37
The Two of Us
Goodbye, Aqua.
Aerith.
Why is she saying goodbye?
I saw her, and yet I didn't, between sleep and awake in that strange stage where external noise could modify dreams if they could. Hearing Aerith's voice, my brain instantly pulled up a profile of her, with that heart-breaking smile. Her tone told me she wasn't just saying "goodbye" for a while. It was heavy, a whisper of something slowly breaking.
Tiny tickles along my arm fluttered my wakefulness, like adding ripples to a quiet, dark, lake that is my slumber.
As soon as the touches slipped away, more ripples shook my lake. Footsteps receded. Her warmth that nourished my sleep, suddenly vanished, leaving me in the cold.
My dark lake of sleep rumbled.
Until…
I jolted up, and instantly reached, almost falling off a bed just so that I could desperately clutch to her hand.
"Aerith!" I cried, chest thumping from my anxious heart.
With a startled inhale, Aerith stopped, eyes laid to a door.
I didn't care that I was only in underwear. The blankets fell to my thighs, my one hand pressed hard on a mattress to keep me from falling forward, and held on to her as tight as I could without hurting her thin fingers. The reach extended my left shoulder until it burned, and my eyes watered from the pain, but I held on. From the pain, tears came, and I grit my teeth fighting through it as I asked, "You're going alone, aren't you? To stop Sephiroth?"
I don't know how I knew. Our magic blurred together often, shaving off each other's feelings, almost like a lightly way of Searching, able to read the other and predict their thoughts. Maybe that's what Cait Sith meant when he mentioned Aerith and I were soul-bound.
Aerith tensed, as though fighting the urge to turn around. She kept her back with her long braid facing me, her pink dress patched up. Her boots kept pointing to the door, but her free hand, one that laid there at her side, began to curl into a white fist. It tightened until it shook. Her shoulders trembled. Boots sweeped across a wood paneled floor, and finally, Aerith turned.
And gazed down at me.
Her eyes were like wide, dark green limes. Specks of emerald glossed across them, a world of sparkling green when they became moist. Blobs of incoming tears sat along her lower lashes, face pale, and she didn't smile.
Aerith gave me my hand back as she bit her lower lip, fighting the tears she was probably going to set free as soon as she left.
"Aqua, I have to," she tried, voice fragile and yet biting down fear.
I could see it in her eyes, feeling it leaking off her aura, and yet, she tried to smile.
"Sephiroth has the Black Materia. I had worried this would happen, and even hoped we could change this, but..." Her eyes trailed pass me, and I followed them when I looked over my shoulder.
Lying in another bed next to mine, Cloud laid peacefully. His eyes closed, lips partially open to breathe in and out deeply, his chest rising and falling to each full cycle. He was really just a young man, almost still a boy, under a thin wool blanket, blond hair a natural mess. He didn't seem to be that same person who went on a rampage, my shoulder carved from his monstrous sword.
I gasped, right hand instantly to my shoulder, and tensed when I felt tiny fibrous raised lines under my fingers, fresh scar tissue.
The soft touch sent small waves of hot stabbing pain into my neck and back, and I inhaled sharply, eyes already wet. And then the events of the temple came crashing in, and I wept uncontrollably, eyes hidden in my hands. I felt betrayed, even though I knew, Cloud didn't mean to do any of it. It still hurt. It was still his body, his arms holding that sword that prompt it to pierce into my jugular vessels. I convulsed, tears falling uncontrollably, like I've been wanting to cry for days.
The little room had been dim by a small lamp between my bed and Cloud's, but then another light appeared, one from my bracelet. It lit up the space in a hazy pink light, too bright to look at, forcing me to ram my left hand under the blanket, and the room darkened once again.
A soft hand rubbed down my bare back.
"Aqua," Aerith's voice was quiet, her tone trying to bring me back even though she knew it would be a delicate maneuver.
"That wasn't Cloud," she assured me, her hand sliding through my hair until it rested under my neck. I curled my knees into my chest, and rubbed my tears and snot into them.
"I know," I sobbed, face saturated with salty tears. "It's just..." I snapped my eyes shut, ramming them into my knees while I hugged my legs close to me.
It hurt. The act itself, by the man I loved, developed a wound more painful than the one left on my shoulder.
Aerith was quiet for a while, knowing she wasn't able to slip away anymore. She sighed, and sat on the end of the bed, waiting for me to calm. I turned my head, cheeks rammed over my knees, and surveyed Cloud's sleeping form.
"How long has it been since...?" I couldn't even find the right words to describe the shit show that happened.
"A day," Aerith muttered, eyes down to the wool blanket that piled over my ankles.
I sniffed as my thoughts jumbled together, carefully orchestrating what to say next, how to say it, and where to go from here. I had to be careful, or I could possibly lose Aerith. I gave her my attention, still finding her eyes sinking to the bed, her hand sliding off my back to return to her lap.
"Can't you wait until he wakes up?" I asked, but already, I knew the answer even before Aerith shook her head, eyes closed while her fingers bled together.
"There isn't much time," she whispered, and her focus shifted back to the door, the journey ahead calling to her.
"The others? How's Tifa? Vincent?" I asked. Aerith swallowed, her pale neck outstretched when she lifted her eyes up, eyelids fluttering to keep her tears in.
"Vincent's okay. He's back to himself, though guilty of what he almost did to you. And…" Her voice trembled slightly.
"Tifa's okay. Like you, she'll have a scar, but, she's upset. I can't explain what happened, but I know it wasn't Cloud. He would never hurt us. Never," she said with absolution.
I tried to smile, but it was lousy, and knew time was running short, feeling Aerith's fidgety energy increasing.
"You were going to leave us, weren't you? Just now?" I croaked, and rubbed an arm over my eyes to swipe away fallen tears.
Aerith dropped her eyes from the door, to her boots.
"I have to go. There isn't much time left. Sephiroth is going to summon meteor. I have to stop him," she vowed, tone growing strong.
