Chapter 8: Drown In The Flood
And all these things that we tie together
Keep unraveling apart
And the light that used to burn so bright
Now is dark
With anger-laced intent we set fire
To the bridges that remain
And they're wading through the current now.
And they drown in the flood of the tears
That have been wept
And I scream to the sky
"no, you are not alone..."
If you think that your words will ever make a difference
Think again and carry on
Because the weight behind the hand that holds us is strong
But there is hope in the roar of a thousand pleading cries
And all these things that we tie together
The sound of their tongues being bitten
Is all I hear
As we fire at the whites of theirs eyes then
Dance on ashes of the world
As they drown in the flood of the tears
That have been wept
And their tongues being bitten
Is all that I can hear
As I scream to the sky,
"I need you now..."
Can you feel this truth now unraveling?
Or will you chase the burning sun
Into the sea.
Rise Against- "The Unraveling"
Los Angeles Air Force Base
Temporary Delta Red Mission HQ
0504 hours
Dawn was coming soon and the team was finally as settled as they were going to get. Cammy was trying her best to do the same, but much like before at the beach, her mind wouldn't stop. Plus she didn't have the luxury of Julian's touch to distract her. Sure he'd rejoined the crew inside, choosing quicker rest over a commute, but the tension was thick in the air. No one slept yet no one had the energy for conversation. Or did they feel it too? The nagging thought that there was something they were missing.
The farce of their resting was obvious if you knew what to look for. Wagner's eyes barely left Juni looking for any signs of deterioration. Equally, Ginzu scanned multiple computer screens, intermittently tapping his keyboard. McCoy and Luwanda jumped at every tiny noise, ready to intervene with Juni if need be. And it was as if she and Julian were competing for who could check their cellphones the most.
Just as her eyelids started to close for a moments peace, Cammy's phone rang in her pocket and she retrieved it, irony of Colonel Wolfman calling once everything was settled not lost on her. She stood and upon noticing everyone's interest had been piqued, clicked the speaker button as a courtesy to her hardworking team. They all deserved an explanation.
"Wolfman," Cammy started. "I've got it under control now. Where the hell-"
"Cammy I need you to listen, right now." he interrupted, urgency in his voice dropping Cammy's heart into her stomach. "I may not have much time."
"Copy that. We're all here." Cammy replied as her breathing increased with the urgency of his tone. If Wolfman said there wasn't much time, he meant it. The team moved closer, as if proximity could somehow soften the inevitable blow.
"Vega escaped. He's gone."
"W-What?" Cammy stuttered. She didn't mean to but the panicked response left her lips before she could fully recall the command Wolfman gave her initially. Everything suddenly felt so surreal and she found herself having to focus on physically staying upright as Wolfman's explanation poured over her like molten lead.
"Dr. Rodmovic is dead. They also took out Boone, Grant, Ryder and eight more on the way out. Dozens of others injured, including me. I-I just woke up."
"How the hell did he manage that?" McCoy interjected.
"Wait, he said 'they'." Ginzu answered for Wolfman.
"It was Juli." Wolfman added seriously and everything stopped. The air pulled out of the room or maybe just out of her lungs? Her lips tingled as her body registered danger, dread and disbelief all at once.
"Juli?" Wagner questioned, voice shaky. "Colonel, that doesn't even make sense."
"I saw it with my own eyes." Wolfman assured, not missing a beat. "She changed and nearly killed me in the process of getting Vega out."
"Juli wouldn't fight you." Luwanda asserted.
"Changed?" Julian added in bewilderment.
"T-this isn't..." Cammy finally uttered, not even being able to form a full sentence.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you like this, but I'm still in medical. I don't know much else at this point. I wanted you to know ASAP."
Cammy's mind raced over the events of the past several hours, damning herself for not pushing harder to contact someone when Juni was acting out of sorts. Maybe she could have somehow clued them in?
"So she's a Doll again." Wagner stated in frustration, saying what none of the others would dare as he managed to pull attention away from the call. "And Shadowlaw has her!"
It only took three quick strides for him to be within reach of the bulletin board. Once it was in range he quickly snatched the 'recovered' insignia from it, tacs flying through the air. Julian stepped away to calm him, having to settle for a comfortable distance while Wagner paced in circles, hands a top his head.
Cammy felt as if she were standing beside herself, observing her hands shaking as they held the phone. She stared down at the device trying to bring herself back by focusing on the feeling of it squeezed tightly in her hand.
