A/N: Trigger Warning: Suicidal Ideation. Now I'm the villain in your history. Love and be loved. Read… and review!

It's Shit

[Winter/Spring 113 AG]

Just as the morning light is preparing to break above the horizon, a black haired beauty realizes she is conscious. She does not go to move. She lets the sun win today's race. More often than not lately that's been happening. As a teenager she prided herself on being up and about before the sun rose. Even a few years ago she would never be caught in bed while the sun ascended into the sky, unless she was dead. Now that she is older, and assuredly wiser, she knows that all that needs to be done can be accomplished with even a modicum of effort and a few hours of concentration.

'No need to rise up early when I get it all done in the end anyway.'

Today at least she concedes that she's got an excuse. She rolls in bed to look at the woman beside her. Never one to rise with the sun herself, Zirin is facing the other way, topless, her bare back exposed to Azula. Etched into the canvas of her skin are claw marks. The signs of Azula's work on Zirin's birthday last night. She used to lay here and trace the lines for hours. Now she just blinks at it blandly. She rolls back over and climbs out of bed finally.

She lazily slips a bra and tank top on and walks out of the Master Bedroom of the Firelily Inn. She heads downstairs and collects tea from the communal kitchen. As she heads back past the front desk, towards the staircase, the Innkeeper makes a show to bow before her and properly address the Dragon Empress. The poor girl had embarrassed herself yesterday when she had attempted to charge Azula for the room.

Under Ruki and Zirin's leadership, their enterprises have expanded significantly. The manager of the Firelily Inn, Olimo, had never even met Azula before, despite 'working for her' for almost two years now. She knew of the Empress, but her highest level of dealings had been a brief interview with Ruki before being hired soon after. Azula waves her off and returns to the bedroom.

She takes a quick glance at the woman in bed, who doesn't move. She goes and stands at the window. She looks down at her hands holding the cup. Her fingers are so thin and brittle. More so than she can remember since she was much younger. She wonders if they'll keep whittling away until they fade to nothing. Until she fades to nothing.

Azula believes in monsters. She always has. She believes in ghosts and demons too. All of them live within her. They ruled her will for so long. They wrestle within her for control and for several years they won time and again. Now she keeps them at bay. She tames the monsters.

Her eyes drag up and she looks out at Xue Wu Village. The clouds look heavy and she thinks that rain may be coming. Perhaps it's raining elsewhere, she wonders. She'll ask Ruki when she gets into town if she had to fight through any rough weather. She thinks about Ruki and about Zirin and the trio's journey together over the last 11 years.

All the good they'd done for young girls, for women, and the world.

How a younger Azula would be proud.

If the girl in the woods outside of Jingchan, sweating, hungry, and on the run, could see all that she's done, all that she's become, she would be so happy.

'But the woman I am today isn't-'

A body weight crashed into her from behind. A left hand wraps around her. A seductive voice whispers in her ear.

"Good morning, my darling. Last night was wonderful."

"Was it now?"

"Mhm," she hums. "One of my best nights ever. How was it for you?"

She looks out across a colorless world. It reflects as much outside as she feels inside. She replies.

"I've never been happier."

There had been rain on the road, and Ruki had brought it all with her. Azula had wanted them to be out and about, walking around town, being seen by the loyal townsfolk. Given the weather, she had instead taken them to the mountain fortress, where they now sat drinking tea together.

These chambers had once been a prison of Fire Nation civilians from the village. In their many years since then they had reclaimed it and made it their home, complete with a throne for Azula. The rain pours down above, but it is but a distant, white noise. Azula sits at her royal place, with Ruki on her left hand side. It's just the two of them, reviewing details of their next important endeavor. Zirin wasn't feeling well after last night and had been excused. A belated birthday gift from her girlfriend.

Azula is droning on about some minutiae details when she realizes that Ruki's eyes are distant and glossed over.

"Do I bore you, Ruki? Are you so unconcerned with our enterprises? Or have you just become so used to our success?

"Hmm? Oh no, Empress, I apologize. It's just. Well," she hesitates. Finally she says, "I'll admit I'm a bit distracted."

"I couldn't tell," she quips. "What's occupying your mind?"

"I… don't know how to say this, Empress."

"Hmm?"

"It's embarrassing."

This catches Azula off guard. The two girls, despite over a decade of working together, had few emotional conversations, and they were far between. Something softer flourishes forth from the Dragon Empress.

