Heey I know it was an extremely long time. I'm so ashamed. It's just... it's been a lot of things happening in my life lately... but don't worry good things this time... :)))))
But I'm learning to get a grip and slowly go back to writing. I won't give up on this fic especially that there are only a few chapters left. Have this little piece as a warm-up.
Enjoy!
And LadyWolvie82 - thanks for betareading.
21. Compliments, thank yous, and apologies
'Gran Pulse. A place of unending wars. Wasteland bathed in the blood of aggressive savages, not capable of any kind of truce. A place made of desserts where nothing gives protection from the scorching sun burning the skin. Where the hellish temperatures dry everything to the bone. Also, a place made of thick jungles where blood-thirsty beasts are lurking in every shadow, snarling viciously, just waiting for an occasion to sink their teeth into an unexpecting victim. A place where a blink of an eye, a moment of inattention is a death sentence. A place where no one is safe, where every creature struggles for survival every single minute…'
What bullshit.
Gran Pulse was indeed a harsh place to live but the stories were more than exaggerated. Lightning did see a lot of beasts but it wasn't like they were hiding behind every tree. And not all of them were vicious. The people of Gran Pulse were somewhat different than her own but they had much more in common than she anticipated. They bled the same blood, they suffered the same pain, they felt the same feelings.
The place she was looking at right now didn't remind her of anything she heard. It was the end of a day and the sun was slowly setting giving the sky dark orange color. All clouds were painted with the orange glow, leaving occasional long smudges on the evening sky. And what a point had Lightning and Fang found to watch it. They were standing on the top of a steep slope, high above the rest of the terrain. They could see everything below. The vast plains spreading as far as they could see, bathed in the rays of the setting sun. Huge adamantoises wandering the plains in the far distance. A pack of gorgonopsids chasing after their prey looking like little bugs in comparison with the slow giants. Forced to give up empty-pawed when the cunning pray slipped past the two behemoth kings that were basking leisurely in the sun.
Occasionally a high tree here and there, but it was mostly just grassland and clumps of shrubs. Immense grassland cut in half by a huge river that was meandering lazily through the landscape, causing the flora all around it to flourish. At its beginning a huge lake with some little creatures making quite a turmoil near one of its shores. Though not as much turmoil as tons of water falling violently from a rocky surface of a formidable waterfall. A mist made of tiny droplets surrounding it at all its length causing little rainbows to appear here and there. If she closed her eyes she could even hear a silent hum of the splashing water so far away.
"I wish 'Nille could see that. She'd squeal in happiness." Fang started with a small dreamy smile, though, it didn't reach her eyes. The view was astounding. No wonder even locals were amazed by it. "She always loved places like this. All of this nature to soak in, and so full of color. Gran Pulse in all its glory."
Lightning's gaze trailed off to Fang, who was watching the landscape absentmindedly. After a while, the brunette closed her eyes with a sigh and turned her head slightly up as if basking in the rays of the setting sun. The woman was hurting and Lightning knew that. There were enough occasions to witness first-hand what a great toll Vanille's death had taken on Fang. It wasn't surprising that her thoughts kept on trailing off to the younger woman.
Lightning turned with a sigh of her own before the thoughts about Serah could get to her. Gently, she placed a palm on Fang's shoulder and squeezed it softly in a gesture of comfort. She waited a few seconds more until Fang's eyes opened and fell on her hand maybe slightly surprised maybe still lost in thoughts, then her jade eyes traveled to Lightning's and the corner of the woman's mouth turn up for just a second to let Lightning know she acknowledged the silent gesture and was grateful for it. The words weren't necessary here. They both knew they were together in this and couldn't count on anything except for each other. Even if the truce was still filled with distrust the similar experiences built some distinct understanding between them.
Lightning got past the brunette and went back to the place of their stop. There were some tracks left to be covered before moving forward. It was just reasonable to get to work so they could leave as soon as Fang was ready. Though Lightning's mind wasn't at ease no matter how much she tried to stop her thoughts from coming back to the brunette… to Vanille…and to Serah… She ended up staring at the woman's back with a thoughtful frown.
"I can feel ya standin' there starin', ya know?" Lightning was brutally torn out of her thoughts by the woman's comment. Of course, she was still turned with her back to the Cocoonian and didn't even twinge when saying these words or signalized she was aware of inquisitive glare at her back.
