Hi, so here is another chapter and I apologise for the lateness, with lockdown mostly easing in the UK I have been out enjoying the sunshine that is so rare over here and that combined with work meant this chapter was a little late.

This is the end of the Neverland arc as we go to the Wicked arc which was one of the best that Once has ever done. Then there will be a few more chapters and then we head to Season 4.

Please Read and Review and let me know what you think.

Disclaimer-Nothing here is mine.

Again Trigger Warnings for the subject of miscarriage.

The Summit Of My Desires.

Chapter 17-Faith, Hope And The Bottom Line.

As the battle for Henry comes to it's hard won conclusion, alliances are formed and broken and lives are put on the line. Liam and Elsa must battle their emotions as the ramifications of telling their secrets still play out and Liam and Killian must figure out where they go from here.

Neverland. After Henry's Kidnap

They kept walking even after they found Neal, even after they got the shadow and found a way to relay a message to Storybrooke. They had a box to keep the shadow in, to keep Pan in and they had a way off this island. Tinkerbelle was with them and they were closer to their end goal as they had ever been and Liam was aware of all of this and yet aware of none of this.

He had seen Gold come back, face off against his son and then promise to help David get of the island. It looked like Snow White and Prince Charming were going to get their Happy Ever After, after all. As for what Emma was going to do with her little love triangle Liam really couldn't care less.

He was furious.

He was so utterly furious with Killian that it was taking all his efforts not to punch his little brother in the face. He knew that it might be irrational not to mention highly unhelpful in this situation but he wanted nothing more to do than to sink his fist into the nearest soft thing and cause hurt and pain to something or someone else that wasn't him.

He wanted to scream. How much more did he have to take? He had lost his family, his freedom, his life (once) he had lost his independence and lost his mind (on more than one occasion) and now he had lost something else.

A baby. One that he had never known existed and Elsa had been breaking her heart over it and his brother had been keeping that a secret. So much for honesty and truth and trust.

Killian's keeping the miscarriage a secret was more hurtful to him than anything he had been through with Pan and Liam found himself one night as everyone else listened to some girl called Wendy, wondering why that was what was upsetting. Perhaps it was because his brother had been looking him in the eye and lying to him for so long or perhaps it was simply because it was easy to be angry. It kept the other thoughts away.

Because he had thought about it. He had not dwelled upon it in the way that he had known David did but he had thought about fatherhood when he'd been able to scrape together a minute alone.

He'd thought that it was never going to happen, a combination of never meeting the right woman and then there had been long years where he had thought the Navy was his wife and children, his home. What had been the point in marriage and a family if a dangerous sea voyage could take him away from them for months? Years? Forever?

And in the Enchanted Forest there had admittedly been more important things. Before Elsa all his priority had been in starting a new career, a new life and combatting an intense distrust of new people and battling debilitating nightmares and triggers that he had not fully realised until he had been in the modern world were PTSD from this very island he was now trapped on.

Again.

So no. Before he had met Elsa, fatherhood had never been on the cards for him. Had not even been in the playing deck.

And then…then there had been Elsa.

She had come into his life like a wave of something he had not expected. She had loved him, confounded him, awed him, wrapped him in love an emotion, which if he was being honest about was not something he had ever expected or thought that he could share. After all, outside of Killian he had never loved or had anyone who loved him.

So fatherhood, fatherhood was not something that he had thought about. Even with Elsa he had not thought about it, there had always been one bloody crisis after another but for Liam he had not worried because Elsa was it. all they had to do was survive whatever came at them and then at some point they could talk about their family, about their lives, about a happy ever after. He had not thought about fatherhood.

But now it was all he could think about.

He'd almost been a father.

And now he really wasn't.

Liam was not a complete and utter dick. He knew that miscarriage was just as common in this modern world as much as it was in the old world. He knew that for all the advances in modern medicine there was somethings that just could not be fixed and this was one of them. As heartbreaking as it was it was not unheard of.

Elsa's decisions about magic he could leave up to her. He had long ago learnt that a powerful, confident woman should be left to make her own decisions without any input from men (if said man knew what was good for him and Liam liked to think he did in that department) and anyways what would he know about it. He knew that Emma had tried to talk to Elsa about using her magic to storm the camp but Elsa had turned and just looked at her and though Liam could not see the expression on her face it was enough for David to pull his desperate daughter backwards shaking his head.

Regina had looked between them but she had said nothing. Liam was left in no doubt that at some point she would make her opinion clear but for now both she and Gold were keeping their views to themselves and concentrating on finding Henry which for now meant splitting up. Liam who had been half listening to the reasons why Pan had put them all on this path perked up a little. For the first time something made sense.

