I know the last chapter was brutal, I'm sorry! And it's going to get worse before it gets better, but I PROMISE it will get better. Enjoy!
Cold air hit her lungs and she gasped, coming back to life. Quickly sitting up, Bonnie took a look at her surroundings. She was back in the guest bedroom again. Kai must've brought her here after he'd snapped her neck.
Rolling her shoulders to loosen the stiff muscles, she moved to stand and look for any indication of Kai's presence. Immediately, her focus honed in on the travel bags placed neatly on the floor. On top of one of the suitcases sat a folded note. Dread pooled in her stomach as she inched forward, picking up the offending paper.
She dared not open it right away. So long as the note remained closed, then she could live in blissful denial that their fight had ever happened. Bonnie had few regrets in her life; most of them revolved around Katherine. But this, the concept that she might have lost Kai, ripped her soul to shreds.
Since the day she accepted Kai and made room in her heart for him, she had never entertained the thought that she might be without him. It was an idea so ludicrous that her brain couldn't even process it. Now that it was becoming a reality, she felt completely lost. Like something had dampened her, muted her shine.
Shaky fingers pulling at the edges of the paper, she half-expected a written diatribe of all her fuck-ups.
There were only a few words scrawled in his familiar handwriting.
I want you out before I'm back.
Short and sharp. So much worse than if he'd cursed her to the heavens. Anger, she could handle. Indifference meant that he'd already begun to seal himself off to her. Tears caught on the edges of her eyes and she hastily wiped them away before they could fall. Bonnie sniffed and took in the deepest of breaths, willing herself to stop. But she couldn't ebb the flow this time. The rivulets carved paths into her cheeks and she could do nothing but stand there for several minutes, allowing herself to grieve the monumental loss.
When her cries finally started to abate, she roughly rubbed her hands over her face, disgusted at herself for being so emotional. Wiping her palms on her pants, she had the sense to pull her phone from her pocket. Her screen brightened to dozens of texts and calls, mostly from the girls and a few from Stefan. She didn't bother with the voicemails and scrolled through the messages. They all had the same tone: confusion as to why they'd had to leave in such a hurry and then panic when she didn't respond right away. Without any real thought, she flicked through the messages and pressed to call a number at random.
"If I wasn't so happy you were okay, I'd kick your ass for making me worry." Caroline's tone was relieved, thankful that her friend was alive. "We thought Kai might have gone crazy-explosive and killed you. We tried to get back to the manor, but we think he cloaked it."
Just hearing somebody else utter his name made her tremble all over again. She hesitated to speak, afraid that her voice would crack.
"Bon?" the blonde called softly, concern lacing her words. "What's wrong?"
Opening her mouth, all that came out at first was a shuddering sigh. Bonnie cleared her throat. Just make it through this conversation. "Kai… He's… It's over." Admitting it out loud made the wounds in her psyche gape even more.
Caroline was silent for a second and when she spoke up, her voice was gentle and soothing. "It's going to be okay, Bonnie. Grab your stuff and leave the manor. We're staying at a hotel nearby and will meet you at the front border of the property."
"Okay." It was all she could muster.
"In 10 minutes, Bonnie. Elena and I are already walking to the car."
"Okay." She heard shuffling and doors slamming.
"Bonnie, you're going to be all right. You still have us, okay?"
"Okay." This time, her voice did crack and she placed her hand over her mouth to stop herself from making any more noise.
"Get your stuff together. We'll see you in a bit."
She couldn't get herself to continue, so she just hung up the phone. Plopping down on the bed to collect herself, she dug her palms into her eye sockets until it was almost painful. Bonnie gulped for air and took deep breaths until the urge to sob subsided.
Within minutes, she was tiptoeing down the hallway, bags hoisted over her shoulder.
She hadn't expected to see anyone, so she was taken aback when Liv peeked into view. It almost seemed as though she'd been waiting for the hybrid.
"I talked to him." There was no judgement in her voice, but she wasn't being particularly friendly, either.
"I didn't fake any of my feelings for him." Whether Liv believed her or not, she had to say it aloud. Had to defend that part of herself. "Whatever he thinks about me, I could never lie about loving somebody."
Arms uncrossing and dropping at her sides, Olivia let out a long sigh and offered a small nod of agreement. "I know."
"Really?" Bonnie was gobsmacked. She honestly didn't think she'd get any kind of support from Kai's sister. "You believe me?"
"You did a shitty thing," the blonde acknowledged, "but...we've all done shitty things. I've tried to kill him before, so it's not like you're the only member of the club."
"Why do you believe me?"
Liv gave a half-hearted shrug. "You were pretty hellbent on getting me to give Kai more of a chance. No reason to do that if you don't actually care about it. It's not like it would have furthered your plot any."
Nodding in gratitude, the mocha-skinned woman adjusted the strap on her shoulder. "Can you...just...take care of him? Please? I don't want him spiraling because he's hurt. He needs to know that with or without me, he still has your support. And the support of the loyal coven members."
