Peppers

Varian was ready for some guy's time, though he wasn't sure why Eugene and Lance wanted to meet him in the castle kitchen, instead of somewhere in town.

"Hey guys, I'm he-" Varian began, when Lance pulled him inside and Eugene slammed the door behind them.

"Are you alone? Were you followed?" Lance hissed.

"O-only by Ruddiger." Varian stammered. The little raccoon on his shoulder chittered.

"I guess we can trust him." Lance decided, relaxing his grip on Varian slightly.

"Would you mind letting me go? I didn't even think you were allowed in the kitchen. I heard something about a meatball catapult, and I was curious about your design." Varian wondered.

Lance released Varian. "Oh, my brilliant invention! I put the meatball on the spoon, and then I slammed on the spoon with my fist. The meatball went flying!" Lance recalled gloriously.

"Oh." Varian looked mildly disappointed. "Yeah, I can definitely improve on that." he mused.

"Shh-hh. What we are about to do is top secret and super serious." Eugene said.

"We are going to… eat peppers!" Lance dramatically announced.

"Peppers? That's all this is about?" Varian replied.

"Not just any peppers, kid. These are the King's special peppers, imported straight from Pincosta." Eugene detailed.

"Then he really won't like us eating them." Varian pointed out. "Now that he's got his memory back, I'm not exactly his favorite person."

"And that would be something to worry about, if we were caught. But you are talking to two of the greatest ex-thieves Corona has ever known! Stealing peppers is easy." Eugene asserted.

"Watch and be amazed as I eat the pepper, without any ill effects!" Lance declared, grabbing one of the Pincosta Peppers and swallowing it.

Varian watched nervously as Lance's face turned red and his eyes teared up. Lance pawed at his throat. "W-water." he gasped.

Eugene oblingly handed him a cup and Lance drank it greedily. "See, easy." Lance insisted, pretending the peppers had no effect on him.

"My turn!" Eugene picked up a pepper and popped it in his mouth. Like Lance, his face reddened and he started to cry a little. But Eugene was undeterred, he merely drank some water and smiled. "You next, Goggles." he said, holding out a pepper to Varian.

"I- I thought you guys didn't steal any more." Varian feebly protested.

"This is our 'cheat day', the one day a year that we indulge in our… former passions." Eugene explained.

"Does Rapunzel know about this?" Varian asked nervously.

"This isn't about her." Eugene replied, but that didn't answer Varian's question.

Varian looked at the pepper. He'd never really been a fan of spicy foods, but he wanted to fit in with the boys so he took a small bite. Big mistake. It was hotter than Varian had expected, burning his tongue, inflaming his nostrils, and making his eyes water. He nearly choked. Dimly he was aware of Lance passing him some water and encouraging him to drink, which he somehow managed. A minute or two passed before Varian trusted himself to speak.

"That… was… horrible." he croaked.

"Sorry you didn't like it. Maybe the next treat is more your taste? We always eat strawberry sherbet after sampling peppers." Eugene said.

"Again, are we allowed to do this?" Varian asked.

"Kid, it's free sherbet. Do you really want to question it?" Lance shot back.

Varian wiped at his dry, cracked lips. Sherbet did appeal to him, and if Lance and Eugene weren't concerned where it came from, maybe he shouldn't be either. He was about to accept, when they heard a noise outside the door.

"Why is this door locked?" asked Pete the guard.

Lance, Eugene, and Varian all gulped.

"New plan. We make our escape out the window." Eugene declared. He jumped onto a crate of food and climbed through the window. Lance quickly followed suit. Varian scrambled up after, struggling with his footing. He managed to grip the window sill, and Lance pulled him out. Ruddiger followed after, climbing the crates and jumping through the window with ease.

"Show off." Varian muttered, but he was petting Ruddiger at the same time, so the raccoon knew he wasn't really that annoyed.

"I guess that ends the Great Pepper Heist. Not a bad day's work, right kid?" Eugene said.

Varian huffed. "No! It tasted horrible, like swallow kerosene or something!" Varian replied.

"...Have you ever swallowed kerosene?" Eugene asked.

"This isn't about that." Varian retorted.

"Relax, little man. Nobody caught us, and we had fun. But if you're still upset, we can go to Monty's and get something to take the taste of peppers out of your mouth." Lance offered.

Varian considered this. He did like the lemon lollipops Monty sold. And it seemed like they were going to pay for the food this time, so there really was nothing to object. "Okay, I'm in." Varian said finally.

"That's the spirit! Team Awesome plus one, to Monty's Sweet Shoppe!" Eugene declared.

And they went to the store and had a good time eating the candy they'd purchased. By the next morning, Varian had almost forgotten about their misadventure when he saw the new Wanted sign showing pictures of him, Lance, and Eugene labeled 'pepper thieves'. He was right about one thing: King Frederic definitely didn't like him.

The End

Frederic may not like our alchemy boy, but I do. 'Cheat Day' was thought up by my boyfriend Johnny, who wanted Varian to participate in a heist.