"Tch…" Lightning scoffed at herself for getting caught that easily. It was just that strange thing about Fang. She knew. Lightning had no idea how but Fang always knew. "That's why they call you a huntress, not me." A tired sigh left Lightning's mouth when she decided to let go and join Fang again. A little hesitantly she approached the edge again, standing next to the brunette, taking the view in. Less constricted this time.
"I miss Serah too..." Lightning admitted quietly after a few more minutes. "She never saw anything even close to that…" They watched the vast, wild plains spreading under their feet. Then Fang tilted her head a little looking at the pinkette.
"Who knows? Maybe she did."
The statement was rather confusing at the first moment and earned Fang a rather doubtful stare. After a deeper thought, though, Fang might have been right.
"Yeah…" Lightning sighed and fixated her eyes on the huge, orange sun. "Actually, that might have been the last thing she saw. The sunset in hell… How appropriate…"
Thinking of that it was truly ironic. The hell. Blood red sky. The omnipresent mystery. Was she able to visit or even see any of Gran Pulse? Did she die quickly during the crash? Or was she lying there suffering, waiting for the help that never came? Her insides started turning again when suddenly Fang nudged her playfully.
"Hey!" Fang seemed much more energized at the moment and her own growing frown turned into surprise observing Fang's actions. The woman moved to stand before the pinkette with a displeased frown and her hands rested on her hips. "Ya keep callin' this place hell…" she pointed with her thumb at the plains behind her back"… and I'll start wonderin' how heavens look like to ya."
"You know very well I no longer mean that." Lightning let herself for a little amused breath even if her answer was rather calm. It was obvious Fang wasn't really mad, she was just a tease. Just as obvious was that Lightning no longer shared her people's prejudices. Or at least not to such an extend.
"Ya'd better because ya're stuck here now. At least ya have good company with you."
Lightning's reaction couldn't be different than a snort. There it was again - that famous Fang's cockiness. It was amusing though and she didn't mind it that much anymore. "Well, if you put it like that… it's definitely hell."
A little smirk appeared on Lightning's face but before Fang could even react to that a gust of strong wind appeared out of nowhere, bending the branches, hoisting some dust into the air. The Cocoonian closed her eyes out of reflex and took a few steps back where the wind wasn't that strong. One of her eyes opened back tentatively after making sure that it's well shielded by her hand. The picture she saw then wasn't anything she shouldn't have expected… still, her breath hitched in her throat for a moment there and she couldn't help opening the other eye with no more care about the wind. It was… just Fang… but the picture as a whole was impressive. The wind was still blowing strong but the brunette, instead of shielding from it, turned to face it. Her eyes were closed and a content smile appeared on her face… as if she missed that feeling and finally got to experience that warm wind again. The wind that made her sari go completely wild fluttering gracefully behind her leaving all the length of her legs on display. Fang looked so relaxed and… free. Even if keeping one hand in her hair, failing miserably at keeping them in check as they were fluttering in all directions just as her sari. Her darker complexion getting yet another, new color in the rays of the setting sun. The red skies just behind her, the waterfall, the wild plains of Gran Pulse spreading in the background. Fang seemed so in synch with all of that. All that wilderness and harsh beauty. That sudden impression that made her think how accurately Fang reflects the place she grew up in. At that moment, if she was asked to describe Gran Pulse with one word, she would say 'Fang'…
The brunette let out a little satisfied sigh the moment the wind started to lessen. She cracked one eye open. That stupor that Lightning found herself in didn't let her react to it in time. She was caught staring again, and she was aware of that this time. Somehow it was impossible to tear her eyes away or get rid of that dazed expression.
"Somethin' on your mind?" The brunette's words tore her out of this strange state. This time, though, a slight embarrassment started to grow in her, strengthened by the way Fang tilted her head to the side with a visible smirk. It was about time to get a grip.
"Just a thought…" A poor try of dismissing the question asked. Lightning knew it wouldn't work with Fang.
"A thought, huh?"
"You really do fit in into the picture." Lightning said matter of factly with a small roll of her eyes. She had no intention of adding any emotion into her words. It was an observation, nothing more and nothing less.
Fang raised an eyebrow in surprise and turned her head to take a look at the striking scenery behind her. At first, she was just taking in its beauty pondering over the Cocoonian's words, soon enough a smugness started to spread over her face. She narrowed her eyes on the pinkette with a wide grin.
"Wait, was that a compliment?"Ohh… her tone was both smug and teasing and it immediately made Lightning's walls shoot up.
