21
Cosmo Canyon: A Lesson About the Planet…
Falling asleep meant dreaming. Dreaming meant nightmares. And Nightmares meant Sephiroth visiting.
I was at the church, alone.
Quietly, I sat on a pew, facing the familiar but neglected flower bed. The dream's usual sunlight had been replaced by a heavy rain. It patted loudly behind the weak walls, the world outside appearing as though nothing else existed. The hole in the roof let light fall into the flowers, and I watched intently as the heavy drops bend and shake them like they were shivering. The tapping was soothing. A quiet storm surrounded my world.
"You're alone," he said.
I felt him even before I heard his voice, already aware that he was there, and I sighed tiredly, closing my eyes as exhaustion came, even in a dream. I wish I could cry, but nothing came out. Instead, it rained even harder. The puttering grew until water came in sheets, flooding the flower bed until it began to overflow. A hand of water stretched out from the flowers and began to pile across the wood floor towards my bare feet until I could feel its chill. I left my feet there, enjoying the cold puddle growing around them like cold blood leaking from my internal wounds.
Sephiroth stood in the middle of the aisle beside my seat, considering the column of rain crashing into the flower bed.
I looked down to my lap, my dress dirty and wrinkled.
"Go ahead. Just get it over with already," I sighed.
I felt his eyes shift.
"You're not afraid…" he whispered. He didn't ask, he knew.
I shook my head as I looked up to the wooden beams above us, and pressed my lips together, feeling my eyes begin to finally water.
"No," I choked, blinking back tears.
Sephiroth chuckled.
"You're in so much pain. I could feel it, the incredible amount of energy you unleashed. How extraordinary," he whispered with pleasure. Every time Sephiroth spoke, he did so with such complete patience, like he had all the time in the world, saying each word purposefully.
"But I know how to get it. With patience, and when all the pieces come together, I will be able to manipulate all of that energy. Even yours."
"Take it! I don't care!" I threatened, sick of Sephiroth's games, and eventually, I glared at him. He cocked his head a little and threw his glowing aqua eyes down at me, amused, while his perfect lips pressed together. I shot up and cried, "Everyone wants a piece of me! My body, my powers, my DNA. Just take it all!" I threw my hands out and took a deep breath, my stomach twisting up just at the sight of his eyes searching up my body.
Sephiroth let my words hang in the air for a minute, his beautiful face tilted up to the hole in the ceiling where a sky of light flashed. Thunder followed, and it boomed around the church while I was afraid its walls would fall apart.
"So much pain," Sephiroth whispered, basking in the dreary room with a smirk.
He turned, and walked towards me, but I didn't move. I didn't do anything except listen to each intense step, the wood planks creaking under his boots.
His hand reached for his hilt, and a bit of metal appeared beside his hip while his eyes lingered on my face. I looked down, awaiting the blade, the stab, and the blood.
But Sephiroth sheathed his sword with a snap, and he chuckled lightly. He stopped, his chest only a few inches from my nose, when a powerful hand cupped my chin and forced my head up. I was pulled to stare into those intense eyes, an empty soul living behind them, and his long silver bangs tickled my cheeks.
"Because you want it, I've decided not to do it this time," he observed. I continued to glare up at him, and a tear unexpectedly escaped.
Sephiroth took his other gloved hand and wiped it away, fingers surprisingly delicate.
"I like you like this. Broken. Wanting to die. It's a beautiful experience, isn't it?" he whispered. I didn't reply, feeling like a mannequin, not even fighting away from his touch. Sephiroth let his hands fall anyway, and he turned around, walking towards the double doors.
His cape dragged along the floor, leaving behind a thin trail of scattered black feathers.
I watched him go, foreseeing on being alone with my wretched thoughts and feelings until he decided to stop. His dark gloved hands touched the doors, trailing a finger over one of its fine paneled windows.
"I'll wait for you in Nibelheim. I want to see Cloud again," Sephiroth shared, his voice booming down the aisle. He then pressed against the doors, letting them fall open, and then walked out into the world of rain.
They closed, and I was left standing there in the middle of the aisle, eyes stuck to the doors.
I was alone.
Aqua….
The rain slowly vanished. And then a light crashed in through the windows and every opening until I was blinded by it.
"Aqua!" It sounded like Aerith.
I felt a moist washcloth rub across my forehead and dabbed at my cheek until trickles of water slipped down my neck and in between my breasts. Tobacco. Lavender. Flowers. Such a lovely smell to experience before the voices soon appeared.
"Don't worry. She's waking up," a low, crispy voice announced.
"Oh, thank the Planet," Red whispered.
I smiled in post sleep, enjoying the wet washcloth against my hot skin. My eyes then squinted, and I opened them slowly. I could already recognize Aerith's face even when it's blurry; the large fuzzy emerald orbs easily figured out.
But another face sat atop of hers, his hands rubbing through his white beard. My vision sharpened, and that old man, the one who knocked me out, gazed down at me behind his dark spectacles.
"Ho hoo hoo! She's awake!" he announced. His voice sounded different from what I recalled. Scratchy, patient and warm.
Aerith gasped, and her face took away all of my view when she leaned in, smiling wide.
"You're okay!" She wanted to unleash her arms around me, but instead, she put the washcloth away in a bowl, and squeezed my hands, hers left a bit wet. I squeezed them back anyway, and looked around the room. It was a large round space, with a full made bed to one side, and a small table in the center holding a gentle lamp along with a vase filled with a bouquet of lavender and white flowers. Two couches circled the rest of the room, discovering I was lying in one of them with a brown fur blanket over my naked body. Windows around the room displayed darkness. I could only hope it was night, and not a day has passed.
I tried sitting up, but I immediately felt dizzy, and laid my head back down on a cushion.
"Where are we?" I cracked, my throat dry.
The old man quickly handed me a ceramic mug of water, and I drank it all up in two seconds. I asked for another, and finished that off, too.
Red laid his head over my covered legs, his chin brushed across the fur, and smiled at me.
"We're in my grandfather's home. Aqua, this is Bugenhagen, my brilliant grandfather. He knows a lot about the Planet, and may be able to help you with your powers," he told me. I turned my head, finding the old man settle my empty cup on his table, and spotted a small white ponytail with two feathers linked to his bald head. With a lean and wrinkled face, the old man smiled behind his mustache and beard. His brown eyes were friendly when he turned them to me. I couldn't believe they were the same eyes that I briefly witnessed before I was put out like a light, last remembering dark eyes and a thundering voice.
"It's nice to finally see you awake and not destroying my home," Bugenhagen chuckled in a frail old voice. This man was anything but intimidating, almost a different person from the one who rescued me from my explosive magic.
Remembering my horrific outburst, I rubbed my hands across my face and whimpered, "I'm sorry."
And then it all came crashing back to me until a heavy hundred pound weight fell upon my chest, giving me a gasp. I hid my face into my hands, ready to break.
"Cloud's waiting outside. I'll go tell him you're awake," Aerith began, prepared to get up.
"No!" I begged, and I wrapped my arms around her little waist, pressing my face into her dress so hard, I felt her inflate her belly when she gasped.
"No! Please!" I cried, and I began to sob. I clutched to Aerith, shoulders shaking and soaked her dress through while she let her hands rest on my back, rubbing it. Everyone was quiet.
Aerith threw a worried look at Red, but nothing was said. They let me cry for a while as I mashed my eyes shut, clinging to Aerith like a child does to a mother.
"Come, Red. Let's give Aqua a few minutes," Bugenhagen suggested.
I heard Red's' footsteps disappear down a staircase, and then a door closed. It was only me and Aerith, and her hands began to shake as she continued to rub at my bare back.
"Aqua, what happened," her tone was heavy as she grew cautious. I continued to break into pieces over her lap, sinking further and further while inhaling her floral perfume.
"I can't face him again. I can't," I wept. Aerith's hands brushed across my back until her arms extended, and she held me, holding me so tight as her face sank over my shoulder. Her hair tickled my back.
"Oh Aqua. I'm so sorry," she whispered. I felt a drop of water tickle across my back, and wondered if it was a tear that has fallen from her eyes.
For a long time, she held me, waiting for my sobs to dwindle into whimpering, and then finally, I settled with nothing left but sniffles.
I eventually sat up, and leaned against Aerith's shoulder, my hands clutching to the fur throw to conceal most of me. We were quiet, observing the home of Bugenhagen while I replayed the horrible scene in my head, over and over again. It was like my nightmares with Sephiroth, a repetitive horrible experience with the same outcome.
