Kikyo
The tiny tip of the cigarette ignites orange, illuminating Shimura's dry, angular face.
"You're inconsiderate, Kikyo," he said without looking away from the cigarette he was lighting. He lowers the lighter and breathes out, the smoke mixing with the small cloud forming from the cold.
"Making us talk in this freeze."
"Then you'll have to make it quick," I coldly retort. Nothing changed about him - nor the delicate choice of words, nor the dryness in his manners and features, nor the predatory look in his eyes. Shimura slightly raises his eyebrows, then his lips stretch into a condescending smile.
"I'll admit, it's unusual having a former subordinate speaking in the same tone as I." He chuckles to himself and shakes his head. "Though we're far from equals."
I'm silent, sensing how the cold slowly wraps around me like a snake. Shimura brings the cigarette back to his mouth, closing his eyes and taking another long draw.
"I'm here to take the boy, Kikyo." He breathes out and looks straight at me. "You can throw me off the stairs, of course," he softly smiles, "and run away, but we'll find you at the first gas station you stop at. You know how hard it is to run away from us."
I'm still silent, searching his face. I wonder if he said 'hard' instead of 'useless' so as not to hurt my feelings... no, probably not. He wasn't adding much significance to words at this hour.
I lost. My fingers involuntarily clench, and I don't notice how my gaze travels past Shimura's shoulder into the winter darkness behind him. I lost Kohaku. And I feel hollow, like a broken egg shell on the floor. Very, very hollow.
"On several conditions." The words come out of my mouth before I think about them. Not surprised, Shimura tosses the cigarette on the ground and presses it with his foot.
"I'm listening."
I'm quiet for a moment. The words came out as a reflex, muscle memory of the professional days, and I really had no conditions to propose. They had to be favorable towards Kohaku. At least something.
"You'll allow me to accompany the boy at all times, even in the operating room."
"Fair enough." Shimura gives me a warm smile and tucks his hands into his thick, woolen coat pockets. "But won't the surgeons mind?"
... and had to allow for the possibility to back out.
"Kaede will be operating."
Shimura frowns, a shadow passing in his eyes. He carefully examines me, even though I know the examination is just to better sort out all the pros and cons that were churning right now in his head.
"You'll make your sister watch the boy die?" Shimura bluntly asks. Like he cared.
"Doctors are detached." I slightly smile. "Kind of like us."
Shimura smirks, the shadow fading away. Not completely, but enough for me to understand what he decided.
"Do whatever you wish." He nods to Asuka who has been motionless since the beginning of the conversation. "Call the younger Nakahara-san and inform her of the situation."
"Even about the shards?" Asuka's voice is almost robotic. She takes out the phone and expectantly looks at him.
"Yes."
"Eighty-one sixty six, four three one, forty-eight twenty two," I quietly dictate. Asuka quickly presses the buttons and raises the mobile to her ear. I turn around and place my hand on the doorknob.
"I'll go and wake up Kohaku." Shimura opens and closes his eyes, showing his consent.
The apartment is warm and dark, much darker than outside. When the door softly closes, not completely, allowing the winter to trace through the opening, I feel like I'm in the agency again. Staying in hotels, waking up at one o'clock, going to bed at four, the ID being the first thing lying on the night table. Suddenly, I am suffocated. On cotton feet, I cross the room, walk around the bed, and crouch next to Kohaku.
The boy mumbles something in his sleep and shuffles deeper in the blankets. Humiliation and regret quiver inside me.
"Kohaku." The whisper erases emotions from my voice. The boy continues sleeping. I gently, barely touching, brush my hand over his head, then lower it on the edge of the bed.
"Kohaku."
The boy's eyelids sleepily lift upwards, and Kohaku tiredly blinks at me.
"Kikyo-san..." His question trails off; he is not awake yet. Instead, his small hand slides from under the blanket and covers mine. The warmth steadily breathes from his skin into mine.
"Your hand is so cold."
"I was outside," I quietly reply, not daring to move my hand.
"Why?"
It's hard, immensely hard answering to the serious, too serious for a child, gaze and the trembling concern hidden within it.