I sat up, and huddled the itchy wool blanket around me. The air inside the room was hot and stuffy, a poor reason to have such a blanket, but it was all I was given, and tried not to grimace to its tiny fibers against my chest.
"Alone?" I pried.
Aerith rose to her feet, and my heart quickened, afraid she was going to suddenly run away. I tensed, preparing to run after her if I had to, one leg already off the bed.
"That was my plan," she whispered. She turned her head, those same, glowing and yet, broken eyes at me. She took one of my hands into hers as she sat back down, facing me.
"Aqua, I already know what you're thinking," she began, and I interrupted, my other hand to join until we held each other's hands tightly.
"Where you go, I go," I whispered, those words sticking with me. The room began to vibrate in our glowing green vibrancy, reminding Aerith that we shared the same blood, and she had a hint of a smile to her face, skin flushed green from our light.
I dove, without intending to, and Searched Aerith. I could tell, she was caught off guard, her eyes wide at my sudden intrusion, diving into a place that wasn't mine.
Through the misty green void, there was a glimpse, or a vision, of her kneeling in prayer before the altar, the one my mother used to send me away. And then I saw myself, swimming in the depths of the Lifestream, eyes closed and hugging myself, alone and crying, tears like tiny bubbles in the stream.
Is that when I die? I pretended not to see it, hiding away from the image, but I was pulled back anyway.
Aerith shoved, and I was back out as she stumbled. The room was back, the green light gone, and she slapped a hand to her chest, breathing hard. I, too, was panting, her emotions to those visions sticking to me until I couldn't tell what were mine or hers.
Sweat dribbled down Aerith's cheek.
I rubbed at my forehead, collecting my own sweat into my fingers, and licked my lips.
"Aerith, I can help you," I pleaded, seeing her plan.
"I know you intend to use that Materia, the one your mother gave you, right?"
Aerith kept quiet, her lips shut. I let my hands twiddle together as I continued, "That special Materia? You have it. The white one, don't you? I saw it just now."
Aerith blinked, unsure whether to be upset that I intruded into her soul, or thankful. She fumed weakly, her thoughts to herself. Her eyes darted to Cloud, and then to the door, her plan crumbling away.
She looked back to me, about to speak, but kept it in.
It took more of Aerith to settle her busy thoughts until she whispered urgently, "If you plan to come with me, then we need to go."
She watched me stare absently at Cloud, and let out a fragile sigh.
"But I think you should stay, because-," she added.
"Bullshit, I don't have to," I interrupted, trying to smile up at her startled look.
"I think I know a way to help you. If so, then we'll be back with the others in no time, okay?"
Aerith considered this, crossing her arms.
"How do you intend to help?" She finally asked, curious.
Quickly, I told Aerith my idea. It was so simple, perhaps too simple, not even requiring a long explanation.
Overall, it left her mouth open, eyes blinking back in disbelief, and she brought a hand up to her lips.
"Well, I never thought of that. It could work, but Aqua-"
She hesitated with a swallow, and tried to smile, still processing the change of course that led her solo plan to ruin. Whispers disrupted, flowing in like wind, and circled us, our hair fluttering, a cool breeze taking away the humidity briefly. The Planet encouraged us to stay together, and I knew Aerith couldn't refuse.
The whispers faded, and she broke into a smile. A tear escaped, crawling down her pink cheek, and she vaguely laughed before wrapping her arms tight around my shoulders.
"Thank you," she wept.
I thought she was thanking me for a plan to keep us together, but later, I eventually learn that I was wrong. How smug I was, thinking I was doing her a favor, that I couldn't read between the lines.
I held Aerith, smiling as my cheek pressed into her collarbones. Her new dark blue denim coat stood stiffly around her, its high collar jabbing into my forehead.
We held each other like that for a minute, processing all that has been said. I tried to smile, but with my head turned to catch a glimpse of Cloud, still seeing him in his coma, I frowned.
I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to him.
To none of our friends.
—
Dressed in my old t-shirt dress, I sat beside Cloud, wishing he would wake up, even though I knew if he did, he would stop us from leaving. As he continued to stay asleep, I laid over his chest, feeling it rise every time he took a settled breath, listening to his heart beat slowly, enjoying the warmth of him against my cheek and hands. Very quietly, I sang "Moon River," a song that's resonated with me since I was a small child. Of course, Cloud wouldn't know it, no one in this world would. But I had hope it would help him dream pleasant things, hearing it in his sleep over and over again. I sang faintly, trying to smile even though inside, I was frightened. I tried to tell myself, this was for a short while, just another mini adventure for only me and Aerith. Together as Ancients, we'll stop Sephiroth. There won't be any meteor, and we'll return.
Simple as that.
But even as I felt Aerith's presence, I became quiet, suddenly dreading this moment when I knew we had to leave.
My fingers rubbed across Cloud's shirt, his heart right under my ear as I whispered over it, "I wish we didn't have to leave like this."
Aerith's footsteps trekked lightly. Her hand touched at Cloud's face with care, like a Mother would, fingers up his cheek.
"Me too," she whispered.
I gripped to his shirt tighter, eyes squinting to stop the sudden moisture.
"Aqua, it's time to go. Me must hurry, before the others come back," Aerith pushed, feeling hurt to do so as she held in her tears. I felt her hand take my arm, pulling me lightly, and I sniffed, slowly rising.
She drifted away for a moment, giving me one more minute, and I used every second of it to turn one last time, gazing down at Cloud. I held his hand and tried to remain calm, even after I went over this moment in my head many times as I sang to him. I thought I was prepared, but already, I wheezed as I leaned in and rubbed my forehead to his. A few of my tears stayed behind, sitting on his cheeks.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered to him in his sleep.
Sorry for breaking my promise…
I stepped back, glad he didn't wake to try to stop me, but also disappointed that he couldn't. One slow step after another, the voices encouraged me as I followed Aerith. Quietly, I began to close the door, Cloud shrinking away inside the shadows of the room.
And then the door closed.
Gongaga.
I could only describe the town in one word: Depressing.
