A/N: I'm so sorry this took me so long to publish! I wrote the rough draft on April 4th (it's now August 1st), but I'm finally getting around to actually updating this fic with its final chapter. Anyway, sorry for the wait if you've been invested in this story, but I hope you enjoy! :)

"Promise me you won't be mad?"

"Jemma, I don't even-"

"Just promise?"

Fitz sighed. "I promise."

Simmons took a deep breath and closed her eyes, hesitating to speak. When she finally did, her voice cracked, causing her to start over.

"Over the past few years since we joined Coulson's team, I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of guilt for a lot of what's gone wrong. It's eating me up inside, and I feel responsible for so many of the terrible things that have happened to us." She looked up at Fitz, expecting him to be mad at her for being so silly, but instead he looked at her sadly.

"Jemma, how could you possibly be responsible for what's happened to us?"

"Your injury is my fault. If I gave myself to Ward, maybe he would've captured me and let you go. When we were trapped at the bottom of the ocean, I'm the one who selfishly took the oxygen. If only I'd swam faster or-"

"Stop." Fitz looked down and squeezed her hand. "What happened to me was not your fault. Ward dropped us down there, so he's to blame. And I'm the one who insisted you have the oxygen, you didn't take it. I was prepared to die down there to save you, but instead, you saved me and brought me with you. If anything, you're the reason I'm still alive, and that makes you a hero in my book." He gave her a weak smile to which she teared up at.

"Well, I- I suppose so. I guess I never really thought of it that way..."

"That's what I'm here for."

"But- but then there's Will and Maveth. I know you don't like talking about him, but he... he's dead because of me. The only reason we were even out on that stupid ridge that day was because I wanted to see the damn sunrise, but then It came. We saw the flare you sent, but that drew It to us, and Will died… saving me." She tried to continue, but the words got caught in her throat. "Fitz, a man is dead because of me. I just feel so..." She couldn't finish that sentence because she felt a lump in her throat as she started to cry. Fitz gently pulled her to him as she rested her head on his shoulder. He looped his right arm with her left and held her hand, stroking her thumb with his.

"Will died saving you, yes, but that was a choice he made on his own. No one forced him. He was protecting you because he... he loved you. You're not responsible for his actions, okay? His death is not on you. And didn't you say that sunrises on that planet come around every few years? Of course you'd want to see it rise after six months stranded on an alien planet with no daylight. At least he's in a better place now. You're not responsible for anyone's death."

"I'm responsible for dozens of Inhuman deaths," she whispered while staring off. He stopped rubbing her thumb and lifted his head from hers where she was laying on his shoulder. He stared at her, puzzled.

"What?"

She lifted her head from his shoulder. "I didn't tell anyone about this except May. It was last year, when we were captured by Hydra, and you were on Maveth while I was tied up."

"You've told me this story before."

"Not all of it." She took a deep breath and continued. "When I escaped, there were at least two dozen armed Hydra guards surrounding the area of the compound I was in. I knew there was no way I'd be able to escape on my own, and I didn't know if there was an extraction team in place or on the way or what. I... I found Dr. Garner. He was still himself, and he persuaded me to let him loose so he could protect me. He did, but..." She brushed a tear from her face. "I'm afraid he also killed at least a dozen Inhumans in those gel matrix cubes, as well. I traded their lives for mine, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it." More tears started streaming down her face.

"Jemma, those deaths aren't your fault."

"Don't. Please don't try and make me feel better. They're dead because of me."

"Too bad. Making you feel better is my job. They're dead because of Lash, not you. Lash killed those Inhumans. You didn't know he would do that."

"But I knew he was certainly capable of it, and I let him out anyway. I should've just let them kill me. I mean, I'm practically the only woman here who can't kill a person with her bare hands. I can't defend myself. It's why I've been spending so much time in the shooting range lately - to improve my aim. If I'm ever in a situation like that again, I can't risk other people dying for me."