"I was speaking to the Lieutenant General."
I can sense the dread spreading inside his body, and I feel him slowly becoming paralyzed. Kohaku stares at me, terror frozen in his eyes.
The door creaks, and I glance over my shoulder. Shimura carefully walks in, stepping over the bags and backpack lying next to the wall. Kohaku slowly sits up, and I feel how his hand slips from underneath mine.
Shimura reaches over and flicks the lamp on the table. I notice how his eyes drop on the papers lying atop the keyboard and hold back the dull anger. The matted light runs across the room, and the Lieutenant General turns around. His eyes quickly pass over me, over my hand, then stop on Kohaku.
"Good morning, son."
Kohaku mechanically nods.
"Good morning, sir."
"I assume you know why I'm here." It's neither too soft nor too hard, just a regular voice of a stranger treating one as an equal.
"Of course, sir."
Shimura slightly smiles, satisfied.
"Is ten minutes enough?" His eyes travel to me. "Kikyo? May I have you for a moment?"
I nod. Shimura's eyes slightly twinkle, and he walks out of the room. Kohaku robotically gets out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom. I follow him with my eyes, then stand up.
"Kohaku?"
He glances over his shoulder. Everything squelches inside of me; he is genuinely waiting for my question.
"Will you be alright on your own?"
He smiles. "Yup."
I cannot read his eyes. I sigh, not having enough willpower to form a smile.
"I'll be right back."
Shimura is leaning over the railing, fingers thoughtfully intertwined with each other. When I shut the door, he looks over his shoulder and watches me until I'm standing next to him.
"Where's Asuka?" I stare at the hotel rooms on the opposite side, illuminated only by the small lamps hanging over the doorways.
"In the car. Talking."
I rest my elbows on the railing, feeling how the rust itches into my bare skin.
"Well?"
Shimura tilts his head and searches my face. I slant my eyes. A curt silence falls between us.
"You need to smoke less, Shimura-sama."
The wrinkles fly across his face, and he laughs.
"Now that you've been fired, you'll finally say what you always thought?"
Still smiling, he shakes his head and looks away.
"You didn't know what conditions to put, right?"
I hug my elbows, clenching out the cold. The snowflakes are not visible in the night, but I can feel them falling on my skin and streaming down in tickling, chilling rivulets.
"I had to put something," I softly say, wiping off the nearly invisible water. "It wouldn't be fair to Kohaku."
"Those are good conditions." Shimura's voice is thoughtful and quiet. His fingers seem to have froze, the creases at the joints steadily reddening from the cold.
"The boy is really attached to you. He was holding your hand."
I don't say anything. Somewhere, a car engine lowly rumbles. It may even be Asuka's who turned on the car to activate the heater.
"I'm really sorry how it turned out with the boy." Shimura stares unblinking into the darkness. "I didn't expect it. Kugutsu was nothing... in a way, he was like you. An unrealized threat." He turns away from the snowy, dark landscape and leans with his back against the railing.
"I didn't want to remove him." He absently picks the floor with the tip of shoe. "My predecessor feverishly asked me to get rid of him, but so many years have passed that I didn't bother." Shimura tilts his head upward and smirks. "What kind of manager would I be if I removed people who have not worked at the agency for more than twenty years?"
Not looking at him, I lift my eyebrows.
"If that's the case, I don't see you having any qualms about removing me."
He mirthlessly chuckles.
"No, I have no qualms. However," his voice dropped. "You'll stop searching for shards after this."
"You're so confident," my voice remains quiet and self-conscious. Shimura smirks again, this time more sarcastic rather than melancholic.
"Shards are fickle creatures. They cause all sorts of headaches, quite literal as well... nonetheless, they are immensely vulnerable. The system cannot regenerate, and if one shard is lost, the net collapses." His hand falls on my shoulder and gently squeezes it.
"All you had to do was kill Kohaku before I got here. If you were determined to end the project, that's exactly what you've done."
I coldly stare into the darkness.
"You know I won't go that far."
The grip on my shoulder becomes mocking.
"I wouldn't be surprised if you did. You slept with Hitomi for leads."
