The sun blazed in through Normas bedroom window, she rolled over to shield her eyes from the blinding light and rubbed her head, then it hit her like a ton of bricks what had happened the night before 'Oh god no' She gasped in horror as it all started to come back to her, the things she had shared with Alex, the vile way she spoke to him it was all flooding back. Then the realisation of how it all started, how she had drank too much and tried to make Alex jealous by throwing herself at the other men in the bar and how she took it too far and left with a man without really thinking and how he had almost raped her but Alex stepped in and saved her. He was always doing that, saving her. She suddenly remembered the advances she made towards Alex whilst in the house and was mortified, she wished she hadn't woken up now, how would she be able to look at him after this, Norma's thoughts raced through her head, 'Oh god, he must think I'm a complete whore, what have I done, the one man to care for me and I've scared him off, he'll never look or talk to me again.'

But Alex wasn't like the rest of the men she had ever met, he was different, he was the one and only man to ever turn Norma down, she wasn't used to men respecting her like this and in all honesty she didn't know how to feel about it. Old feelings of rejection resurfaced and Norma felt a little stab in her heart and although it hurt she was surprised with what she felt next, she felt a warmth, it started in her stomach and made its way up to her chest, it seemed to wrap around her whole body and she subconsciously smiled. It dawned on Norma finally that the reason he didn't sleep with her wasn't because he wasn't interested or attracted but out of respect, he actually valued her, appreciated her and he didn't just want her body and what she could do with it, no he wanted all of her. Her heart, her mind and her soul. He wanted to protect her, and that meant telling her 'no' when she needed to hear it the most. Norma's heart skipped a beat, what Alex did was the kindest thing a man has ever done for her.

Norma's head was bursting with everything that was going on, she wasn't exactly sure where Alex was at this point, it worried her. She didn't want to bang into him, she didn't want to see him at all, she felt so ashamed of how she acted, she had never wanted Alex to see that side of her, that vicious, cold and damaged side that could trample on anyone if she had to. Although it was not completely out of character for her, she hadn't been this bad in a long time, and it all seemed to stem from Caleb. Every time he crashed back into her life, he'd cause a trail of destruction, leave and Norma would self-destruct, and although most of the time she had a handle on her destructive and dangerous behaviours Caleb seemed to ignite something in her that just sent her over the edge. She was always left figuring out and dealing with the emotional baggage that came with seeing him.

Norma knew she couldn't blame everything on Caleb, she was a grown woman and she had to be accountable for her actions, no matter how much it made her hate herself. Everything was slowly coming back to her, in bits and pieces, she sat on the edge of her bed willing herself to remember as much as she could. The sharp pain and bruising on her inner thighs was enough of a reminder, she stroked her legs and pushed hard onto her bruises, biting down on her lip in the process, she let out a little gasp as the pain got stronger, she thought maybe if the physical pain was stronger than the emotional pain maybe she could cope better. Norma next examined her wrists, they were sore and bruised, she assumed from the guy forcefully holding her, but then it hit her that it was Alex. She thought to herself, 'How ridiculous, what lunatic needs to be handcuffed to a steering wheel because she won't stop running away from the man that saved her from getting raped. Oh God Norma you idiot.'

The cool cold air circulated around Norma's room and she was suddenly very aware of how exposed she was, she had nothing on her, her cheeks flushed scarlet at the thought of Alex having to take her to bed in a towel and wrapping a blanket over her. Norma bit her lip again trying to stop the tears, she crept up to her wardrobe to get something to put on, she couldn't stand to look at herself anymore. She was disgusted at her behaviour and herself and she thought she looked every bit as disgusting as she felt. She examined her bruised and tired body in the full length mirror, nipping at the parts she hated most, scrutinising all the little flaws, her red puffy eyes, cheeks stained with faint mascara, her stretch marks, the scar on her leg and the deep ugly purple bruise on the side of her face. Norma couldn't hold it in any longer, the anger, the self loathing and the crippling guilt, all coming out, pouring out in every tear that left her and stinging her sore and delicate skin. She reached for a floral pyjama set and quickly put them on. She stood in front of the mirror again, the overwhelming urge to smash it was proving too much and so she hung her towel over it, next she picked up her robe and draped that over her vanity mirror, she couldn't face seeing herself right now. This was not the Norma Bates that she had created for herself, she was vulnerable and raw. Exposed. And she hated that her mask had slipped, she'd shown the real her. Her fragility was the one thing she tried so hard to hide but she couldn't hide from this. It was real and it was out there and she needed to confront Alex about it.