It was a tiny town nestled along the foothills of jungle terrain, just before the canyons to the West where Cosmo Canyon settled farther away. Tiny homes the shape of pine cones, even stood lumpily, thin blue stone roofs sprouting out white smoke from little chimneys.
Off to the West of town, sat a small cemetery, protected lazily by small, black iron fence. Many tombstones crowded the site, a couple of visitors hiding in the tall grass to cry in private before their dead loved ones.
It was early morning as Aerith and I left the brittled place. After trekking a half mile out of town, Aerith stopped short and turned around, what's left behind barely visible through the tall grass. But she smiled weakly anyway, her thoughts flooding her eyes from the sight of distant tiny huts and red clay roads.
I looked with her, the humid air clinging to our clothes rather heavily, and tightened fingers around my backpack's straps. Small traces of wind blew our hair away from town, beckoning us to keep moving, but Aerith wanted to wait a moment. The tall grass bent to the wind, tickling at my arms and legs with tiny spidery touches.
"This is where he was from," Aerith mentioned.
I gave her a puzzled look, unsure who "he" was.
She suspected that, and added, "My first love."
When I kept quiet, she turned to me, her hair flapping over her face, and asked me one last time.
"Are you sure about this?"
There was no denying it, I was apprehensive to leave without telling the others. But there was nothing they could do to stop Sephiroth now. No point of dragging them with us to do what Aerith predicted she was going to do a long time ago. I thought she would present herself as hopeful, my presence giving her reassurance that she will return, with a future of hopes and dreams waiting for her. But she gave one last glance at the distant view of Gongaga, gazing longingly at the tiny town like she was still afraid it was her last time.
I took her hand with mine, and had her attention. I tried to give her my brave smile, and simply replied, "If it's to keep you alive, of course I'm sure about this."
Aerith sucked in a rattling sigh, and lamely smiled.
"Whatever you say," she breathed. I couldn't tell if she was still in disbelief, or just didn't believe me.
A piece of my heart trickled away to see her smile. It looked real, but I felt a different feeling behind it, something so hidden, almost anyone would be deceived by it.
Doubts began to flood my head.
Aerith didn't believe me. Was this a mistake? Is my helping only going to lead to her downfall? Will me coming with her lead to my death? To both of us? I kept those thoughts to myself, and peered to the distant town, still believing that at any moment, Cloud will stumble out of the flimsy inn, frantically searching for us.
I tried my damnedest to stand my ground instead of running back.
There was no running anymore.
By the end of the day, the two of us hiked along the shores of a bay that split the Southern jungle lands from Gold Saucer's dry area. The water splashed roughly against mountains of stone, fishermen standing on their boats, pulling at nets for crab or tugging on fishing poles for a bite.
"Do you think Cloud's awake, yet?" I asked Aerith, slumping behind her while my thighs begged for rest. My boots protected my feet from the sharp rocks and seawater, though my toes grew numb from the becoming cold evening once the jungle lands faded behind us.
"I can't say, but soon it should be safe to tell him what our plan is. To keep him from panicking," Aerith soothed. I knew exactly how we were going to do that, and pondered if she was still okay with it.
"Are you sure we should do that? What if he finds us?"
Aerith gave me a smile, that same smile she's had since we left Gongaga.
"He won't. He doesn't know where the Forgotten City is. Besides, humans can't get through the forest," she assured me.
After crossing the bay, taking the long route around it, Aerith and I camped beside its rocky shore. It was night, and the waves gently took to my aching feet, the water chilly, but I welcomed it even as my toes numbed. A small fire was going, cooking fish on skewers. I looked up to the stars, the peace and quiet of the night helping me listen to the voices from other Planets. They sounded faint, barely anything more than a hum, but I knew they were there. All the Planets had their own voices, their own Lifestream, another fact I gathered from the temple. What a phenomenon to hear it happening over us, the Planets communicating with each other, and to us.
This Planet's voices came to visit often, telling us the way to reach our destination, hinting to us how to make the journey smoother, like what path to take and where to avoid.
We were guided, the Planet watching over us as we prepared to do its bidding.
Aerith's footsteps grew louder as she approached from behind, and then she chirped, "Are you ready?"
I closed my eyes a moment, and took a deep breath in. I've been ready to say "farewell for now" since we left Gongaga.
I stood, pulling feet back from the water, and turned to Aerith, her form almost nothing but shadow under a moonless sky.
"I'm ready.
We huddled closely in our tent, lying shoulder to shoulder in a shared sleeping bag, and our hands touched. Together, we took deep breaths.
"Close your eyes," Aerith guided.
I did, and took long deep breaths to calm my hyper heart, both excited and anxious.
Only this morning, I clung to Cloud's body, not wanting to ever let go. Now I wasn't certain if I was ready to see him, to witness the pain when he finds out we left without him.
I squeezed Aerith's hand as my eyes burned, unexpectedly gasping.
I sat up as I cried, "I can't do this. I don't want…" I pushed my closed eyes into my knees.
"I don't want to see how much pain he's in when he finds out I broke my promise," I confessed. Aerith never pressed me what that was or when it happened, she just stayed quiet as turned into a frenzy mess.
I fell into tremors until she shushed me quietly, like a slow, faint whistle that slipped through her lips silkily. Her hand rubbed down my arched back, sending tickles up my spine.
"If you don't do this, you'll regret it. He needs to know what our plan is. Tell him we will be fine, and…," she pressed her lips together, contemplating what to say.
"And tell him we'll be right back," she finished with a chirp.
There it was again. That cruel smile.
The inside of our tent glowed from my bracelet. How many times has it sucked in the painful bursts of magic? How many waves of repression has it manifested?
I took deep breaths, and as I did, the bracelet dimmed.
"I'll regret if I don't," I whispered to myself, over and over again, until I was finally able to relax.
"That's better," Aerith consoled, helping me lie back down. My hair spread around me, and she laid at my side, a hand to my shoulder.
"Deep breath," she encouraged, and I did.
I closed my eyes, and breathed in and out.
Aerith's voice lowered, almost like a dream as she spoke.
