Good day, y'all! So this one has been sitting still, quietly, waiting, in the untouched folders of my computer for some time now. I wasn't sure if I should publish it but here goes nothing.

Warning. This is not my usual story-writing style so read if you want to I'm not forcing any depressive shit on you.

Based on Heartland's "All Hearts Lead Home", season 12, episode 10. (I'm putting my inspirations out there now so no one lashes out at me.)

Enjoy :)

Hiccup stared down at the game piece of Maces and Talons resting in the palm of his hand.

"It's weird having Viggo gone," said Astrid, her hand placed on his shoulder in a show of support. She looked down at it too; obviously not so sure what she was feeling either. "It's almost like…"

They exchanged a look, sharing a mutual feeling. They both dropped their gaze down at the ground.

"Yeah, I get it," said Hiccup, returning his eyes on the game piece, studying it as if he hadn't done so for hours upon hours, searching for answers during his war against Viggo Grimborn and his tribe of Dragon Hunters. That man had put him through so much. Pain; more emotional than physical. Viggo had been the only adversary that had ever bested him. He knew he shouldn't feel like this when Viggo has been his enemy longer than his ally. A saying echoed in the back of his mind. 'Your worst enemy is your best teacher'.

Hiccup tightened his lips, brows furrowing. "We've learned a lot from him."

He put the piece back in the Maces and Talons crate, right where it belonged.

Astrid pressed her hand on his chest in a silent manner of saying, "I'll be there if you need me." She smiled before leaving but Hiccup just couldn't pull the corners of his mouth to show his gratitude. He felt drained. It was more than just physical exhaustion from having fought his way out of Johann's base. It was more than having spent more than 24 hours awake. It was emotional. And Hiccup knew exactly why.

His eyes locked on the piece he'd just put down - the piece that represented his opponent in the game. Viggo.

He reached out, his arm feeling incredibly heavy. And with a soulful motion of his hand, Hiccup titled the game piece.

For a great man has fallen.

He grabbed the lid resting next to the crate and paused before lifting it up again and pressing it down on top of the wooden box. Everything felt so heavier than usual. The air was weighty as well, announcing an incoming storm as if the gods themselves were mourning.

Hiccup turned his back to the crate, his gaze trailing down to the dusty floorboards of his hut. His mind was clouded. The events had all been so surreal to him. How could Viggo Grimborn have died so early in the game?

Hiccup shook his head and finally allowed his shoulders to drop. Even if he'd been the one to be saved in the end, the winner in this game, he still felt like he was the one who'd lost everything. He just couldn't help feeling defeated. But he quickly gathered himself again and straightened up. Life went on. He had to keep moving. He had to move on…

…

The night was long. It was hard falling asleep with his mind whirling like a hurricane, offering all the different alternatives that could've spared Viggo, just wondering what he could've done to prevent the turn of events.

Hiccup stared up at the dark ceiling, his eyes blank. He didn't study the details in the wood planks nor listened to the nightlife outside. He wasn't searching. He wasn't thinking. Every time he replayed what had happened in those caves… his stomach churched. He'd tried twisting around, again and again, to make that feeling go away. But it was bound to him now and there was nothing he could do about it. He knew he had his friends there for him. They were there to support him even though most of them didn't understand the 'why'. Why was he grieving? To be frank, he didn't understand it either. All he knew is that it was there and it wouldn't leave his side.

Hiccup sighed, turning his head to look at the crate of Maces and Talons resting on his desk, right where he'd left it. His vision seemed to zoom on the box as if he was physically edging closer to it. Yet, he remained perfectly still where he lay on his bed. It was almost as if the game was pulling him in. It was haunting him. Like a presence other than Toothless' was in the room with him, taunting him to open the Maces and Talons' lid and play with it. A voice suddenly echoed in the back of his mind and he couldn't stop it.

