I woke up, feeling something soft covering my ears and 4 sharp edges poking into my back. I opened my eyes. It was early morning. The sun hadn't even risen yet. The only light that was in the room came from some stray sunbeams that rose above the sun. I could barely see my hands that were no more than a few inches away. "Today's the day", I muttered to myself. We're going to war with the Governor. I sat up moving the headphones down to around my neck. I looked around trying to make out the vague shape of the cell doorways. I stood up, grabbing the notebook and pencil, and walked in the direction of the cells. I felt around in front of me for the wall, but felt nothing, even when I should have. Where is it? Suddenly I felt cold metal press into my abdomen. I jumped back in response, hitting my back right into the hard, concrete wall. I felt out in front of me quickly, finally feeling the table and then on top of it, a small metal picture frame. Did I really just get scared by a table? I was about to start walking around the table when I heard Beth call out into the darkness, "Carl?" I woke her up, great.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Are you alright?", she asked with concern.

"Yeah"

"What happened?"

"I...I walked into the table."

"You walked into the table?", she said almost astonished. Before I could respond, Beth had abruptly burst out in laughter.

"Beth you have to be quiet, it's early", I said in a vain attempt to try and not cause a scene in the cell block. My words almost certainly fell on deaf ears.

I suddenly heard rapidly approaching footsteps, followed by Dad's voice asking, "What's going on?"

"I..."

"Carl?"

"I walked into the table."

"You walked into a table?", Dad said more in disbelief that my mere walking into the table, had somehow caused this much commotion.

"Yes", I said, exasperated by my own stupidity. I heard Dad's footsteps walking away shortly thereafter. I felt around in front of me and grabbed onto the table as I walked around it, making sure not to hit it this time. I then reached out and felt for the bedpost and grasped it when I felt the cold metal. I then slowly sat down on the bed, roughly next to where I thought Beth was.

We sat there for a while, before Beth jokingly asked, "So, that table really scared you huh?"

I rolled my eyes and said, "Yeah", begrudgingly.

"Where'd you go?", she asked more seriously.

"A pit of walkers, you know. Just full of them. Had to fight them with my bare hands."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, it was real easy."

Beth playfully slapped me on the arm before jokingly saying, "Shut up", laughing quietly all the while.

"I just couldn't sleep last night, I listened to some music for a while. Ended up sleeping out on the stairs, and, well, you know the rest."

"Are you afraid?", Beth asked rhetorically, almost as if she already knew what I was going to say before I even said it.

"I've never been in a war. I've never killed anyone."

"You shouldn't have to."

"None of us should", I bitterly.

"The world's different now."

"Yes, yes it is."

"Do you miss it?"

"What?"

"Before. Life before all of this."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, now I do."

"What's that?"

"You, keeping you as safe as I can. I have to make sure Judith is safe. Everyone else." Beth sat quietly for a little while. "Do you miss it?"

"Only the farm", she paused, "and my horse." I smiled a little to myself.

"We could find one when this is all over", I suggested.

"You could learn to ride." I laughed at this a little. "I'm serious."

"Yeah, I know." We went quiet again. We sat there long enough the sun had started to show. I looked towards the sun, just barely shining through the barred windows of the cellblock. This might be the last sunrise I ever see. I might as well enjoy it. "I turn to Beth who was glowing in the sunlight. "You wanna go take a walk?", I asked, hopeful. She nodded and I stood up, extending my hand out to her, which she took. We walked, hand in hand, out of the cellblock and into the courtyard, silently passing my dad and Herschel who were at the table figuring out what the plan is. We walked out into the morning light. It was cooler than I expected. We walked down the steps and out of the cage, down towards the fence.

We walked the perimeter in relative silence, taking in the outside, before Beth asked, "Do you think we'll be alright?"

I thought about what she asked for a bit and sighed before I plainly said, "I don't know."

"If something happens and we get split up, we should have somewhere to meet up", Beth suggested.

"Yeah, we should. Where do you think we should meet up?"

"How about those ruins from right after the farm, they shouldn't be too far from here."

"Alright, it's settled." I look over my shoulder and see that it was getting brighter out. "We should get back."

"Okay."

"Beth one last thing." I placed held her hand a little tighter. "I love you." She looked at me and smiled.

"I love you too." We kissed and started walking back. I felt good. Confident that we would win, whatever that meant anymore. As we walked back I mentally started to prepare for whatever may come next. I may have to kill someone. I shot mom but this, this could be different, this IS different. We got back to the cage quicker than I expected. Guess we're both a little on edge. The doors were still open from us heading outside previously, so we were able to walk right back in. When we were inside everyone was around the table discussing the plan. Beth and I kept walking past though.

Just as we were about to walk back into the cellblock, I heard Dad call out, "Carl. Beth." We both turned towards him. "Pack your bags and put them into the car." I stayed quiet, letting what Dad said ring in my ears. We're running away.