"This is supposed to be the best dream you could ever imagine. Visualize what you will wear, where you will be. Imagine what you want to show him. A place? An item? Simply just yourself? What comes from your heart?"
Hearing those words, widened my chest until I could no longer feel it. My hands and feet faded, and then eventually, my arms and legs.
Soon, the darkness of my eyelids began to manifest, and I fell into a beautiful dream.
What did I want him to see? If there was any place in both our worlds, where would I pick?
I smiled in my sleep, already knowing the answer.
—
First, I heard the waves greatly take to the rocky shore, and then there was the wet sand, squeezed between my toes. I inhaled through my nose, smelling an icy familiar salty air, fish and smoke mixed in there. I hadn't smelt it in ten years, and I gladly took to a big whiff, sucking it into my throat and opening my mouth to taste. Cold, icy wind teased its gentle fingers through my hair, and I smiled.
I opened my eyes, and looked at the sunset.
My chest cracked open, watching the sun merge with the dark ocean. Shores of black pebbles colloid with sand just before the waves draped over them all.
The sky was a perfect ice blue, growing whiter as it neared the falling sun, until traces of yellow teased along the horizon like a thin line of gold.
"Where are we?" His voice suddenly appeared.
My hands rested behind my back, wearing my old white t-shirt and jeans.
I couldn't help but smile to that voice, ringing in my ears as the most splendid song I could ask for. Slowly, I turned, and looked into Cloud's puzzled blue eyes.
The wind blew his spiky bangs just over his cheekbones when he turned to me, appearing in his old SOLDIER uniform.
I tried to contain myself, fingers laced tight together to keep from breaking apart and wrapping my arms around him. Instead, I took a step back and twirled to the tiny town behind us, hair flowing over my shoulders.
"Arkranes," I declared, smiling at the tiny, colorful homes close to the beach. Snowy foothills stood quietly behind the little houses, white and blending in the mist. Cloud scratched his head as he scanned the small harbor.
I dropped my eyes as I said, "My hometown."
He gasped, turning his wide eyes back to me.
"Why-"
"I wanted to show you," I struggled, dropping my eyes shyly to the sand.
"This is my home."
"Aqua, why?"
I ignored his question, too soon to tell him. Just a little longer, please, Cloud?
I focused back to the sunset, smiling at it. For a while now, I've had this silly wish to come back to this place, and take Cloud with me. But, whether I die soon or not, I deeply believed I was never going back home. It was almost like saying goodbye to it, the cold ocean, the almost white sunsets and snow filled nights.
I tried not to get distracted, the cold creeping in too quickly until I was afraid I would flutter between awake and dream. I swallowed, taking in the screen shot of the sunset so that I could never forget.
"It's small, but, I grew up here for a long time. My parents, the kind hikers who found me, lived here and raised me," I explained, even when he didn't really ask. I looked at the distant lighthouse to the West, standing tall and alone like a votive candle in the fading light of the sinking sun.
"It's small, like your Nibelheim," I commented, trying to keep my smile when I turned to look at Cloud.
He didn't smile.
"Why are you showing me this? Aqua-"
He couldn't enjoy it. He panicked.
Cloud's hands gripped my shoulders tight, sunset rays making half his face fall into white and yellow, one blue eye green.
"Aqua, what's-" His eyes watered.
"Did I-" He couldn't say it, his thoughts spiraling out of control.
I took his face into my hands to calm him.
"No. You didn't. I made it out fine. We're all fine," I soothed.
Cloud's hands crept up to meet with my mine. Gods, they felt so real, the way they curled and held on so firmly and yet careful.
"I'm so sorry," he trembled. He dropped his head, spiky hair tickling my shirt as his face slipped away, his hands clutching to mine tighter.
"Cloud," I tried, tugging him to stand tall again. He took a hand to hide his eyes.
"It wasn't me," he shook.
"I know," I reached, cradling his hand with both of mine.
Cloud revealed his face through his fingers, reading me carefully for a long minute, our eyes locked. I never got to Search him, and wondered what I could've discovered if I had the chance to. Instead, I dove into his eyes, trying to remember how they sparkled to the sun, how the blues and traces of Mako blurred. Cloud searched deeply into mine, searching for something specific, and he found it, even before I said anything. He reached and pulled back the deep pain that I tried so hard to bury.
His hand fell away, revealing widened eyes, fragile.
"Aqua, tell me what's going on," he put seriously.
I let go of him, and turned back to the sunset abruptly. It sank lower, time running short.
The sky darkened, and I sighed, no longer smiling. I couldn't keep it up anymore. I sucked at it.
"Cloud, listen to me," I started. He froze, waiting as I turned back to look at him, trying to show bravery as best as I could, even though inside, I was breaking.
I smiled terribly, and laid a hand to my heart, feeling it chipping away again until I imagined only one small chamber left.
"You don't have to worry anymore," I put it simply, and really meant it. Cloud's lips fell open, silent or broken words falling out.
I laced my fingers behind my back again. If I held him, it would be over. I would break.
"Sephiroth has the Black Materia. There's nothing you and our friends can do now. From here, it's up to me and Aerith. So, don't worry. We'll take care of it, and be back to you in no time."
Despite falling to evening, I noticed how Cloud's face paled, and he shook his head while staring grievously at me.
"Aqua, I…"
I began to take steps away as he reached. Another flake of my heart fluttered away when I left him clinging to air.
When I turned, Aerith was already waiting for me, her hands behind her. She smiled, half her beauty enclosed in the dimming sunset, waves teasing at her boots.
I ran to her, but stopped short to look over my shoulder at Cloud one more time.
"Rest up, keep protecting Tifa, and do that thing you wanted to do after Sephiroth, that thing you never told me," I confirmed, one more brave face to force. Inside, I couldn't breathe, seeing how the light inside his eyes dimmed, his gloved hand outstretched, blocking half the torture that laid to his face.
I gazed at those fingers, feeling the need to extend my hand and touch them. Holding my hand back, I turned away, and each step I took to get farther and farther, left a trail of little pieces of my heart behind me.