Aerith was patient, her hands playing with mine while I used my other hand to wipe away old and sticky tears. I sniffed, brushing my hair back to get its loose strands out of my face, and sucked in an unsteady breath.
"I told him I loved him, Aerith. And then, he told me he didn't. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done," I cracked, my throat raw. I couldn't even say his name, it was too painful.
"But that's-" she stopped herself short, pressing her lips together while her eyes lifted to the walls across the room.
Her hand squeezed mine as I watched her expression shift quickly, her eyes signifying she fell into her thoughts, like she was trying to understand a difficult puzzle.
"What?" I asked.
Aerith shook her head, not looking at me.
"I guess that idea is over. The Planet may get what it wants after all," she whispered, either to me or to herself, and a wave of disappointment crashed over her, the pink ribbon of her bow sinking along with her shoulders.
I just stared at her, watching her eyelids fall till her eyes almost shut. They watered, until a tiny tear poked out and danced across her cheek.
"Well, I'm glad you told him. Now there won't be any more regrets," Aerith whispered, her eyebrows up.
Regrets?
"But Aerith, I regret telling him. I shouldn't have said anything. I should've just left it alone-"
Aerith put a finger to my lips to stop me, and I blinked at her, a couple of my tears still falling.
She smiled sadly at me, her eyes glowing like an emerald lagoon with sunlight.
"No, Aqua. You told him. That's nothing to regret about. You faced your biggest fear. I don't know what's going through Cloud's head, but it must've not been easy for him to make his decision. Try to understand where he's coming from. He really does care about you. Perhaps, someday, if he lets you, Search him. You may be surprised at what you find."
I gawked.
"Have you…?" I couldn't quite finish, but Aerith already shook her head, taking her finger away.
"No. I wouldn't do that. I think that's a place only you're allowed to explore," she replied, and then handed me a dry wash cloth. I used the cloth to wipe my tears and rub my nose, sniffing.
"I only did that once, and on accident," I whispered, replaying the time I fell into Cloud's soul with only enough time to find his child self whimpering and alone.
"I don't even know how it happened," I finished, shrugging my bare shoulders.
Aerith didn't say anything to that, a part of her stuck into her worried thoughts as though Cloud's rejection had shattered her hidden plans.
"Aerith, what were you planning? What idea is over?" I asked, awaiting eagerly for her answers.
Aerith looked up to the round ceiling, painted as a starry sky with dark blue paint and white stars. Her answer stewed in her thoughts until it brought a secret smile to her face. A Mona Lisa smile.
"Nope. I'm not giving up, so I won't tell you yet. I want to wait and see how this works out. And then, when it hopefully happens, I will tell you. I promise. Okay?" She gave me a pure smile, one that lit up her eyes as the lantern glowed her skin softly.
Her forehead bunked with mine delicately, making my cheeks slightly burn when I got a close up of her beauty.
"Stay strong. We got this," she assured me, eyes closed, and I believed her. I didn't press her about it, and knew I had to wait and see what she meant.
We embraced, my face falling into her hair.
"Thank you, Aerith. You're my person," I whispered, happy to remind her what she was to me. I couldn't quite define it, telling someone they were my person. It wasn't a best friend, it felt like something deeper, something not even a lover could ever reach. Whatever I meant, it just felt right. But dark thoughts began to sneak their way in, creeping from behind the furniture and under the lamp. Thoughts of my powerful outburst, snuck into my mind, and I asked Aerith, "What happened? What explains my magical outburst?" Before Aerith could answer, the door opened. Red entered, his paws tapping over the rugs until he settled his head beside my knees, and rested his chin over the couch cushion.
"How are you feeling?" He asked as I rubbed my fingers through his furry head.
I tried to smile, even just a little, when my chest still ached and my body was weak.
"Better. Thank you," I replied tiredly. I cleared my throat as Bugenhagen floated in. It took me two glances to realize that the old man was sitting cross-legged on top of a dark green crystal ball.
The crystal ball floated!
It was a magical way of having a wheelchair, and my jaw dropped as the old man noticed my expression, and he did a laugh that made him sound like Santa Claus.
"Ho hoo hooo! You seem better, now!" He settled his hands behind his back, his small body draped heavily in a purple cotton robe with tribal marks along its long length. Small metal pauldrons curved over his tiny shoulders, and a gold hoop earring glimmered behind the lamp as he smiled at all of us.
"Shall we get started?" he began.
I turned my puzzled eyes to Aerith and then to Red, but they seemed just as confused as I was. Bugenhagen floated deeper into the room, and he craned his warm brown eyes to me.
"Aqua, you and Aerith are Ancients. You both have powers to manipulate the Planet's energy. As I've just witnessed, you, Aqua, have tremendous power, and also have difficulty controlling it when under high stress. I think to better understand your powers, you should understand the Planet first."
He gazed down at Red.
"Nanaki, why don't you bring two more people along. I can only fit about six people in my planetarium," he requested smoothly. Red nodded, as Bugenhagen settled his hands over his lap, and mentioned, "I'll make sure it's all set up," and then he floated away, up towards a set of stairs and through a door.
It got quiet again, until I stopped Red from leaving when I asked him, "Red, may I ask you something?" He settled cautious yellow eyes on me.
"Yes?"
I bit my lip, thinking about how he appeared to everyone else in Cosmo Canyon. Where were his kind? How was that old man his grandfather? Perhaps it was just a polite way of saying he was being fostered.
"Red, where are the rest of…" I swallowed because I was worried this question would be offensive, but I couldn't think of a better way to ask suddenly.
"I don't see others like you, here, your species," I clarified anxiously. Red smiled, like he was glad I brought it up.
"My old tribe used to be guardians of this place. Protecting believers of the Planet and its old ways. This is my hometown, where teachings of the Planet is heavily practiced. Other tribes didn't agree, and tried to bring this place down, but my mother fought them off, and died here," he preached proudly. But then his voice darkened when he finished, "My cowardly father, ran away."
He dropped his eyes to a large red rug.
"I'm the last of my species now," he softened with his ears drooped back.
"Red," Aerith whispered. "I had no idea."
I wanted to reassure him, we know how he felt, but decided against it. Instead, I asked, "So, you guard this place?"
Red nodded. "Yes. I'm the guardian of Cosmo Canyon. This is where my journey ends so that I may continue to protect my people."
I liked how he called the humans of his home, "his people" like the different species didn't matter at all. Their beliefs were the same. That's what mattered most to them.
Red began to walk towards the doors, his ragged red and orange fur dimming as he walked away from the lamp.
"I'm going to bring two others…" he paused, and looked over his shoulder to consider me when he added, "Aqua, if it's all right, I want Cloud to see. But only if you're okay with that. He has been waiting outside this whole time, just to make sure you would wake up."
My heart pounded hard, taking a hand to it just to get a good feel for how deep it thumped. I grew hot under the fur blanket as I stared down at it, hiding.
Cloud still cared. I was relieved, but I also felt guilty. Would it be different now? Would Cloud be unable to look at me again? Talk to me alone, in the dark or in our quiet space again? Or even hold my hand again?
I blew out a sigh through my nose and just smiled, appreciating Red's thoughtfulness. With a deep breath, I tried looking at him with contentment instead of just getting my heart broken.
"It's okay, Red. Thank you," I said a little too softly. Red smiled back, turned towards the door to push it open with his paw, and disappeared into the night.
I quickly gathered the fur blanket and rose from the couch, heading towards the window while Aerith chirped, "Aqua?"
I snuck a view through the paneled glass, and at night, gazed down the steps to find Red talking to Cloud. It was a relief they couldn't see me, as I was on a higher level, and watched Red run away to seek another guest. As soon as he left, I watched sorely at Cloud burying his face into his hands, shaking his head to himself while a lantern glowed over him. His back was to me, unable to notice, but I pulled back anyway, and tightened the fur blanket around me.
What have I done?
I might've ruined what Cloud and I had, selfishly putting him in a difficult spot. This is why Tifa never told him of her feelings. Because she'd rather stay as his friend than nothing at all. Was I nothing now?
When I thought I had none left, more tears silently appeared, and I dropped my face into my hands of collected fur, itching and tickling my nose and cheeks.
To be nothing to Cloud was worse than staying as his friend. Much, much worse.
I felt Aerith's hand sit on my shoulder, giving me a silent moment as I whimpered.
After a minute of calming, she mentioned softly, "I brought your backpack. Why don't you freshen up a bit? It may make you feel better."