The younger woman shuffled closer and wrung her hands together. "He's already spiraling. Not against me or his followers, but since he found out about...everything, he's had this single-minded focus to take down Joseph and his followers. He's making all these illogical and senseless plans. He's going to get himself, and maybe even some of us, killed."
Worry beginning to creep into her abdomen, Bonnie started to walk towards the front door, Liv in tow. "Look, my friends are waiting for me, but meet me tomorrow morning, okay? I'll text you once I'm settled at the hotel and we can talk about this."
Nodding her assent, Liv opened the door for the hybrid. "What difference does it make if you're just gonna head back to Mystic Falls?"
"I'm not going back to Mystic Falls." Bonnie's tone left little room for questioning or discussion. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, but if he's going on some kind of kamikaze mission, there's no way I'm leaving him to fight alone."
"You'll be in room 402 and there's a complimentary breakfast every morning from 6am to 10am," the man at the front desk said kindly before handing Bonnie a keycard. "Wifi password is in the card holder. Please enjoy your stay."
Offering a polite smile in return, she moved to grab the bags she'd dropped to the floor, but Caroline had already thrown them over her shoulder. She nudged the hybrid gently in the direction of the elevators while Elena took Bonnie's hand and physically guided her.
Once the doors closed in front of them, Caroline turned to her two companions. "I sent the boys on a break-up care package run. So, tonight will be all about ice cream, brownies, and fried foods."
A dry chuckle escaping her lips, Bonnie had to shake her head at Caroline's worry. "Care, I'm fine. There's no need to do any of that."
"Bon, you're not fine," Elena said knowingly. "You love him and it hurts. It's okay to be upset about it."
Her lip began to tremble, but the hybrid quickly steeled herself and laughed wryly. "That stuff doesn't actually work, does it?"
"Not really," Caroline said sagely, "but that's also why I asked Stefan to pick up booze."
"Should've led with that," Bonnie said with a smirk.
Shuffling down the hallway, Elena followed Bonnie to her room while Caroline let herself into the adjacent one to grab the supplies from Stefan. She tugged the bags off the blonde's shoulders before sliding her card into the reader. Once inside, Bonnie tossed her luggage into one of the armchairs and flopped back onto a bed, letting her arms and legs spread out.
"You'd think being almost 170 would mean that crap like this would just roll off of me," she stated, exhaling loudly. "I've tortured people for information, been tortured for information… I've murdered, I've stolen. But a break-up. That's the thing that turns me into a pile of useless mush."
"Well, you've never been through a break-up, right?" Elena hopped up and sprawled next to her, propping herself up by the elbow. "Well, at least one of this magnitude. How can you possibly get a handle on emotions that you've never experienced before?"
"Elena Gilbert, so wise when it comes to matters of the heart," Caroline chimed facetiously as she entered the room, copious amounts of junk food and liquor in her hands. "Well, she's broken so many, so she's an expert." The brunette threw a pillow at her, which the vampire easily kicked back into her face. "Oh, stop it. If we can't joke about it, it'd be awkward. We just had to rotate significant others until it finally stuck."
"Looks like Caroline's finally admitting Stefan's her beau," Elena muttered softly with a raspy chuckle. She waited expectantly for the vampire to protest, but she merely offered a prim smile and handed the other women plastic shot glasses. The two brunettes exchanged curious glances. "Care, did something happen we should know about?"
"We had some alone time while you guys were gone." She offered up the statement like it should explain everything. Taking in their quizzical expressions, the blonde let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes, okay? I admit it. Can we please move on? This isn't about me; this is about us simultaneously cheering that Jeremy's back and lamenting that Kai's a dick." She poured tequila into each.
Bonnie's smile melted away and her shoulders slumped in defeat. Downing her shot before the other two could even put their own to their lips, she held it up again for a refill. "He's not a total dick. I think we all know I'm the one who fucked up here." She swallowed the second shot. "But I appreciate your support."
The two others took their own and drank quickly from their requisite chaser cups, filled with juice.
It was Elena who spoke up first. "I think...maybe you're both guilty of not being open and honest with each other."
"What was she supposed to do? Tell Kai 'Hey, now that we're super in love, you should probably know that I totally conspired to kill you, but, like, that's all in the past, so let's forget about it'?" Caroline was slightly shrill, indignant. "There's no way he would have taken that well."
"Better that than him finding out the way he did," Elena retorted, her tone judgement-free. She was merely stating a fact. "I'm not saying that you meant for it to happen this way, Bon. But that's a major secret to keep between the two of you. And realistically, in our world, conspiring to kill somebody is par for the course. Stefan and I conspired to kill Damon in the past. Damon's tried to kill Caroline a couple times. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but in our reality, it's not the be-all, end-all. I think he would have forgiven you eventually, if you'd told him."