Norma heard the stairs creaking and she froze in panic, she assumed it would be Alex and climbed quietly back into bed, turning on her side and pretending to sleep. She couldn't face Alex, not today, she wasn't even sure if she could face him tomorrow, or the next day. Things were bad, and she knew that she'd crossed several lines. She couldn't see a way back from this and the easiest thing to do just now was to pretend it didn't happen and avoid Alex.

Alex knocked at her door, he was nervous, wasn't sure if she would be awake, he wasn't sure if he wanted her to be awake to be honest. He had no idea how to approach her, what to say to her. How would they move on from this? It was early and Alex had decided to make Norma breakfast, she needed to keep her strength up. As he balanced the tray in one hand and knocked softly on her door he waited for her to open it or at least answer for him to come in, but there was no answer, he made the decision to go in, even though he knew she probably wouldn't want him to disregard her boundaries, but he wanted to at least give her the option of something to eat. Alex tip-toed into the room and placed the tray on the bed, he sat next to her and tucked a small blonde curl behind her ear, she looked so beautiful and calm.

The two of them were engulfed in a deathly silence, both wanting to reach out to the other but completely afraid to do so. Both broken from the events of the night before and both needing each other more than they knew. Tears escaped Norma's shut eyes and ran onto her pillow, she wanted more than anything to take back the last 24 hours, but she knew she couldn't. She'd let her guard down and allowed Alex to get too close and now they had both been burnt by her actions, she felt it was easier to just let him go. As much as she wanted to go back to normal and for them to fix this she just couldn't bring herself, forgive herself even, to allow that. Alex was better off without her craziness and sordid background. He needed a normal woman.

Alex lifted himself up off the bed, positioning the breakfast tray so that it wouldn't tip over. He pulled Norma's spare blanket over her and leant in to kiss the back of her head. He realised that at some point she had put pajamas on, he half wondered to himself if she was really sleeping at all. Maybe she was pretending so she didn't have to face him, he didn't want to question it or 'wake' her if she wasn't ready. The little voice in Alex's head telling him, 'She'll talk when she wants to talk. Leave her be. She needs space.' And with that Alex longingly and sympathetically gazed at Norma ignoring the pains prickling in his heart, he sighed quietly and let out the faintest little sob as he closed the door behind him.

Norma's eyes sprung open, she couldn't quite believe that she heard Alex sobbing, it was so faint she wondered if maybe she had imagined it. 'I've really done a number on him, I can't believe what I've put him through' she thought to herself. Norma slowly and quietly rolled over, ignoring the pains she felt and glanced at the breakfast tray. She knew Alex wasn't much of a cook but he had put out a lovely spread even if he didn't make it fully himself. There was a fruit salad, mainly consisting of strawberries, Norma remembered a conversation they had once about how much she loved them and enjoyed making jam with the leftovers she had. She couldn't believe Alex had remembered that, he must have gone out to get them as she didn't have any in the kitchen. Alex had also added yogurt, toast, orange juice and a coffee with some creamer and sugar. Norma didn't feel up to eating but she appreciated the sentiment and picked up the coffee. She waited a good 40 minutes before venturing out of her room, taking as much care as she could and being as quiet as possible.