"Go. I'll hold them off until you're out," called Viggo as if a long lost memory had crawled out from its grave. The voice was too loud, too real. It was as if he'd taken a step back in the past. He felt like he was the audience to a play, acted over and over again. He was trapped in his own head, prisoner of his own guilt.

"No. I'm not gonna leave you," he heard himself reply.

But he had.

The way he'd said it, the denial to leave Viggo's side when he needed him most, was heart-wrenching. How did it come to this? Why in the world did he feel so regretful for the death of a man that had put him and his friends through so much harm just for the sake of profit? He shouldn't feel like this. He was ashamed. There was still so much unfinished business that he'd never get the chance to sort out with the Dragon Hunter, both as an enemy and an ally.

Hiccup frowned at the crate. Everything returned still. He felt angry and sad. His chest rose and fell quicker and quicker while his upper lip twitched. Clearly, there was no point in lying here. He threw his legs over the side, taking a moment to breathe. He tightened his grip at the edge of the wooden planks of his bed. This was not like him. He felt like he was in Astrid's state of mind, throwing a fist every time she was furious or feeling any sort of strong, negative emotion – which he had no problem with. He was simply not that kind of person. The single one time he remembered getting physically aggressive out of frustration was when he thought he'd failed to catch Viggo in the whole Viggo vs Ryker episode with the Shell Fire. He, his friends, the A Team and Berk's council had spent months planning an attack on Viggo and his Hunters. Nothing had gone according to plan. Still, once again, his irritation had orbited around Viggo Grimborn. The flashes of memories suddenly made him feel extremely weighty as if the entire world now rested on his shoulders, even though it always had. At least, that's what the dark corners of his mind told him.

Toothless growled low in concern at his rider from where he lay on his hardened lava bed, tilting his head to the side. But Hiccup didn't acknowledge him and let his gaze trail on the floor as he made his way downstairs. The Night Fury narrowed his eyes as he watched him go. He was confused as to why his rider was acting like this. He was distant, not giving him the same amount of attention as usual. It seemed like the more Hiccup spent time alone, the stronger his emotions grew, dragging him down like chains shackled to his wrists and ankles.

Toothless turned to his rider's desk, cooing with wide eyes before approaching the closed up crate. He sniffed it twice attentively. This was the object his rider would stare at for hours. He growled low and shook his head before joining Hiccup, bouncing up and down.

He bumped into Hiccup's back as the Rider pulled on the latch to throw open the door. Toothless was eager to spread his wings under the cover of a full moon shining invitingly. He let his tongue hang from the corner of his mouth, looking up at his rider, eyes full of hope and excitement. He knew Hiccup always loved a midnight flight; especially when he was troubled. Toothless could sense the energy around him and knew he was in need of a long, peaceful flight.

"Not tonight, bud," he said, patting Toothless gently on the snout. Toothless' perked up ears dropped slowly as he lowered his head, burbling low in disappointment. "Another time. Just… not tonight."

Hiccup turned his back on his dragon and walked for the Clubhouse. He didn't know what time of the night it was. The fire pit in the middle of the room was no more than a few pathetic glowing embers. Hiccup absently threw a few lumbers in there, reviving the flames. He wished his flame would light back up that easily. But he knew people were much more complicated than that.

He was tired. He hadn't slept in over 24 hours. Not since Viggo's death.

Toothless bumped his head against his shoulder, trying to snap him out of this state. But Hiccup only pushed him away again. Chin resting on his crossed arms over the table where he sat, Hiccup finally allowed his thoughts to run free.

Toothless tried again but to no avail.

"Not now, Toothless," said Hiccup, turning to look at his dragon who shrunk away. He hadn't snapped. He'd just raised his voice. Still, it was something he never did with his dragon. Hiccup immediately felt bad and sighed, feeling his heart tighten from his mistake. "I'm sorry, bud. Look, I appreciate the company and support, but… now's not the time."

Hiccup dug a fist in his cheek, returning his focus on the flames eating up at the logs.