"Tch… Just stating an observation." She scoffed straightening her back, suddenly self-conscious because of slight heat gathering in her cheeks. It really might have sounded like a compliment even though she hadn't intended that. "If you misinterpret things, then it's entirely your problem."
"Misinterpret, huh? Ya mean like… in case I thought you had hots for me?" She kept on teasing and wasn't surprised at all as the other woman rolled her eyes ostentatiously and went back into the woods, ignoring her completely. Somehow, the Pulsian couldn't help the laughter that quickly turned into a smirk while she was watching the retreating woman's back.
Fang was just being ridiculous again. Lightning wasn't blind. She had eyes, she could easily tell that Fang was attractive. Everyone with eyes can tell that much. Maybe even Fang was one of the most attractive women she'd ever met… But 'having the hots' was a completely different thing. That wasn't Lightning. She wasn't just a type to suddenly act like a lovestruck teenager or whatever. She was a grown woman. She could control her urges and this whole conversation was ridiculous. Not long ago they'd been enemies, there was no place for a thing like that. They could cooperate at best.
The night fell rather quickly. They had no luck this time in finding a suitable camp spot. Sleeping right in the middle of the forest, not shielded from any side wasn't a very enticing thought, still, it was better than wandering in the dark. They kept sitting there near a small fire, each of them leaning against their respective tree. Not really saying much, each of them appreciating the sound of burning wood in the silence of the night. Of course, one of them could go to sleep, trusting the other to stay on watch. None of them seemed to feel like sleeping though.
"Hey, Lightnin'…" Fang's lowered voice tore through the silence like thunder, startling the other woman. She looked up with her brows raised high waiting for the brunette to elaborate. Even more was she surprised when Fang said nothing. Just kept watching the dancing flames with that deep frown. Something was clearly eating her.
"Yeah?" Lightning was a patient one and they had a whole night. Fang would find her words eventually.
"I'm sorry..."
The wait wasn't long though she expected these words even less than silence. Surely there were things Fang owed her an apology for, though Fang was wrong if she thought that a single 'I'm sorry' would cut it. It wasn't really worth much if she didn't even go through the hardships of admitting her guilt in a more specific way. It was changing nothing like that, Lighting didn't intend to guess. It was only making her annoyed. Though just when she was about to answer the brunette started again.
"I took ya for someone different. Not the person ya are..." This time she raised her eyes to meet Lightning's. "I took ya for just another Cocoonian viper who came here lookin' for trouble. I want to apologize for that… and also many other things that I did thinkin' about ya as one… For lettin' them torture ya… all of ya… watchin' from the sidelines. For bein' a part of this… Even if ya had been just a Cocoonian viper I should have stopped it. I should have stopped them from killin' your people. No one deserves to get what ya all came through when ya got here. I guess we lived up to the picture ya Cocoonians have about us. Cruel savages." A disgusted scoff left the Pulsian's lips and she stayed silent for a few seconds narrowing her eyes on the flames again."I'm sorry… I've made a lot of mistakes in my life…"
Lightning kept staring at her with no expression. She wasn't sure how to answer to all of that. The fact that it sounded truthful only made things more complicated. Apologies, compliments, thank yous… these were the things she had never known how to react to. Also this time she was rather confused. How did you even forgive things that had been done to her? Though again Fang wasn't the only one carrying that blame… yet she was the only one to make amends... After all, no matter how it looked like, she did save Lightning's life, risking her own in the process. She seemed to honestly care… Shouldn't that be enough to forgive?
The pinkette nodded in acknowledgment eventually. She was still confused. Acknowledging was the most she could do at that moment. The scars, especially those in her mind, were still too fresh.
"It's not like we Cocoonians are spotless here." She added after a long silence. This seemed to be a good moment to also acknowledge the sins of her own people even if she didn't feel entitled to apologize on their behalf. She had always been her own person, she had never really felt like a part of a community and at that moment she felt so far away from Cocoon. Not physically. The distance didn't matter. She didn't belong with them. She didn't belong anywhere.
The night went by with Lightining's mind rather busy with Fang's apologies. Even if she didn't give a clear answer she could feel a little warmth spreading through her. It did feel nice. Relaxing even. It felt strange with her body and mind getting at ease after months of continuous stress and battle. Even if for a short while. Of course, the warning lights were shining in her mind, she shouldn't have been heedless or lose her distrust towards Fang thoughit felt just so nice to give in into that rare calmness. To let go just for a short while. She closed her eyes enjoying the moment and resting the back of her head against the tree. Even then the sleepiness didn't seem to catch up with her but it did feel good.