Cloud was stuck in place. His feet moved, but he couldn't progress. I made sure of that as he reached for me again.
"Aqua, wait!"
I took my hand with Aerith's.
"Aerith, stop!"
Together, Aerith and I walked away along the shore, hand in hand, fighting against the pull of Cloud's pleas.
Aerith barely glazed over her shoulder, her tears hidden behind her long bangs to get one last look at him, and quickly retreated.
Cloud screamed at the top of his lungs, making a last desperate attempt.
"That thing I wanted to do after Sephiroth?! I wanted it to be us! Aqua, wait!"
I broke.
I sucked in a gasp so startling, I woke up.
Back in the tent, I rolled over and sobbed into Aerith's arms. Cloud's last words haunted me, and there went another piece. My heart was so tiny, I held on to the last of it thoughtfully, a piece left only for Aerith.
She was all I had left now.
—
"Aerith, how do I die?" I finally asked.
We were huddled together behind steel walls of a ship. It groaned loudly as rough waves tossed and turn, slowly taking us North from Costa Del Sol's port.
The sleeping quarters wasn't comfortable, using the storage hanger along with a few other cast aways.
We shared a sleeping bag, our backpacks as pillows, and left a little lantern on to give just the faintest of light. Crates creaked, luggage swung from nets with coiled rope. The metal floor was hard, and I reposition for the hundredth time, trying to get comfortable, and ended up on my side, facing Aerith. She looked back to me, her face barely glowing to the little lamp, and licked her lips nervously.
"I am not certain. But I keep seeing you in the Lifestream," she shared in a low voice.
A large lump twisted inside my throat. I swallowed, but it only grew, obscuring a part of my airway when I tried to take a deep breath.
"You're floating there, lost, alone," she finished, her thoughts sinking her mood quickly.
I watched Aerith carefully, her eyes dim and energy to smile dwindling.
Our hands touched, fingers together, and rested like that.
Together, our magic kept us warm, encasing us in a soft glow like a gentle green lantern around us.
"I saw that when I Searched you for a short time," I exposed, the image vivid behind my eyes. I saw myself just floating there in the green river like a fallen angel, white hair scattered behind me like angelic wings, naked and holding my arms around myself.
"Do you know why?" I asked her.
Aerith gripped to our blanket a little tighter.
"The Planet needs you in the Lifestream. It has been for a while," she revealed.
I thought back to the first time I felt it calling to me, almost back to the very beginning. That hand stretched out from its glowing green wall of souls, was Mother all along. The singing of those shells hitting together around her wrist sang in my thoughts.
"To help fight against the bad thing in it," I muttered, not really a guess but an observation.
Aerith nodded.
"Exactly. To take away the bad thing, which I think is Sephiroth. He told us himself, he's been in the Lifestream. Something about him, about Jenova, is halting the Lifestream's natural flow. One of us has to be in there to fix it. I thought it was going to be me, but I keep seeing you in the Lifestream. I don't quite understand it. The Planet tells us things, but we can't ask nor communicate directly until we reach the altar."
The altar. The one place where Ancients may practice a two-way communication with the Planet. Not just listening to its demands, pain and guidance, but also to be able to send back a prayer, and get an instant reply.
That is why Aerith wanted to use her special Materia there. It was to receive help from the Planet to use such a spell, because it was that powerful. But with my help, we may be able to use it without either of us sacrificed.
"What about Cloud? Do you see him?" I asked, curious of how much of this future she could predict.
To my relief, Aerith shook her head.
"Just like Sephiroth, I can't see Cloud, either. It's strange. I knew I would get to meet you. But I didn't know he would be there. It's like…" she paused, trying to find the correct word, and ended up with, "He's unnatural. I can't explain it. There's something to those two, but I'm not sure what it is."
I was given clearance to finally get the opportunity to ask Aerith everything, despite how it sometimes left me more questions than answers. There were still little to no explanation to Cloud's disturbed behavior.
Another question came to mind.
"Didn't you have a plan of your own? One against the Planet's?" I pried. I remembered she mentioned her own plan, and wondered if I was finally going to hear it.
Aerith's fingers played gently over mine, and she actually smiled to herself.
"Yeah, I did."
She rolled away, lying on her back, and stared up at the high metal ceiling. Long lamps hung darkly, off. Drips of water slipped through the wielded cracks and bolts.
"I had this crazy idea, actually. One that I knew could possibly change the Planet's mind, and keep you from the Lifestream," she trailed, eyes sparkling up at nothing in particular. I watched Aerith, her soft profile dark against the lamp, and saw how her lips curved upward, how her eyelashes fluttered, eyes moistening.
"Are you sure you want to hear this?"
Her tone told me to brace for it, and I gripped our sleeping bag tight, anxiety swelling inside my belly. It ached, and the rocking of the ship made me nauseous.
I inched closer until my forehead rubbed into her shoulder.
"Tell me," I encouraged, and swallowed again.
Aerith closed her eyes, and she heaved a tiny laugh.
"It was ridiculous, but, I thought…" she paused, the next set of words going to be complicated. I held my breath.
"If you and Cloud, somehow…" I watched how she swallowed, waving a small outline of a lump along her long throat.
"Conceived a child," she said through her teeth, the thought bizarre. "Then, it may have changed the course of the Planet's plan. It brings hope to grow our race all over again."
She chuckled again, chest rocking to her forced laugh.
"I told you it was ridiculous."
My eyes widened.
"That's why-"
Aerith finally turned her head, eyes glowing at me.
"That's why I wanted you two together," she finished for me, knowing exactly what I was going to say.
I propped up on one elbow, gawking down at her.
"Aerith-!" I was speechless.
"That's why you couldn't say anything. You-"
She sat up, taking a hand on my shoulder when she sensed I was dizzy.
"You're right. If I had mentioned any of this, it wouldn't have worked. I mean, not naturally anyway."
She sighed as she slumped back down on her bag-pillow.
"But it doesn't matter anymore," she groaned, and finished with, "So close, and yet, I still see you in the Lifestream."
