Chapter Six: Slightly Unhinged
For the past couple of months, Roman had been entertaining a suggestion to raise his mooks morale. The strangely human artificial intelligence who called herself Tessa had proposed they open a night club. It was a simple club with a large dining area and dance floor, it had a stage for performers and things were going well. There was one cause for concern though, Tessa's devotion was typically harmless. However, at times she seemed a little…off, there were times where he was sure that at any second, she'd snap. He had counter measures in place to make sure it didn't happen at least.
"Man, I never expected a night club in the slums of town would make us so much side money from our own minions, civilians too!" Roman stated with amusement, leaning on his cane. "Neo, what do you think? Should we be using the kid for more than busywork? She's got the stuff you know? Our tech crew say she's nearly as advanced as that robot girl Doctor Light built." He was pretty sure that she was even more advanced. He didn't understand that rocket science, but apparently the nanomachines provided her with infinite possibilities.
Neo hunched forward with both dejection and frustration. "The bitch should be melted down for scrap metal…" Her expression was nothing but loathing as she sent the text. She could care less about the bucket of bolts. Nothing would come between her and Roman, she had found him first.
"Now now Neo, let's not fight like cats and dogs. Besides she's harmless, technology or not she'd probably be no match for you. Would you mind fetching her for me? I just thought of a task that'd be perfect for our little mechanical minion." He was hoping the two would get along by now, but cats and dogs was exactly how he'd describe their current ability to work together.
"Tessa, Tessa, Tessa…" Neo texted back as she let out a sigh of defeat. This was a battle she just wouldn't win right now. It pained her to give in, but she had resigned to being number two at the moment.
"Weird, wonder what's gotten into her lately? I mean sure the kid is a little clingy but…hmm?" Roman's moment of pondering was halted when he spotted a pair of rabbit Faunus. "Why hello there, what would you say about going to the back rooms and urk." He was cut off when the taller woman grabbed his necktie and tightened it.
"Not even in your dreams boss…" She uttered coldly as she shoved him away from her.
Roman blinked and regained his composure. "Your loss sweetheart!" He shouted pleasantly with a bow as he watched them leave the club. "Uppity little fleabags…" He grumbled quietly to himself as he rolled his eyes.
"The princess has arrived…" Neo texted to Roman after quietly approaching him, she was halfway dragging her by the arm.
"Oh good, I've thought of something for our little minion to do." Roman chimed confidently as he turned around to face her. "And you're wearing the perfect outfit for it too!" He stated jokingly after realizing she was wearing something that mimicked a bear maid's attire.
Tessa's eyes lit up. "You're gonna let me go on a serious operation?" She was quite excited, hoping that he'd finally come up with a use for her superhuman abilities.
"In good time dear, but for now I've noticed most of my mooks are looking a bit parched. Would you mind fetching them drinks on the house?" Roman questioned with an honest tone, well, he wasn't exactly being honest. He just needed a way to keep her occupied for a day while he thought of a use for her.
"Oh yes! Serving drinks, that's way better than that weird dance I had to do." Tessa chimed sarcastically before hunching forward. "Literally so much better it hurts." She grumbled quietly with a sigh as she prepared to do her task.
Roman tilted his head when Neo gave him a raised brow. "What's that look for?" He was surprised to see her confused, she was typically very confident and serious all the time.
"You do realize she's a literal death machine, right?" Neo's face oozed sarcasm as she wrote the text. Normally she was fine with Roman's antics, but she wasn't stupid. She had seen plenty of sci fi movies about artificial intelligence enslaving humanity.
"Not to worry Neo! Doctor Hazel said that the modifications he made to her mainframe has her completely docile and complacent. And when we do need her muscle all we need to do is hit a switch…which I…definitely have on my person." Roman answered with a bit of concern as he fiddled about in his pockets until he found it.
"Roman, I love you, you know that. But for my sanity, please try not to anger that…thing." Neo replied with a roll of her eyes. "Gods know what I'd do with myself if anything ever happened to you on my watch…" To be honest she really didn't know what she would do, or how much her life would change without him. She was glad one of her classmates had suggested using texting to communicate, it was way easier than the trick that stoic little twat suggested.