"Vega is out there again?" she asked again, praying she'd heard wrong or she was dreaming. "I just don't understand."
"Cammy there's one more thing. A message." Wolfman pressed.
"Colonel, no." Cammy begged, shaking her head.
"Juli said it, before she knocked me out." He informed guiltily "She said, 'Bison says tell Killer Bee take one of mine and I'll take two of yours.'."
"Dammit!" Cammy yelled as any illusions this was all some grand coincidence were shattered. "Fucking hell!" she broke form and squatted down, face in her free hand, while the other still held tight on the phone. Wolfman took the silence as a cue.
"Right now the focus is on Juni being secure." he offered, trying to move from reactions to action.
"That's already handled." Luwanda assured him. "But the faster we get her to London the better. We have no way of knowing our solution is going to continue to work" she eyed Wagner who continued to pace.
"I'm assuming MI-6 is on lock down." McCoy continued. "No one in or out."
"Roger," Wolfman followed up. "But I can't be sure. They've taken my statement but didn't give me any information."
"Is this the secure line?" Ginzu questioned suddenly. It took Cammy a moment to return to herself enough to check.
"I think..." she muttered as she stood and looked at the screen more closely, but not fast enough for Ginzu, who snatched it from her hand, knowing with a quick glance.
"It's secure."
McCoy caught where Ginzu was going.
"I assume the upper brass isn't going to be keen on letting another former Doll back on premises."
"I agree." Wolfman said. "If it were me calling the shots I wouldn't"
"But we have to keep her safe." Wagner advocated.
"Exactly." Cammy agreed. "So we go dark."
"If we just show up as planned with her in tow they have no choice but to secure her." Luwanda agreed.
"I'll do my best to get information to you as I find it out." Wolfman promised. "But for now we work within the circle of trust. No communication outside it."
The team nodded their heads, all slightly calmed with the semblance of a plan in place, as rickety as it was.
"We'll figure it out Colonel." Cammy promised. "I'll check in after we convene with the Air Force as planned."
As Cammy pressed the 'end call' button she wished she could end all of this just as easily. She'd declared war on Bison one too many times and now her debt was coming due. Everyone was silent around her and she found herself thankful she wasn't alone even though when she met Wagner's eyes they pierced through her like a hot poker.
"Fifteen minutes to feel our feelings and than we get back to work." she declared not sure who needed it more.
Cammy waded through the tension in the room and followed Wagner into the hallway at his silent urging. She let the door slowly click shut behind her, leaving the rest of them team to their own reactions. Out here the world slowed. Cammy didn't know if she could feel any worse but seeing more suffering at one of her failures showed her different.
Wagner paced in tight circles, wringing his hands through his hair. He kept going to speak and before he'd get a word out he'd stop, pointing aggressively towards Cammy, his inability to speak saying more than his words could have. Cammy stood slumped, head low in shame.
"Wagner..." she looked up and caught his panicked blue eyes. She softened her gaze while his angry glare only pierced deeply into her. She reached out to touch his arm and he halted her, taking two steps back before finally speaking.
"I'm just wracking my brain trying to figure out how in the hell you have managed to get me into the same situation twice?!" he tightly accused.
"Are you saying I meant for this to happen?"
"Oh you never mean it Cammy but dammit here I am again." Wagner bit not losing his angry tone.
"I get that, believe me." Cammy said, exasperated, offended and not in the state of mind to mince her words. "Jesus, it's Juli, where I put her, Vega, where I put him and my teammates and friends dead. This hurts me so badly I can't even attempt to feel it because I have a job to do. But you go ahead and focus on how it makes you feel."
"A job to do regardless of the people it hurts!"
"I haven't forced anyone to be here."
"Basically crying on the phone when you're backed into a corner? Real subtle."
"All I'm trying to do is get you to be yourself again." Cammy retorted, crossing her arms over her chest, any misconception that she could talk him out of this state shattered with his subsequently more vicious attacks. But she had to try. "You've faced what you needed to face."
"And I learned my lesson but somehow you never learn yours."
"This is not about me and you know it!" Cammy yelled. "You think this is noble? Pushing everyone away so they won't get hurt. It's bullshit. Guess what?! People get hurt. Dads die and boyfriends leave and the bad guys attack again and again. This is you giving up. And if you do that who you are will be gone."
"That feels a lot like manipulation." Wagner bit, jaw twitching in rage.