#-
I slipped into Bugenhagen's bathroom, a tiny little box of nothing but dark blue tile and a yellow lamp overhead. With his little sink filled with cold water, I splashed my face, sighing as I washed away the old me. With a quick glance up at the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. My green eyes were still red, and fragile. My skin tanned, but blotchy from my poor diet, and my hair needed another wash already. I dug into my pack to take out a large brush and ran its tiny fingers through all of my hair until every knot disappeared, letting it fall loosely. I had so much hair. I thought about cutting it, and then decided it would be terrible timing.
Maybe another time.
I could hear the front door open, and then Aerith's voice chimed, "Hi Cloud! Hi Barret! I'm glad you two could show up with Red!"
Aerith was so nice, purposely yelling out their names for my benefit as I kept myself locked in the bathroom. I'm a coward, as always.
"Hell yeah! I'm excited! I've never been in a Planetarium before! Oh, ah…" Barret stopped talking, and I wish I knew why, as I leaned against the thin wooden door to listen in easier. They were all only a couple of feet away, each step an audible creak, and even Barret's quick breathing was simple to pick up through the door.
"How's Aqua?" Cloud asked seriously.
My heart skipped, and I cursed to myself, combing my hair more aggressively than I'd like to.
"She's doing much better. Just needed some rest," Aerith cheered, sounding a bit too forceful.
"What happened anyway?" Barret pried.
"Uh…" Aerith was at a loss. I could picture her uneasily smiling and blinking madly up at Barret and then innocently glanced at Cloud.
"Uh, I think she was feeling very highly stressed. Something about being here, in Cosmo Canyon. I'm not sure yet. Why don't we ask her later?" Her voice squeaked. I smacked my hand over my face because her lying was always awful.
I did one last rinse of my face, and slipped into my white maxi dress I bought from Costa Del Sol. As I slipped a thin white strap over my arm, I hesitated, the bracer catching my eye. I finished my strap over my shoulder, and with a shaky hand, unhinged the bracer from my forearm. My skin still bruised, but it was fading from dark purple to yellow.
"I'm ready when you are," Bugenhagen's voice bellowed to the others from above.
"Great! Why don't you guys go on ahead? Aqua and I will catch up!" Aerith sang. I could hear Red's light tapping and Barret's heavy footsteps creak in through the walls, and then nothing but silence.
I inspected the bracer in my hands, wanting to squeeze my fingers around it to try to crush it into pieces. Of course, that failed, and limply, I tossed it into my bag. Afterwards, I went back to working my hair into a side braid until I heard Cloud's voice.
"How is she, really?" He tried to extract, his voice duller than usual. I paused combing. I can almost imagine how Aerith's thoughts whirled when she hummed to herself, unsure how to answer that when she knew I was only ears shot away.
"You can just ask her," she replied quietly.
"I can't. I mean, she probably doesn't want to talk to me. Aerith, it's all my fault. I don't know what to do," I heard Cloud struggle. His steps circled the room, creaking the entire floor with his wandering madness. Aerith's tone grew serious when she suggested, "You could just apologize. And honestly, it wouldn't hurt to tell her why. We don't know what goes on in that head of yours."
Cloud's steps came to a halt.
"You already know, then? I'm not surprised," he said, and chuckled lightly to himself.
"Of course, I know. And it makes me want to ask. Cloud, why did you reject her?" Aerith questioned.
I held my breath, awaiting his response. At first, all I heard was "hmph," from Cloud, and then he quietly added, "Is that what she thinks it was? I suppose there is no third option, is there? Yes or no. If only it were that simple. What a mess I am."
His strong steps began to ascend.
"Cloud, you better know what you're doing!" Aerith called out, her voice louder than usual as it traveled up the stairs to him. His footsteps stopped.
"If you have to figure things out, do it quickly, before it's too late. Before…" Aerith paused, and I heard her gasp. She may have rammed her hand over her mouth to stop herself from saying anymore.
Cloud's dark and low voice rumbled through the walls, "Before what?"
"Nothing. It's nothing. I'm sorry," Aerith denied. There was a long and heavy silence.
Before what? What were you hiding, Aerith? Why won't you tell me?
More silence. And then…
"No matter where Aqua and I are, I will still be there for her. She made me promise to protect you too, but if you know something that will put her in harm's way, then you and I may have a problem." Cloud was no fool to her lying.
I couldn't believe my ears. Was Cloud warning Aerith? My hands collided over my mouth, shocked at how cruel he sounded. I never thought of those two with competitive tension. I should interfere, open the door and march in between them, telling them that was enough, but I was afraid.
Aerith was quiet, fear too stuck in her throat.
"Look out for Aqua for me? You were always better at comforting her than I am," Cloud uttered harshly, and his steps continued up through the walls until he pushed through a door. It closed harder than expected, making me gasp.
As soon as he was gone, there was a light tap on my door, which sounded like a hyper drum to my ear before I pulled back and opened it outwardly. Immediately, Aerith's giant eyes clung to mine as her hand shielded her mouth from falling to the floor.
"Did you hear all of that," she whispered, appalled by Cloud's words. Right away, she glided into my arms, my eyes growing wide. I held her as she released a trembling sigh over my shoulder, her nerves unfurling loosely after being rung so tight around Cloud's intimidating presence. Aerith's gasps came suddenly, until she began to wet my bare shoulder with tears. Her hands dug into my back while her shoulders shook fiercely, and she whispered so softly through her little sobs, "I'm so sorry."
Why she was sorry, she never said. But I gave Aerith the time she needed to let herself go, a rarity. I don't think I've seen her cry since I was in her bedroom, the night she revealed to me that I was an Ancient like her. How did it come to this, in full circle? And yet, I still had little idea about being an Ancient. Like, why it mattered? Is it all really about the magic? Is there more to it than that? I pondered these things while holding Aerith, rubbing my hands up and down her back until she sniffled and recharged.
"Come on, they're waiting for us," Aerith muttered, taking a tissue from a tissue box and dabbing her lovely eyes.
I just watched her as she tried to straighten her braid, brush back her bangs and rub her face with a moist washcloth.
"Aerith…" I truly didn't know what else to say. She just looked at me, her large eyes creeping over the washcloth across her cheeks, and blinked. With one last rub, she sniffed, her nose still red, and muttered, "It's all right. It's not your fault, Aqua."
When nothing more was said, she left, and her steps trekked slowly as they climbed to the Planetarium room to join the others.
Before I zipped my bag close, I paused, the bracer gazing up at me with its bent metal reflecting the orange glow of the bathroom lamp. It beckoned me to take it, my right forearm so light and empty.
At the last second, I retrieved the bracer and snapped it back in place where it belonged. Rejected or not, I still cared about the piece of armor, and felt more whole wearing it.
When Bugenhagen mentioned his "Planetarium", I was picturing a large room with the ceiling that spun around with the planets' rotations. Maybe a couple of large models on display made of paint and styrofoam, but it was so much more than that.
At first, I was disappointed, stepping into a large round room where the others waited. I stepped beside Aerith, her eyes wandering around the area while her deep thoughts still simmered, making her a little more tense. Our steps echoed easily, like the floor was hollow glass. I blinked as I adjusted to the brightness, like light was emitting off all the walls, the ceiling, and the floor.
"Hey! You're okay!" Barret comforted, and I suddenly felt a massive arm around my shoulder. I had to bend my knees to adjust to the weight, and squinted up at his smile because it was too bright.
"I'm so sorry if I hurt anyone," I replied uneasily, releasing my hold.
Barret pulled his arm back and shrugged.
"Nah. No one got hurt. But it looked cool," he commented with his scruffy voice. We exchanged smiles. I always enjoyed how big Barret's teeth would get when he flashed them, a real smile. of his.
And then came the most difficult part.
I peered behind Barret and locked eyes with Cloud like he was waiting for it the whole time. I smiled and, cowardly, dropped my gaze as I hurriedly said, "I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused."
My heart screamed, and my body wanted to melt away into a crack somewhere, but I gave him my best smile. With hands behind my back, I averted my gaze, not really able to look at him.
Cloud turned his back to me, hiding his face as well, and muttered, "I'm glad you're okay." He crossed his arms around himself tightly, fingers piercing into his triceps, but didn't grimace about it.
The air electrified with our intense emotions, and Aerith growled behind her lips, noticing it, while Red dropped his ears. Barret scratched his head, feeling something off, but couldn't decipher it just yet.
"Ahem!" Bugenhagen cleared his throat.
We all turned, unaware that he was there, right in the center of the room, and with a small glowing white pedestal standing beside him.
"Welcome everyone! This is my famous Planetarium!" Bugenhagen announced.
We all just stared inside the white room, puzzled.
"Ah, I don't see anything, man," Barret grumbled, displeased. Red told him to hush.
