Kikyo
"Kikyo, could you stay for a bit? I need to ask you something."
My hand lingered on the cold doorknob. I knew exactly what the superintendent wanted to ask me, and the answer tastes bitter on my tongue. When I looked up at her, I saw that Inuyasha was still behind me. Tensely waiting, large eyes not leaving my face.
I mechanically nodded, ignoring the lump in my throat, and stepped aside. His lips fell into a disapproving frown, but he nevertheless walked out, careful to close the door without a bang. Straightening out, I looked at the superintendent.
"Yes, Superintendent-san?"
The woman leaned back in her chair and absently rubbed her nails over one another. At the sound of my voice, she smirked.
"Will you answer right away or will I have to spell it out to you?"
Her words only added to the shame and anger crackling inside of me. I keep my gaze straight.
"I can't guarantee the validity of my assumptions."
"I don't care," Taisho impatiently waved away. Her eyes demandingly bore into mine. "You're the only one who has an idea what goes on in that nuisance's head. Surely you understand why he let the boy walk around freely without extracting the shard for himself."
I did understand. I felt nauseous and, for the first time, looked away.
"He did it for me." These thoughts swirled over and over in my head the entire time, during the flight from Hokkaido, taxi rides, subway stations, and at night. "He's using Kohaku to drive me out of... everything because he knows that I will never... harm Kohaku." I clenched my fists. It's hollow inside my chest. "Even though harming Kohaku will destroy the shard."
"Your ultimate goal," Taisho quietly concluded. I don't dare look at her, instead staring at some imperfection on the wall. My cheeks are burning from humiliation. I've finally pressed too hard: Naraku was tired of our de facto relationship. Apparently, he thought that driving me out of the game won't drive me away from him. My heart stumbled.
"Yes, my ultimate goal," I almost inaudibly echoed. Kohaku was a child, unguarded and vulnerable - and my closest chance at destroying a shard. I closed my eyes. The thought formulated, but was torn apart almost immediately. I would never become what Naraku is.
I heard the wheels rolling back and the light squeak of leather. I opened my eyes and saw Taisho walking around the desk.
"I warned you, didn't I? That nothing good will happen to your hunting. " She stopped in front of me. Even though her face was cold, her eyes glimmered with pity. I didn't know if it was towards Kohaku or me. "Though I didn't expect Naraku to be the one to trip you up. I thought he actually cared."
I was silent. There was nothing I could answer. Taisho sighed and turned away.
"I guess you can search for Kohaku. Honestly, there's nothing else left for you to do." Her head slightly tilted my way. "Besides, I can't say the current situation occurred without your influence."
I wordlessly bow. As I stare at the clean, dark floor, I never would've imagined that my heart can hurt so much. Again.
My fingers absently trace the thin, unhealthy skin below the right collarbone. It feels plushed, but not like the pleasant plushness of cotton inside a toy teddy bear. It's sick.
My fingers straighten out, gently lowering the palm. Carefully, my palm slides on the skin, over the round collarbone, and upwards against my neck.
Silent, I stare into the mirror, not thinking about anything in particular. The caress is nowhere as tender as his. Not knowing what to do next, my hand ends up awkwardly tugging on my shoulder.
Sighing, I drop the hand and unzip the small cosmetics bag. The box of pills rolls up under my fingers, but I shove it away. The medications are, ironically, on the very bottom, and I'm stung by guilt for my carelessness. Nervously pushing the medication box to the side of the sink, I give the bag a slight shake and zip it up.
It's cold in the bathroom. Because Kohaku was still sleeping, I didn't turn on the lights. In the darkness, I shrug off the wide, concealing T-shirt and then the pajama bottoms. Goosebumps race across my spinal cord, down from my elbows and over the thighs. Rubbing my arms, I instinctively glance at the door.
It's locked.
Trying to ignore the shiver, I reach for the neatly prepared, folded clothes. The bra uncomfortably clasps the skin, but the shirt and skirt instantly warm my body. Seems that I'm... done.
For a moment, I uncomfortably stand. Then, I close the lid of the toilet, sit down, and close my eyes. Sleep almost immediately pushes against my eyelids, but I hold back and slowly, the sleep recedes, giving way to darkness.