"Simmons, look at me," he gently grabbed her chin and tilted her face. "Lash made the decision to kill them. That. Wasn't. You. You are not responsible. And you may be one of the only women here who can't kill a person with her bare hands, but who else here can save a person's life with their bare hands? You've helped to save countless lives, and that has to count for something, yeah? Give yourself some credit, Jemma. You've saved more lives than you feel responsible for, and that deserves some praise. Personally, I'd rather you be someone who saves lives over someone who takes them, which you are. It's one of the many reasons I love you."

She gave him a weak smile. "Thank you, Fitz. I suppose I didn't think about that, either. This has just been something that's bothered me for such a long time, and it feels nice to have someone to talk to about it. Well, besides May, but she's not really the talkative type anyway. Plus, I try not to bring it up around her because of Andrew..."

"Yeah, I understand. Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing that, and it means a lot that you trust me enough to share all of this."

"Well of course I trust you - I trust you more than anyone. It's just that I, uh, well I didn't exactly know how to tell you all this."

"Exactly as you just did."

"Right, well I didn't know that at the time. It does feel nice to talk about, though," she said softly.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said, kissing her hand. Fitz waited a moment before he continued. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"While you were sleeping, you were yelling something. You kept repeating my name over and over again, apologizing and saying it's your fault. What was that about?"

"Oh… yes," she sighed. "I was dreaming about the day we were at the bottom of the Atlantic. It's a recurring dream I have, but... you never make it out alive. I always dream that I was too late to save you."

"Good thing it's just a dream, but you did save me. And hey, if you're ever worried about that, come talk to me, yeah? Maybe it'll help to know that I'm alive and still in love with you, always by your side." He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "As for the other thing..."

"You want to do this now?"

"Yes, I do. Jemma... on the Quinjet and in your sleep, you were going on about, em, wanting to die?" He said this last word as if it were forbidden. "Was that- what was that about?"

She closed her eyes and rested her head back on the wall. "Total honesty?"

"That would be appreciated, yeah."

She sighed. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just come right out with it. I'm suicidal." Jemma stared at him impatiently, waiting for his reaction and was afraid of the look of heartbreak that she knew would soon be on his face.

Fitz stared at her as tears welled in his eyes and threatened to spill. He knew it was coming and wasn't exactly surprised, but it still shattered his heart to hear her say it aloud. His best friend, his heart, his lover, his whole world - how could he not have known? He felt so stupid for not seeing any signs. After all, he'd once been suicidal, too. After being accepted into the Science and Technology Division at SHIELD Academy, Fitz found it hard to make friends. He was sixteen and surrounded by people much older than him, so they always teased and bullied him, sometimes a little too far. He'd chosen to go to SHIELD Academy to escape his father's drinking and abusive behavior and to prove that he wasn't stupid and worthless, but those previous sixteen years of mental abuse took a toll on him. SHIELD was supposed to be a fresh start, and it was, but the teasing combined with his poor mental health (thanks to his father) started to get at him. He almost considered ending it all, but when he was paired with Jemma Simmons in a chemistry lab, she changed his life for the better. From their first conversation about dielectric polarization, he knew she'd be in his life for a long time, and she became his heart and his home. He knew how easy it was to fall into the darkness and feel the pull of death, and it felt awful. He was miserable his whole life until he met Jemma Simmons, and suddenly her warm personality became the light he needed to snuff out the darkness. To know that she was now feeling the same way he once did made him sick, and he didn't know the right thing to say to her now.

"Thank you for telling me, Jemma. H- how long have you been feeling this way?" He tried to be strong for her so she could be weak, but he was failing her. He needed to hold himself together, but his voice was breaking.

"Um, I'm not exactly sure. I know I started feeling immense guilt for roping you into all of this when I accepted Coulson's offer on our behalf, but that didn't happen until your incident. You were in a coma for nine of the longest days of my life, and I sat by your bedside for twenty-four hours each of those nine days. I couldn't help but think that it was my fault and that it should've been me lying there unconscious."

"Is that why you were shouting 'It should've been me' in your sleep?"

"Yeah, yeah, probably. I was dreaming about it before I woke up."

"Mm." His arm was still looped around hers and holding her hand. He looked down and sighed then looked up at her with tears. "Did you ever actually consider… you know..." He couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence.