Pan was dying.

Good.

Pan had caused unimaginable suffering to him, to the terrified children in front of him and the whole of the civilised world. How many parents had lost children? How many had died not knowing the awful truth. And how many children had been left traumatized, losing their friends and their sanity and their parents and their lives to this monster that was still running around. Liam knew he was not the only man to come aboard this island and leave a different person. Actually he was lucky he had been able to leave at all.

How many children had not?

"Ok" Emma said pushing back her blonde hair. "This is the plan. Elsa, Regina, Neal you'll come with me we need all the offense we can get—" clearly she was not going to mention or use Gold until she absolutely had to.

"Mom…Dad…you go to Dead Man's Peek and get some of the water back so were protected. Ti…Tink, you Liam and Hook stay here and when the Lost Boys wake begin to guide them to the ship. The second were on board were going."

It seemed like a such a simplistic plan that Liam really thought it would work. It was odd but it seemed like all of the planets were aligning with them on their side.

But it left them hopelessly divided at a time when they desperately did not want to be divided.

"I should stay" Elsa said cutting through the group with a tone that Liam had not heard before. "I am no good to anyone facing Pan. He clearly does not use mortal methods"

"And you are not mortal Elsa…" Snow White began but Elsa cut her off.

"I am Snow" she said finally. "I am not using magic ever again, I told you that."

"Alright fine" Emma said in the tone of a woman on the verge of losing her temper and very, very shortly.

"But come with us anyway, the more numbers we have at Skull Rock the better. Besides what Pan doesn't know won't kill him. I'll do that myself"

And that it seemed, was the end of that conversation.

Tinkerbelle to her credit took one look at his face and muttered something about 'checking for supplies'. Killian who knew her rather well knew that Tink was in fact going to go behind the camp shelter for a smoke of her herbal, oak chip smoking thing that when he had been with her he had seen her use. She had claimed it was for stress but Killian thought it was so that she did not dwell too much on what she had lost. Going back to face your past was as Killian knew deeply unpleasant especially when your past involved a pesky fairy called Blue.

(He and the Crocodile had finally agreed on something)

Had the situation not been so terrible he would have found that horrifying instead of darkly amusing.

He sat down and took the rum bottle between his teeth. Killian knew his brother well…he did not have to wait long.

"So" he said finally. "Do you want to…"

But Liam had already launched himself at him. Killian took the first blow with good grace and the second because they were brothers but by the third he was getting fed up and he fought back and the two of them were rolling around in the dust as if they were boys and the fight had been over a toy boat rather than a life or death scenario.

Eventually Killian's foot found Liam's ribs and then sprawled backwards separating.

"Well…" Killian said not sure if this meant that they were at a reprieve or not. "You get it all out of your system yet?"

Liam shot him a poisonous look and then forced himself upwards brushing dirt of himself.

"You should have told me"

"It's not like I've been enjoying myself keeping this secret to myself brother. It was Elsa's decision to not tell you and considering your behaviour on this island I think that might have been a good thing—why upset the snake charmers basket?"

Liam rolled his eyes at his brother's words but then said words sunk in.

"And what do you mean how I've been acting?"

"Liam you've been acting like this island is your tomb. And yes, I know that it very nearly was only too well but you've been different, I can see the effect that this place has had on you and I haven't been around you even half of the amount of time that Elsa has. She's seen you post Pan, she knows your tells and she knows that your struggling to cope. You've been zoning out of conversations, your hands keep shaking, you've barely slept and you barely say two words to anyone. Even Swan, consumed as she is with worry for her offspring has noticed you changed. And…and Elsa is the one who lost the baby—no look—" he said when he saw Liam try to interrupt.

"She did…I was there and she…well she seemed to cave in a little on herself and all that confidence that comes when your born with a crown etched in your cradle, weather or not you like it went away. Besides…women…easily upset" he added nodding sagely at his own advice.

"And yet" came the carrying voice of Tink. "It was not the woman who sunk into fits of annoyance when the joke about the Dark One, Blackbeard the Pirate and Mr Smee fell flat"

Killian scowled.

Regina was pulled out of a rather delightful daydream in which she was holding Pan down and ripping body parts of him while he begged for mercy by Emma Swan…after all who else?

"You need to talk to Elsa"

Regina decided not to insult her own or Elsa (who was currently engaged in a conversation with Neal—though it looked a little one-sided) by asking what she was on about. She had heard the story from Snow when Gold has asked (rather appropriately) just why the woman who could ice this entire island over with a wave of her fingers was not doing just that.

