Chapter 4

A/N- Sorry for the long awaited chapter lol, just lost interest for a year, this chapter also put me in a slump just becasue it was supposed to be a filler and not a lot goes on in filler chapters, but I finally thought of something decent to write about so here it is! Hope you all enjoy!

The room that I have grown up in is looking more and more bare as the moving team comes in and out. My belongings have been packed up and I'm sure they're already on the transport truck. I keep a couple suitcases on me, as the bulk of my belongings won't be with me for a week or so when we get to Tosken.

I take one last look at the room I have grown up in and silently walk out the door. I resist looking back as I walk away, knowing it wouldn't help me hold it together any more. I need to at least not be having a complete breakdown when I say my final goodbyes.

The press weren't invited to this 'occasion', as it's what my father would call, "too personal". He believes that the public don't need to see every aspect of our lives.

A guard walks in front of me, and another lags behind. I never used to question why I had guards around me 24/7, but after that confusing talk with Mum, it's hard not to question everything.

The front door looms high above us all, even the Dauntless guards look puny against them. They open towards me, revealing the bridge over the frozen dam. A couple cars are parked on the other side, with my family and the Toskens waiting. I start to walk up to them, my white fur lined cloak flowing behind me in the wind. I stop when I get to where they've all congregated. I can see my luggage getting put into the middle car, all that's left is myself and my bag. I pull my cloak tighter against me, the wind being extra harsh today, giving off one final goodbye.

I scan the crowd, searching for Caleb's face. I'd like to hear from him that he won't leave, it'll make me feel better that I'm not burdening anyone else's life with my own.

I make eye contact with his green eyes and he walks towards me. He looks exhausted, his dirty blond hair tousled, bags under his eyes. His suit looks wrinkled, like he quickly threw it on before rushing out of his room.

I smile sadly at him as he makes his way towards me. "You already know, don't you?" He asks, his voice quiet.

I nod my head and try to keep the tears at bay, "It's alright, Caleb. I'm glad you've been able to choose, I would have chosen to stay, too."

Silent tears spill out of his eyes as he engulfs me in a hug, squeezing a little too hard, "I'm going to miss you so much Bea. What am I going to do without my little sister?"

I pull back and give him a gentle push on his shoulder, "You have no idea who's older Caleb." I smile up at him, rolling my eyes.

He shakes his head with a laugh, "I can feel it in my bones, Bea."

I chuckle quietly, looking back up into his perfect face, a face that doesn't look much like my own. I wonder what our biological parents looked like?

He stares back for only a second before talking again, "I won't take up too much time, I know a certain someone is gagging to talk to you."

I look at him, puzzled as to who he's talking about. I'm sure everyone wants to say goodbye, but 'gagging'?

He turns around and walks back over to our family, talks to someone at the back and I see a red blur push through the crowd, Christina.

My feet work by themselves and run towards Christina. We crash into each other with a laugh, only staying upright as we balance each other out.

"You ready to be forced to actually make some new friends?" I tease, determined not to fall into that unforgiving darkness again.

"Won't have to!" She says, a lot happier than expected considering the current situation.

I feel my eyebrows pull together, "What?" I ask.

She smiles at me, knowingly, "I don't need to make any new friends because I have you."

I stare at her blankly, unable to compute what she's saying. She'll have me? What does she even mean? It can't be...

"I'm coming with you!" She ends up saying, figuring that my silence wasn't leading to a conclusion.

"To Tosken?" I replied, shocked.

"Yes."

"And leave all your family behind?"

"I realize it was a stupid thing to say as soon as it came out, sadness flashing across her face for a split second. "It wasn't an easy decision, Bea. But we discussed it all last night and came to the conclusion that this is the best thing to do, for both of us. Losing you would be just like losing a part of myself."

I feel my eyes start to burn as I stare up at Christina. No matter how hard she can be on me sometimes, she's so selfless at heart. She'd hate it if I said that aloud.

She laughs slightly when she sees my wet eyes, "Now, now! No crying! We need to be excited! This is going to be a great adventure!"

I've tried to look at this whole situation like Christina said, as an adventure, but I just can't wrap my head around it. I can't pretend to be okay with this, especially when everyone knows how I truly feel. I can't go from nearly freezing to death when hearing the news to the next day being totally fine with it.

I decide to just nod along, letting her think I'm doing better. We walk towards the rest of my family, Christina runs off to the side towards her parents and sister, hugging them all tightly. Guilt starts to ebb its way in as I know I will always be the reason Chritsina even considered the choice to leave her family. She's old enough to make her own decisions, Bea, stop worrying.

I said my goodbyes last night to my parents and the boys, so I try to keep it quick and simple. I know the longer I talk to them, the easier it will be to fall apart.