Who would have thought, my greatest fear in life, could have also been my salvation? But there was just one problem to Aerith's plan. I shook my head at her, and sank low again.
"But Aerith, even if Cloud and I did, um, do that," I was an adult, and yet I couldn't even fully say it, face burning at the thought of it. I fought against the images of that intimate night, shoving them away.
"He was in SOLDIER. The Mako. It makes those boys sterile. It wouldn't have worked anyway."
Aerith said nothing. She closed her eyes and shook her head quietly. A small smile appeared, but it went quickly as it came, and she turned to me.
"I'm sorry I kept so much from you," she confessed, and gently cupped my cheek with her hand.
I smiled thoughtfully at her.
"You were only trying to do what was best for the Planet and these people's lives," I whispered, and settled a hand on her exposed cheek as well.
"Aqua?" Aerith asked suddenly.
I tried not to tense too much as I chirped nervously, "Yes?"
"Thank you."
I blinked, not exactly sure what she was thanking me for. Thank you for not kicking and screaming as we leave our friends and the man you love behind? Thank you for coming up with a better plan? Thank you for going on this journey together?
"For?" I heaved, before more possibilities brewed.
Aerith giggled at my sour expression.
"For being with me. I was afraid I would've been doing this alone."
My arm stretched, brushing against Aerith's cheek to wrap around her shoulder.
"Of course, Aerith. Remember, wherever you go...," I started
"You go with me," she finished.
When we laid there in a short stretch of silence, I had to double check something, still keeping my night with Cloud an intimate secret.
"So, you still see me in the Lifestream?"
She sighed, nodding in the dark.
"Yeah…"
My body felt heavier, both relieved and disappointed.
"It doesn't make much sense to me," I muttered, smudging my cheek into her arm.
"Having a child may help me live, and I won't be needed in the Lifestream? I get a chance to grow our race again. But then you would have to go. I don't see a positive end to your idea."
Aerith heaved a small giggle.
"That's not it. You would be doing our race a favor. The Planet can't go against that. We were supposed to be it. We are the last two Ancients. If there was anyway to keep it going, then that's important."
The steel floor was numbing at my arm I was lying on. I groaned and rolled onto my back, looking to the dark ceiling with Aerith, and tucked the sleeping bag closer to my chin.
"I don't get it, Aerith. Why didn't you consider that for yourself?"
She giggled.
"It would've been nice but…" Her voice faded as she said, "I already had my shot. I found the love of my life, and, well, unfortunately, it didn't work the way I wanted it to." Her voice cracked at the end, and she rolled, her back to me. She suddenly became quiet, and our magic dispersed, the light left to the lamp.
I pressed into her back, feeling the tiny tremors of her pain seeping through it. Without another word, I held her from behind, feeling her tense as she cried silently. Until now, I had no idea how much she was in love before. The heartache she buried so deep, I never would've thought she still suffered. Seeing Aerith's true feelings surface, frightened me. I pressed into her back a little more, using her body's heat to keep me warm.
Oh Aerith, how long have you known this was going to happen? I wanted to ask, but knew she had some idea since the beginning. How she always had a smile to her face, like she wanted to make each memory uplifting and special.
We keep laughing and having fun.
It was something she said a long time ago, and I finally understood why.
I was glad Aerith didn't have to hold the burden anymore. She must've felt lonely, knowing all that she did and just keeping it to herself. Everyone wandered in circles, oblivious to her knowing more than she should.
I blinked to the ceiling, the faint glow of our nightlight reminding me to turn it off.
I sat up, turned to Aerith's back as I whispered, "I'm glad I'm with you."
She remained quiet. I peered over her shoulder, listening to her breath, slow and steady. After trekking on foot for almost three days, I wasn't surprised Aerith easily fell asleep. I sighed, the dark storage space around us making me feel like we were truly alone. But as I reached towards the small lantern, I felt a heavy stare.
I gasped, immediately pulled to glowing eyes floating there in the darkness, but then there was nothing. My heart skipped, and I held my breath as I clicked the lantern off.
The lack of eating and little sleeping may have been playing tricks on me. I stayed frozen, awaiting the glowing gaze in the dark to reappear, but after long minutes of collecting my breath, there was still nothing but black.
I finally relaxed, and laid my head on my bag, my heart too anxious to fall asleep. The hardness of the floor, the creaks and skittering of mice roaming around, and the metal walls groaning with that constant sound of steel cutting through water and the humming of the engines. I knew I was only going to be gifted with short bouts of sleep in the stretch of night. I cradled to Aerith's back again, forehead to her shoulder, and closed my eyes while tightening our sleeping bag high over my neck.
—
Three days on the ship, it should have been a giant relief to stumble back to dry land. I crept my way onto the port of a cold, boney village, and yet still found myself nauseous.
I thought coming off the ship would bring clearance, but the strange nausea followed. I kept telling myself it was either my anxiety, or the little to no appetite. Whenever Aerith offered a Powerbar, a sandwich, anything, I pressed my fingers to my lips and turned away.
Waves lapped along the pier as Aerith and I stepped away from the rough ocean, and towards a tiny port town, its residence mainly for archeologists and paleontologists digging along the East shores. Little houses, many identical and temporary, cluttered together along a small industrial area.
Gulls crowded around the pier, fighting over half a fish. Little boats rang bells and honked horns as they came in, the day over for fishing. It was all giving me the same sounds as my hometown, and I closed my eyes, pretending to be in Arkranes for a minute.
The sky was heavily grey, but no rain, leaving the air thin and dry for the evening.
I shivered as my boots walked over a pebbled path into town, still in my t-shirt dress, while Aerith sank deep into her white mage cloak.
The town was tiny, with a monstrous forest up the hills and white mountains behind it. In the evening, the forest appeared as a large lumpy shadow, no light, nothing but darkness that stood tall behind the town like a massive black wall. I couldn't keep my eyes away from the dark lump of forest, knowing for sure, it was that same forest that kept the Forgotten City hidden.