Bugenhagen chuckled, his eyes analyzing each of us equally behind his tiny glasses. I then understood why he wore dark shades, as I still couldn't open my eyes wide enough due to the brightness.
"This technology was given to me by a kind scientist, an old friend of mine. With his help, I achieved top of the line Shinra technology to create a place like this, where we can view the wonders of the universe, and even places from memories," the wise gentleman explained. Suddenly, his voice didn't crack as much, like he became younger, and his eyes lit up.
"Hoo hooo, shall we begin?" Before any of us could tell him to, Bugenhagen already slapped his hand down on the pedestal with a light smack.
Suddenly, the whole room darkened.
I gasped along with Aerith, and we clutched to each other while we were surrounded in shadow. But then, from our feet, the floor exploded into billions of stars. I thought I could touch them as they flew pass, clusters of them. The room came alive, and we were no longer in Bugenhagen's Observatory.
We were flying through space!
My eyes grew at the explosion of planets swooshing pass us, that even the walls vibrated with motion. A tiny red planet spun slowly as it hovered pass my shoulder. I waved a hand to it, and watched my fingers run through the red pixels, the planet passing on without a stir.
"Life. What is it really? It's everywhere, on every planet, in our stars, and it's the same energy that flows through us," Bugenhagen began, the narrator of this show. I threw my hand over my chest, awing over a solar system before a planet, looking much like Earth, began to zoom in, taking up the whole room with its atmosphere closing in. We flew through the jet stream, and into the clouds before tiny puzzle shaped lands sat in between glimmering water.
"Energy is shared to all things, given to us until we no longer need it," Bugenhagen continued, sitting still while watching us.
The Planet zoomed in, and we cut through forests, trees, the familiar canyons, the ocean. While my heart speeded up, I spotted the familiar plains of Kalm, and the beaches around Junon as though I was flying over them. A herd of Chocobos trampled across the plains, leaving behind a trail of green dust. The swampy lands mashed into our faces, and I gasped, afraid to fall into the water.
"Like all living things, we die. And when we die, we give back that energy we borrowed."
A body of a deer like creature, collapsed around the battered lands outside Midgar. Green energy escaped from the fresh corpse, and swirled away, fading into the sky.
"That energy is given back to the Planet, where it will be stored until new life needs it."
The room pulled us back out, watching the Planet shrink away, and then it glowed into a bright aqua green orb.
"The collection of all this energy, that keeps our Planet alive, is called the Lifestream. When you die, you too will take the journey to go there, and well, who knows. Ho ho! You may stay as yourself, or you may not. Hoo hooooo! I can't be certain! But that energy, is known as "Spirit Energy" and it lies in the Planet, waiting to bring on new life, hence the cycle."
The Planet vanished, and Mako reactors shoved into our faces, making us gasp as we floated around the dark world of Midgar. And then another video captured Mt. Corel's Reactor. And then another, and another, until I eyeballed at all the Mako reactors sucking up the Planet like parasites. Green and black smoke escaped the massive metal chimneys with loud hissing sounds around my ears, like I was really there. The machines hummed heavily, passing the Mako through pipes and filters, and then the quiet screams occurred. I could hear them, the voices of the Planet echoing, chilling me down to my spine. The room darkened, and I stepped in circles, unable to see anyone anymore while I feared spirits were to appear and reach for me, begging for help.
"Spirits are sucked into these machines…," Bugenhagen exhaled loudly in the dark.
Glowing wisps of green energy appeared, crawling over the walls and across the floor like a green fog, until the room lit up in a glowing green state.
We were in the Lifestream.
The cries increased, the sounds of the Planet in agony. Did they hear it, too? I glanced at Barret, watching him plug his ears. Red had his perked up, though he looked down to his paws, the weight of the voices dragging his head down. Cloud spun around, trying to find the source of the cries, but they were everywhere and in everything, not just in one place.
"The Planet cries. Spirits cannot fully return to rest, and are, instead, used until they are lost wastefully."
Mako reactors projected once again, Midgar sitting under us like a round, colossal beast. It sat there around the black lands, hungrily taking in all life surrounding it to fuel its greedy and monstrous belly.
"Wait!" Cloud interrupted, his figure standing over the Shinra symbol on a reactor. "You're talking about Mako now, right?"
Bugenhagen waved his arms up with excitement.
"Ho hoo! Yes! You see, machines are sucking up the Spirit Energy, using it to run electricity through cities. They are eating up spirits and throwing them away. As you can imagine…"
We flew up higher, watching Midgar shrink into a large black dot. The Planet came into view again, and we flew over its beautiful landscapes, until it shifted rapidly. The green grass darkened. The trees died. The mountains hardened and broke away. The oceans dried up. All the lands shriveled into nothing but a black wasteland. Not even a single dot of green.
"The Planet will waste away, turning into nothing but a floating rock in space," Bugenhagen dreadfully announced.
My jaw dropped, and I asked in a shaky voice, "When will this happen?"
The scenery shifted, bringing us back to the galaxy, with planets I didn't recognize, spinning around us like ornaments. Their solar system, like mine, had a bright star too, their version of the sun hanging over our heads like a huge yellow lamp.
"Buganhagen chuckled politely to my disturbing question.
"Well, it could be tomorrow. It could be in a hundred years! Ho ho hooo! But it will happen if these machines keep sucking up the Planet's Spirit Energy. It disrupts the cycle. How will we give birth to new life if there is no more energy left to give? The balance will eventually shift. That's why nature dies around Mako reactors. All its energy is being sucked dry, as you all have seen, I'm sure. And of course, there's the true dark question: How will we have eternal rest when not even given the chance? What if one of us dies, and gets sucked right up?" he questioned, and the gloomy thought terrorized all of our simpler minds.
I stepped forward, my heart beating a little faster. I pressed my hand against it to settle it down when I looked up at Bugenhagen's floating form and asked him seriously, "And what about other Planets? You mentioned they also have a Lifestream, right?"
Bugenhagen floated up towards the sun, and then dropped his head to stare down at me deeply though his lenses, like he could read my thoughts.
"Why yes, that is correct," he replied. There was a glint to his eyes.
I gasped, thinking about my own home. Aerith and Cloud became attentive at where my thoughts were going, already knowing where I was from. I did have a theory, but had forgotten about it for a while. I got both excited and terrified when I was, again, reminded of the possibility that my home, Earth, had a Lifestream as well.
"But, at my home, we don't see it. I mean…" I paused, unsure what I was trying to explain. Bugenhagen lifted a thin white eyebrow, and floated himself a little closer to me until I could see my tormented reflection across his green crystal ball. The galaxy vanished, and we were back to the world of white.
"Aqua, I can tell you have many questions. Do you care to show us?" His wrinkled hand surprisingly felt soft when it reached for mine. I glanced at everyone, unsure what he meant. Barret shrugged. Aerith bit her lower lip. Red blinked, walking closer. And Cloud held his breath, uncertain.
I looked back to Bugenhagen's deep eyes, and replied, "H-how do I show you?"
"This way," he answered, letting go of my hand as he floated towards his pedestal. I walked up to it, observing its details I couldn't point out from farther away. There was a hand print, with what looked like a scanner, and a tiny needle at the center.
Bugenhagen floated next to me with careful consideration.
"Only if you want to," he whispered. I gave him an uneasy stare.
"You know I am not from here, right?" I spoke quietly. The old man didn't even blink, but he nodded silently. How he knew, he didn't say, but I believed him to be a man who could know almost everything. My attention shifted back to the pedestal, and lifted a shaky hand to it.
Everyone closed in, anxious over what would happen if I planted my hand on the needle and scanner. I gazed across it to Aerith, and our eyes met. She bit her lip, but nodded to me.
"Go ahead, Aqua," she squeaked, a hand to her chest to calm her heart down.
"What's the big deal?" Barret asked, unaware of my story.
With much effort, I hovered my hand over the pedestal, watching its shadow sit atop the needle.
"Perhaps, we shouldn't? This isn't really necessary. We won't learn anything useful," I fretted, pausing. Aerith's hand reached over, her fingers brushed against mine as she whispered, "It's okay. Don't be afraid. Show us your world, Aqua."
Her hand took hold, and with tenderness, guided mine, pressing it closer and closer towards the scanner. My eyes grew, uncertain how this would work. I sucked in a long breath and held on to it, my hand shaking as I watched Aerith's beautiful hand push it further and further.
I was afraid, but not because of the pain when the needle broke my palm's skin. It wasn't the fear of all of their reactions…
I gasped from the sharp poke, and my blood was immediately transferred over the scanner, taking the shape of my hand until the smart computer was able to interpret what it all meant.