My dad gives me a big, tearful hug, telling me they'll all visit as soon as possible, 'it'll be like you never left!' he said, his voice thick. I gave him a watery smile back, my smile barely holding in the tears.

Callan gives me a squeeze on the shoulder and a small smile, respectfully Cal. Seb, on the other hand, characteristically goes in for the full bear hug, bringing a full smile to my face, his amity always so warming.

Both Gideon and Ash give me a good squeeze, both wishing me luck and telling wise words, the latter more to the point. "Xav's round the back of the car." Gideon whispers in my ear.

I knew I shouldn't have left Xav for last, but he seems to have positioned himself for it by removing himself from the group. He stands behind the car, leaning against the passenger door. I make my way over, not sure how he's going to react.

He's looking down to the floor when I approach.

"It's not fair." Is all he says.

I smile sadly back at him, his eyes still not leaving the floor, "You know the divinity doesn't care about fairness." I touched his chin, persuading him to look at me.

He reluctantly does, his eyes red and tired.

He holds onto my hand as he speaks, "We could try and make it work, you know? You could just choose the best leader out of the Princes and let him rule alone, you could always come back when you're queen." He sounds hopeful, and I know he's been thinking about this all night. The idea sounds tempting, but unrealistic.

"You know relationships between countries are prohibited, Xav. The divinity would never allow it, even if we did it in secret, you know they're always watching."

He doesn't reply, and I know he's upset. I could have let him think it could work out, but I don't want him getting his hope up over the impossible. "You never know," I began, "Nita might be a nice girl."

His eyes shot to mine and I knew it wasn't the right thing to say. "If you're not by my side then I don't want to be king." He says, anger lacing his voice he removes his hands from mine, my arms falling to my side. I look at him, unsure what to say.

"You've always wanted to be king, Xav. You're the best suited out of all of us, and you know it. I wouldn't have made you a better King."

He doesn't look at me as I speak, and I know the rest of this conversation will be like speaking to a brick wall. "I don't want to leave on a bad note, Xav." He still doesn't respond to me. Who would have thought he was 18 years old? Acting this childish? A sigh passes my lips as I squeeze his hand and walk away. The annoyance simmering inside of me is enough to let me leave.

I see the King and Queen of Tosken approach me, both smiling warmly. "Are you ready to go to Beatrice?" Queen Evelyn asks, her voice like a warm summer breeze.

I force back a smile and nod my head slightly, "Yes, thank you."

They lead me to the middle car and the chofer opens my door, "Thanks." I say to him and he gives me a polite nod back.

"Well be in the car ahead of you." King Marcus says, and he and the queen move along.

The door shuts on me and I see that I am not alone in the car. Next to me, luckily, is Christina, her knee is bouncing slightly. I gently put my hand onto it and she steadies herself. She gives me a tight lipped smile and tries to relax into the seat.

Unluckily, Christina isn't the only person in the car. In front of me are two occupied seats. Robert sits on the left and Four to his right.

"Do you two always come as a pair?" I ask smugly.

Four's eyebrows raise, "Is that a problem?" He replies, sounding slightly irritated.

My head tilts slightly to the left, a fake smile plastered on my face, "When did I say there was a problem?"

Robert leans forward, ceasing an end to the bickering, "Four doesn't mesh well with our other brothers, he says that I'm the most palatable." He talks like he's been chosen and is thanking the gods for picking him. I shift my eyes to Four, seeing that his attention has moved to the scenery outside.

"Isn't that lovely." I murmur so only Christina can hear, she snickers slightly.

I nod back at Robert, unable to be seen as rude to a boy who has been nothing but nice to me. He smiles then sits back into his seat, staring out the window like his brother.

I've never met a group of brothers so distant from one another. My own bunch of brothers were nothing but close, no matter their obvious differences. We all got along and enjoyed each other's presence. But Tosken's group of brothers seem to be nothing but boys who live together. Even the ones who seemed to have paired off didn't act like I would have expected. I know all families are different but these royals really take the cake.

The car starts moving and I keep my head down, I force the tears back, swallowing the lump in my throat. When we make it a half hour or so from the castle, I allow myself to look out the window, knowing for certain I won't be able to see the familiarity of my home.

Christina sees me lift my head and grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze. She leans in and whispers, "It's going to be alright, Bea." I give her a tight lipped smile and nod back, my hand squeezing hers gently.

She lets go and turns her attention to the boys, both of them seem oblivious to us, both looking out the window.

"So," Christina starts, and both heads turn to her attention, "Is Tosken as warm as everyone says it is?" Many wealthy families in Authua have gone to Tosken for holidays when the winter months get too harsh, even for Athuans.