Aerith studied it too as she stood next to me.
"The Sleeping Forest lays just over the hills behind this town," she explained. I shivered after wondering if we were going through it tonight.
But thankfully, Aerith mentioned, "One more night," in a chirpy tone, and I sighed.
One more night.
One more night before we stop Sephiroth.
I turned around to catch a glance at the dark ocean, waves rolling strongly to the evening winds. If only I could see the continent sitting behind us, the place where I'd hope Cloud and the others were safe.
—
I woke up in the middle of the night with another panic attack. Aerith was already used to these, sitting up with me and cradling me as I panted. It had been a long time since I had them, but since leaving Gongaga, I've been suffering nightly.
My lungs squeezed tight, making me wheeze while my heart rattled wildly, sweat coming down my face. Aerith hugged me as I smashed my face into my hands, muffling the high-pitched inhales and shuttering breaths.
It took minutes to calm, but even then, I couldn't fall back to sleep. I laid there in the dark of our little rented room, watching Aerith fall back to sleep peacefully.
It wasn't fair.
She had time to mentally prepare for this.
She's strong.
I didn't know how to be like her, how to relax. My stomach never settled, and I ended up just lying there, thinking about everything and everyone.
Yuffie's big smile and her obsession with Materia. Vincent's quiet and distant demeanor and yet, how heart-warming it was to have him try to hug. Barret's humor and blunt personality. Red's intelligence, and all the times I've watched him sit next to a burning fire. Tifa, with her pain buried in her eyes until they ran red. I was thankful she and I got to hold each other, dissolving the hard line of our bitter drama. Cid's horrible foul language with his chain-smoking, but he also had a big heart. Reeve's complaints of work, his jokes, the times he squeezed in between Cloud and I.
I sighed, thoughts falling to Cloud.
I felt to have taken advantage of him. It wasn't intentional. I just wanted him to hold me.
Visions of him came, the one when he smiled down at me before our camp fire, secrets in his eyes.
Nope, not telling.
And then to that scream of his, rarely seeing him so upset.
That thing I wanted to do after Sephiroth?! It was supposed to be us! Aqua! Wait!
I pressed my hands into my ears, wishing for his words to disappear. It hurt. It hurt so much, I couldn't breathe.
I want to find a way to bring you back home.
Isaac appeared, crunched together in his matte metal body along the beach, eyes falling to the black water.
This world is dangerous.
Isaac….
That's what happens when you can't sleep and you are left thinking all the time. Memories and people in your life began to crop up, following you like ghosts. I drowned in it, all the memories, all the people, all the good times and bad ones sinking me through an ocean of voices, images, feelings and all the things I've endured.
Isaac, I wish I could have one more real conversation with you, like on the beach.
I hated knowing that the last I saw of him was in that water, a big wound to his metal head, more cyborg than I thought.
I wondered where he was. What he was up to? If he couldn't sleep, did that mean he couldn't dream? Did he eat? Did he still feel?
I wept, finding it strange how my life had changed so significantly since falling back to this world. I didn't think about my job, my apartment, work friends nor even New York itself. And that made me discover just how insignificant it all really was to me.
I closed my eyes, lost in daydreaming all the memories that mattered most.
—
Morning came, and as crusty eyed and exhausted as I was, I still let Aerith drag me out of bed. She grew quieter as each day passed. On day six of our little quest, today, she was extra quiet, her eyes falling absently to the entrance into the Sleeping Forest.
The port town below the hills, echoed with ship bells and gulls, distant sounds that I hated to retreat from. I gave one last glance to the peaceful shore and port in the distance, and sighed.
"We're coming back, don't worry," I heard Aerith say. I looked at her, but I only got to see her back, her white cloak around her, braid hidden under its hood. She barely turned her head, nose and lips visible, but I knew she was making that smile, the one I learned to despise.
"We'll come back. Maybe Cloud and the others will even figure it out and be here, waiting for us?" She made it sound like a question, prompting me to join in her hopeful talk, but I knew she was only doing it for me.
I narrowed my eyes at her back.
"Aerith, you will get to live. This will work," I insisted.
She didn't say anything. Nothing but the sounds of her boots cracking through fallen branches when she stepped forward.
"Let's go," she whispered.
It looked just like any other forest, the soil firm with a thin film of ice, and tall trees with branches extending pine needles and cones. The sky remained grey, but as we dwelled deeper, the clouds thinned, turning white. Even the trees became thinner, the pine needles fading away.
No animals. No bird songs. No wind. Nothing.
If it weren't for our footsteps, we would be walking in absolute silence. I hugged my new fur cloak tight over me, an uneasiness settling until I slightly shook.
"We're almost there," Aerith whispered, remaining far ahead. She never looked back, as though to keep her face purposely hidden. I shook a little, finding a faint green light ahead of our path of trees.
The trees began to glow, and I was slowly becoming familiar with the way they lit up, like in the vision from the Well of Wisdom. Empty branches reached tall to a white sky, almost blending into it. Faint whispers slithered between each trunk, passing through like a wave.
The trees were communicating with each other, the forest waking up.
"The forest knows who we are. It's opening a path for us," Aerith informed, her walk never stopping. I followed her closely as I listened to how the trees hummed, a faded choir concert through the whole magical land. The light at the end of our path, expanded, until I was blind. I threw my bracer arm over my eyes, squinting to a light that hit me, sharp like a hot sun.
And stepped into the Forgotten City.
Just like in the vision of my Mother limping away, we followed her steps, passing the same sleeping and neglected city. It looked just the same as it did before, entirely deserted.
Along a pebbled path, I stopped short, eying all the empty shell homes. The air was thin, sending an icy touch to my legs. I shivered, taking notice to the few fish that flew pass, heading to far off rocky, white cliffs.
Aerith kept moving, even as I stood there, trying to take in the whole scenery.
I watched her shrink away, until I couldn't take it, and ran to catch up.
"Aerith?"
But she kept going, even as we passed the lake.