Suddenly, the room transformed.
The white light faded.
And we were in the middle of New York City at night, planted atop the street of 47th near Broadway to be exact. I looked down at my feet, stepping over yellow cabs and their glowing signs as they crowded the already congested street. Billboards glowed all around us, pictures that moved and danced, emitting music of the shows that were available to watch and products to buy. Lit up bulletin boards, neon light signs and hundreds of glowing lights stretched across the long street. Hundreds of people took to the crosswalk, oblivious to us watching them like invisible angels hanging over their heads. So many gasps filled the room, everyone in circles and awing over all the visual stimulation.
I didn't.
In opposite, I just stared, and thought I was going to sink through the floor at any second.
We flew between tall skyscrapers, passing the many sounds that made the city loud. Cars honked. Concerts played. People shouting and rioting. Announcements bellowing, traffic humming and music playing.
I thought my heart was broken enough, but I could already feel it chip away even further as I marveled at Times Square. My chest ached at the site of the Statue of Liberty. And I even gasped at the sight of my work, a giant hospital sitting in the middle of Manhattan.
It was the fear of missing home that I dreaded the most.
Aerith kept her hand to her mouth, her eyes huge over all the people and all the tall buildings as she tried to absorb all of my world in them. Barret's jaw dropped.
"What is this place?!" he gasped, his head spinning.
Cloud's mouth stayed open, the bright bulletin boards reflecting off his large eyes. He diligently stepped closer to me, and asked, "Is this…your New York?"
Images of people crowding into the subway, along the streets, and into the parks, passed his body like a hologram.
I looked at Cloud, catching him in the middle of the morning crowd among another street in the business district of Manhattan, and realized how much he stood out. I almost thought we were in the middle of a crowded street, our eyes meeting for the first time through the dozens of hurried people between us. Snow was falling for the first time in the season, barely sticking to the trampled ground. It all may as well have all been a blur, all the colors of trench coats, briefcases, big hair, black skin, white skin, snowflakes, anything because all I really saw clearly, was Cloud in all of it. Behind the fake snowfall, his eyes were so bright, a blue and green mix that shifted depending on his moods. When he was upset or mad, they would glow into a more green state. But when he was thoughtful, caring, and even hurt, they shifted more towards blue, glowing not by the Mako but from a deeper place, where Mako couldn't reach. That's what Cloud's eyes did when I looked into them through the crowd. He appeared hurt, or maybe it was disbelief, maybe even a bit of understanding as I came to a disturbing conclusion. My home could never be his. For none of them.
But I could make it in his world, couldn't I? Even without him?
"Aqua," Cloud's voice grabbed my attention, and I choked, lost in thought. I had almost forgotten he asked me a question. My fingers were already meshing by the time I replied, "Yes, this is my home. New York." It was surprising we could look at each other at all, but for a moment, Cloud and I may have forgotten our dilemma. Undoubtedly, we suddenly shared a silent connection, like we both knew, in a way, what we were thinking.
I was showing him my world, something that I'm sure he's been picturing about since I've crashed into his. Now he was seeing it for the first time, and he appeared overwhelmed. Compared to Cloud's world, mine towered with more cities, which meant more people, and often, more problems.
Aerith hugged herself. "There's so many people. It reminds me of Midgar but it's so much bigger," she shivered.
Barret gasped as the city shrunk down till we flew over Manhattan and all its lands and water around it. The Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, all of it.
"Wow, where is this again?" he asked.
I couldn't answer.
The map shrunk away, showing expansive landscapes of more cities, more towns, until it seemed to never end like we just launched ourselves onto an airplane, flying over the states heading West.
"Another world," Bugenhagen answered for me with a steady voice. We all turned our attention to him as his eyes scanned every moving image, all of it reflecting off of his glasses. We cut away from New York all together, and saw places where I've been to before. Hawaii, England, Thailand, and Mexico.
"As you can see, this may be what our Planet may turn into, if we keep growing and populating. Though I wonder how long your planet will last, Aqua?" Bugenhagen asked.
I looked down to my feet, and I found the clear blue waters of Hawaii under them, reminding me of Costa Del Sol.
"I don't know. I mean, we're doing what you're doing. Sucking up from our planet, but it's different, I think. I mean, if the people knew we were sucking up Spirit Energy, wouldn't they stop?" I asked him as I lifted my eyes up to watch his face.
Bugenhagen smirked.
"Did we stop?"
I froze, lost of words, and eventually, shook my head.
"No…" I cracked.
The room shifted again, and Iceland's beautiful dark coast appeared. It was where I was found as an infant. I sucked in a breath, feeling like I was actually standing over that dark water, watching it lap along a shore of black rocks and snow. The beautiful white mountains appeared in the background, a glorious wall of white with sharp dark peaks, and my eyes started steaming.
Both my hands covered my mouth, astonished over my old home. I haven't been back there in…ten years?
The tiny towns, with lush green lands around them, and herds of elk jumping over new meadows, melted my heart as I watched with great difficulty. We flew over the colorful rooftops of the little towns, including my old hometown, its bay waters glistering like Cloud's deep eyes.
It was too painful to keep watching all of us fly over my old home, and so I closed my eyes, feeling them burn.
"Stop," I whispered, rubbing at them.
I could hear the birds chirping, the sounds of the ships' horns going off. Seagulls squealed. Voices charged in, whispers like people of the towns chatting all at once. And then I heard my adopted mother's laugh.
I covered my ears.
"Stop!" I shouted.
The movie shut down, and through the back of my eyelids, I noticed the room returned to its pure white form. I squinted, and when I found all eyes on me, I widened mine, and took a step back. I dropped my hands from my ears, and when I blinked, unexpected tears escaped until I was startled at my reaction.
"I'm sorry," I trembled, wiping them away quickly.
Barret was astonished over all that he saw, barely able to speak as his mouth flew open.
"Wait, you're…" he couldn't even say it. "You're not from…" he stopped, shaking his head in disbelief. Red, too, tilted his head, his tail flapping.
"Aqua, you aren't from here?" He bravely asked for everyone else.
I nodded, ashamed. The truth had finally come out.
"No. I was brought here, by the Planet," I confirmed. It sounded ridiculous, but also right.
"Why?" Cloud interrupted, stepping forward. His eyes grew intense, and I couldn't answer, shaking my head at him.
"I don't know," I answered lamely, and my eyes averted to Aerith's fallen look, guilt on her face. She was part of the answer, but there was another part I still have yet to figure out, and I knew she knew it.
Bugenhagen settled calmly, his hands over his ankles, and chimed in, "That is something Aqua is still trying to figure out. You are all very luck to see what another world is like, for it seems to surpass our own. I hope you enjoyed my lesson on our Planet and how the Lifestream works." He closed his eyes and smiled down at Red.
"Nanaki, help prepare for the night banquet. Please take the others, too?"
Red didn't seem to agree to his grandfather's request, a creature with hundreds of questions to ask, but gradually, he turned around and headed towards the stairs with slacken effort.
The rest of us followed, until Bugenhagen's voice rattled behind, "Aqua. Aerith. I need you two to stay. There is much to discuss."
Aerith and I turned, the both of us apprehensive over what that meant.
Red paused, but depressingly, left when he knew he wasn't needed. With a troubled look, Barret waved us off.
"See you at the banquet," he tried to sound uplifting, and then he followed Red down the steps. Cloud looked as though he refused to leave. He dragged his feet, looking down at them before catching my eyes, and we both gasped uneasily. I looked away as he struggled to speak. There were a million things to say and yet, neither of us knew what to pick, knowing there was little time to waste.
"See you, soon," I exhaled, trying to smile up at him, but I looked pass him instead.
Clouds cheeks burned as he crossed his arms, and then he muttered, "I've heard that before." Solemnly, he left, the last of him his sword, before the door closed behind him.
Gods, it's so awkward. I kept staring at that door, half wishing Cloud would come back, shake his head and tell me that he made a mistake, he didn't mean to hurt me, and we could go back to how things were. I now knew why I was holding off for as long as I could. To avoid this mess.
"Aqua," Bugenhagen's voice pulled me, and I turned around, watching him float closer in between me and Aerith.
"You and Aerith are the last ones. The last Cetra left in this world," he proclaimed. Aerith and I edged closer together, nodding in agreement as Bugenhagen settled his crystal ball to the floor to level with us.
"Cetra?" I questioned.
He stared with intensity when he said, "The true term for your people. I am afraid of what would happen if there were none of you left, but it seems it is going in that direction. Once you two pass, there will be no Cetra left. This may be what is destined to happen."
