Joker's Kid

He'd taken the kid in entirely on a whim. Or so he'd told himself…

It had been her eyes, bright green and luminous, that had captured his attention. . . Well, that and the rather unique gifts she'd exhibited upon their first meeting. Seeing a mere scrap of a girl putting three inch gashes into a mugger with her fingernails, while bawling like a holy terror was bound to leave an impression.

He'd been licking his wounds that night, after barely escaping from the Bat's bratty sidekicks. They'd held their own better than usual, and as a result, Joker had been forced to flee. He'd managed to secure some of the intended loot before disappearing, but not enough to have made it worth his while.

Wrath and disappointment had clouded his vision as he stalked towards his clown mobile. The caped wonders had embedded batarangs into the wheels of his first car, but he usually planned ahead for such things these days, and had a second car waiting three blocks away. After ditching the pests, he'd slunk through the alleyways back to his ride, cursing under his breath as he fought the absolute rage that consumed him. If it'd been good ole Guano Man that had thwarted him, he could have dealt with it. . . But the bird boy and bat girl dispatching of him so easily!? It couldn't be tolerated!

Bird boy wouldn't have had a prayer if his curvy colleague hadn't stepped in. Joker thought darkly. What happened to the days of mano-a-mano? Fighting your battles like a man? The dignity of the last laugh?

He'd almost made it to his mobile, when his focus had shifted from his inner rant to the sound of a child crying. The noise instantly made his head ache, and he pulled out his gun without a thought. He was in a foul mood and capping an obnoxious brat was just what the doctor ordered… Or so he thought, until he'd rounded the corner of the alley and witnessed the child in question.

She was dressed from head to toe in bright pink, with her fiery red hair pulled into a ponytail. Her green eyes were so wild they almost seemed feral, as she yelled at the two men to leave her alone. They appeared to be simple thugs, most likely attracted to the obviously expensive clothing the child wore.

They drew close enough to grab the girl, but almost immediately let her go, as she clawed at them. Her fingers never changed, but as she scratched them, the claw marks were jagged, razed wounds. At a glance, it appeared that the men had been scratched by a mountain lion, or a wolf, instead of a shrimpy kid that looked to weigh 60 pounds soaking wet.

The thugs had run away, bleeding and cursing the freaky kid, but Joker had been intrigued. He watched as she collapsed to the ground, passing out from what he assumed to be fright and shot nerves.

She was clearly a meta-human of some sort. And appeared to be a spitfire that was capable of holding her own in s a scrap. . .

Joker had stood above her still form for several good minutes, deliberating, before he'd hoisted her tiny body over his shoulder. Taking her was pure instinct, and something that he'd later play off as a whim. Though his original thoughts on the matter hadn't been so random. The kid had potential, and he was sick of fighting his battles alone. It hadn't been the same since Harley had been kicked back to Arkham. And perhaps, just perhaps he could use a sidekick to lighten the battering he took. . . In any case, with a gift like she had, the child would make for a good laugh. . .

The rest had been history. . .

Two Months Later. . .

Kareena Von Wulff cringed into a corner, as the Joker swore at the Scarecrow. The girl melted against the cracking wallpaper, doing her best not to cry. It had been a tough night, to say the least, and she could barely handle all the different emotions she was feeling.

It had been two months since Kareena and her family had been separated, and she'd come to live with the Joker. But for a child with trauma, time tended to blur into a single flowing moment, and Kareena was no exception.

Deep down, she knew that her mother and father had been killed in that dark Gotham street. That when they'd told her to run, it'd been their way of saying 'goodbye'.

They weren't coming back… and she had no living relatives to speak of. But even if she had, the girl wouldn't have left Mister J's side.

She'd come to care for the Joker deeply, despite his explosive moods and morbid sense of humor. The toothy smile had been the first thing she'd seen after losing her parents, and the affection she'd felt for the clown had been almost immediate. She'd always been a cuddly, loving sort, and the Joker hadn't been excluded from that. She'd happily stayed with him in his dilapidated hideout, doing her best to keep his spirits up, though she often grew upset by his temper. . . Which currently radiated through the hideout like a noxious miasma.