"Neopolitan, you worry too much! Besides the more we treat her like family the more loyal she'll be right? Hmm…what's the commotion now?" Roman tilted his head slightly when two bouncers came rushing up to him. They looked exhausted, and he was pretty sure one of them had a black eye.
"We're sorry boss, we tried to be polite…but that woman is too much." One of the guards was out of breath. Since they had ran to their boss in quite a hurry.
"A woman you say? What kind of men are you, letting yourselves get manhandled by some random wench? Honestly, I can't think of a single person besides Neo who'd be a danger to you two." That wasn't entirely true, there were at least four women, six if he counted his boss and one of her minions.
"Hello darlings~ I do hope you don't mind but I've got an itch to scratch. I am SO stressed out and when I get stressed, I have an insatiable need to you know, raise the roof? I think that's what the kids call it these days~" The woman's voice was pleasant, but it was also somewhat threatening.
"Ohhhh…no…" Roman had heard the rumors, about a crazed tea merchant who also read people's fortunes. The rumors also stated she was insanely strong, but with a personality so disarming it was hard to believe.
Hazumi skipped gleefully over to Roman. "Oh! You're even cuter in person~ tell me dear have you ever had your future told?" She chimed playfully as she closed in on him, she knew breaking his charisma would be a feat to behold.
"I'm going to kick myself for asking, but the hell do you mean, in person?" Roman wasn't phased at all by her personality. "I don't recall meeting you on the phone or anywhere else lady. Also, this is a private club, white fang supporters only. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave." His selective hearing then caught up with him. "You're saying you're some kind of seer?" He had to admit he was slightly curious, that'd be a useful talent to have in his back pocket.
"Bingo~ I can see one of the two unavoidable things in life, and it's not taxes. It's rather bothersome really, having to watch people I don't even know die until I warn them about it, or a new vision occurs." She grinned and put a hand on his shoulder. "As for what I mean by in person, well, I just explained it didn't I? I've been looking like, EVERYWHERE for you my dear! As for your little private club, I also have a solution to that dilemma." She finished seriously as she shrugged her shoulders. This man seemed like a useful one, she wouldn't mind having him around.
"You're saying you saw me die?" Roman took a step back, there was no sarcasm in her tone as she spoke. She was clearly telling the truth, and she seemed just cooky enough to be a seer. "And what do you mean you have a solution, I thought you were one of those 'neutral party' types?" That was one of the other things he'd heard. She could apparently keep up with one of the maidens, but she never leaned too hard into either camp.
"Being neutral means I don't pick a side dear, doesn't mean I can't come and go as I please." Hazumi hummed in amusement. "Let me be perfectly blunt love. See, I happen to need vast quantities of dust for my…experiments. And well, that pesky Ozpin has put up some nasty boring red tape over a dust mine I was mooching from. I happen to be very good at gathering intel, and you happen to have a very large stock of dust crystals that your employers have no interest in using." She explained with a seductive tone, she wanted to play with him like any other man. However, navigating a discussion with someone with such charisma was tricky.
Roman leaned forward on his cane. "Will you get to the point? I'm not that great at reading between the lines. If you've got nothing interesting to say, then just tell your silly fortune and be on your way. There's a lot of nasty rumors about you bringing bad luck to people ya know?" He was feigning ignorance, mostly to see if his hunch was correct.
Hazumi pouted. "Aww boo…you're just no fun are you dear?" She questioned while pretending to be sad. "Very well, my idea is simple; I get you information you couldn't otherwise, and you provide me with dust on the cheap! Honestly it's a win-win!" She replied with excitement in her tone, she was hoping for this deal to pull through. If it did, she was one step closer to the witch, though her reason to meet her was kind of silly honestly.
"Well now, that does seem like a fair trade. Why don't you join me for a drink so we can discuss the…finer details of that arrangement?" Roman was initially put off by the woman's high energy, but she seemed to have her wit about her still.
Meanwhile Neo had been keeping a close watch of Tessa's behavior. On the surface, she seemed perfectly human. That was the reason for her concern, you don't simply create a walking death machine and give it a personality. She'd seen more than enough movies where everything that could go wrong, does. So far, she had only notice Tessa's muscles get tense whenever one of the mooks flirted with her. Tessa seemed to tense up more when the flirtations were ironic, which again made her seem human. But she was a computer, she couldn't think, couldn't feel. She knew that, and yet, the thing she had expected to happen eventually did.