"Than go." Cammy stated with finality. "But if you do this, give up, it's affirming all the bad things you've ever said about yourself and I won't let you blame that on me."
"I can't leave!" Wagner raged, letting it out. "That girl is in there and if she's anything like you she's easily going to go through those meds four times faster than normal. And I'm the only one that even halfway knows what to do! You don't think I know I have to do this? That's not the point."
"So what than," Cammy asked, calmer than before. "you're questioning whether we should?"
Wagner turned away from her for the first time, facing the elevator as if he really were thinking of leaving.
"I'm wondering if I can." He confessed softly, shoulders slumping at his admission. "I can't leave but I can't do this."
"Let me worry about that part." She stated simply.
"I know I've done this to myself." He admitted, turning back to her, midnight blue eyes now soft with worry. "I just can't fail. Not when it's Juli, not when it's one of us again."
"The letter." Cammy quickly posed "I saw it on your table. What did Juli write?"
"It was short." Wagner replied, his sorrowful smile breaking through the pain. "She said 'don't make this all your fault. I know you. That's what you do. But please. Please don't do that.'."
Cammy needed to hear those words as much as Wagner, if not more.
"I think we should take her advice." Cammy said softly as she stepped towards Wagner and placed her hand on his shoulder. "We're going to get her back. I promise."
"I thought you didn't make promises."
"I'm making an exception. For you and for Juli."
They stood there together for a short while. Cammy spoke as if this solution was simple but as fellow survivors of Shadowlaw's horrors the weight of what they had ahead of them was stifling. Having both dealt with it for basically their entire lives they were acutely aware of this weight, but too seasoned to allow themselves to feel the full brunt of it. Especially when there were things to be done.
"We've got to make calls." Wagner said, first of them to break the silence and move into disaster mode. "Make sure everyone knows to lookout."
This was now protocol among their rag tag extended family. Shadowlaw loved nothing more than revenge through hurting the people you loved.
"I got it." Cammy offered as her stomach hit the floor as she realized the first call she needed to make. "I need another minute anyway."
Wagner placed his hand on hers that still lay on his shoulder before he turned and headed back to the rest of the team. Cammy took a deep breath, reached for her phone and quickly scrolled to the name Craig Crankurt in her contacts.
It wasn't until the third ring that Cammy thought on the hour in New York. Of course late night/early morning discussions and calls was actually nothing new when it came to Cranky. It was past last call but closing came late for a bar owner and typically this was time to wind down. It was the time of many of the moments between Cammy and Cranky that were currently making her stomach tight in remembering as the fourth ring was cut short and she heard his voice.
"Hello?"
She hesitated not sure what to even say, though she knew the call was essential. She could hear rustling in the background and than a door close. Her pause was long enough that Cranky's voice came again.
"Cammy?" He questioned softly.
"Yeah" she managed. "It's me. Sorry to bother you."
"No." He replied. "It's okay. Is something wrong?"
"Vega escaped."
"What?! A-are you okay?"
"I wasn't there, I'm in LA on mission. I don't know much else right now." she lied, wishing she could tell him everything, knowing settling for a warning was the right thing. "I'm sorry. I know you didn't want this in your life anymore but I couldn't not warn you."
"No-no that's fine..." his voice trailed before he diverted back to the situation at hand. "Can you call Kenny to let him know?"
"I figured you would—"
"He's been refusing to talk to me." He admitted. "He's furious with me."
"I'll call." She offered with a small laugh and total understanding. "He'd say the sky was purple just to spite you when he's like that."
Talking about Kenny with Cranky made her feel so normal even among everything going to hell. Suddenly she couldn't hold it anymore. The weight of not interacting with Cranky for months hit her and she couldn't help what she said next.
"We can be friends you know." Cammy blurted.
"No, we can't." Cranky insisted softly, not missing a beat after her outburst.
"Yes we can." She asserted nonchalantly. "We can have our separate lives and even if it feels weird, eventually we won't and we'll be friends."
"No we can't." Cranky reiterated, not in anger or condescension, but gentle and caring. "Because eventually you're going to be in New York. And than we'll meet up at the bar and I'll make you laugh and you'll touch my arm and than I'm going to want to kiss you and...we can't."
The thought of it stifled her with the flood of emotions. She was quiet as her body tightened, instantly going back to all the times they were together and moments they shared and mourned.
"So that's why you left?"