Blindly, I wrap my arms around my elbows and cross my legs.
I knew I had to think about Kohaku. How I would get him out, help him. He nearly asked me, yesterday, to help him. But he didn't, and that hurt. The boy understood that I'm unable to do that.
My arms lower, anchoring the elbows on the thighs and curling the hands into fists. Tiredly, without opening my eyes, I rest my head against the fists. I guess this is what he wanted. To show just how far the lengths of my inability extended and how stupid I was to think that I could affect - even less destroy - anything.
Naturally, I could kill Kohaku. Shoot him enough times until I'm sure that the shard was shot within him as well.
Roughly, I slide off the toilet and yank the lid upwards. In the process, I hit my knees; the pain immediately flares in the bone, but I don't pay attention. Instead, I stare into the clear liquid below, shallowly breathing with my mouth slightly open.
After a minute, I take a longer, deeper breath and lower the lid. I wearily place my head down, and my cheek burns at the touch of the cold plastic.
My eyes trace the ceramic tiles of the shower without seeing them, and I wonder how I could love that disgusting creature; I knew I loved him because at that thought, my heart self-consciously bled from shame.
Holding back a sigh, I forced myself to stand up. Grabbing the medication from the sink, I unlock the door and walk out.
Kohaku seems to be sleeping. Quietly closing the door behind me, I tiptoe towards the table and lower the box. Tearing out a tablet, I place it into my mouth, feeling its sour taste dissolve on my tongue as I pour myself a glass of water. The unconscious fear of choking, even though I've done this so many times that it's automatic, for a moment squeezes my throat, but I swallow the medication before the fear takes over. I wince and take another gulp. The fresh water washes away the taste.
"Kikyo-san?"
I glance over my shoulder. Kohaku is sitting up, sleepily blinking. His gaze focuses on the glass of water in my hand. I smile and slightly lift the glass up.
"Good morning."
"Are you sick?"
He just woke up, and his brain didn't yet set up that filter that kept his thoughts sealed up. I can't help but see this as adorable, and my smile softens.
"No." I walk up and sit on the edge of the bed. "It's medication."
Kohaku's face slightly elongates, then he nods.
"I understand." He hesitates for a moment, and his cheeks lightly blush. "I'm sorry I asked."
"It's alright." It's been a long time since I've talked to that painful mix between child and adult. The little ones at the preschool were still too young, and our conversations revolved mostly about handcrafts, games, and trivial problems. Kanna, though slightly younger than Kohaku, was mostly quiet. Kaede grew up a long time ago.
Kohaku is silent, not shifting his eyes from me. Physically, they are similar to Sango's, but carry a completely different expression. I wonder if he'll retain the curious blend of innocence and seriousness into adulthood.
I slightly squeeze the sheets between my fingers. I didn't want to be the one to kill the sincerity in him. I... I couldn't let others do it either.
"I currently have Asuka and Kocho collecting information for me." Holding the glass in my lap, I turn and look at him. Kohaku tilts his head.
"Information?"
"There's plenty of concealed information regarding the project. I'm hoping to find something useful there."
"Isn't that... well... the information is concealed. Isn't it hard to obtain it? Even for Asuka-san and Kocho-san?"
He hides his drying up hope with polite skepticism. My stomach freezes up, but I force myself to continue looking at him.
"Sometimes I think Shimura-sama is leaking information on purpose in order to see how I'll react," I finally admit. It was one of the unspoken matters that I hated along with being Naraku's constant teasing fodder.
"Who?"
"Shimura-sama, the Lieutenant General of the Security Bureau." When Taisho-san placed him on the phone, I inadvertently became anxious. He ordered me too many times for me not to instinctively react at the sound of his unchanging intonations.
"Why though?"
I hold back the sigh. I doubt that Kohaku would understand the answer that everyone, starting from Naraku and ending with Taisho and Shimura, are sadistic jokesters.
"I don't know. Maybe it's pity, maybe it's curiosity. I used to work at the NPASB, and Shimura-sama knows that I won't disregard any information about the shards. In a way, I'm even useful, finding the shards for them. Besides," I joylessly smirk. Jokesters, indeed. "It's not like he'll leak anything important to me." All doses of fun are carefully measured.