"Geh! Take a chill pill lady!" A middle-aged wolf Faunus had gotten his wrist snatched away from him by the new girl. She looked frail, but she was strong and fast enough to catch him off guard.
"I'm sorry, my selective hearing's not that great. Could you repeat that~" Tessa twisted the man's wrist while gripping it tightly. All it would take to dislocate his shoulder was a little tug.
"Uh…take a chill pill?" The man uttered nervously in shock, how could this girl be so sickeningly sweet and still so vicious?
"Not that part~" Tessa gripped his wrist tighter, snapping the bones out of place.
"Jesus! I was just saying this place was a dump BEFORE Roman took it over!" The man didn't even have a chance to finish what he was saying.
"That's what I thought you said! And the other thing?" Tessa wasn't entirely sure she heard him right, but something about the way he said it irritated her.
Roman groaned as he heard the commotion. "Pardon me for a moment." He pleaded to Hazumi as he got up from the bar and walked over to the table. "Tessa dear, what seems to be the problem?" He questioned pleasantly as he gave her the most heartwarming smile he could muster.
"The problem is your new waitress is insa-ow!" The thug reeled in pain when Tessa twisted his arm further out of place. It was borderline ready to snap out of its socket.
"This ungrateful minion was implying that this recreation center was a waste of time." Tessa replied with a pouty tone, feigning her innocence.
Roman sighed. "Tessa, what did daddy Roman say about terrorizing the help?" He asked her somehow politely and sarcastically as he attempted to find the release button. The one that deactivated her aggression.
"Uh…" Tessa hummed in thought innocently. "Maybe…don't do it?" She chimed playfully while shrugging her shoulders, she was trying to act cute.
"And what is our dear Jimmy here?" Roman questioned with a forced smile, resisting the urge to let his eye twitch.
"The…help?" Tessa replied in a pouting tone, she wasn't at all sure how humans expressed disappointment or sarcasm still. "But he said-" She groaned when Roman reached over and patted her on the head like a child. "Fiiine~" She chimed innocently as she stepped down off the table, not before snapping Jimmy's wrist back into working order by force. She had to get away with causing him a little more pain.
"Goodness me what an adorable little…helper you have there!" Hazumi took one glance at the girl Roman called Tessa and tensed immediately. "Or should I say, helpers…thousands of em little, tiny death bots!" She added playfully while forcing a smile. Tobi had told her in a note about Tessa, she didn't expect it to have this menacing of an aura.
Tessa hunched forward. "You're…perceptive~" She chimed cheerfully before turning to Roman. "What about this one, she's annoying." If she had one thing in common with Tobi, it was that high energy people disturbed her. How did they get that energy, what did they use it for?
"Now now Tessa, espionage, and terrorism now, murderbot stuff later. Besides, everyone knows that the more annoying someone is the more useful they are." Roman paused and groaned when both Neo and Emerald performed a slow clap with cheeky grins. "Foot in mouth syndrome aside…" He stated with a groan of annoyance. "Weren't you supposed to be telling me my fortune or something?" He asked Hazumi politely while sighing a little.
"My goodness you're right dear, silly me, once I get to rambling and haggling a good deal, I just can't help myself~" Hazumi chimed playfully as she bonked herself on the head lightly. "Now let's see, what were the words again? Oh yes! I see…" She excitedly took several goofy looking poses before landing on one that felt right. "A Feisty bird feasting on a tasty snack~" She finished with pride in her tone while returning to her usual stance.
"That's…it?" Roman questioned sarcastically while crossing his arms. "Not very helpful, is it?" He was a bit puzzled as to what the prediction actually meant.
"Yup! That's it!" Hazumi chimed before hunching forward slightly. "Predicting death is tricky business dear. The prediction is free, but if you want the finer details well…that costs extra!" She did peddle tea on the side, but that was mostly for fun. "I saw that, little miss assassin~" She finished playfully while flexing her aura, she had caught Neo doing the crazy hand-sign out of the corner of her eyes.
