I said it before and I'll say it again. THIS IS BASICALLY CRACK! I think I was high on life when I wrote this but please note that it's not a story I'll usually write. With that being said, enjoy this masterpiece. ;-;

"Shit, shit, shit!"

Marinette sped down the street as fast as her legs could go, trying desperately not to trip on anything. A nearby mother covered her daughter's young ears and glared at the speeding teen but Marinette didn't seem to notice. Hawk Moth, son of a bitch he was, didn't care about the fact that she had end of year exams to study for as the amount of Akumas this week had been annoyingly large. After a particularly tiring one the night before, Marinette had tried to stay up late revising, which led to her sleeping in. On any Saturday, this would've been fine but today, she was due to meet Alya at her house before they went to meet up with Nino and Adrien at Zia's Café near the Eiffel Tower for late lunch. It was one of the best cafes in Paris and they only got a reservation because Zia was Alya's cousin. It seemed that talented cooks ran in the family.

Pulling her phone out to check the time, Marinette huffed in exhaustion and tried to make her legs go faster. Luck really wasn't on her side, though, as a young man, who was balancing multiple paint cans in his arms, started walking slowly away from a delivery truck. She skidded to a halt and managed to avoid crashing into the man. "Do you want some help with those?" she offered timidly. "No, dum-dum, you need to get to the café!" her brain scolded her. Curse her and her tendency to help people in need.

"Oh, thank you, young miss but that's alright," the man's voice rang out behind the metal cans.

"Good, he doesn't need help. Now, GET TO THE CAFE!" Her bluebell eyes swivelled around the street, looking for a less busy way. They locked on 2 blonde heads standing in front of a clothes shop a few metres away from the paint-can man. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me…"

"Can you believe that Jean-Michel forgot to call a chauffeur for us, Mom?" a whiny voice Marinette knew too well complained. "It's ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!"

An equally annoying voice continued, "I told your father to fire him long ago but I guess if you want something done, you have to do it yourself!"

Audrey and Chloe Bourgeois were standing on the street, surrounded by many, many shopping bags. It seemed they were too wrapped up in their lack of limo to notice the paint-can man making his way towards them. "Oh, no…" Marinette dreadfully thought as she realised that the man wouldn't be able to see the many shopping bags lying on the ground.

Marinette didn't know what possessed her in that moment because on any other day, she would've allowed, even laughed at, the Bourgeoises getting paint all over their oh-so-expensive clothes. Ignoring her brain screaming at her to focus on getting to the cafe to see Adrien, Marinette summoned whatever energy she had left, sprinted down the street and jumped in front of the Bourgeois just as the paint-can man tripped on the shopping bags. Red, blue and yellow paint splattered all over her outfit. Audrey gasped dramatically, "Oh my god! What just happened?"

"Oh, Mom, you remember Dupain-Cheng, here?" Chloé snootily flipped her hair. "You, like, wanted to take her to New York or whatever."

"Yes, I remember, Chlorine, I mean, Chloe. Why did she jump in front of that paint man?"

"Oh, I'm sure she's trying to use it to get popularity at school. It's not like she doesn't need it."

Remembering that this was, in fact, real, Marinette stood up in front of the mother and daughter. "I fricking told you this was a bad idea," her logical side reminded her.

"I'm very sorry, I needed to get these paints to that artist hangout next-door," the paint-can man apologised, scratching his head shamefully.

"You should be sorry!" Audrey shouted. "If it wasn't for Maria here, these extremely expensive clothes that we just bought would be ruined!" Her icy blue eyes dragged over his black clothes and she sniffed disdainfully. "I can tell you wouldn't see clothes of value on a daily basis." The man's apologetic look vanished and he scoffed, walking back to the delivery truck.

"That wasn't fair!" Marinette defended the paint-can man. "It was an accident. You should be less harsh on people! You're not better than everyone else."

Turning to Marinette, Audrey snarked, "You know, despite your utter lack of respect, Mary, I remember you making that hat, which means you have at least a drop of fashion sense. Since you so graciously saved Caroline, I mean, Chloe and I, it's only fair that I save you from those awful clothes you're in."