"And thank you…" Lightning opened her eyes again in surprise when Fang threw these words disturbing her calmness as if she threw a stone into a pond. Thank you? What for? These words were even more disturbing than the apology. There seemed to be a slight change in Fang's behavior ever since she found out about Serah. Of course, she was helping Lightning for quite some time now and tried to be… rather friendly but now it felt like she let go of that last barrier that was still keeping her at bay. Like she got rid of some annoying chain that kept making her stop in her tracks suddenly, reminding her who Lightning was. It seemed gone now.
"For not leavin' me on that cliff…"
Lightning's eyes widened. Ohh… There were barely any clear memories of that time in her head. Let's put it clearly, she had been both a mental and physical wreck back then… and it was difficult now to recall any reasoning she might have had… and find it valid. Everything was foggy and she was rather ashamed of that version of her…
"That was just common sense. Without a guide, I had no chance to survive the wilds. And if I had, I'd have probably got caught again." The pinkette answered with a shrug as if it didn't matter. Yeah, she really wasn't good at thank yous. No matter if saying them or receiving them. "What would be even worse…" She added after a while mumbling under her nose more to herself than to Fang. "So it was either getting you to go with me or not bother at all."
"So ya tricked me into goin' with ya, huh?" Fang gave her one of these challenging looks again… Piercing, inquisitive, only waiting to catch her lie, combined with her head curiously tilted to the side and a small smirk on her face. Lightning just glared back at her. Did she really trick Fang? It didn't feel like she did. She could hardly find any rational thinking in her state of mind from back then... but it was her purpose after all… wasn't it? To get Fang going with her? To use her...? To not let her die there… The thought ran through her mind and hid again in the corners of her consciousness. She stilled her face even more. As if afraid that Fang's eyes could see that fugitive thought.
Every second with no answer was making Fang look more and more self-satisfied and, eventually, the brunette resigned from waiting for any. "Ya didn't. Ya're not this tricky, playing type. All you can play is a cold stone." With a soft chuckle, Fang freed the Cocoonian from under her gaze finally.
Lightning wasn't sure if she should be offended by this joke or glad that after all, she was able to control her emotions enough to not let Fang read her that easily. It was reassuring. Despite that piercing gaze, Fang couldn't see right through her… at least not all the time. Her thoughts seemed again secure in her head.
The Pulsian stood up eventually and got closer to the fire, crouching beside it.
"But ya know…" she started, poking the burning wood with a stick "…even the hardest stones melt too. Ya just need to turn the heat high enough." Fang added, putting a considerable piece of wood into the fire. The sudden intrusion made the sparks fly up into the air and she could see the reflection of them in the jade green eyes. They were staring at her. And, of course, a considerable pinch of mischief was there. The sparks died dangerously close to reaching Fang's face. The face that was now lit up and Lightning could clearly see that she was holding back a smirk. Oh, Fang was getting flirty again and this time Lightning didn't have any excuse or any distraction. There were just the two of them, in the calmness of the night staring at reflections of flames in each other's eyes. It did make her strangely awake… and this was now her choice to just ignore it again, or to dismiss her… or maybe not dismiss her… She cleared her head quickly.
"Be careful with that..." The pinkette said standing up and nodding with her head towards the flames. "I wouldn't like you to get burnt." The stern, warning glare she gave the Pulsian made it clear she didn't mean only the flames. Still, she couldn't help a short-lived smirk tugging on her lips.
Fang was getting playful again and that itself was a sign she was getting better. Even if flirty Fang was a pain, she preferred to deal with her like that than seeing her in grief again… hurting. It did tug at her stomach for just a short moment before Fang interrupted her thoughts again.
"Don't ya worry about me..." A huge, delighted grin appeared on the brunette's face. It made Lightning feel self-conscious again and question her own answer. She didn't say anything that should make Fang that happy, did she? Though she cursed herself for this smirk… also unconsciously agreeing to play by Fang's rules instead of dismissing her straightforward seemed to be a huge victory for the playful woman. Lightning started to walk away when a slight amount of heat started to gather in her cheeks. "After all, it's ya runnin' away from the safe, warm fire into the cold, dark night." Oh… and this time the counter was followed with a snicker… Surely, the woman could be annoying…
"I need to pee, Fang…" She stopped to threw a half-lie over her shoulder and slowly disappeared into the darkness.
"Suure…." The woman's chuckle reached her ears easily even if she was far enough to not be seen anymore. All she could do about it was a roll of her eyes.