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked himself out loud. It was hard not to blame himself for a situation he could've easily prevented if he'd been more attentive or even a little smarter. Everything might have been different if he'd seen the signs. But he hadn't. "Johann… he's caused so much pain. Everyone that gets close to him eventually gets hurt. But Viggo…"

Toothless tilted his head, hearing his rider speak his troubled thoughts for the first time.

"Viggo. He sacrificed himself to save me," he continued, looking into his dragon's toxic green eyes staring into his. Toothless was attentive to his words. Hiccup quickly turned back to fixating the carvings in the wood of the table, thinking back of everything that had happened so far. "But how can I live up to his expectations when even he couldn't beat Johann or Krogan?"

How was he supposed to do better than the man that had outsmarted him time and time again? How could Viggo expect him to live up to him and even beyond when he couldn't even beat the Hunter in a simple game of Maces and Talons?

Hiccup folded his arms over the table again.

"Johann's ruthless," he said thoughtfully, eyes darting from left to right. "What would've happened if it hadn't been Viggo in those caves, but one of the Riders? Would they too have..?" He turned to his dragon and swallowed thickly, unable to say it out loud. "You know? And I'd escaped but not them?"

He was already having a hard time accepting the death of a former enemy. Hiccup couldn't imagine how he'd feel if it'd been one of his friends. His thoughts ran wild now and Hiccup couldn't sort them out. He pressed a palm against his forehead, the feels catching up to him.

"Hiccup," said Astrid and Hiccup twisted around in his chair to see her standing at the entrance of the building. There had been a warning in her voice and Hiccup wondered if she'd heard it all.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow suspiciously. He knew she was there to help him fight this but this felt more like a battle he had to fight alone.

Astrid shrugged, smiling. "It doesn't really matter," she replied before approaching him and placing a hand on his shoulder. She took a seat next to him. "What matters is you can't blame yourself for his decision. Viggo chose to help you." Her gaze dropped to the ground for a moment. "He chose to help all of us."

Hiccup turned away, lips tight. "And look where that got him," he said lowly, feeling the pressure in his chest.

"Hey." He felt her bump her fist in his shoulder, dragging his attention back to her. "Viggo gave his life to save yours trusting you would defeat Johann and Krogan. Coming from Viggo, that says a lot. But Hiccup. You know you don't have to go through this alone. We're there for you. You know that, right?"

Hiccup shook his head slowly. She could tell he had only registered half of what she'd said. She could understand that Viggo's expectations were a great deal of pressure especially after the Hunter died in order for Hiccup to do so. She just wanted him to understand that this was a war that needed to be fought as a team and not individually.

"I…" started Hiccup, sighing. "I just don't think I can live up to that."

"Well," said Astrid, meeting his gaze. She was confident. And she hoped he could see that she believed in him. "I do. Hiccup. What defines us isn't what knocked us down. It's not the defeats nor the victories. It's how well we rise after falling."

She wasn't trying to comfort him. Hiccup knew comfort was not what he needed right now. What he needed was someone to knock him out of it and snap him back to reality.

Hiccup didn't answer and looked away as if refusing to let the words sink in.

Astrid looked away too, his stubbornness getting on her nerves. She got up from her chair and sheathed her ax to her back. "I'm gonna head out for the first patrol run. You want next?"

"Sure," he replied absently, never meeting her eyes.

Astrid walked out to join her Nadder who squawked excitedly. She took one last look at him over her shoulder, hoping he'd soon be able to let it go. Astrid understood the state of mind. It was horrible. Death was a terrible thing. She'd seen a lot of it. It was even worse when you knew the person. But it was also part of life and a huge one at that. Things and people came and went all the time. It was never easy to accept it and grow with it. But Hiccup would have to. He'd have to in order to keep fighting for what he stood for. Otherwise...

Astrid sighed at the thought that led nowhere else but down a dark path.

Let's talk about death and loss, shall we? Such a fun subject! Yay! *laughs and cries at the same time*