"In some ways, I kinda did, yeah. I never came up with a plan to do it, since I couldn't imagine leaving you, but I thought about doing it the most when I thought you were dead. Without you, there would be no reason for me to live. I know I sound dramatic, but I mean it, Fitz. You're everything to me. But for that brief time, I really thought you were dead, so I thought about how much easier it'd be if I were, too. The times I'd almost died and immediately wished I did. I feel so much guilt for all the pain and death I'm responsible for, and I know you don't think it's my fault, but I can't change how I feel."

"If I ever was killed in the field, you know I'd want you to live on without me. To find someone else to love. To find a way to move on." He placed his left hand on her face and softly thumbed her cheek. She rested her head on his hand and closed her eyes to let the tears she'd been keeping in streak down her pale skin.

"You know I could never find someone else to love. Never," she whispered, placing her own hand on his where it lay on her face.

"But I'd want you to try."

"Fitz, please. Let's not have this conversation right now. I don't think I can handle it."

"You're right, I'm sorry. Look, I just want you to know that you can come to me for anything at any time. I don't care what it is or what I'm doing. I want to know." He grabbed her hand and kissed each knuckle sweetly.

"You're not mad?"

"Mad? No, of course not. I'll admit I'm a little hurt that you you didn't tell me this sooner, and I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing this before, but I'm not mad at you. I promised I wouldn't be." There was a moment of silence before he sighed and continued. "I kept my promise, now you have to make me one."

"What is it?"

"Promise me that if you're ever feeling like this, you'll come to me right away. No more holding things inside and keeping secrets, okay? Promise me you'll tell me if you're ever feeling bad about something, and I'll be there to ease your worries. That's my job. I love you, and I am here to protect you and keep you happy for as long as you'll let me. Can you promise me that?"

She sighed. "I promise, Fitz. I love you, too."

He leaned in and slowly pressed a soft kiss on her forehead, cheek, nose, other cheek, chin, and finally her lips. He loved every inch of her and wanted her to know that despite what she thought of herself.

"Thank you for telling me this, Jemma. I'm glad to know that you feel safe confiding in me about what's been bothering you. I really mean it. I never want you to feel like you can't tell me something. You know I'll never judge you or love you any less for anything. My love for you grows deeper and always will."

She smiled at him and pressed a soft kiss to his jaw before nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck. She played with the hand she was holding and admired how real he was - how lucky she is to have found someone so incredible.

"You know," Fitz started gently, glancing at the alarm clock, "it's not quite 6 yet, so we have some time before we have to be out. We could either stay here and just enjoy each other's company, or we could go make some pancakes if you'd like? Either works for me."

"Mmm. Pancakes do sound delicious right about now, but I think spending time with you right now is my favorite thing to do. Later?"

Fitz kissed her forehead. "Later it is."

He looked at their alarm clock. Barely 5:30, so they had at least a half hour before they had to do any real work. Simultaneously, they slid their backs down their headboard and layed side by side in bed, both facing each other. They held each other's hands for a moment before Simmons adjusted herself. She kissed his hand and turned herself so that her head was just below Fitz's then placed her hand on his firm chest. Their legs were intertwined, and their bodies were pressed close together, ready to fall asleep. It was almost perfect until their phones both went off.

"Oh piss off-"

"Oh, Fitz, will you please..."

A text from Mack.

"Coulson sent May, Daisy, and me on a mission. Won't be back for a few hours. Sleep in, you need it. I'll let you know when we're headed back to HQ."

They both looked at each other and gave a smirk. Setting their phones back down, they resumed their former position and settled in.

Fitz held her close, afraid of losing her. He knew she was struggling mentally with the idea of being responsible for so much pain and death, but he knew he could convince her that she is the physical embodiment of everything good in the world.

Jemma held him tightly, afraid that he would slip through her fingertips and lose him. He was her everything, and without him, she would lose herself. She would try and let him convince her that she was a good person who deserved to live, but it would take time. She values Fitz's opinion above anyone else's, and if he believes that she's a good person worth saving, then maybe, just maybe, he was right.