"Ruki, you are one of my oldest, most faithful friends. There is nothing you can share with me that would bring shame to yourself or which I would dishonor you for."

Ruki hems and haws. Her mouth moves but no words come out. She shuts her eyes and tries to force it out. She blurts out, "I was recently scorned by a lover."

Azula blinks and her head retracts in reproach. "Oh. I see."

"I knew I shouldn't have spoken. I'm sorry, Empress."

"No, no. It's fine. I was unaware that you were even involved with anyone."

"I wasn't. I'm not. I'm, ergh, it's complicated."

"I see that."

"It's just," she hems and haws again. Her voice is sad but passionate at the same time. "When you love someone and they don't love you back? I, well, I don't know what it is, but it's worse than-"

"It's shit." Azula blunts out in total recognition. Her voice isn't excited. She just understands.

"Yes!" Ruki exclaims in agreement. Her voice flattens as she calms down. Emotion leaves her as the reality returns. "It's shit."

A heavy silence befalls them. Azula empathizes with the redhead beside her, yet she doesn't feel that she can say anything. Ruki has known her since the beginning. She's had a front row seat to her relationship with Zirin. She remains quiet and uncomforting of her longtime friend.

The girl with violet eyes sighs. She apologizes, "Sorry about all of that. We should return to the business."

"Yes," Azula agrees. "Let's do that."

More confidently now, Ruki speaks, "Ultimately, you're the Puppetmaster. I needn't do anything and this will still go according to plan."

"Don't say that, Ruki," Azula politely accosts her. "We've talked about this: I don't want someone who will just say all of my ideas are perfect. We've learned over the years to always ask questions. I need you to be that for me. My unilateral authority is how we lost so many Fire Warriors."

"Hmm. Do you ever regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Saving them."

"From Koh's Disciples?"

"And their Face King."

"Hmm," she pretends to think for a moment. She knows the answer. She lies anyway. "All the time, Ruki. I should've let them reap that Island and sowed it. We could've ripped them out at any point."

"We lost many girls that night when you saved us. Most that survived abandoned our cause to fight alongside the Kyoshi Warriors after that."

"Indeed. On the one hand they are traitors and cowards," Azula tells her. "But on the other hand they were young and scared. We once we're like them. I might have made a similar choice if I'd been in their position. It's why we have our no-kill order on them."

"An unpopular decision if you've ever made one."

"Ruki you know as well as I do that the mantle of leadership is always accompanied by criticism and doubt," she tells her. There's a pause as nothing is said. Azula takes this as a time to course correct. "Now let's get back to discussing this move to, uh, what's it-"

"Republic City."

"Ah yes, I'm still not used to that. Old Cranefish Town, as it were. In any case, our next steps will be to build out our Republic City Empire."

"Forgive me, Empress," Ruki cuts in, repositioning to better face Azula. "But this will be your first time actively in the field in some time, yes? Months? Years?"

Azula knows exactly how long it's been. So does Ruki. She plays along.

"Something like that. You said it yourself: As the Puppetmaster, I need not be involved anymore. I can rule through fear, from afar."

"Indeed," Ruki concedes. "But it will be good to have you back in the fold. Especially as we've heard that those Kyoshi Warriors are involved with the city police."

"Then we surely have nothing to worry about."

Ruki insists, "They're sending their very best."

"No!" Azula shouts over her. "I killed the last great Kyoshi Warrior. I burned her with such a fire that not even bones were left."

Ruki sips from her tea. She does not rebuttal. She does not dare say the name.

The Nokizo Village Island was once a hidden gem of the Southern Sea. Whether it's visitors were seafarers headed towards the Southern Water Tribe or the Si Wong Desert, or safe recluse from the clutches of the unagi, many could find the warm welcome of the Nokizo Village Island. It had been a splendid place to stopover or a scenic view as one passed it. All of which ended during the Hundred Year's War.

Tourism dried up over the decades. After Avatar Aang arrived in the nearby Kyoshi Island in late 99 AG, all of the remaining warriors were called home to aid in the efforts to fight against the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. Forgotten during war time, ravaged by economic failure, the 'hidden gem' lost all of its luster. What's more, just a few years earlier it had been pillaged by pirates who slain nearly all of its inhabitants on their way to a larger prize. In such a small village, word travels swiftly. The rumor was that those men who killed their friends and kin got what was coming to them, from a real life dragon no less.