I shrugged at that logic, and asked him, "So what? If there are no Ancients, er, Cetra left, what does it matter? People just use Materia to cast magic, no?"
Bugenhagen's eyes sank, almost lost in a whirlpool of sorrow when he heard me say that, and he shook his head, his long white beard jiggling.
"Hoooo, no. It's so much more than that. The Planet speaks to you. That is something humans can't do, unless they train for many many years, as I have."
Aerith gasped, "You can hear the Planet, too?"
The old man nodded.
"Yes. It has taken me many decades to do just that alone. I am aware how much the Planet is in danger, which I'm sure you both know as well, hmmm?" he asked politely.
Aerith and I nodded.
Bugenhagen shifted his attention to Aerith and said, "Aerith, you use your magic to heal, a classic white mage." He then turned to me.
"Aqua, you hold magic to cast the Planet's elements, black magic to create destruction. Therefore, you are considered a black mage. I find it is best for you two to stick together if it means finding a balance. I wish I could know more about the Cetra, but," he sighed, his upper body sinking low towards his lap.
"I'm the last of the elders. I'm afraid I hardly know about the Planet's birth race, but I am honored to be having you two as my guest and share to you something important to your journey."
We watched him hover back to his pedestal, and he planted his hand down to it again. I noticed he had many scars along his palm.
The white world vanished, and the Planet appeared once more, spinning in the center of the room like a 3D map
"I know of a place that may be of interest to you. There is this temple…"
The room transported us across green lands, over blue waters, and then settled onto a large island. It was lushed with greenery, and hiding in the middle of all that green, sat a golden pyramid of ruins belonging to an old race, Aztec or Mayan style
"There are ruins nested far East of here, in the middle of an Island, built over a thousand years ago by the Cetra. I'm afraid I wasn't able to enter it because it is locked tight by old magic. Only a certain special stone can open it, though I don't know what. Some old documents simply call it the 'Keystone'. Find this stone, and use it to enter the Temple of the Ancients to learn about your people. I know there are many answers that lie there."
Aerith stepped closer, her hand hovering over the roof of the hologram until she tried touching the flat tops of the temple. Her fingers brushed through it, and she sighed, disappointed.
"The Temple of the Ancients," she breathed, ingraining the place inside her head.
I stared at the rotating image, feeling uncomfortable about it.
"What if we don't want to know anymore? Why do I care?" I protested. Aerith gave me a startled look, holding her words in while her eyes grew with disbelief. Bugenhagen thought to himself, his hand under his chin.
"Aerith, you may go. It seems I need to talk to Aqua, alone."
This surprised Aerith, for she twisted around to give him her vast emerald eyes, but she didn't say anything. Instead, she stared back at me, and they lingered heavily, her look unreadable for the first time, and then she began to walk away, darting her attention towards the door.
Disturbingly, I watched her go, apprehensive of being alone with the wise man who could read into my soul. Once the door closed, I turned around and faced Bugenhagen alone.
What was he going to say? What could he possibly tell me that would help me?
The old man sighed into his hands, and, very slowly, he slipped his tiny glasses off and gave me a bold stare. He was then the man whom I saw back when he reached through the green flames of my destructive magic.
"Aqua…" Bugenhagen began, his voice different, stronger. He sat up straighter, shoulders pulled back and relaxed.
"You have a significant amount of responsibility on your shoulders. Clearly, the Planet brought you here for a reason, and yet you still don't know it. But I think you choose not to know, don't you agree?" He was using his robe's sleeve to wipe at his lenses.
I crossed my arms, feeling icy all of a sudden.
"I was brought here because Aerith wanted me here, but it also seems like the Planet wants something from us in return, though I'm still uncertain what that means," I blabbed. Bugenhagen only nodded silently, and I continued.
"I only found out I was an Ancient recently. I still don't know how I got to my world in the first place. I still don't know how to handle my powers. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"Go to the Temple of the Ancients with Aerith," Bugenhagen replied calmly.
I winced at the floating image of the temple in front of us, and whined, "What if I don't want to know?"
Bugenhagen slipped his spectacles back on, and eyed me steadily.
"You're afraid to find out the truth. It's understandable. You may have lived a protected life for a long time, different from this one. But Aqua, you hold too much power. You have the potential to aid the Planet in two ways: Be the Hero, and find a way to keep us humans living and breathing while extending the Planet's life. Or…" He sighed, and gazed at the Temple of the Ancients, like he was too afraid to find what laid in such a mysterious place.
"Purge of everything that harms the Planet, even us humans, and start over, repopulating the Certa. You and Aerith could do that with your feminine instincts," he finished.
That was a bit headstrong, and I took a step back.
"That's absurd," I muttered, not believing Bugenhagen's words. However, he shook his head and told me, "But it's also true. We had our chance, and look at where it's taking the Planet. We're using up its energy for ourselves. If it wants to get rid of us, then I understand. The Planet is alive. It needs you and Aerith to help it, no matter what that may mean. Your blood carries a part of that, and you need to stop ignoring what it wants," he lectured.
I opened my hands out, stepping closer to him.
"How do I control my powers? How can I stop myself from creating destruction when I lose myself?" I asked desperately.
Bugenhagen let his long fingers press together over his lips, his look distant as he dove deep into his thoughts.
And then, he sighed, his mustache flapping to his long breath before he uncrossed his little legs, and with tension, he stepped off his crystal ball. Long white legs with varicose veins appeared. Large white feet touched the white tile, displaying tiny blue veins. Around one of those feet, was a beaded bracelet made up of pink stones. Bugenhagen struggled to reach for his foot, and decided to lean against his crystal ball.
"Aqua, would you do this old man a favor, and pick up this ankle amulet?" he asked me, already breathless.
I came in closer, and with his foot barely off the floor, I carefully pulled off the bracelet from his ankle. When it settled into my hands, I gazed down at it, noticing how perfectly smooth each pink stone was carved. They were solid, quite heavy for a regular bracelet, hence why Bugenhagen carried it around his ankle instead of his wrist. He was short of breath as he struggled to fold his legs back onto his crystal ball, and sat a moment to recover. I stared up at him with worry.
"Are you okay, sir?"
He let his hands rest over his lap and he took a large breath before he was able to speak properly.
"It's not easy getting old," Bugenhagen lightly chuckled. He pointed to my hands holding the bracelet.
"That there, is special Support Materia, carved into ten beads. It is used to limit one's magic abilities. I have held on to it, making sure not to over exert myself when I practice my deep meditations and Chi energy. Clearly, we were meant to meet because I want to give it to you, and hope that you won't unleash such uncontrollable power again," he explained. My fingers tightened around the perfectly round stones, each about a size of a marble. Each stone was held together by a gold chain looping through them together closely.
"Don't you need this?" I asked Bugenhagen, my eyes lifted to him again.
He shook his head and began to breathe slow and relaxed.
"Not anymore, child. Don't fret," he replied warmly, his voice back to a scratchy old man state. The stones clanked together like rocks when I squeezed them, and I gave Bugenhagen a soft smile.
"Thank you," I whispered.
He shook his head.
"Nonsense. Wear it now, and in time, as you learn more about the Cetra, and your powers, maybe then, you won't need it anymore," he finished. His crystal ball began to hover him pass me and towards the door.
"Hoo hooo! Now go! Go have fun with the town's celebration for Nanaki's return. I shall be there shortly. I need to rest a bit and find my liquor stash. I can't just come to a party empty-handed," Bugenhagen chuckled. He left me alone in the bright white room, still talking to himself, and I just scoffed at nothing, smiling.
With one more look at the bracelet, I decided to slip it over my left wrist. Putting both up in the air, I compared my two arms. My right holding Cloud's old bracer, and my left with the new bracelet.
"Oh, Aqua, I should warn you," I heard behind me. I turned around, and found Bugenhangen's head poking through the doorway.
"The longer you wear that bracelet, I fear, the easier it will be to over exert yourself once you take it off. Only take it off when you are ready to," he warned.
I stared down at my new accessory, and nodded.
"I understand," I confirmed.
Upon leaving Bugenhagen's Observatory, I found a beautiful sky of stars. After the last step of his home, I let my lower lip fall as I gazed up into the beauty of space, with just as many stars as Costa Del Sol's shores. That was something I marveled about this world, there wasn't as much light pollution, leaving a beautiful show on any clear night such as this. The air cooled, brushing against my skin and hair, and I sighed into its gentle arms. I took a deep inhale, smelling burnt wood, smoke, and hot cooking.