"We're running away?", I asked in disbelief and anger. Glenn was about to say something before I cut him off saying, "This is bullshit", before turning and storming off back to my cell. I grabbed my backpack and the orange backpack off the top bunk I jammed by few loose belongings inside the two bags, before turning towards the table behind. I grabbed the picture of Mom, Dad, and I. I looked at it for a moment, then more carefully placed the fragile object in the bag. I then turned back to the table where my other gun sat with its 3 extra magazines. It would be more practical. I took the loose bullets and speed loader out of my shirt pocket and set them on the table. I then took the revolver out of my holster and put it on the table as well. I then put my other gun in my holster and put the three magazines in my pocket. I shoved the revolver and speedloaders in my back pocket and grabbed my two bags, before storming outside, still furious at our predicament. Beth was feeding Judith in the common room and the others were either packing bags or loading them into the car. I walked outside and towards the green SUV, I had become accustomed to riding in all winter. I placed my bags in the trunk. Then my thoughts switched to, What I'm going to do with this other gun? Glenn could use it, but so could Maggie and Daryl. I thought about it for a moment and decided I would give it to Daryl since he still only had Dale's old gun. I looked around and saw Daryl standing watch down by the gate. I walked over to him. "Daryl?" He looked towards me and gave a grunt of acknowledgment. I held out the gun and bullets for him. "Figured it'd be better than Dale's old one." He took the gun and bullets and gave a nod, silently giving his thanks. I decided to go and sit outside the cage and wait for us to leave. I stood up and walked down to the gate where Daryl was taking watch again. I lit up a cigarette and silently stood there smoking it.

Suddenly I heard Daryl say in a low, gruff, voice, "Hey." I turned to him. "You get another one he asked, in reference to the cigarette that sat between my lips. I reached into my pocket and pulled the pack out and tossed it to him. He took one out and tossed it back to me. I scanned the trees for any sign of activity, but I mostly stared at the road that lead right to the prison. "Merle left in the night", Daryl said out of nowhere.

"You think he went after the Governor?"

"I tracked him to that meeting spot. Couldn't find his body though."

"He could still be out there. Merle may be the biggest asshole I know, but he's one tough son of bitch. If he's out there, you'll find him." I looked to Daryl, he was looking down at the ground. But, almost as if he had sensed that I was now looking at him, he looked up and nodded a little. I never understood why Daryl cared about Merle so much, them being brothers aside. Daryl was better off with Merle gone. But, I know if I was Daryl, and that was Judith out there, I know I wouldn't stop until I found her. I heard a short, loud, whistle pierce the air. I turned and saw Dad was motioning us over from the small fenced-in area in back. Daryl and I headed back there. I sat down in front of Beth and Herschel. It seemed like Dad was about to say something important, so I just sat, waiting for him to say it.

"When I met with the Governor, he offered me a deal", he began with. "He said...he said he would leave us alone if I gave him Michonne. And I was going to do that. To keep us safe. I changed my mind. But Merle left with her in the night. Daryl went after them, but he only found Michonne. I was wrong not to tell you all. An I'm sorry. What I said last year, that first night after the farm, it can't be like that. It can't. What we do, what we're willing to do, who we are, it's not my call. It can't be. I couldn't sacrifice one of us for the greater good, because we are the greater good. We're the reason we're still here, not me. This is life and death. How you live, how you die, it isn't up to me. I'm not your Governor. We choose to go. We choose to stay. We stick together. We vote. We can stay and fight, or we can go." After Dad finished we all agreed to stay and fight.

Dad then pulled me aside, "Carl, I need to talk to you real quick."

"What is it?"

"I know you want to stay here and fight", he began.

"I cut him off saying, "But, you don't want me to?"

"I want you to stay in the woods with Beth, Herschel, and Judith."

"I'd be more useful here", I argued.

"Herschel's on crutches and missing a leg. Judith is only a few weeks old. Beth can hold her own with a gun, but if anyone gets close..."

"Alright, I'll go with them."

"Good." Dad and I walked to the cars where everyone was gathering. Loading the final bags in and saying goodbyes, just in case something happened. "Carl."

"Yeah?"

"You remember anything about driving?"

I smiled and laughed a little, "The basics."

"Good." Dad reached into his pockets and handed me the keys to one of the cars. "You're driving." I nodded to let him know I understood and then walked over to the car, and got in the driver's seat. Beth got in the passenger seat, holding Judith. Herschel got in the back seat. Daryl was behind us, bringing his motorcycle down into the woods with us. I drove slowly at first. Having barely gotten my driver's permit before everything fell apart, I wasn't an expert driver. Glenn got the gate for us and we drove out of the prison, a little ways into the woods. Not too far, but far enough that we wouldn't be seen, or shouldn't be seen at least. Once we stopped and got out Daryl set his bike up against the tree. With a final glance back to us he left, headed back to the prison. It was quiet, for what felt like hours. Beth and I were quietly talking when I thought heard something.