Chloe's jaw dropped and she was about to protest but Marinette beat her to it. "No, I need to be somewhere and I'm already late. Besides, I don't need saving," Marinette refused.

"For once in her pathetic life, Marinette is right, Mom," Chloe reluctantly agreed. "She doesn't deserve your amazing talents."

Waving her hand dismissively, Audrey said, "Nonsense Clara! Miranda here has the potential to be a great fashion designer but is being held back by her own clothes. If she is ever to feature in my magazine, we have to fix her up!"

Audrey's statement threw Marinette off for a second. "Feature in Style Queen? That is an opportunity too good to pass up!" the left side of her brain yelled at her. "But you have a chance to see Adrien and knowing Alya, she'll ditch with Nino and allow you to have some alone time!" her right side reminded her. Marinette bit her lip anxiously. Should she put up with Chloe and her mother for the slim chance that she would get a chance to feature in one of the most famous magazines in the world, knowing that Chloe might say something to change her mother's mind? Immensely regretting what she was about to do, Marinette reluctantly agreed, "Okay."

Chloe tried to protest again but Audrey didn't take any notice. Marinette pulled her phone out to text Alya that she wouldn't be able to make it to her house before lunch. Sighing wearily, Marinette thought to herself, "God, give me strength."

"Perfect! I know you wouldn't have said no anyway. You're not that stupid, Marienne," Audrey declared. "Let's make you exceptional!"

*cue makeover montage*

(Lol jk)

A few minutes later, a limo pulled up and Audrey and Chloe entered. Reluctantly sliding in after them, Marinette shut the door and hoped she would have the patience to deal with two of the most snobby, entitled bitches in all of France. "So, Macy, I'm sure you would've heard of Le Pétillant Crown Spa?"

"You mean one of the most popular spas in the world?" Marinette gasped disbelievingly.

"Mom hires a team of the workers there to come to daddy's hotel every two weeks," Chloe cut in arrogantly. "We get the best treatment. I'm sure you'd only dream of that, Dupain-Cheng."

"Chloe is right and I'm sure the people can fix," her hand circled Marinette's presence. "This mess."

"So, uh, what exactly are you going to do to me?" Marinette asked carefully, wiping paint off her face. It seemed Audrey had either forgotten that she was currently covered in paint that would stain the expensive limo seat or she just didn't care.

"Oh, you'll have a facial, an aromatherapy massage and a manicure," Audrey listed off while scrolling through her phone.

"And how much will that cost?"

"1,200 Euros."

"1,200 Euros!" Marinette exclaimed. The way the woman had said that number so nonchalantly had Marinette's head spinning. Audrey just began talking on her phone, probably letting the spa team that there would be an extra. "That's way too much to be spending every two weeks!"

Cutting in again, Chloe snarked, "I knew you were poor, Dupain-Cheng but I didn't realise just how much of a peasant you are. We're not even doing the full package today."

Marinette sighed again and murmured, "I don't even want to know how much that costs."

When they got to the hotel, Chloe dumped the bags in Marinette's arms and smirked evilly at her. "Come on, Mackenzie!" Audrey snapped irritably. "We don't have all day." Marinette managed to get the top floor, where Audrey's gigantic room was, and threw the shopping bags onto the bed. "Dominique! Bring your team in." Audrey clapped her hands and 3 beauticians walked in from a separate room. "Marine, this is Dominique, Victorie and Adam." She turned to Dominique and asked coldly, "I thought I asked for 3 female members of staff."

"Apologies, Mrs Bourgeois," Dominique apologised. "All our female consultants were previously booked."

"And it wasn't possible to make an exception for me, one of the most fashionable people to ever exist?"

"Uh, no."

Audrey huffed, "Ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous! The boy can go with Madeleine." Adam looked at Marinette and smiled apologetically. "She needs to shower first. I'm sure you'll find your way to the bathroom." She turned and snapped her fingers. "Let's go, Chloe!"

"Yes, Mom!" Chloe rushed to her mother's side and they sashayed away.

Marinette sighed for what seemed like the tenth time and thought regretfully,"Oh my god, why did I agree to this?"