It felt silly to Norma to be creeping around her own home, especially like this and hiding from Alex. Although she at one point had to sneak around before when Norman lost his temper and almost took it out on her, Norma always felt that he would never really have hurt her but she was completely blinded by her love for him and in denial. And the longer she believed that he was incapable of hurting her the harder it was to manage his outbursts and rages but she knew how to play to him, how to keep him relaxed and how to not overwhelm him, but it was exhausting. She was exhausted and drained. She knew that Dylan was right, Norman did need professional help, but she was so scared to lose Norman, he was her everything, her world. She wouldn't know how to survive without him. It had always been just them and Norma poured everything she had into molding Norman to being the 'perfect' man. She had instilled good morals, kindness, sensitivity and empathy towards others and although Norma loved to spoil Norman with her cooking, and fussing around after him she also taught him how to cook and clean so that he didn't demand his wife do it. She wanted her sweet darling boy to be the best husband ever- to the right girl obviously- to be the type of man that she never had. Norma worked hard on making sure that Norman was nothing like her father, Caleb, Sam or any of the assholes she had come across in her lifetime. She was determined that Norman would turn out better than the previous men in her life. But most of all, she just wanted to feel safe with him. Knowing that he loved her and would never hurt her.

Norma had spent her whole life not knowing what love meant, or what it could mean, with her upbringing with her father and with Caleb it meant that she had so much confusion with love and what was appropriate and what wasn't. She just wanted to show how much she loved Norman and affection was the way she expressed how much she cared. He'd gone through so much, witnessed things a young boy should never witness and she just wanted to shield him. He was so sensitive, delicate, fragile even and very easily broken, not like Dylan, she didn't need to worry so much with him, Dylan was strong and resilient and seemed to be able to deal with the awful situation they lived in, but in reality Dylan had no choice to grow up quick, he had to look out for himself as Norma wasn't always able to. He wanted to protect her despite her cold unpredictable hot and cold treatment of him and Norman was his little brother, it was his job to look out for him. Over years Dylan and Norma grew closer, but there was always that emptiness and barrier between them, like she had him at arms length he though, she always seemed scared of him. And it broke his heart. He didn't know why. Sure during his teenage years he had outbursts and uncontrollable rages as any teenager would experience , he smoked and drank with his friends and Norma hated it. She only ever confronted him once about it and the way he kicked off sent her over the edge, she freaked out. In a temper he tried to storm off and Norma blocked him, stopped him from leaving and he grabbed her and shoved her into the wall, she crumpled in his arms, her reaction shocked him, she looked so scared, terrified even. Dylan let go imminently and left the house. He would never forget her face and it haunted him still. After that Norma started to distance herself from Dylan, he had really scared her and just couldn't get past how like his father he was and his grandfather and step dad. She vowed to keep him away from Norman at all costs. He was a bad influence. She couldn't risk Norman turning out like these men.

Norma knew deep down she smothered Norman, she tried to protect him from everything, he was her little boy and she wanted everything to be perfect, she'd missed out on that with Dylan and as much as it pained her that they weren't that close she couldn't help what had happened. She had and would always regret the way she treated him, she wasn't much of a mother to Dylan and she knew he always deserved better. His bright little eyes and his chubby little chocolate fingers grabbing at her for a cuddle and her not being able to be there fully for him, every time she looked at Dylan she saw Caleb and she hated the way Dylan demanded so much of her attention, she hated how he looked just like his father and how this child was so needy and suffocating at times. Sometimes the pain was too much to bear, the flashbacks with Caleb and now a tiny little baby looking up at her to protect him. She couldn't do it, not properly. She knew she had failed Dylan. And even though Dylan was an adult now, she still had the same feelings, of course she loved Dylan and she would have done anything for him but so much had happened over the past twenty odd years that it was hard to repair the damage she had done and inflicted on him. She understood why he called her 'Norma' because let's face it she wasn't a mother to him, not really. And she wished so badly to be able to change that. It had all come so easy to her when Norman was born and it's always been that way since, she showered him with love, affection and kisses as a way to show her love, the more her love grew the bigger her heart felt, the more love Norman showed back the better she felt about herself. And that's where it started. Norman could give her what no other man had ever been able to give her, unconditional love. He loved her, everything about her, her flaws, her insecurities and she loved the same way back. At some point over the years things had gotten complicated and Norma looked to Norman for her comfort, her sanctuary, her peace and her love. Her husband was abusive and it pushed Norma to seek comfort from Norman, all she wanted was to be held tight, to be comforted and told everything was going to be alright. Norma only ever saw Norman as her son, he was the light of her life, but the way he made her feel calm and better about herself only drew her in more. Every man Norma had been with had raped or abused her, but Norman only wanted to cuddle her and love her. She was very much aware that she was his mother but she loved just how safe she felt in his arms. And to her that was the best place to be, in Norman's heart. Norma felt the intense bond she had with him, something only a mother could feel, pure love. She knew deep down that maybe she relied on him too much. He was just a boy and somehow he held the key to Norma's heart. She was unable to let anyone in, nobody could get close to her heart, it was reserved only for Norman.