"Cammy..."
"I just want an explanation."
"I shouldn't have to explain!" he yelled in a burst of emotion, shattering the illusion of control he'd interacted with thus far. "You're the one that didn't come back!"
"It's not that simple." Cammy defended.
"Even though I was the one who decided it was time doesn't mean this is easy for me." He confessed voice tight with emotion. "This is not easy for me."
Cammy was silent for a moment. The guilt of the truth behind his outburst twisted in her gut as the point Cranky was trying to make in their last fight finally sunk in for her. The impasse they always came to. Cranky couldn't be with her anymore, not as she was. While she was continuing the fight against Shadowlaw, he'd become the man he fought so long to be. It had a cost.
"I never meant to hurt you." she said with finality.
"You helped more than you hurt." He offered sincerely. "Thank you for the warning, and for Kenny, but this is better for us both. We can't be friends." And then he hung up.
Cammy stood in silence as she tucked her phone back in her pocket. For the first time since Wolfman called and shattered everything with his news, Cammy was alone with her thoughts. Her breathing increased as a flush came over her. She closed her eyes carefully as she pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, willing herself not to cry. She had to be focused to be a leader and with everything happening, this was not who she wanted to show she became when things got tough. There was just so much on the line and everything was falling apart around her. It was hard to stay strong. Her jaw shook with the effort of holding her emotions at bay.
A sound came to her right, revealing Julian exiting the room. The sound made her jump and she caught Julian's eyes. He immediately recognized her state, quickly and quietly shutting the door behind him. Upon seeing her rising emotions at his presence, he moved towards her, but she halted him by shaking her head no before she hugged herself. He heeded her signal, remaining by the door as he softly uttered.
"I'll make sure no one comes out." He promised before her turned away from her, giving her privacy to breakdown. "You've got thirty seconds and then you've got to get it together."
Cammy breathed a long sigh of relief for the quiet support and than she let it come. She slid down the wall sinking to the floor and let go. For thirty seconds she cried softly into her hands. She cried for Juli and the Dolls. For her teammates, Dr. Rodmovic. For herself and the fear Vega being back on the loose solidified in her gut. She cried for it all. Tears flowed down her cheeks and into her mouth, twisted in as silent of a sob as she could manage. Her arms still crossed her chest, she raised her first, beating in her chest in a few quick strikes before she tried to reign it in.
Fight or flight or freeze were her only options right now. She slowed her breathing and wiped her face with her shirt because she wasn't running from this. Than she stood and straightened her clothes because standing still wasn't how things ended either. She was going to fight because no matter what Shadowlaw had to say about it, the choice was hers alone. No matter what, that was something they could never take away from her.
Julian must have noted her calming, as he turned and approached her. She took a deep breath as he grabbed and squeezed her arms softly.
"What can I do?" he offered, the slight pressure of even that decision bringing back a slight tension in her shoulders.
"Can you call and fill Kenny in?"
"Sure. I came out to try and get a hold of Dorian anyway."
"I'll feel better once we have more of a plan."
"You'll figure this out, you always do." He reassured her before he gave her arms one more squeeze and walked towards the elevators.
When Cammy walked back into the headquarters, the team was ready and waiting, albeit looking worse for the wear. She wasn't one to judge and she figured she'd ignore their red eyes and noses as long as they ignored hers. But the mission must go on. Luwanda, McCoy and Ginzu approached her, Forming a semi circle which wasn't difficult in the small space. Wagner remained in the far corner, arms crossed with his eyes steadily on Juni.
"So our number one priority stays the same." Cammy announced. "Keep Juni safe." Everyone's heads nodded in agreement as she continued. "As far as the rest of this mess goes we need to brainstorm."
"Even with my rough math." McCoy ever the strategist began. "I'm having trouble ignoring the fact that when Juni lost it was most likely connected to this escape."
"Connected?" Luwanda posed.
"Well if my timeline is correct, they happened at the same time."
"So Juli changing and busting Vega out..."
"8am in London is midnight here." McCoy asserted. "Ginzu?"
"He's right." Ginzu affirmed as the first witness to Juni's abrupt behavior change. "Around midnight her switch just flipped."
"So all that confirms is Shadowlaw called the Dolls back," Luwanda pointed out. "if that's even a thing."
"Juni said it herself." Wagner offered, stepping out of the corner, closer to their semi circle and into the conversation. "She was supposed to return."