The experience honestly wasn't so bad. Adam was good at his job and only asked her questions when he needed to. The facial had left her skin feeling smoother than ever before and even though it was still obnoxiously expensive, Marinette enjoyed it a lot. The massage was even better and all the knots and tension in her muscles, left from a few too many hits from recent akumas, faded away. The relaxing massage and facial combined with her lack of sleep, the fluffy bathrobes and the stress of dealing with Chloe and her mum had Marinette dozing off halfway through the manicure. Thankfully, or not-so-thankfully, Adam didn't wake her and left her asleep in the beauty room. Not long after she finished, Chloe and Audrey walked in, having also finished their sessions. At the sight of a snoring Marinette, Chloe scoffed, "Ugh, she is so ungrateful. I told you we should've left her on that street, Mom." Suddenly, an idea came to her head and she grinned evilly. "Why don't we help her even more, Mom?"

Rolling her eyes boredly, Audrey asked "What do you mean, Charlotte?"

"Let's give her a makeover! Since her clothes are utterly ruined, why don't we fix the rest of her?"

After thinking it over for a few seconds, Audrey's face brightened and she squealed, "Yes It'll be like a mother-daughter bonding experience! Our first makeover!" Her icy blue eyes looked Marinette's sleeping form up and down and she added, "Besides, we'd be doing her a favour."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. How are we going to do this if she's asleep? Will we have to carry her?"

Wrinkling her nose in disgust, Audrey scoffed, "Of course not! We can't degrade ourselves to servant's work! I have just the thing." Audrey brought out her phone, opened an app and presseed a big red button. Suddenly, a giant suction cup attached to a thick tube dropped down from the ceiling.

"What is that thing?" Chloe cried, horrified.

"Oh, there have been occasions… anyway, that's not important. Now we can do this!" Using a remote control that came from nowhere, Audrey positioned the suction cup above Marinette's head and, with a loud sucking sound, Marinette's body shot up as if she were standing on her own. It was honestly quite a freaky sight but Chloe didn't want to make her mother angry. "Now that that's sorted, let's do the makeover!"

Using the remote, Audrey moved Marinette to Chloe's bedroom. Looking up warily, Chloe was shocked to see a deep path in the ceiling that the suction cup was moving through. "When did that even get there?" She just shook her head and followed her mother. Once Marinette's still-sleeping form was in the middle of the room, Chloe began, "So, Mom, I think we should begin with dressing Maritrash up as Paris' favourite superhero."

Audrey lazily drawled, "You mean that Ladybug girl? Polka-dots are so old fashioned!"

"No!" Chloe stomped her foot in indignation. "I mean Queen Bee!"

"Oh Chloe, you must learn to be less arrogant. It only looks good on me. But fine, I guess we can go with stripes."

The pair began choosing clothes from Chloe's extensive wardrobe that matched the theme of Queen Bee. The younger blonde was very averse to giving her arch-nemesis her clothes but she guessed it would all be worth it when Marinette saw what they had done to her.

Then it came to dressing Marinette up. Chloe had been beyond mortified to see her classmate, who she disliked to no end, almost naked in her bedroom but Audrey seemed completely okay with it. "You'll have to dress people up in the future, Clarissa! Better get used to it now." Audrey ended up settling on a short, yellow v-neck dress with black stripes and a white fur neckline. Her feet were covered by black heeled boots. Stepping back to admire her work, Audrey stated, "Well, you can only do so much. Clara?"

"Yes, Mom?"

"Go and get me those fingerless evening gloves in my room. Make it snappy or I may have to call Jean-Phillipe to do it instead."

"Yes, Mom!" Chloé rushed off to do her mother's bidding.

Circling Marinette's still sleeping figure, Audrey murmured to herself, "Now, what more can I do to fix her horrendous appearance?"