Norma had no idea that the closeness that she had with Norman would end up being something that could ultimately break her, she'd rather die than admit that she was scared of him. Especially as she raised him better than this, she raised him to not hurt people. She'd taken him away from the violent men in his life, made sure he was surrounded by it, but it was too late, every little thing Norman witnessed took a little piece of his heart and the guilt he felt crippled him. Eventually 'Mother' formed, she was apart of him an invention of Normans fractured psyche and she looked after Norman when he felt vulnerable and scared. She shielded him better than Norma could, despite trying her best.

The night that Norman scared her would always haunt her, the look in his eyes and the pain she felt in her heart. She had always managed to control his blackouts, or at least control as much as she could but now she was worried that all her hard work was going to be undone as Norman was just completely unpredictable. That night she locked Norman in his room and had to endure his screams, eventually he stopped but she was too scared to go and check on him, instead she stayed awake, worried to sleep in case he managed to get out. By the time morning had come around she was completely exhausted but confident that he was back to himself, she let him out and made him breakfast. Norman was completely oblivious to what had happened. And it was just another secret brushed under the carpet, another thing to hide which would ultimately come back to hurt Norma.

Norma listened out to hear if Alex was going about, everything appeared calm, peaceful. She prayed he had gone to work. The last thing she needed right now was to bump into him. She knew the damage she had inflicted on Alex, both emotionally and physically and she knew there was definitely a conversation that had to be had. Just not today she prayed. Norma crept down the stairs, carefully avoiding the parts of the staircase that she knew would let out a creak and tip-toed into the kitchen. She sighed with relief when she realised he wasn't there, her heart finally stopped beating like it was going to explode out her chest and she felt like she could breathe again. Norma noticed a note on the table, there was a small bunch of flowers sitting next to it, her heart lurched as she panicked about what might be written on the inside. She was terrified. Norma held her breath, not knowing what words might come out and break her heart further...

'Norma,I know you probably haven't eaten your breakfast and i know that you're rolling your eyes right now, but coffee doesn't count okay. You need to keep your strength up. I've made you a sandwich, it's in the refrigerator. Please eat it. Or at least eat something today. Please.I thought you might want some space today, call me if you want to talk or want me to come over.I'm always here Norma, never forget that.Alex'

Tears escaped Norma's eyes, she couldn't help it, this man knew her too well, so well it scared her. His kindness was too much though, she couldn't cope with him being so sensitive to her needs and being so thoughtful, she'd never had this before from anyone, not even Norman. Alex's sweet and forgiving nature only amplified her guilt, making it even more impossible to forgive herself. It only confirmed in her head that he deserved better. She would and could never be what he needed.

Little did she know that, she already was everything Alex needed, all she had to do was forgive herself. Alex loved every single thing about her, there wasn't anything she could do to stop him from loving her.