Robert's smile looks more like relief, " Warmer than I'm sure you two will ever be able to imagine. The heat of summer normally fluctuates between 30 to 35 degrees (celcius), so not unbearably hot but it's wonderful. I take it for granted when I'm home, but visiting places like Athua makes me grateful for our climate."

From the corner of my eye, I see Christina nodding along as Robert speaks, I turn my head to look out at the snowy landscape, only now realising how big of a lifestyle change this is going to be.

Hours pass and soon we are at the docking station about to board Toskens royal ship. I briefly hear Robert say that they had to modify the vessel to break through Athua's icy seas. There is only a brief window of time in the summer where the ice has melted enough for the unmodded ships to pass through. During spring, the ice is only slightly thinner than the winter.

We'll be heading south to Athua, where the sea is warm enough to swim year round. I remember reading about the other countries during our schooling, all of them unique in their own rights. But, to me, Tosken had always stood out. Maybe because it was so different from what I've always known, or maybe because I've always yearned for the warth feeling of life. Athua has always been beautiful to me, but an old type of beauty. A beauty where everything rests peacefully. Tosken feels like a burst of life, a high energy ready to explode. I'd always wanted to visit Tosken, but as a holiday, I've never wanted to move there, no matter the pull.

Four gets out of the car first, not having said a word to us since leaving Athua's Castle. The rest of us follow him out, the wind even more aggressive the closer to the port.

I squint my eyes against the wind's assault, turning to face the ship. Looks like they've had to use one of their military ships to make passage to Athua; I can't imagine they would choose the mundane vessel over a royal liner. It's an ungodly size for one family. The ship is larger than any military vessel Athua owns, Athua being more known for their air force, rather than the navy. The dark vessel looks out of place against Athua's white ships. They're obviously not going for subtility.

The boys start walking ahead, with myself and Christina lagging back slightly. I turned to my best friend, "Ready for war?"

Her grin is infectious as ever, "Oh, absolutely."

The ice starts to break up naturally the further south we go, with only a few icebergs passing by every so often. It's been less than a day since we left Athua, but it feels like an eternity. I didn't sleep one bit last night and ended up in Christina's room just for the company- even if she was dead asleep. My mind hasn't stopped wandering since we boarded, thoughts of the boys back home, mum and dad, my room, anything and everything familiar. The closest thing I've had to familiarity this morning has been my guard from home, Edward, stalking me and my every footing. Christina has yet to get up, with it being only 7am.

My hands wrap themselves around the burning mug of tea in my hands, the steam caressing my face like a gentle touch. I've heard Tokens aren't much of tea drinkers, which is just fantastic. I'll add that to my list of reasons to hate a country I've never been to.

The empty feeling in my chest has only grown, I fear it will never go away. Never have I felt so lost as I do now. I watch the sky and see angry clouds rolling in. The sky suddenly erupts, thunder promising a storm soon to hit. I bring my face to the sky, unable to bring myself to go back inside. Maybe if I'm drenched to my bones I will be forced to feel something.

"You're going to get another case of hypothermia if you're planning on staying out here in that storm."

I twist suddenly, unaware anyone but Edward had been watching me. Four stands just outside the set of double glass doors

"It never got to the point of hypothermia, just close." I mumble, turning back to the sea. It would be nice if people would start forgetting my little, uh, incident.

I hear his footsteps approach slowly and I inwardly groan. I can't seem to figure out how me being outside alone during a soon to be storm is an invitation for a chat.

He comes to stand to my right, his left side relaxed against the railing. "Have you ever been taught that mumbling is considered impolite? Because I learned that before I started schooling."

I roll my eyes, not bothering to address him head on. "I didn't come out here to be lectured about my manners." I reply, finding the crashing waves vaguely more interesting than him.

"Not addressing someone head on while talking to them is also considered-"

I cut him off before he can say one more thing, turning sharply. "Is there something you want, Four?" I stare at him, eyebrows slightly raised. I wait for a response, but all I get is an annoying grin. Getting fed up with his nonsense, I go to make my way back to my room, maybe Christina will finally be awake and willing to slap me across the face. Before I can even lift my feet from their stationary position, a hand firmly grips my arm. I lift my head in shock as I register Four's hand holding my upper arm.

I open my mouth to ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing, but he beats me to it. He slowly lets go, finally getting my full attention. "You know I'm just messing with you, right?" He says, stepping slightly closer. My heart skips a beat at the sudden close proximity, I've never been this close to a boy that wasn't one of my brothers.

I take an involuntary step back, creating an acceptable distance. "I'm not in the mood for jokes at the moment, crazily enough." I stare at him like he's the thickest person alive, then march my way back into the warmth of the indoors.