Kareena blinked back tears as the Joker yelled again. "Ow! Dammit, Crane! You're wrapping it too tight!"

"Batman smashed your forearm to your shoulder. Tight is what you want," Jonathan Crane said dispassionately, as he continued to set the Joker's newly broken arm. "Otherwise it won't heal properly."

"Never should have trusted a shrink to do a quacks job," Joker muttered before his grimace turned into a dark smile.

Scarecrow rolled his eyes as he helped the clown into a sling. He nodded as he eyed his handy work. "I'd take it easy for a while, Joker. Lest you need another doctor to patch you up."

"But why on earth would I pay a medical professional when I can hit you up for free?" The wicked cackle that followed made Kareena finally look up from the floor. The grin was all encompassing on the clown's face, but that didn't mean he was in a good mood. . .

Crane put his hands into his lab coat pockets, before shrugging. "Nothing's free, Joker. One good turn deserves another, as you well know."

After a loaded moment of silence, Joker broke it with a snort, before he gestured to the table where several large envelopes of cash sat untouched. "Guess I can't get anything past you, ole pal!"

Crane cautiously opened one of the envelopes, checking for Joker toxins or gas, before he pocketed it and moved to take his leave. "You know how to get in touch with me if your arm gets worse."

"Don't let the door hit ya on the way out~" Joker called back, as Scarecrow finally disappeared, the same way he'd originally entered.

When they were alone, the clown's grin turned wide as he swiveled his gaze to find the child who had been silent for the better part of an hour.

"I thought the good doctor would never leave! But then again, Crane never found his way to the Wizard. Bit short on brains, ya know." He raised his unbroken hand to make the 'crazy' sign near his own temple.

When Kareena still didn't move or speak, he grew impatient. "Come over here, kid and let Uncle Joker get a look at you! Don't tell me that dear old Batsy broke your vocal chords when he decided to smash my body? Whatever will I do with a mute pixie?" When that had no effect, he added, "Didn't your parents ever teach you it's rude to lurk in doorways? One might get the wrong impression... "

Kareena was still for a breath, before the dam broke and she began to cry. Countless tears trickled down her cheeks, staining her warm golden skin a blotchy red. In seconds she had run across the room to him, slumping on the floor beside where he sat.

"I'm so sorry, Mister J!" She sniffled, burying her face into her hands as she sobbed. "It's all m-my fault!"

"Goodness, look at all those crocodile tears!" His tone was humorous as he sat back comfortably in his chair and studied Kareena. "Geez kid, a guy might think you'd gotten the broken arm instead of me! Lighten up!"

"Y-You never would have gotten a broken arm if it wasn't for me!" Kareena cried, looking up with remorseful green eyes. The Joker stared into them for a time before he shuddered, and rolled his eyes.

"Stop with the puppy dog eyes, kiddo. I'm not mad. You might have botched the job, but you gave me a good laugh when you headbutted Bird Boy like a rhino on steroids. I don't know how many feet he flew, but I heard him hit the far wall! You can't pay for gags like that! And Batman's face! Hahahahhah~! Oh! I don't think I've seen him look so worried since the crowbar incident."

"...Crowbar incident?"

"It's not important." His grin showed a malice that made Kareena's eyes grow wide. "But I will tell you that the former bird boy wasn't as lucky as the original. Even including his headbutting session with you."

Kareena was quiet for a minute, before she asked hesitantly. "So even though I couldn't really help you tonight, you aren't mad at me?"

"Not at all, pumpkin." His tone was jovial as he waved his good hand for emphasis. "You tried to stop the Bat family from pummeling me. You failed in the long run, but the final product wasn't all that bad."

For the first time that night, Kareena smiled and the Joker lifted a brow thoughtfully. His eyes grew glazed as he playfully thumped her forehead with his thumb and forefinger. The action was surprisingly affectionate as he said to himself, "I wonder… how many suckers have been snookered by those fluttery eyes and dimpled smile?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing, Karry," he replied, using his nickname for her. "Now run along and feed the hyenas like a good little munchkin, while Uncle Joker gets his beauty sleep."

Kareena moved to obey without any hesitation, making the Joker grin and then shake his head and scowl.