I wordlessly take another sip of water. Kohaku is carefully watching me. I can feel how he's processing the information, sorting out what questions were answered and which weren't.
"Why did you leave the NPASB?" He finally asks. I silently move my toes, keeping them from falling numb. I was expecting that question, but at that moment, all my possible answers stumbled in fright and crumbled apart.
"I was against the project," I finally reply after a brief silence. Kohaku stills, wide-eyed and absorbed in my words. I move my arms closer together, shielding myself from the invisible coldness. The glass slowly slides under my fingers.
"I didn't believe that Shikon was developed for security reasons. I still don't believe it. Shimura-sama is a good and clever man, but limiting effective biotechnology only for internal use is... unprofitable." I place my palm underneath the glass, and it stiffly sits. I don't want to look at Kohaku.
"I was also against human experimentation. It's revolting."
"You wanted Naraku-san to be free?" Kohaku very, very quietly asks. My palm is magnified through the bottom of the glass. I look up at the boy and softly smile.
"I wanted Naraku to be in a prison cell."
He seems to have understood. Either way he relaxed and leaned back against the headboard. However, before he could say anything, his stomach loudly rumbles and whatever intent was written on his face is wiped out by the bright, self-conscious red.
"I'm sorry," Kohaku stutters in embarrassment. The atmosphere immediately feels lighter.
"Don't be," I laugh and stand up. "It's my fault for beginning your morning with lectures."
I place the glass on the table and crouch down. Finding the handle in the darkness, I drag out the cooler from underneath the table. Behind me, Kohaku shuffles out of bed and totters to the bathroom. I refocus back to the cooler and assess the scant provisions lying amid the ice. A pack of yogurt, small orange juice bottles, and... beer. I must have not noticed it when I put the provisions inside last night. Probably left from the previous guests.
Taking out the yogurt and the juice, I seal the lid and push the cooler with my leg back underneath the table. There's a sound of running water and brushing teeth in the bathroom, so I don't hurry. I place the food on the table, hoping it would warm just a little, and start making the bed. Asuka packed plastic spoons, if I remember correctly, in the inner pocket of the black bag.
Kohaku walks out approximately five minutes later, fully dressed and looking refreshed.
"Here." I toss him the yogurt, then the juice bottle. He catches both, nimbly, reminding me that he is well fit for a child. I hand him over the plastic spoon.
"It's not much, but if I started buying heaps of food, it would attract suspicion." Otherwise, it looked like the standard ratio of a single woman who doesn't bother impressing herself with her own culinary skills.
"Will we be traveling?" Kohaku tears off the aluminum wrap and drops it into the small dark trash can. He sits down on the bed and cautiously dips the spoon into the yogurt.
"I want to move out of the city." I try taking a small sip from the freezing juice, but lower it down. It's too cold. "However, that will be the equivalent of telling Shimura-sama that I have you. From there on, it will just be a race against time."
"What kind of race?" The food clearly had a calming effect on the boy, because his intonations were much undisturbed than what I expected them to be. Or he got used to everything.
"I have to find a way to extract a shard from you before the bureau closes in on us."
Kohaku quickly takes another spoonful of yogurt. He wasn't used to it.
"Is there a way?" He asks after a short silence. I sigh and nod over to the folders lying on the table.
"According to them, shard extraction was one of the most prominent themes in the experiment."
His eyes glimmer up in anticipation and hope, and he even lowers down the yogurt on his lap.
"And? What did they say?"
I feel uneasy.
"Nothing too related. Many experiments revolved around the test subjects: would the extraction be any different if the guinea pigs were drugged, hypnotized, hyperactive..." I shake my head. "It seems that the physical and mental states of the host don't really matter to the parasite."
"I see." His face begins falling, but he courageously holds it up. "What about other experiments?"
"Other experiments focused on injections. Is it possible to extract a shard if some or other chemical is injected." I mirthlessly smile and toss the empty yogurt into the trash can. It hits the bottom with a dull thud.
"I'm sorry I can't give you the details. I'm not that strong in chemistry."
"No, it's alright. I wouldn't understand it either." For the first time in the morning, Kohaku smiles. "They failed too, so it doesn't matter."