I stopped again, taking to the calm, quiet beauty of its clear waters. It laid darkly, unable to tell me how far it went as I peered down in it, hair almost slipping just over the flat surface. Again, I hurried to catch up, running into that concave shell tower. Just like what my mother did, Aerith stopped before the floor disappeared.
She let out her hand, and opened her palm. Green light shimmered through her fingers like translucent vines, spilling down to the floor at her feet. Little by little, steps of light appeared.
"Let's go," Aerith muttered, still unable to turn around.
I wanted to check in with her, finding all of this moving too fast, and just grab her by the shoulders and shout, "Wait a minute!"
But she descended.
It suddenly didn't feel like it was "us" anymore, but more of Aerith. I felt meaningless, standing there as I watched her go to the crystal world below the lake. I turned my head, looking at the wall made up of shell, and traced my finger nails against it, the same spot where I knew my mother touched.
Just then, something resonating inside me. I couldn't explain what it was, but there was this sudden rush of despair. My eyes burned, and I turned them back to the light staircase, watching Aerith shrink away.
I clenched my teeth. Her physical effort to hop on each stepping stone almost seemed non-existent, her actions lacking effort.
Fingers scraped the wall when I made a fist so tight, my knuckles grew white, the pink tone of my skin gone for a second.
I pushed away from the wall, and ran down the steps to join her.
"Aerith!" I cried, meeting her at the altar.
Aerith hugged herself, her back still facing me as thin rays of a distant sun seeped through the lonely world, cascading on her shoulders as she stood in the middle of the altar.
"I'm really glad you came with me, Aqua," she was saying.
I could hardly breathe. My hands grew numb.
"Aerith, this will work!" I shouted. "It has to!"
She sniffed, and finally turned around. I had hoped to be rewarded with her beautiful eyes, wet of tears and a smile so raw and sad, I would hold her for as long as she'd let me. But no, it was that frozen smile, one with secrets and pain lurking behind it.
"I know," she chirped, her smile wider. I blinked, unsure if I should believe her or not.
Aerith knelt, the light glowing over her like she was ready to ascend to heaven. Her pink dress over her knees scraped against the crystal, and very delicately, she put her hands behind her head, eyes closed in serene.
"Are you ready?" She asked, untying her pink ribbon. I paused, standing there as I watched her hair unfurl behind her, a long, shimmering wave of hazelnut hair gleaming under the light.
Whispers brewed, a distant hum of choir circling the altar. Aerith's long hair tossed around her as her enclosed hands came to her chest, chin tucked into her fingers.
She waited without even saying it. My legs shook, unable to take a step forward, suddenly feeling so minor, I thought I shouldn't be here. The whispers grew, chanting quietly into a gospel song, a language I didn't understand. My gut crunched in itself, telling me to flee.
But I forced a step, feet heavy. I dragged another, and fell to my knees rather clumsily. Kneeling in front of Aerith, the soft light made my body warm. Gentle winds merged strands of our hair together. My bare knees touched hers, and I clapsed my trembling hands together.
Aerith opened her eyes at me, and broke her hands apart like an egg, fingers folding back.
There, sitting in between her two palms, a clear, round stone with little tails of white curled around it.
"This is my Mother's gift. The White Materia," she whispered. My eyes were stuck to the stone, hearing it pulse gently with a song that reminded me of tiny bells. My skin tingled, a strange warmth sinking in my chest and into my arms when I couldn't look away, strangely feeling safe from anything.
My fingers clenched together as I inhaled.
"It's beautiful," I exhaled.
Aerith rested her hands and the stone over her knees, head bowed as she looked over it.
"Okay, Aqua. I'm ready for you to help me," her lips barely moved when she said it.
I gave her a brave smile, our magic enclosing around us into a green shell.
"This will work. It has to," I firmly told her.
Aerith smiled, our magic spinning around us tenderly, wisps of green arms outstretched, the whispers growing louder.
I tensed, feeling like this was more than just to summon a spell together. This was all it was supposed to be, just using the Materia together, nothing else.
The plan was so simple: We use the Materia together, letting it drain from the both of us. If it was to keep Aerith from giving up her life to use it, then I was willing to share some of that depletion of energy. Materia is often used by only one wielder, but what happens if it was unleashed by two?
This was supposed to be easy: We unleash its magic, Holy, and let it strike Sephiroth down like a mighty arrow through his chest, and we can be on our merry way.
But it didn't feel like that at all.
Something was amiss, but what?
I could feel it. My eyes darted away for a second, feeling an intense stare from far off somewhere, in a world outside of ours on this altar.
But Aerith kept her gaze on me, and she actually lifted her lips.
"I'm ready," she declared, pulling my attention back to her. I stared down at her hands holding the White Materia, open and ready for mine to fall over them. I took a deep breath, staring down at the stone for a long time, wondering why I was feeling sick when I should be feeling relieved.
With shaky hands, I let them fall over Aerith's, roofing the Materia with my palms, fingers curled until they brushed over Aerith's wrists.
I began to breathe too quickly, hands still numb, and soon, my feet followed.
"We pray together," I demanded quietly, giving Aerith a serious look.
Her smile widened, hair blowing into her face.
"Before we do that, I just have one small favor to ask of you," she brightened.
I blinked at her steady beauty, how her spirit seemed to grow and melt to the floor with her hair spilling over it, her eyes closed like she embraced the warmth of the light.
"I want you to Search me."
I instantly shook my head.
"No. We can do that later. Right now, we do this. We summon Holy, together, and, and-" my eyes stung, lips stuttering too much to finish.
Aerith soothed me with her whispering whistle through her lips. Her hands shifted, pushing them up until our hands were wedged between our breasts, foreheads almost touching.
Aerith bowed her head a little, her long bangs swooping in and fluttering around my cheeks and chin.
"Please, Aqua," she begged softly, her eyes pulling me in.
I got lost in them, terrified. The winds tossed up the leaking of tears that escaped my eyes when I instantly fell into Aerith without trying to. It happened in an instant. I looked into her eyes, locked on, and as soon as she left herself open, I zoomed into them, until my whole world turned green.
57