Dang kid…. He had to be careful or he might end up caring about the lil' scamp. . .

Over the next week, Kareena became Joker's nursemaid; mostly against his will. But having one good arm tended to put a damper on his mobility. He could dress himself and feed himself, but most of his daily tasks were harder to pull off. So Kareena had become his little shadow, jumping in to help him whenever he needed her too.

At first it had been annoying, and the clown had snapped at her. But after she'd cried and stopped helping him, he'd realized that she'd really been invaluable (not that he'd ever admit as much to her…) And he'd invited her to help him once again.

Currently, the Clown Prince of Crime sat before Harley's old vanity, as Kareena combed out his hair. She gently untangled his green strands, making sure not to pull any out or tug too hard. It was really quite relaxing, if he was being honest.

When she'd combed and styled his hair how he liked it, he then let her touch up his face. His ghastly 'clown' features were all natural, thanks to a dip in a vat of unknown chemicals, but a touch of powder here and there could never hurt.

As Kareena poofed the powder around his face, she giggled as a white cloud filled the air around them. Joker raised a brow, before he stole the brush from her and coated her face in the powder too. When a second white cloud wafted about them he smirked as she laughed harder.

When her giggles ceased, Kareena helped the Joker button up his purple dress shirt. He'd gotten all of them but the top three. When she'd finished with the last, he reached out to straighten the pink bow in the girl's hair.

After a week, their morning routine was close to clockwork. They'd help each other get ready for the day and then Kareena would pour them both of bowl of cereal, before the Joker retreated to his 'study' to plan future schemes. This morning proved to be no different, until Kareena acted on impulse and caught the Joker by surprise.

Just before he could disappear into his study, the girl had called out his name, making him turn to regard her. And as soon as he'd turned around, Kareena had catapulted herself at him, and wrapped her thin little arms around him as far as they'd go.

The action was so unexpected that Joker exclaimed in disgust and froze. Almost as if he thought the child would let go if he pretended he didn't notice her. . . But as the seconds turned into a full minute, and Kareena didn't let go, he realized his plan wouldn't work. . .

"What in the devil has gotten into you, Karry?! Take your hands off and turn me loose!"

"I'll let go in a minute," Kareena promised sweetly.

"Why don't you let go now?" He growled, trying to pry her fingers loose with his one good hand.

"Because everyone needs a hug, and you've been so nice, I wanted to say thank you!" Kareena explained innocently, making him stop moving again. "You saved me when I had no one, and I'm so happy to be here with you!"

The Joker stared down at the girl he'd taken in, with unblinking eyes. He openly pushed away the loving sentiments, despite knowing for quite some time that the child had grown attached to him. He'd have to be a colossal fool not to notice her affection, though he'd done his best to avoid it…

For a moment, his good arm hung in the air, while his face twisted with unknown emotions. But when Kareena showed no signs of letting go, he exhaled deeply and relaxed, before shrugging indifferently. "Oh what the heck! Guess it won't kill me! And if it does, I'll go out on a joke! Killed by kindness, or whatever you'd like to call this."

Then, the Joker wrapped his arm around Kareena and squeezed her. The girl's tinkling laughter filled the lair and soon it was joined by a guttural cackle. Kareena held on tight to the Joker as she hugged him for all she was worth, and the Clown did the same.

"If I didn't know better, Mister J, I'd think you liked hugs."

The Joker chuckled as he let go of her with a mirthful smirk. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were a few cards shy of a full deck. You gotta be careful with all that mushy stuff, Karry or you'll give someone a heart-attack."

At his clear teasing, Kareena's face lit up and she nodded happily. "Sure, Mister J!"

Joker shook his head as he ruffled Kareena's fiery curls. "C'mon, kiddo. We've got work to do."

"... Wait …. We?"

"Yes we. Now get a move on! We can't disappoint the Bat next time we see him!"

The Joker bounced his eyebrows playfully, before he turned on his heel and stalked towards his study. Kareena eagerly followed him, noticing the obvious pep in the clown's step with an excited little smile.

Her parents might have been taken away, but the Joker…. He wasn't going anywhere.