"Shh", I listened. Then I heard it. The distinct, low, rumble of cars and trucks fast approaching. "They're here", I said quietly, taking my gun out. I moved from my spot next to Beth, leaning against the car, to behind a large boulder. Not a minute after I got next to the rock, I heard a loud explosion followed by an eruption of gunfire. Then...silence. A deafening silence, not even the usual sounds of the forest could be heard, just silence. I turned to Herschel. "Do you think they got them all?" Herschel just shook his head. That means they're headed into the tombs. Just like the plan. I looked back at Beth. Everything is gonna be alright. That same suffocating silence took hold of us again. It stayed that way for what felt like days, although it couldn't be longer than a few minutes. Then, I heard muffled gunshots from inside the prison. Shortly followed by shouts and screams, and much louder gunfire. Then, one by one, I heard engines startup, and drive away, until it was quiet once again. I turned to Herschel again. "Should we go back?" Herschel shook his head.

"We should wait until Daryl comes back. There could still be some of them there." I nodded and went back to listening. Hoping I didn't hear more gunfire or more cars. Then I heard a sound I hadn't expected, nor wanted to. Footsteps, growing nearer. Someone's coming. I turned to Herschel, "Someone's coming." He stood up on his crutches and drew his gun. The footsteps sounded like they were almost right on top of us. I stood up, aiming my gun, and stepped out from behind the rock. I saw them. Some guy, he couldn't have been older than Glenn or Maggie, holding a shotgun. "Easy son." He put his hands up.

"Drop the gun", I ordered. He raised his hands.

"Oh! Ok." He started to reach out with the shotgun, but he could still easily aim and fire it. "Here." What if he tries to shoot me or Herschel? What if... I suddenly heard a quiet shot and kickback from my gun in my hand. The guy suddenly dropped to the ground. Dead. I shot him. I...I killed him. I... I felt my breath catch in my throat, and my finger slowly move away from the trigger. My arm fell by my side. I just killed someone. I holstered my gun and sat down by a tree. He could have...he could have killed Herschel, or me, or Beth, or Judith. He had to die. I... I did the right thing. Yeah. When we get back I'll tell Dad, he'll agree. Everything will be fine. I'll get over this. Beth will agree. So will Herschel. He was just attacking us. He was a threat. I looked at Herschel and Beth. I didn't see any expression on their faces, except for shock and horror. Maybe they're just shocked that I did that. But, I definitely did the right thing. I looked away from them and at a tree that was in front of me. I sat there, staring blankly at that tree until Daryl tapped me on the shoulder.

"Come on. We gotta get back." I looked at him for a few seconds then nodded. I felt like I was underwater. Everything I heard sounded muffled. A low, but piercing ringing was started from inside my head, slowly growing louder and louder. I stood up and walked to the driver's side of the car and got in, taking the keys out as I did. I started the car as Beth and Herschel got in.

"Carl", was all I heard Beth say, but I didn't say anything. I didn't turn my head. I didn't do anything, except turn the car back towards the prison and start driving back, following Daryl. The ringing in my head grew louder as we drew closer to the prison. We pulled through the gate and I turned the car off we got out and walked inside. Dad was standing in there, waiting for us. I walked up to him.

"Everything alright out there?"

I nodded, "We ran into one. I shot him, I had to." Dad looked at me, the same way Herschel and Beth had. But he also nodded and I walked with my bags back to mine and Beth's cell. I placed my bags on the top bunk and took my jacket off. I sat there silently, although the ringing in my head was now also accompanied by a throbbing sensation in my head. I saw a figure step into the doorway, followed by a hand on my arm. I turned, it was Beth.

She asked in a soft voice, "Are you alright?"

I nodded and said, "Yeah...yeah." She looked at me that same way she had back at the clearing, but nodded her head and left the cell. That suffocating feeling started again. It was even worse being inside. I walked outside and sat on one of the concrete barriers. Someone had turned the car around. It was empty already. I guess they're heading after them. I reached into my pocket and pulled out Dad's old badge. I looked at. We've come a long way since then. I still remember leaving there when it all began. Hearing Dad was dead. I heard footsteps coming from my left. I turned and it was Dad, but he looked concerned.

"Herschel says you didn't have to shoot that kid."

"He had a gun."

"Was he handing it over?"

"He was just attacking us." Dad nodded at this.

"Yes...yes he was. Was he handing it over?" He was. He was. I'm... I'm trying to convince myself of a lie. I gunned him down. I didn't have to. I nodded.

"Are you headed to Woodbury?"

"Yes, and you're staying here."

"I wanna come and help."

"And I want you here. It's just gonna be me and Daryl." I don't know why, but I felt a wave of anger start to build up in me, even though I was in the wrong.

"Alright", I said, "Go do what you have to do." I dropped the badge on the ground and walked away and headed back inside. I went past everyone and back to my cell and sat on the bed again. I just kept sinking, deeper and deeper, into my thoughts. I didn't have to shoot him. I should have just taken the shotgun. He could have come back with us as a prisoner. But he...I... I shot him. He doesn't have to live with that. I do. I... I'm a monster. I'm a monster. No better than the walkers. I know what I need to do. I stood up and opened the orange backpack on the top bunk and grabbed my notebook and pen. I started writing

Dear Beth...

Alright, hopefully, that's a decent cliffhanger. Sorry, this chapter has taken a ridiculous amount of time to be written and released. I really do apologize for that. I was just a little burnt out on writing. So, I decided to take a break instead of releasing an awful chapter I wouldn't have felt like writing. Hopefully, this came out alright and you all enjoyed reading it.