

"Nathaniel, listen. I don't think that I can meet Tyler."

He looks confused, "What do you mean?"

"I'm sure you're a good parent, from the way you talk about him I can tell you love him, but I can't do that. I'm not ready to be a mother. I don't want to keep you here any longer, away from Tyler. He probably misses you so much and it's my fault. I'm sorry. I am. I just… I can't do it. I think it would be better if you went home. Of course, we'll foot the medical bill. You don't need to worry about that." I say, finishing my piece quickly.

I try not to look at how disappointed Nathaniel is, and I try to keep my discontent at bay. I could have married him, but instead here I am, breaking his heart.

Way to go Carrie.

At least I didn't go for the arm.

"I have him on the line." Divesh says, handing his phone to my mother. For the past almost two hours I've had to watch him explain to several of his bosses what happened until the King of England finally got around to getting on the phone with my mother. From the way his superiors reacted, I think it's safe to say he's out of a job.

He better get serious about med school now. Maybe the University of Allens will actually think he's enrolled there and let him register for class. I don't think Mom will ever tell them. She's very particular about preserving the image of the monarchy.

"Good," Mom says, waving him, the captain of the guard, and another woman who's name I don't know, out of the room before she turns to speak into the phone.

"Edmund, how are you?" Her voice is full of fake sweetness. I almost get a cavity.

"I'm well Farrah. I heard there was a bit of a situation at the palace. I do hope everyone's okay," comes his voice.

"Well," my mom's voice takes a turn, "I think we can cut out the euphemisms. Is your line being recorded?"

"No, I suppose the same goes for yours?" Edmund asks. "Well, then, you have the same risk as I do here, so we can talk freely."

"Yes. Edmund, would you like to explain to me why one of my daughter's selected had orders from the King to injure another one of the selected?" I would like to know the answer to that too, though if I'm being honest I can anticipate it.

"Yes, Nathaniel was it? Is he alright?" To his credit Edmund seems genuinely concerned. Not concerned enough...but concerned nonetheless.

"He'll live."

"It must be hard for him, considering he has a family and all. You know, it hurts more than just the person involved. His son is going to be wondering why his father can't move one arm. Terrible thing wouldn't you agree?"

Mom bites her lip, "Yes. It's terrible when people have to come to physical blows."

"Of course, I was equally worried when I saw what happened to Henri. He's my family just the same and you injured him for...what? A way to gain a bargaining edge in peace negotiations. Not very peaceful for a country that claims to care so much about neutrality."

I feel sick hearing it explained like that. It wasn't fair what happened to Henri, I knew that at the time, but hearing it said like that, considering the similar effects it would have on Nathaniel's life, brings it to a whole new level of realism.

"I did what I had to do. We both know you would have done the same if you were in my situation. And we also both know that I would have quickly agreed as you did. That still begs the question of why you decided to take revenge on a...surf rental manager from Clermont."

"Well, I didn't like the idea either if I'be being frank, but there weren't many options to choose from. I wasn't about to hurt a child so that ruled out your brother's offsprings, and as for your daughter...well...I felt guilty. Henri loved her, and I didn't want to make him more upset when he found out she was injured. So I went with Nathaniel, and yes it was petty and to prove a point, but there are somethings that have to be done."

"You know, I'm sure Divesh would be willing to testify in front of the council. What you did was far from legal."

I can almost hear Edmund's sigh of disgust. "I knew we should have gone with the other one. He was weak. Either way though, what you did wasn't exactly legal either. Harming a foreign royal as what...blackmail?"

"Yes, that was unfortunate what happened to him." I can almost hear the wheels turning in Mom's head. There's no way that this issue can be pressed formally without us looking equally as guilty. Possibly more. That only left one option. "Well, Edmund, I think we're both in the wrong here, some more then others, but I'm will to put it all behind us."

To make peace.

"I do not wish to be your friend Farrah," Edmund says quickly, "Let me make that clear, but you're right. Here's to an alliance."

"Hooray."

A/N: Remember when I said I would be updating more frequently? Well I am! See, I'm so cool and productive. Anyway, this chapter we say good bye to my dear sweet Nathaniel. I loved him so so so much, but at the end of the day Carrie is not ready to be a mother right now...and let's be real here, that's a win for both Nathaniel and Tyler too. I mean Carrie as a mom? Euggggh. Anyway this is chapter 33 which means I'm kinda close to the end. Yayyyyyy. Not to be coarse, but I cannot wait for this to be over