I find myself back in Christina's room, led across her bed, mindlessly flicking through the T.V channels. I've never had time to watch much for entertainment, the most I got was the news broadcasted over breakfast. It doesn't look like I'm missing out on much though, a few cookery programs, weak comedy reruns and, of course, news channels- mine and Nita's face plastered over all of them. I feel the remote being ripped out of my hand and see Christina press the off button quite viciously. My lip pulls up slightly.

"That's enough of that, you're going to fall even further into that back pit of yours if you're going to deign yourself to watch news reports of this situation. Now, get up. We're going for a walk around the ship." My gaze meets her harsh, unwilding stare, a stare I know she's never had to use of me before. "Well? Get moving then!" My body groans with reluctance as she pulls me up into a sitting position.

"I've already been out this morning." I try, hoping it would be enough for her to just let me disappear back into the comfort of her bed. Her face already gives away my unwanted answer.

"You know moping around whilst staring at the sea, trying to make some sort of connection between your situation and the waves destroying each other isn't clearing your mind." My eyebrows raise at that. "You know I'm right," is her only reply.

"It was about to chuck it down when I was out this morning." I say, knowing she would never walk around in the rain. I see her roll her eyes as she makes her way to the balcony doors, pulling the curtains open to show a blue sky. I silently curse the weather at sea for being so unpredictable.

Walking around with Christina is no doubt a way to get every important thing off your mind, it can also help alleviate an excess of brain cells. Talking about all the colours that the Tosken gentry are wearing this year, random sporting events coming up, even the weather forecast for next week- sunny, surprising, I know. We've made one lap around the boat, Christina caught up in talking about the figure skaters going to the world games this end of year. saying how'd she love to meet the male gymnastic team to ask them for tips on her form, or so she says.

We just make it to the dining room when I hear bickering. It sounds like it's coming from a bit further down the right side of the ship. I hear Christina abruptly stop chatting as I walk closer to the voices.

"Rude, much?" I hear her say, I turn back with my finger pressed to my lips. She rolls her eyes and catches up to me. We get to the corner of the food hall, now empty of staff as it is 11am. We duck out heads around the room, Christina's head bobbing above mine.

I look over and see two of the Tosken boys, Candor and Erudite, leaning over the edge of the railing. My brows furrow, wondering what they could be talking about.

The Candor leans in, a smirk plastered on his face, "Come on, Eric. We all know you're still bitter about not being Dauntless, why don't you show us you're more worthy than our brother." He's goading him, but to do what? What type of dauntless activity could be done on this ship? Eric's body seems relaxed, his arms loosely crossed over his chest. I'm unable to read his expression with his back to me.

"Any sane dauntless wouldn't dare jump into freezing waters, Peter. You also forget my given faction." Eric doesn't show any emotion in his voice, seemingly not taking Peter's bait.

"Sane dauntless, huh?" Peter says, something in his voice slightly off, "You know, I've always thought myself apt for the fearless faction."

I see Eric tense slightly, seeming uncomfortable with Peter's unpredictability. "What are you on about, brother?"

"Oh, yes! Brother, brothers! Why don't you go get them? I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this!" My heart starts to beat slightly faster, the way he's speaking puts me, and everyone else, unsurprisingly, on edge. I feel Christina's hand firmly gripping my shoulder.

"What's he doing?" I whisper mostly to myself. I see Christina shake her head through my peripheral. Eric reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone, moving away slightly and starts texting, I assume.

I reach into my own pocket, thinking I could call someone. I press my emergency contacts without thinking, my finger pressing Xavier's name subconsciously.

Christina gasps loud enough to startle me, making me drop my phone. My head shot up just as Peter sat on the railing, looking out over the ocean. My feet start to move before I comprehend the situation. He's not going to jump in, is he?

His head turns at my movements, then to Christina just behind."Hello, ladies. Want to see something truly dauntless?" My eyes shift to Eric's, trying to convey that he needs to get help. His eyes flash from mine to Peters, inwardly fighting with himself. He nods once before running off.

I moved slowly closer to him, treating him like a wild animal. I'd be less on edge with a wild animal. I try to act calm, hoping showing less interest in his antics will make this show less appealing.

"You heard Eric, Peter. This isn't dauntless. You must know being dauntless is more than reckless stunts."

I see him nod his head slightly, and turn his upper body to face me. "You're right. This is unnecessary. Help me down?" I move warily towards him, my hand stretching out to pull him back down. His hand moves towards mine, my heart beat finally beginning to slow. My blood pressure must be through the roof. Just when his hand is about to touch mine, it diverts its path and I feel it grasp something around my throat. It takes me a few seconds to understand what he's just done.

My necklace hangs from his grasp.

His smile turns manic, his fingers loosen as he moves his hand to hang over the edge. "Unnecessary?" He says. Then releases his grip. My heart drops as I watch my irreplaceable present fall down the side of the ship. My shocked face lifts to Peter's, unable to form any words. A second later, he jumps in.