I flinch and jerk to the side. Shimura's hand remains hanging in mid-air where my shoulder was, but his face is completely calm.
"We monitored you, Kikyo."
I look away from him and lean on the railing. The shame from being watched drenches over me, but I don't let the frustration control neither my voice nor features.
"You know that they're different situations."
"Yes." I hear Shimura sigh behind me. "But I cannot not feel bad for you."
I turn around and look straight into his eyes.
"Is that all?"
He doesn't take away the gaze. "Yes."
I step away from him and walk into the apartment. Fully dressed, Kohaku was standing with his backpack strapped over his shoulders. My large black bag was lying at his feet.
"I gathered your belongings as well."
A lump forms in my throat, and I wordlessly pick up the bag.
"Thank you."
Kohaku must have forgotten to tie his hair up. He looked older. Taking the hotel keys, I place my hand on the doorknob yet hesitate at the last second. Look back.
"Kohaku?"
The boy was always watching me.
"Yes, Kikyo-san?"
"They allowed me to be with you. Even the operation room."
Kohaku smiles, and for the first time, his eyes look happy. I softly smile back and open the door.
The car ride is silent. Not even the radio is on. It was a great chance to sleep, but everyone was wide-eyed and concentrated.
Kohaku is looking out the window, probably swallowing the surroundings without understanding what they are. I observe him from the corner of my eye, then transfer my eyes to the rearview mirror: Shimura is watching the boy as well.
"Kohaku-kun?"
Kohaku shifts and looks towards the seat in front of him. Shimura intently regards him through the mirror.
"I won't call Sango until the operation begins."
I try not to wince. Sango. Meanwhile, Kohaku is silent, thinking over what the Lieutenant General said.
"That means I won't see her anymore." He said it evenly, without any hesitation.
"Yes," Shimura affirms. "Sorry, son, but I don't want any hindrances."
Asuka's eyes quickly dart on the Lieutenant General. Ignoring the sour taste in my mouth, I turn away and stare into the mirror, nearly missing Kohaku's dispassionate response.
"That's fine with me."
His words cut my ears, and I press closer to the door. The seatbelt gently slices into my ribs. Think. Think.
Asuka turns into the hospital's parking lot. The building, with the light beaming from the large glass windows, immediately reminds us of the never-ending hubbub inside. I feel nauseous.
Shimura slightly kneels forward, looking out for something.
"Asuka, stop next to the entrance," he quietly instructs and gestures towards the sidewalk. "There's someone waiting for us."
I glimpse out the window, and my heart both jumps from excitement and twinges from sadness. Kohaku cranes his neck in curiosity.
Asuka smoothly stops. Without another word, I open the door and stand up.
Hands in pockets of the wide surgeon coat, Kaede is silently watching us. When she sees me stand up, she begins walking. Not tearing my eyes from her, I carefully take a deep breath. Kaede stops in front of me.
"Good morning, sister," she quietly greets me.
"Good morning, Kaede."
Her gaze lingers on my face, and it's piercing. A door loudly shuts, and she turns towards the sound. Shimura walks around the car and stops next to us. His eyes run between us, unashamedly comparing our appearances. His gaze finally stops on Kaede.
"Shimura, Lieutenant General."
Kaede slightly slants her head downward.
"Nakahara Kaede."
"You must be very skilled to be allowed into the surgical team."
"Thank you, Lieutenant General."
He nods, but almost immediately his eyes sternly narrow.
"How long will it take to prepare the patient?"
"Half an hour." Kaede shrugs. "Maybe forty minutes. However, we're still preparing the room."
"How long will it take?"
"Approximately an hour." Kaede lightly smiles. "Don't worry, we'll find something to occupy the patient with." As if I'm not there, she takes a step forward and looks inside the car.
"Are you Kohaku?"
"Yes, ma'am."
I can feel the smile in my sister's voice.
"Hop on out, bud. Don't worry, everything will be alright."
She straightens out and takes a step away from the car, allowing Kohaku to scramble out. Outside, he slightly shivers, the hair ruffling across his face. Kaede gestures with her hand toward the sliding glass doors.
"Follow me, bud."