Today, the Nokizo Village is nothing more than a forgotten stepchild of Kyoshi Island. Some of the more superfluous girls on the mainland, both warriors and otherwise, have dubbed it the 'No-One Village Island' because of its tiny population of just 41. It consists primarily of the few living ancestors of the land, recluses, older folks from Kyoshi who had come to retire in quiet, and a single Kyoshi Warrior assigned to protect it.

The role of the Nokizo Village protector was not a desirable task. It wasn't something that people wanted or sought out. No one trained on Kyoshi with the intention of asking to be stationed at Nokizo Village. It was a punishment. A serviceable death sentence to careers. A place to put warriors who had acted out of line, or who needed to be retired. A place to put them to permanently reconsider their choices. As the sole defender you had no help, no partner, no one you reported to on a daily basis. A weekly, sometimes even monthly messenger hawk to Kyoshi Island was all that was expected. A simple report detailing the status quo was still intact.

The days of the island getting lavish visitors from all over the area have long since passed. Equally so, the Kyoshi Warrior who stands guard over the village is deep into retirement themself, waiting for their watch to end. Wondering when their watch will end. Hoping for their watch to end.

Normally, she sits at the top of her watch tower at the highest point on the island and watches the golden sun slip beyond the horizon. Long past her time of departure, she would watch it set and then head for home. Eat whatever she has around and then go to bed. Do it all again the next day. However, none of that happens today.

Today it rains.

All across the Earth Kingdom. Probably all over the world it rains in droves. So instead, she sits at her post, beneath an awning, and contemplates life. How she got here. What she'll eat for dinner. Her hand reaches up and idly plays with her hair. Twisting it into braids. Stopping when she remembers. She peeks at her hand. Her fingers are so thin and brittle. More so than she can remember since she was much younger. She wonders if they'll keep whittling away until they fade to nothing. Until she fades to nothing.

The hours pass by until the time comes to go home. She stands up under the awning and lifts her umbrella over her head. The wind threatens to yank it right out of her tender fingertips. She grips it tighter as she walks home. A little less than halfway a strong gust of wind blows and the umbrella shoots upward, snapping. She still holds on to it, but it's broken. She doesn't bother to lightly jog back. She just walks through it, getting drenched in the storm.

She bursts through the door to her home and quickly shuts the rain out. She walks into her kitchen and falls into a chair. The wind howls outside, and all of her drawn in window sills rattle. Water drips off of her and onto the kitchen floor, her Kyoshi makeup running down her face. As she listens to the wind and waits to dry off, her mind wanders again.

She doesn't know how long she's been here. The time has passed so quickly, yet so slowly. Every day is the same, from beginning to end. It doesn't even really feel like days are going by or that she is living her life. Every day she is alive, but she doesn't think of herself as living. She is simply existing. Simply sifting through the static of every single day. She lies down in the sands of time as they pass over her. Those sands overcome her and make her feel like she is buried alive. Completely trapped by the circumstances of her life. No matter how much she tries to move or fight against it, the weight never shifts. It just remains heavy and holds her down, never giving her room to breathe.

When she first came here, her friends and allies had wanted to protect her. Make sure she was safe, away from the eyes of the world. They hid her in plain sight, but in doing so, just like Nokizo Village, she was forgotten with time. Now, no one can find her. No one is looking for her.

She's tired and wants to rest, but all she's done the last few years is rest. She's been so lonely. She's grown boney and frail from the diet out on the island. All she knows is this island, as if it's been her entire life. Whatever the reason she originally became a Kyoshi Warrior, it's been forgotten now. Her purpose has been lost and now there is only the island. Now there is only her watch and waiting for it to end, wanting it to end. Now there is only the rain and the rattling windows.

A sudden knock on her door startles her and jerks her out of her trance. She looks to the front door with surprise and anxiety. She rises, and slowly ambles towards the door. She wonders if the Fire Warriors have finally been activated and are descending on her.

A voice shouts over the rain, "Hello?"

She tries to steel herself as she approaches it. The voice speaks her name.

"Ty Lee?"

She hears her name for the first time in recent memory.

"It's me. It's Suki."

She blinks, struggling to believe as she stands at the door.

"You weren't at your post and there aren't really any other places to go?"

The brunette can hear the voice clearly now. She believes. She reaches for the handle and pulls it open. The chain on the door keeps it at just a crack. Through the crevice she sees her leader and old friend.

"Suki?"