Neo was already Tense from the walking scrap pile's outburst earlier. But the sudden shift in the air when the seer woman flexed her aura actually made her flinch. There was just something weird about it, she wasn't strong enough to be a maiden. But she was almost there, there was an unnatural amount of dust energy around her; but she couldn't find anywhere that she'd logically stash it all. The fact that she casually used the word assassin and also identified that Tessa was a murder bot at a glance also made her wary. It was quite possible her unpredictable and perky personality was just a façade.
"Good~ You know your place~" Hazumi purred in a smug tone giving Neo a smile. "Well mister Torchwick, it was fun doing business with you, but I should really get going. I've got a very intriguing little brat to check up on. Ozzykins doesn't want me meddling with her, but I just can't help but be nosey, you know how it is." She finished with amusement in her tone, before turning to the exit of the club and heading out of the joint.
"What's got you so tense Neo? She's just a harmless seer, kinda cute one too. Maybe not my type honestly but she does have a certain air about her." Roman was a bit surprised when he noticed how stiff Neo had become. She was typically composed at all times, almost as charismatic as him.
"Must be bloody nice being that blind to other people's auras." Neo texted while hunching forward dejectedly. She knew Roman was slightly oblivious, but even Arc had more aura awareness than him.
"I'm sure you're getting worked up over nothing Neo. Besides, I'm sure you could take her no problem!" Roman replied seriously while patting her on the back.
"Sure, I'll let you know when I'm masochistic enough to try it!" Neo's expression was oozing sarcasm as she typed her response out furiously.
Honestly, Neo wasn't at all interested in fighting the thing, nor the seer. What little she knew of both was enough to send chills up her spine. How did a seemingly insane seer get access to the information that she could so easily? What kinds of things was Tessa really capable of if she put her mind to it? Before she had a chance to ponder things further Tessa did something interesting.
"Mister Roman, I feel kinda bad for my outburst against mister Jimmy. I wonder if maybe I could make it up to him? I have the perfect kind of test to give him for a promotion, he seems loyal enough." Tessa stated playfully as she gave Jimmy a pat on the head.
"You know I could use a few more high rank mooks. Why not, go ahead and give your little test or whatever. Just make sure you judge him fairly." Roman replied with a shrug of his shoulders.
Neo introduced her face to her palm after hearing that. Roman was too trusting of the metal circus of death. Seriously did he not know the innocent thing was an act? She obviously wasn't interested in the other mooks. Neo knew the thing only had one objective in mind, power. To what end she didn't know, but she wasn't going to throw her life away figuring it out.
"Would you mind coming with me? I need a witness~" Tessa chimed deviously while tugging Neo on her shoulder gently.
"You just want a protector so your mouse doesn't get away from you." Neo texted in a very annoyed fashion as she rolled her eyes.
"You say that like it's a bad thing~ besides, if we're promoting someone, I'll need a witness." Tessa stated with a pleased tone, she wasn't at all interested in arguing with the mute. She knew that Neo wouldn't snitch on her once she saw what she was capable of doing.
-Unknown Alley-
"So…what exactly is this test, a back alley in the bad side of town is a weird place for a promotion." Jimmy while reluctantly had agreed to meet Tessa in hopes of gaining a rank. He had heard she was eccentric, but that was probably drew Roman in. The boss was usually taken by people with similar tastes.
"Silly boy, you still think this is about a promotion~" Tessa chimed playfully with a smile as she got out a strange metal circle. She placed the device on the ground and activated it, it generated a nicely sized energy barrier around them. There was enough room for him to attempt to flee, but he wouldn't be going anywhere.
"You mean it isn't? Then…what's this about?" Jimmy crossed his arms and eyed her with a cold stare. He was unsure why miss Neapolitan was there, for posterity or something?
"Well, this would be where I declare my love for you, but I only have eyes for Roman. And I can't have myself getting distracted by idiots like you so~" Tessa flashed the man a grin and materialized a small knife out of some spare nanomachines.
"I have no competition against a guy like Roman! You're gonna stab me with a shiv for that? Bloody boring, is what that is." Jimmy could already feel death in the air, if not for him, then some other victim was going to end tonight.
"Well now, how unexpected." Tessa purred in amusement, she caught Neo facepalming behind her. "It would be boring, wouldn't it? What could I do to make things interesting, between us~" She finished in amusement, much to Neo's dismay, she was continuing with her plan.