"Asuka, park the car nearby, alright," Shimura quickly orders as my sister, with Kohaku trailing behind, walks towards the building. I wordlessly tuck my hands into pockets and start after them. However, Shimura quickly catches up, and I purposefully reduce my pace, knowing that he wants to say something.
"You're very similar," he quietly notices, slightly leaning towards me. I apathetically shrug. The glass doors slide open, and I wince from the bright light. My ears ring from the commotion inside the hospital.
"Not just physically. Personality too." He curiously examines me.
"Doesn't seem like you're in good relations."
"I brought her a child that she'll kill." I stop behind my sister, watching how she discusses something with the receptionist. "How is she supposed to react?"
Kaede turns around, preventing Shimura from answering.
"If you don't mind, could you wait here, Shimura-san?" She politely requests. Shimura spreads his arms and smiles. Kaede looks at me.
"Kato-kun." A male nurse glances up from the writing board.
"Yes, Nakahara-san?"
"Could you take my sister to room thirty-four?"
"Yes, Nakahara-san."
"Thank you."
I'm about to follow him when I notice Kohaku. His eyes are large and, for the first time, frightened.
"One moment, please." Kato-kun obediently stops. I crouch down so that I'm on the same eye level as Kohaku and place my hand on his shoulder.
"I'll be back as soon as I'm free," I give a small smile. "I promise I won't be long."
Kaede is carefully watching.
Kohaku nods and timidly smiles in return. I tighten my grip on his shoulder and stand up. Kato-kun resumes his way, and I follow him without turning around.
The hospital is bustling. I guess it was that time of year: with the advent of snow was the advent of car crashes, broken legs on ice, and unpleasant diseases. Kaede always used to complain about them over dinner.
Kato-kun quickly moves through the hallways, maneuvering around passing nurses, politely bowing to doctors, and dodging from janitors and their long mops. I try my best as well.
Still, I'm partly lost in my thoughts. Approximately two hours, that is all I had to find a solution out of the situation. In reality, I had even less time, because part of me is ready to give up.
I quickly apologized to a nurse whom I accidentally brushed with my shoulder. I increase my pace, occasionally glimpsing up at Kato-kun's back. Think. My brain feverishly trembled, squeezing out the fragments of information from the previous two days. Extraction kills the host. According to some experiments, the cause lies in the shards' connection with the blood. Shards thrive inside live organisms...
"Nakahara-sama!"
Kato suddenly outstretches his arm in warning. I stumble and press into the wall as he instructed me to. Flocked by doctors and nurses, a stretcher with an unconscious man rolls down the hallway. Everyone instinctively steps aside, giving way.
As the stretcher passes us, I notice the numerous bandages, some bloodied, some not, as well as the thin tubes inserted into the man's arm. IV lines...
"Let's go, Nakahara-sama. We're almost there." Kato's voice returns me to reality. I slightly shake my head and follow after him. The hallway has already returned to its normal hurried condition, as if nothing happened.
Room thirty-four was just around the corner. Kato-kun politely opened the door in front of me.
"Nakahara-san will be here in just a moment. You can relax," he reassures me and carefully closes the door.
I look around. It seems that I am in the coffee room; there is a large round table and a couch, as well as a sofa and a spacious granite counter. As expected, there are several coffee machines and numerous choices of coffee.
I absently walk up to it and dangle off one of the paper cups from the stack. I don't really want to drink, but I had to get rid of the sterilized taste of the hospital. I press a random button for coffee and place the cup into the slot.
Something was nagging me. For some reason, I couldn't get the stretcher out of my head, with the bloodied mess of a man and several tubes sticking out of him. It's not like I was squeamish from the sight of blood. Why was I bothered so much?
The coffee machine cheerfully beeps and pours the rich dark liquid into the cup. It beeps again, announcing that it is done, but I don't take the cup.
The door creaks open, and someone walks in.
"Sister?"
I absently stare into the distance. The footsteps sound louder, and a warm, small hand lightly touches me by the elbow.
"Kikyo?"
IV lines.
A/N: We're ziiis close to the end, folks, ziiiis close...
Thank you so much for reading!