Chloe came running back in 10 minutes later. What? It's not her fault her mother's wardrobe was the same size as a 2 bedroom house. What she wasn't prepared to see, though, was her mom standing in front of Marinette, who was sitting in front of her vanity mirror, with a bleach kit on the table. She was even more shocked when Audrey turned to reveal a hair-dye brush in her hand and bleach already setting in Marinette's hair. "Mom," she asked hesitantly. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, Cleo, you've decided to grace us with your presence," Audrey snarked while still applying bleach to Marinette's head. "I decided to take your makeover idea to the next level and do Mabel here a favour and bleach her hair. Dark hair is sooo last year."

It was an incredible speech to make Chloe speechless. The only people that had managed to do it were Marinette and Ladybug. However, it seemed Audrey had added herself to the list. Chloe's jaw hung wide open as she gaped at her mother. "I mean, I wanted to freak her out by giving her a new look but isn't this too far?"

"Well, Claire? Wouldn't she appreciate this?"

As much as Chloe wanted to disagree, she didn't want to upset her mother, who had only just started treating her relatively nicely. So she nodded hesitantly and Audrey proceeded to continue applying bleach to Marinette's hair.

20 minutes later, Marinette's usually raven hair had turned yellow-blonde. The sight creeped Chloe out to no end but she held her tongue. "Hair-dryer!" Audrey snapped her fingers. Immediately, Chloe dropped the hair-dryer in her mother's expectant hand. Audrey blow-dried Marinette's hair for a few minutes until it was dry. "Curling iron!" The iron appeared in her hand and she took a small section of the hair, misted it with a thermal heat spray and twisted the entire section from base to end. Audrey then wrapped the section around the curling iron in the same direction and let it heat up. After, she removed the curling iron and allowed the curl to cool. Once the entire head was curled, she shook the curls out with her fingers to add more volume. Stepping back to admire her work, Audrey snapped, "Camille! Bring me my make-up bag."

A minute later, Chloe gave her mother the bag and Audrey began priming Marinette's face. Chloe, who was standing a few steps behind her mother, was starting to get tired of only watching her mum 'fix' Marinette. She had only wanted to prank her with a new outfit to mess with her but her mom seemed set on actually changing the way she looked. It wasn't that fun.

Audrey opened the bag, brought out her extensive make-up brush collection and picked out the concealer brush. Her skin tone was a lot more tan than Marinette's but luckily, she had an entire skin tone range of concealers. After finding Marinette's match she began dabbing spots of concealer under her eyes. Audrey suddenly piped up, "Look closely, Charlie, and maybe one day, you'll be able to do make-up almost as well as I do."

After concealer, Audrey did the foundation with a soft buffing brush and light pink blush. Next came eyeshadow which Chloe advised to keep simple - just light blue, like hers. She had also pleaded her mom to let her do the rest and Audrey had unwillingly agreed. Chloe's skilled hands then did mascara and carefully swiped on her favourite pink lipstick. "I'm burning this once we're done," she thought, disgusted.

Once the make-up was done Audrey ordered once again, "Chloe, go get me a black summer hat and one of my diamond pendants."

For what seemed like the thousandth time that day, Chloe's jaw dropped, "But Mom! Do you really wanna give Maritrash a diamond?"

"Oh, Chloe. You'll understand one day. Grab a small one though. I don't like giving my things away."

Resisting the urge to stomp her feet like she usually would, Chloe closed her mouth and went to get the supplies. When she got back, Marinette was becoming slightly restless. "Come on, Chloe, she's about to wake up!" Audrey urged impatiently. Chloe angrily placed the hat on Marinette's head and put the necklace around her neck. Audrey grabbed her daughter's arm and pulled her back a few steps behind the vanity mirror. "Get ready!"

Marinette groaned softly and stretched drowsily, her eyes slowly fluttering open. When they were fully open she caught sight of her reflection. "Mmmmm, my hair's blonde," she sleepily murmured. Then the words sank in and her eyelids sprung open. "MY HAIR'S BLONDE! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME!"