"What did he say?" I heard Aerith's voice out of nowhere. I searched for her until she stepped out from the shadows, her eyes still unreadable. Something deeply troubled her, but she forced a smile when she stepped into the light and took my hands with hers.
"How did it go?"
We walked together, taking to a descending footpath. From here, I could easily see Cosmo Canyon's Candle, a giant flame in the center of town where many shadows crowded around it. A couple of acoustic guitars were playing, filling the calm air with excitement as Aerith and I neared it.
"Bugenflawgin really wants us-"
"Bugenhagen," Aerith corrected.
"Anyway, he really wants us to go find the Temple of the Ancients," I replied. We were getting closer, the smell of hot food only intensifying with much savory goodness. I began to salivate.
"I'm a little disappointed," Aerith confessed. I looked at her profile, and she was frowning, her bangs hiding her eyes.
"I thought I would learn more about us, but I was wrong. We were just pointed to a place where we're supposed to go. I still hardly know anything about us," she muttered.
Before we reached Cosmo Canyon's main gathering, we stopped, in case Aerith needed a minute. She sighed, her eyes falling to nothing.
"I'm sorry, I…" she lifted her gaze to the fire and all the people surrounding it, including our scattered group. I tried to follow her stare, and immediately located Cloud sitting by himself atop a cushion, nursing a ceramic cup in his hand while he propped an arm over his bent knee. He gazed at the fire, lost in his thoughts, unaware of Aerith watching him with caution.
"Aerith, what is it?" I pried, worried about her. When she didn't say anything, I added, "What is it you're keeping from Cloud? From me?"
She shook her head and tried to smile at me, but did it so terribly. She was almost too exhausted to even try anymore.
"Just a little longer, please? Let it wait just until a little longer?" she begged in a cracked whisper. While I stayed silent, she spoke again.
"And then, I promise. I promise you, I will tell you everything. Everything you want. When we go to the Temple of the Ancients, I will tell you everything. Okay?"
I've never seen Aerith so serious before.
I was suddenly too frightened to know what she was already aware of, and I swallowed hard, trying to understand what she was protecting me from.
I pressed my lips together and let her hands join with mine while gazing down into her watery eyes.
"You pinky swear?" I challenged, cracking a smile. Aerith scoffed a tiny laugh, and watched me lift out a pinky.
"I pinky promise," she whimpered, taking her little pinky into mine, and they looped together like rings. She actually smiled before rubbing at a lonesome tear.
"Oh dear, look at me. I need to fix myself up and let loose. This day was heavy," she grumbled, shifting gears.
Our pinkies separated, and Aerith turned her attention towards the Inn.
"I'm going to go freshen up. Are you going to be okay to go out there alone?" she asked, blinking up at me.
I couldn't stop smiling. Whatever heavy burden Aerith let herself carry alone, she was still worried about me.
"I'll be fine," I assured her. Aerith beamed, and she began to walk backwards.
"Okay, see you soon!" And she wandered off towards the Inn. I stood there, watching her disappear.
Aerith, what is it you're not telling me? Why can't you tell me now? Are you giving me more time? More time to enjoy myself, to express my love and no longer have regrets?
I watched the fire, and people socializing around it like it was the heart of their community, wondering if it was going to be my last time to watch such an exciting event. As difficult as it was, I tried to bury Aerith's pleading words and walked deeper into the commotion, people dancing around the fire, laughing and gossiping until it all raided my thoughts.
"That's her! I have a TV up in my attic, and I swear that's her. The President's fiancée!" I heard a woman gasp. Whispers and eyes traveled.
I clenched my teeth.
Even out here, with little electronics, I was known as Rufus's fiancée. Could I ever hide from it? People just stared, too polite to confront me about it, which gave me relief.
Plates of food were offered. Drinks poured. Smoke pipes puffed. I glanced down at Yuffie sitting in between two natives, and she inhaled deeply into a pipe, only to choke. The locals laughed around her as smoke leaked from her lips and nose.
"Oh man! What is that stuff?!" she winced, her eyes burning. Her hands grabbed a pitcher of something, and drank a large amount to simmer the heat in her lungs, and she let out a long and lazy sigh.
I rolled my eyes, and walked around the tables of treats. Corn cakes caught my eye and I gladly grabbed a couple of those, eating one as I slipped through a gathering group talking about how busy the town got all of a sudden.
Pass that, I spotted Tifa sitting cross-legged, her skirt almost all the way up her thighs, while her face glowed red from alcohol.
I wasn't sure how much she would be able to deal with, but I felt the pull to sit next to her. There was an empty cushion to her left, and I stood by, watching the fire make her body glow. My shadow must've disturbed her thoughts because Tifa lifted her distant eyes up and found mine, puzzled.
"Hey, may I sit here?" I asked her.
Tifa shrugged, and took a sip of a red drink from her heavy glass.
"Sure, I don't care," she grunted.
I settled awkwardly, not much into cross legs, so instead, I sat with my legs bent outward, which may look painful, but it was the most comfortable sitting position for me in the world. Even Tifa gawked at my posture and muttered, "How do you even sit like that?"
I shrugged.
"I get used to it," I mumbled, and in the corner of my eye, I stole a glance at Cloud, only just a dozen people down the circle. He caught my gaze and I immediately looked away, wishing, for once, he wouldn't notice. Is there a six sense of feeling people staring at you?
"So, how are you? What happened back there when you exploded with magic?" Tifa asked, her speech still intact. I haven't lost her yet, then.
I watched the fire and the bodies that danced around it, the locals chanting to songs I didn't know, clapping their hands and tossing around their skirts and scarves. Red was in the crowd, kicking this front legs up and swinging his head around, while feathers and bells jingled from around his neck.
"I…" I tried to smile as I pictured my outburst all over again.
"I told Cloud I loved him," I put it simply. Tifa stiffened, and she swallowed, which I could only imagine, a large lump of pain in her throat. But then she gulped her drink down, lubricating her lump until it dropped all the way into her stomach, her glass was empty.
She sucked in a deep breath when she finished.
"And?" she sighed, her cognac eyes staring bleakly at the fire.
I bent my knees and settled my chin over them, my long dress hiding my legs carefully like a soft white sheet.
"He couldn't do it. I guess I lost," I tried to make it sound light, like it was just a silly little mistake, and I even chuckled a little to lighten the mood, but Tifa just stared at me quietly, not buying it.
She looked back to the fire and asked, "Why are you telling me this?"
I closed my eyes and smiled sadly to myself.
"Cloud doesn't want me. Maybe, you could tell him how you feel, and then who knows, maybe he'll return your feelings," I suggested.
Tifa hissed.
"You're both idiots," she grumbled.
I flashed her a startled look as she frowned down into her empty glass, like she was begging for more. Her hand twirled the glass as though there was still liquid inside it, and she bit her lip.
"I appreciate you trying to help me, but you have no idea. Argh, I miss Johnny. He's so simple-minded but he lays it all out on the god-damn table. At least the man talks to me. Cloud doesn't say jack shit. He tortures himself, waiting until he feels ready to deserve love. And if you wait for him, honey, then I'm afraid it's never going to go anywhere," Tifa rambled. She sighed, and searched around her area until she snatched a tall glass bottle behind her.
"So, you've must've been holding your feelings in for a long time. Telling him and not getting the answer you hoped for made you have an outburst, huh? I can't say I blame you," Tifa muttered, pouring herself a drink of clear liquor.
To my surprise, she handed the tall glass to me.
"Here. You need this more than I do," she chirped, and when I just sparkled at her, she winked at me.
"Tifa, thanks for talking to me," I whimpered. I didn't care if she was buzzed. When I accepted the glass, she scoffed, waving her gloved hand at me.
"Oh, please. By tomorrow morning, I'll hate your guts again. So don't get used to it, okay?" she looked away, pretending to already be starting to hate me, but I jolted her when I set the glass down and hugged her.
"You're so cool!" I sang, smelling strong liquor coming out of her breath when she gasped into my face.
"Hey, hey!" Her red face only deepened as her large breast felt incredibly soft against my cheek.
"Okay, people are watching," Tifa growled. I let go of her, and she fixed her little white top.
I took a sip of the drink and winced at its strong taste. Like straight up vodka.
"Will you go back to Johnny, then?" I asked Tifa, curious.
She began to pour herself a drink into another glass.
"I'm thinking about it. I do enjoy his company. He talks to me, for hours. He holds my bags, takes me out, massages me…and many other things," Tifa gushed, her face cherry red while she accidentally let the alcohol overflow.
"Shit," she spat, and took a quick sip to prevent it from spilling over.