"I dunno, I mean I'm dead anyway…couldn't you make it I dunno…sexy?" Jimmy was mostly being sarcastic. He did not wish to die, but if he was going to he at least wanted to have some fun first.
"S-sexy?" Tessa was flabbergasted. "How do you mean, Sexy?" She turned to face Neapolitan. "Y-you, minion! Explain to me this…sexy business right now!" She couldn't believe how flustered she had gotten, she didn't even know why.
"You…seriously don't know what sexy is? Aren't you supposed to be a femme fatale type?" Emerald had tailed the small group on Roman's orders and caught up just in time.
"Stupid, I'm an artificial intelligence designed to fight stuff, I don't have TIME for sexy!" Tessa snapped in annoyance as she folded her arms. "I COULD be sexy if I knew what it was, but I'm NOT that kind of program, and it's not part of my programming so I don't!" She finished in a huff, she was super annoyed that they were likely teasing her for not knowing.
"Sexy is…a lot of things, like, it depends on the person you're asking." Emerald was trying not to laugh as she explained it. "Sometimes it isn't even about procreation, certain stuff just gets your mojo goin you know?" She wasn't sure how to put it in words the AI would understand.
"Mojo…humm…Oh! Like how I get all tingly inside when I'm around mister Roman?~" Tessa chimed in excitement as the thought came to her. She did feel oddly…perky when that male was nearby.
"…" Both Neo and Emerald gave Tessa the same dejected expression, they were moderately confused by that statement.
Tessa hunched forward. "What? You're going to tell me because I'm not a stupid squishy I can't experience love?" She questioned crossing her arms. "Because if you do, I'll get really angry~" She finished in a sickeningly sweet tone.
"What? Us? Pfft no, why would we say that…right?" Emerald immediately felt her heart in her throat, that tone of voice was disturbingly cute. "Seriously just ask him what turns him on, then satisfy those criteria and be done with it." She was more than done with this conversation, she wasn't even sure why she agreed to tail them.
"So…my handsome idiot, why not be a dear and tell me what gets your motor going? And make it quick, I'm in the mood for slaughter and I'm getting impatient." Tessa was moderately amused overall, she had never considered an approach where her victim might enjoy the torment before.
"Seriously? Damn…uh…ok…" Jimmy knew he was dead anyway. "I've always liked, you know…tall women? I think?" He really was at a loss for words, he was starting to think he should've just taken the stab with the shiv.
"Oh~ Tall~ I can do that! Lemme see~" Tessa chimed in amusement before closing her eyes. She then used her nanobots to alter her form so that she literally towered over him. She wasn't quite a giant, but still a good foot taller. "Better? This is kinda fun~ What else~" She had no idea why she was amused by this, but it was fun.
"I dunno…I've always wanted to meet someone with…meat on the bone, ya know, a real head turner? Might as well go all out right?" Jimmy knew this was like wishing on a monkey's paw, but dammit he was gonna enjoy his last few minutes.
"Meat on the…what? You squishies and your dumb metaphors! You! Minion, explain~" Tessa shouted at Emerald with anticipation in her voice.
"Idiot, he means that he likes a fuck ton of fat in all the good places." Emerald replied with a groan of annoyance, how could this murder machine be so brilliantly stupid? Granted she was apparently built by a brilliantly stupid genius, so it made sense.
"Fat? But what's sexy about…oh! I think I get it~" Tessa grinned as she ran a subroutine to find out exactly what that meant. Judging from magazine covers she had a pretty good idea. She made herself voluptuous as she could without it looking weird. "Well? One more buster, then it's my turn to have fun." She finished in amusement as she gave him a turn around.
"Oh, just get it over with already…fine I dunno, I've always kinda liked…maids?" Jimmy was mentally exhausted at this point, trying to process what was going through his killer's mind.
"Finally, an easy one!" Tessa chimed in amusement as she altered her clothes to match that description. "My turn~" She let her arms hang down limp and flexed her wrists. Long metal cords formed a whip like structure from either arm. "Hmm…not deadly enough…" She pondered for a moment with a wry grin. "I know!" She put spikes on the tips of the tendrils. She then began to approach him slowly as she flowed electricity into them. "Now, master, I need you to scream for me…" She purred in a sultry tone as she prepared to strike him