"Surprise!" Audrey exclaimed excitedly. Marinette whirled around to see Audrey and Chloe standing behind her. "We had the amazing idea to fix you even more! I'm sure you love it, right Madison? "

Marinette's face slowly got redder and redder. "They dyed my hair. They dyed my frickin' hair. While I was frickin' ASLEEP! That has to be illegal." Her eyes scanned over the two blondes she found most infuriating and her blood started to cool down. "I guess they did it out of kindness? No, more like pity. This could be the start of them being nice to people!" The notion honestly sounded quite idiotic in her head but she didn't have the time or energy to give them the hell they deserved. Sighing defeatedly, she whispered, "I love it."

Audrey squealed and jumped up and down in excitement. (she's kinda on crack in this sometimes) "Honestly, I could've been a beautician if I wasn't such an exceptional fashion icon." She turned to Marinette and asked, "Didn't you say you had to be somewhere, Mariposa?"

Marinette's eyes widened in realisation. "The lunch with Adrien!" Her hand reached to open her purse when she realised it wasn't there. "TIKKI!" Frantically, she asked, "Where's my purse? I need my phone!" Audrey rolled her eyes and pointed in the direction of the rest of her clothes. Marinette dashed there and opened her purse. Thankfully, Tikki was napping in the purse next to her phone. Said phone had 27 missed calls and 59 new texts from Alya. Chuckling mirthlessly to herself, Marinette thought fearfully, "She's gonna kill me. Alya's gonna kill me." She turned back to the Bourgeoises and answered, "Yes, I need to be somewhere but I'll go there myself."

"Absolutely not!" Audrey snapped. "I'm not going to let all my hard work go to waste by allowing you to walk outside. JEAN JACQUES!"

The butler appeared by her side. "Yes, Madame Bourgeois?"

"Get a limo to take us to…." she turned to Marinette. "Where do you need to go again?"

Marinette replied, "Uh, Zia's Café near the Eiffel Tower?"

Turning back to Butler Jean, Audrey snapped, "Well? You heard the girl! Get us a limo and make it snappy or you're fired!" He nodded and went off. "Let's go, girls!" Chloé and Marinette trailed after Audrey and, to Marinette's surprise, Chloe gave her an uncharacteristically sympathetic look. They got in an elevator and arrived downstairs to find Butler Jean standing in front of a limo, holding the door open. Audrey slid in first, followed by Chloe and then Marinette.

The drive was silent and all Marinette could do was keep checking her reflection in the mirror. "How long would it take to grow out? I could just dye it black again but won't that weaken my hair? Oh my god, Adrien is going to see me like this! OH MY GOD, LADYBUG'S HAIR WILL BE BLONDE TOO! PEOPLE MAY BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT MY IDENTITY! I think I'm just gonna hide out in my room for the next 2 years…"

Eventually, they arrived at the cafe. Once Marinette got out, she spotted Alya's head next to Nino and Adrien sitting opposite them. Her nerves started to get the best of her and she stood frigidly on the street. "I can't do this. I can not do this."

Audrey, who was having none of it, rolled her eyes and pushed her through the door. The second the little bell rang, Alya's head turned around, her eyes blew wide and her jaw dropped. Nino also followed and he knocked his cap off his head. "Duuuuude!" Lastly, Adrien looked up and was extremely startled by the sight of two Chloes.

"Wait wait wait wait, are there two Chloes now!" he asked fearfully. One was honestly enough. He stood up and rushed to the two girls and upon closer inspection, noticed that the Chloe in the dress had bluebell eyes while the Chloe in Chloe clothes had icy blue eyes. "M-Marinette?" he murmured in disbelief.

The girl in question smiled wearily and muttered, "Surprise?"

After that, it was utter pandemonium. Alya was threatening to sue Chloe's mum for child abuse, Nino was trying to calm his girlfriend down and Audrey just blocked out the haterz. In the midst of it all, Adrien pulled Marinette to the booth they were at and helped her sit down, which she found extremely hard to do in the heeled boots. "S-so," she laughed nervously. "What do you think?"

Adrien smiled softly and brushed a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "I prefer the usual Marinette."

And then Marinette woke up and realised it was a dream so she went on her way to the cafe, vowing that she would never ever ever stop the Bourgeoises from getting hit by paint because they would frickin' deserve it.

I couldn't resist putting some Adrienette fluff in there. But seriously. This is such crack.