"And say what? Swan there is no good outcome here for us to interfere. Elsa has been through a terrible ordeal and she needs time to heal"

"Do you think she's right?" Emma whispered dropping down so that their voices couldn't carry.

"Do you think that magic was the reason she miscarried?"

Regina resisted the urge to roll her eyes and say something cutting. How had her curse been defeated with such simplicity?

How?

"Swan some things are beyond even the control of magic. Sometimes miscarriages happen. It is horrible and heartbreaking but it happens. Perhaps one day there will be some form of magic or some form of medicine that stops it but I wouldn't count on it. Somethings just shouldn't be messed with. Elsa has magic. Elsa lost her baby. It is a simple as that. No red line connecting the two."

"It doesn't seem fair" Emma said finally. "She…Liam…everyone deserves something fair in their lives"

Regina sighed heavily. "Life Miss Swan…well…it isn't fair. If life was fair we'd all have never had our lives interlinked."

Emma opened her mouth, caught the expression on Regina's face and then closed it. Regina approved, her emotions were already stretched thin with Henry. She did not need to venture into the dark waters of emotion that she called Daniel.

Regina watched the moon. Until it moved there was no chance of getting to Henry even if she did have enough magical power to move it. Emma followed her gaze for a second and then seemed to get the hint. She went to speak to her baby daddy and Regina was left once again alone and to ponder just how far you'd go for the people you'd love. Considering what she had done…well…it was easy to understand why.

Elsa came and stood next to her.

"Are you going to lecture like the rest of them?" she asked softly. Regina opened one eye.

"No" she said just as quietly. "I know it won't do any good. Besides…you can't force someone to use their full potential"

She shot Emma a look but the other woman had not heard so it was pointless.

Elsa sat down.

"I am sorry" Regina said finally. "A miscarriage is a terrible thing. I didn't even wish it on Snow"

Elsa nodded staring out at the (admittedly rather spectacular) view.

"Did I do it?" she asked finally. "Was it because I used—"

"No" Regina said shaking her head. "Some things Elsa are just beyond our control. Magic can do many things but it cannot stop nature. It just happened…it's a shit answer I grant you but it's just what it is. You being a queen, you having magic, or you having magic you are still struggling to control has nothing to do with you losing your baby"

Elsa's face twitched and despite her own feelings on the matter Regina felt a wave of sympathy hit her to the point where she reached out and grabbed her hand.

"You did not do anything wrong" she said again. "And if you need me to Elsa, I will sit here and get it through your skull until you understand it. Magic is many things, but it is not evil. It's the person behind it that makes it evil. And one day you will have a baby and that baby will be irritating blonde and well loved. And you will heal."

Elsa watched her and then turned away her mouth trembling. Regina decided to admire the moon while Elsa got herself under control.

"He hates me" she said finally. "Even if he doesn't hate me for losing the baby then he's going to hate me for keeping it a secret"

Regina stared at her. "We are talking about Liam Jones yes? The man who looks at you as if you hang the moon and the stars. The man who looks at you as though he wants to eat you alive? The man who literally followed you to the ends of the earth or whatever this place is…the man who was prepared to die for you? Please. I don't think that guyliner's older brother has hate in him. Even for Pan. Otherwise he would be here."

Elsa said nothing but she gazed out at the sea. Regina followed her gaze and thought about how she could get rid of her shadow (without cutting it off—that was—drastic to say the least).

If she kept a hold of her hand and held it until Emma realised that they could move the moon then that was clearly between herself and her maker.

But that was only half the problem.

Liam had been helping the Lost Boys (most of whom were going quietly except Felix who Killian had an eye on as if just daring him to try something) as they made their way through the forest. The ship was in sight and Tinkerbelle was practically skipping towards it, when they felt it.

It was a blast of wind so much that they staggered backwards and two of the youngest Lost Boys began to cry. Killian caught Liam's eye and suddenly it was like everything between them had disappeared. Something had gone wrong. Something had gone terribly wrong.

Liam had a feeling, an itchy, prickly feeling and suddenly he didn't think he could breathe. He had felt like that once before and that had been when the poison had been coursing through his body.

He knew what had happened. He supposed he had always known what was going to happen.

They had lost.

Pan had won.

And Henry Mills was probably dead.

And there you go, I hope you enjoy this chapter and i will bring you the next one sooner than later.

Next Chapter-The gang leave Neverland, Liam and Elsa begin to but the past behind them slowly but surely but just as peace is around the corner something else is on the horizon that will threaten their very existence.