"Exactly." McCoy agreed. "But that still leaves the question; if Shadowlaw can just flip a switch, why now and not before?"
"When Shadowlaw had me before it just took over." Wagner continued. "I had no control of myself or what I was doing. Only commands. Like they were imputing the information into a computer."
"That would explain Juli's change in behaviors." Cammy said in semi-relief.
"But it was more than that." Wagner added. "What they did. They had me attack Guile. We can be as rational as possible but there was definitely a planned emotional aspect there."
"So it was to cause distress?"
"I'm not saying that's the only thing." Wagner assured. "But I've dealt with Shadowlaw enough to know it was at least icing on the cake for Bison."
"Still, I agree with McCoy," Luwanda pressed "why wait for now if they've had the power to do this the whole time?"
Everyone stood in silence for a few moments, wracking their brains trying to think like the bad guys. With a loss like the one at MI-6 today being steps ahead of the bad guys was essential to survival.
"I mean it's not like getting Vega out is a consolation prize." Ginzu pointed out. "He's upper command, that's as good a reason as any to tap a resource."
"They waited for me to leave," Cammy said under her breath as the realization began to twist in her gut like snakes. If the past was any indication, her being a catalyst for all this couldn't be ignored. The team continued their rationale while Cammy thought back on her conversation with Marc Antoní and than to Julian's concern over the man's former Shadowlaw connections. It was entirely possible they weren't quite so former.
Cammy cursed herself silently for jumping headfirst into finding Decapre. She couldn't shake the feeling she'd sacrificed Juli and letting Vega on the loose for mere information. Then her eyes caught Wagner's and he nodded his head, silently urging her on, to what she could only assume was coming clean about Decapre. She supposed it was her turn for her secrets to paint her into a corner. It was the only piece of information the entire team didn't have. If they were going to figure this out she had to be forthright, even if it discredited her. The mission came first.
"There's something I've held back." She suddenly confessed. Her burst silenced the banter over Shadowlaw hierarchy as her team silently put all eyes on her. "I-I don't know if it's even relevant." She began feeling exposed. "Before I captured Vega he said something, that I had a sister. Yesterday I found out it's true."
Everyone stayed quiet, she wasn't sure if it was respect or shock but nevertheless they let her continue. "When I got here I found the last piece of evidence. It's Decapre."
"Cammy," Ginzu started. "I don't understand why this matter—"
He was halted by Luwanda's hand on his shoulder before McCoy answered the question for her.
"The contact you met before we arrived?"
"Has to be." Cammy nodded. "I wanted the information so bad. But I couldn't have imagined this."
"Anyone involved with Shadowlaw is suspect." Wagner muttered.
"Than we're all suspect." Luwanda quickly bit. "It's not the time for blame.
"Than why would Juli leave the message for me?" Cammy questioned, not so easily letting go of her precious guilt.
"It was 'take one of mine and I'll take two of yours'." Ginzu recounted. "Does that mean Juni is the one? Or is Vega?"
"Does it matter?" Wagner replied.
"I don't know." Cammy said. "Do they even know we have Juni?"
"So let's assume this isn't about Juni," McCoy added "that would make Vega theirs and Juli is one of us..."
"So they're going to take someone else?"
Cammy's gut hit the floor. As if her guilt over possibly triggering all of this wasn't enough, fear tingled up her legs forcing her voice to shake as she uttered her next words.
"They used Juli to get Vega out." Cammy said, beginning to panic. "What if they use me to get Juni out?"
A silence fell over them at Cammy's realization as the team casually backed away from her. The semi circle they'd previously formed gradually morphed into her alone in the center of the room. Though her heart ached at the very real thought that she could harm anyone in this room, she suddenly felt like an unstable explosive device. Deep down she knew it was an unconscious move on their part, and smart. Ever the protocol breaker, Wagner was the only one who stepped closer, his hand finding Cammy's arm.
"Cammy..." Wagner began but she cut him off, not able to control the flood of utter powerlessness from taking over. It was lost in all the chaos of the past eight hours. In the frantic rush of helping Juni and than trying to fathom the weight of Vega's escape and the loss of Juli she hadn't taken a moment to pause and really see the horror behind knowing Shadowlaw somehow had this power.
"What if it happens to me?" Cammy questioned, pulling her arm roughly from Wagner's grip and hugging her chest as she backed away from her team, her loved ones. "What if they turn me back into a Doll?"