"Hey there!" She greets her warmly. "Mind if I come in? It's terrible out here."

Coming to her senses, Ty Lee quickly nods. She closes the door and reaches for the latch. She pauses a moment. There's a small part of her that still fears this is a trap. A clever ploy whereby she'll let her guard down and get killed at long last.

"Ty?"

The voice reaches her and she comes to her senses again. She unchains the lock and opens the door.

Ty Lee settles in at the kitchen table again with a cup of hot leaf juice, because she was sure it couldn't be called tea. Suki takes one sip, grimaces as she swallows, and decides that will be her last sip. Ty Lee drinks it despite the quality because she has nothing else. Suki offers a platitude.

"So, how long has it been since I was last here? A couple of months?"

The twenty-seven year old woman with grey eyes quickly but meekly replies, "It's been a year, Suki."

"No," Suki dismisses her out of hand. She looks around the room as she holds her cup. "No, it hasn't. I was just here, feels like the other day."

It's been over a year. Suki blocks that out. Ty Lee doesn't want to fight with her leader about it. Suki begins curbing the conversation.

"The world is becoming bigger, Ty. You can't stay hidden forever."

"You put me here?" Ty Lee asks with honest confusion.

"I've told you many times that you can leave when you're ready, Ty. You just don't want to."

This is also true, but Ty Lee has also blocked it out. She doesn't know how to respond to this. She doesn't think Suki is right, but she knows she's not wrong. She tries to move along.

"Well. You're here now. What have you come for?"

Growing serious Suki says, "I've come to ask for your help"

"With what?"

Suki looks right into those grey eyes.

"She's back, Ty."

"No."

"Ty Lee-"

"I don't care. I don't want to hear it, Suki."

This is going nowhere fast. Suki had anticipated as much and came prepared. She pivots.

"I know what you care about. Have you seen-"

"No. I told you, Suki, I am done with her."

There's a brief pause as Suki let's her breathe. A small smile dawns on her lips as she says, "I was going to ask if you've seen Republic City yet."

"Oh. Oh, well, umm, no. I haven't," Ty Lee awkwardly admits.

"It's beautiful," Suki says while daydreaming about it. "High rising concrete towers that touch the clouds. Spectacular architecture. It's unlike anything I've ever seen."

"I… can't even imagine it."

"Best of all. They have this state of the art police academy."

"Oh?"

"And they want us to help with it."

"Build it?" Ty Lee asks, incredulous.

"Sort of," Suki nods. "Build it up. They want the Kyoshi Warriors to train the non-benders so they can chiblock and fight and defend the people of the city."

"Sounds like a great opportunity."

"It is," Suki agrees. "And I want you by my side for it."

Ty Lee chuckles. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not?"

"I've wasted away on this island. I'm no good to you anymore," she says. Quietly she adds, "I'm no good to anyone."

Suki's hands are quicker than Ty Lee can react. They leave the mug and reach up to grab Ty Lee's face. She cups her cheeks in her palms. She stares into those grey eyes for a while. She's searching for something. Ty Lee hasn't had this much physical touch with another human in years. After a few more seconds, Suki smiles.

"Nope." She tells her, releasing the cheeks.

Ty Lee stares blankly.

"That's not true, Ty Lee."

Ty Lee still is confused. The look in her eyes implores Suki to go on.

"You're a living legend amongst the Kyoshi Warriors. You taught us chiblocking. You were instrumental in rescuing those children in the Capital. You saved us from Koh's Disciples. We need you way more than you need us."

One word sticks to the brunette.

"Legend?" She asks.

"Yes, Ty." Suki says, sensing the tides changing in her favor. "Your legacy isn't this island. Your legacy is a lasting impact on the Kyoshi Warriors and the world that will be felt for evermore."

Ty Lee feels that her mouth is dry. Her pulse is quick. She hangs off of every word.

"So come back. Take my hand and come back with me," she says, offering her hand. "Come to Republic City, help us train these green recruits."

Ty Lee looks down at the hand. She considers leaving the island. She considers joining Suki. The two teenage friends, back on the beat of a magical, futuristic city. Suki whispers a little bonus to her.

"And along the way, maybe we'll catch that bitch who put you in the ocean," she says with a wry smile. "There's no one better in the world than you to do it."

Ty Lee smiles. She takes Suki's hand.

A/N: This chapter's OST is "Your Name Hurts" by Hailee Steinfeld.

Love always. Tyzula forever.

Notorious