"Cloud doesn't do any of those things, ya know," she mused, eying me with a timid look.
I took another sip of the strong drink and shut my eyes tight, exhaling loudly as it burned my tongue.
"No, he doesn't. But I don't care about those things either," I replied, though I smiled sadly at the thought of Cloud holding shopping bags or opening doors for me. Cloud making dinner over a stove, or bringing in take out. Cloud kissing me goodbye before he goes to work. It all came off as bizarre. I couldn't picture him doing normal things like that. None…
I took a generous gulp, until my belly burned. Tifa watched at the large amount with amusement.
"Whoa, take it easy. I know a lightweight when I see one," she warned. I let out a happy sigh, and my thoughts began to soften into a fog, smiling lazily at the fire.
"I was afraid you were going to stay behind at Costa Del Sol," I admitted.
Tifa giggled and took another sip of her drink.
"I thought about it. Who knows? I may go back there. I don't expect to go on this adventure forever, ya know."
I leaned into her, and she raised her glass up in the air to me.
"To men. Even if they're idiots, we still love them," Tifa declared. I smiled sheepishly and clanked my glass against hers, liquor sloshing over our hands.
"To men!" I cheered, and we both took another long drink.
I rose, and thanked Tifa for the company. She gladly stayed in her spot, nursing her large glass of booze while staring at the fire with a silly grin, her thoughts possibly on Johnny doing things to her.
I wandered to visit the other members of the group. Cait Sith sat quietly on top of Mog's head, watching the party unfold before him as he hid in the back next to all the crates of booze.
When I asked him if he was enjoying himself, he replied, "This is fun. I just wish I was really here, you know? Being here as this thing isn't the same experience, but I'm almost here."
"Where are you actually?" I asked, but Cait Sith shook his head.
"Far away. Stuck in an office," he whimpered.
I lifted a brow.
"I don't get it. Why not just come out of your office as yourself instead of this body thing? Why play this charade?" I grumbled.
The cat gasped, and threw his stitched squinted eyes at me.
"I would, but, I have to be where I am. It's just how it is, I guess. It's my job, fortune-telling all over Gold Saucer, that is. I got three of these things to maneuver. No one's going to care if one doll escaped, right?" He replied nervously. I gave him a coy look and muttered, "Well then, I guess you can't enjoy the food and drink."
Caith Sith sighed, dropping his paws over Mog's wide forehead when he slouched.
"I know," he whimpered, and he began to complain about his job again.
"I can't remember the last time I went home. I miss cooking for myself. Now it's nothing but instant noodles and energy drinks in my office," he sobbed. I decided to take a drink for the depressing cat and walked away from his sorrow fest before he noticed. It was time to check on the next person.
Barret was dancing around the fire, having a good time bumping hips with a dark skinned woman in a skirt, so I didn't bother him. I didn't want to smell the smoke from Yuffie's pipe, so I passed her. There wasn't any sign of Aerith.
The last person left to visit was…
I stopped, too petrified to sit next to Cloud as I watched him sulk alone in his little corner. There were important matters to discuss with him, such as the Temple of the Ancients and Sephiroth's next destination, but I just stood there. Even when I drank more than enough and my foggy thoughts dispersed thinly like mist, I still couldn't quite find enough courage to sit with him alone.
But soon, I didn't have to. Cloud turned his head, spotting me, and he instantly rose from his spot, leaving behind his drink.
I was petrified, clutching to my glass as I watched him walk up towards me, hands in his pockets. His blue eyes grew, and he stopped a few feet away from where I stood, the fire bursting behind him.
"How did it go with the lesson?" Cloud asked, and his eyes fell to the new bracelet on my left wrist.
Instantly, I took a step back, and pretended to be distracted by the fire.
"It was okay. Bugennoggin-"
"Bugenhagen," Cloud smirked, correcting me. I glared at him, not caring if I messed the odd name up or not.
"Bugen, whatever, he told Aerith and I where to go next. I thought I should tell you, we need to find the Temple of the Ancients."
Cloud's eyes widened, and he settled a gloved hand under his chin.
"What will we find there?" he asked. People were cheering, tossing flowers and feathers into the fire to watch the flames burst into different colors. More guitar music, bells, and claps reverberated across the air. It was too loud to have a serious discussion, and I could hardly stand up straight. Cloud may have noticed, and he looked back over to his old spot, away from the commotion.
"I think you need to sit down," he advised, about to take my hand, but I gasped, pulling it out of his reach. Cloud was taken aback, forgetting that we were in an awkward place, and he pressed his teeth together.
"Just sit with me for a minute then," he suggested, and I followed him back to his seat. I took another sip, over half way done with my drink, and began to feel sleepy. Beyond the dancing and cast iron plates of snacks, Cloud settled back into his spot, and moved his cup away. I sat next to him, a bit wobbly, but managed to lower myself and sit on my knees for about ten seconds. I stretched my feet out, looking at the toes of my boots while the rest of me hid under my dress. The fire warmed my boots easily, making my dress look yellow instead of white. Everything was beginning to blur together, my senses numbing out. Even Cloud's voice sounded far away when he mentioned, "You wore that dress when we walked along the beach that day. Why are you wearing it now?"
I marveled at Cloud's memory for clothing, and I clapped my hands clumsily, probably appearing condescending, and maybe I was, but I mumbled, "I need to wash my clothes."
I closed my eyes, ready for sleep, but not before another drink.
Cloud swiped my half empty glass away.
"That's enough for you. I don't know what Tifa hopes you accomplish drunk, but she's not getting her entertainment from you," he grunted, and set my glass out of my reach.
I sighed, my chest hurting, even when he did little stuff like this.
"Stop it," I whispered.
"Stop what?"
"This. Protecting me, watching over me. Even trying to take my hand. It's going to be difficult getting over you if you keep doing this to me," I confessed, trying my damnedest to maintain a part of me left before the drink was to take over for the rest of the night. It took effort to stay with him instead of floating in the soft and milky ocean of alcohol.
Cloud sighed, and he pushed his cup away before he bent one of his legs and rested an arm over it like he usually did.
"Aqua, about that," he blinked at the fire with an unsettled expression.
"I'm sorry."
My heart thumped hard against my chest wall, sending a quake of aches across my tired body.
"A girl has never told me that she loved me before. I guess I never thought it would happen," he struggled, cheeks burning. I tried to keep my eyes open, watching the fire. There was something about bonfires and making you want to talk about your deepest thoughts.
"I got scared," Cloud confided. I turned my head to observe him, and he thought deeply, his fingers knitted together. I wondered if I picked up that nervous habit from him.
"I didn't mean to hurt you like that. It's just," he swallowed. "I'm afraid."
My eyes were already closing by the time Cloud noticed, and I slumped against his shoulder, thankful it wasn't padded with armor like his left side. His arm was warm against my cheek, and in my current state, it felt just like a pillow. The sounds began to fade into mush. The music, the laughter, the glasses clinking. Bugenhagen's voice shouted over the others when he exclaimed, "Everybody party! Hoo hooo hoooo!" I could just picture the old man grinning widely, a bottle in each hand and pouring drinks for everyone like a floating waiter. My body, almost numbingly, could barely feel Cloud's arm loop around my waist, pushing me into him. He smelt of bourbon when he breathed softly into my face.
Cait Sith's shrill of a voice cascaded, barely nudging me, but it may have startled a few neighbors.
"Hey, hey! Hands off the lady!" the cat cried.
"Lay off, cat! Let her sleep!" Cloud protested.
"I will gladly take her to the inn for you!" Cait Sith argued through his teeth.
I groaned, and suddenly, my body began to float. Was I flying?
"No need. I got her," I heard Cloud.
"And I'll come with you!" Cait Sith declared.
Cloud growled deep in his throat, his hands tightening under my legs and arms.
"I won't do anything!" he exclaimed, and they both hissed at each other. I was floating away, barely on the border between conscious and unconscious. Was I dreaming when my body landed softly in a bed, the covers over me? Was it a dream, feeling Cloud's gentle hands brush my hair from my face, my neck, and my shoulders?
He whispered tender words, the kind of tone that made me shiver with little goosebumps, even if I couldn't define them. I just remembered them sending me shivers up my neck, his voice so soft as it tickled my ear. I then slept heavily, even as my insides still hurt and even when I still wanted to cry. Those hands eventually disappeared, even when I wanted them to stay.
I gripped the covers, pretending it was another human being, and whimpered in my sleep. No visit from Sephiroth, but no visit from Aerith either. Cloud doesn't love me. Isaac has chosen his path. I haven't seen my family in ten years.
I felt alone.
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