I don't like his intonation. I give him a sideways glance.
"Can we make one thing clear?"
Kohaku startles in surprise and stares at me wide-eyed.
"Leave realism to me."
He blinks, then giggles, and it's like high, resonant bells at the far end of the percussion.
"I will, Kikyo-san!" He obviously won't, but at least now I could tell him out for it.
"That settles it." I seal the still untouched juice bottle, place it on the table, and stand up. "I'll be frank, there's not much you can do right now. I have a couple of magazines with crosswords in them." I always took a few when I was traveling. "Unfortunately, no books."
"Oh no, I'm good with crosswords!" Kohaku also tosses away the yogurt and hurriedly stands up. "Thank you so much."
His words sound genuine. Smiling from the corners of the lips, I reach for my backpack lying next to the table leg and pull it up.
"Here you go," I pass him the first magazine that I manage to drag out by the nails: it's compressed by the large hard drive, clothes, and thermos. I hand the boy over a pen, inwardly hoping it's not too dry. Kohaku takes both and bows. Then, he plops down on the bed, propping his chin with his palm, and begins to curiously flip through the pages.
Feeling placated, I turn around and sit down behind the computer and the folders. It will be a long day of scrapping hope. I owe him that much. Halfway while my browser was loading, I realize that I haven't finished telling him why I left the NPASB. I'm still for a moment, then silently click the mouse, opening the files.
Isobe Kohaku
Blood Type: AB positive
One more day passed. It was a long day.
Kohaku and I sparsely talked: a little bit when we passed each other the food, sometimes when he would ask help for the crosswords. I wasn't much of help; I did the crosswords myself and the ones he asked were usually the ones I left blank. Nonetheless, I can't say the atmosphere was heavy. It was something like companionship.
The computer quietly buzzes, the bright light from the screen flickering on my fingers which tiredly lay on the keyboard. The clock on the bottom right showed two o'clock in the morning. I really had to get some sleep.
The information I gathered was scattered and, most of the time, useless. I assumed that shards formed links with their hosts' neurological systems, but it turned out that the shards barely interacted with them. Roughly speaking, all the shards did was absorb nutrients from the blood. It was that breakage with blood that caused fatalities. Again, in an unexpected manner - given that it was the parasite that thrived off the cardiological system, it would make sense that it would perish. Not the other way around.
I lean back and rub my eyes in exhaustion. Another day completely wasted. Suppressing a yawn, I turn around in the chair and look over my shoulder. Kohaku wrapped himself up in a cocoon, with only the tip of the freckled nose peeking from the blankets. He's sleeping on the very edge, with half of the pillow already drooping over the bed's border.
I quietly stand up and walk over to him. First, I carefully shift over his legs. Then, I take him by the head and shoulders and gently move them away from the edge. Kohaku slightly wheezes in his sleep; his nose must be stuffed from the dust in the room. I softly tuck in the blankets around him.
There's a barely audible knock on the door. I immediately straighten up, then shoot a sideways glance at Kohaku. The boy is soundly asleep.
Noiselessly, I cross the room and look into the peephole. It's Asuka.
Feeling relieved, I open the door and slightly smile.
"Hello, Asuka."
"Hello, Kikyo-san." Her voice is emotionless.
"Hello, Kikyo."
… I guess in that half-second while the man was still speaking I felt shock and fear. As soon as he fell silent, my brain automatically turned off any senses, leaving a blank mind and face.
I wordlessly walk out of the room and close the door. After a brief moment, I slant my eyes to the right.
"Hello, Shimura-sama."
A/N: Cliffhanger!
I'm so sorry I've been late on schedule! But this time I'll promise it (because I can actually keep that promise :))) that the next update will be next week!
And... we're in the final stretch of the story. Not a long stretch, but emotional. The last arc actually began a couple of chapters ago with Kohaku, but I fully felt it while writing this chapter (and the next one...) I consider Kohaku and Kikyo the most tragic characters in the story, and their bondage in The Final Act broke my heart. I hope that in this chapter and the ones following I'll reflect that vulnerable and understanding relationship properly.
Thank you so much for reading and sticking along!