The way she said it so casually made Caroline's jaw drop. "You're oversimplifying it," she practically shrieked.
"I know I am, but it doesn't make me any less right."
The blonde woman pursed her lips, trying to find a counter-argument, but coming up blank. Her arms uncrossed and dropped to her sides. "I just...I feel like BonKai were so great together," she said with a sigh. "And I understand why she didn't want to say anything. Sometimes you just leave the past where it is. What if he didn't forgive her? Then, what?"
"BonKai?" Bonnie raised an eyebrow at the moniker. "You...have a couple name for us?"
"Sure, why wouldn't I?"
That seemed to break the tension as the three women broke into simultaneous laughter. Between giggles, Caroline, ever the hostess, poured more liquor into the awaiting plastic shooters.
"Look, being serious," the hybrid said as she sobered, "I didn't tell him because I assumed it would just cause all this unnecessary drama and it really didn't matter. We all knew that plan sailed out the window the second I started to fall for him. Why bring any attention to it?"
"Okay," Elena said with a nod, "but… from what you've told us, Kai's sensitive about loyalty, right? He never had that with his family, so his mindset won't allow him to understand that you really do love him. In his headspace, the fact that you wanted to kill him negated any of the actions that came afterward. And then, because you lied, he can't trust that anything you feel for him is real."
Bonnie tried her best to absorb the words, but her brain went into self-defense mode and shut down. Thinking about the break-up was painful and, right now, she just didn't have the mental bandwidth to deal.
"Kai's going on a practical suicide mission," she blurted out, instead, steering the subject away from where she went wrong. Her exclamation jostled the two other women; Elena almost dropped the bag of fries she was holding onto the floor. "He's going into attack mode against Joseph and his followers without a concrete plan in place and he's going to get himself killed."
Caroline blinked owlishly and perched onto the armchair next to Bonnie's place on the bed, legs curled under her. "How do you know this?"
"I talked to Liv on my way out. I told her I'd meet up with her tomorrow."
"To do what? Shouldn't we be heading back to Mystic Falls?" Elena asked while picking up stray bits of potato from the bedspread. "I promised Jeremy I'd take him home tomorrow so he can get back something familiar and less overwhelming."
Bonnie shook her head, downing yet another jigger of tequila. "I'm not going back with you guys, I can't. I know we brok-I know things are different, but I can't leave him. I'm going to talk to Liv to see what his plans are, so I can join the fight and keep him from doing anything crazy."
"Bon, I don't think he's going to want you by his side on this one. From what you said, he seems super angry. Are you sure that's a good idea?" the other vampire inquired. "Maybe come back with us for a bit and then try talking some sense into him once things have settled."
"Look, I'm not holding you all to your agreement with Kai and I don't blame you in the slightest for wanting to go back to your home, but I can't bail on him. I dunno, I'll figure out how to help him without him knowing." Her lip started to quiver slightly, so she took another drink to hide it. "I love him. I won't leave him."
There seemed to be a silent conversation between the two younger women before Caroline sighed softly and took the hybrid's hand. "You're not going to join this fight alone. Elena has to take Jeremy back, but I'm gonna stay with you to help and I'm volunteering Stefan."
The tears were forming again and she tried her best to blink them away. Even though the devastation of losing Kai opened a chasm within her, the thought of her having such loyal friends helped to cauterize the wound. She squeezed the blonde's hand in deep appreciation.
"You don't have to stay, Care."
"You're our friend, Bon," she replied by way of explanation. "I would never even consider another option."
Bonnie stood on the balcony, letting the cool summer breeze dance against her skin. Behind her, Caroline's rhythmic breathing created a soothing cadence that pulled her back from the precipice of dread she'd been feeling since Kai had walked away from her. While Elena had, understandably, gone back to her room to help Jeremy reorient to the real world, the blonde had elected to sleep in Bonnie's room, offering a warm presence and stable crutch.
The hybrid was grateful.
But her friend and the alcohol she'd imbibed were still no match for the nightmares that played behind her lids when she tried to sleep.
The look in his eyes when he found out. The hurt. It played on a continuous loop, crushing her each time it restarted.
She'd almost wished he'd left her on that living room floor. Because the fact that he had taken the care to move her to the bedroom only made her guilt grow exponentially. Even worse, it gave her a glimmer of hope that, maybe, this wasn't the end for them. And hope was always the most heartbreaking thing. Because she couldn't be sure of his thoughts. Couldn't possibly know if he had it in him to take her back.
On top of that, the fear of him getting hurt, or worse, was consuming her. She knew Kai was rash, that he made decisions impetuously. Couple that with the anger he had inside of him and there was no telling what he would do.
She had to see him.
Glancing over her shoulder and seeing that Caroline was still fast asleep, Bonnie steeled herself before leaping off the railing and landing softly on her feet four floors below. She immediately started to sprint, running at her full speed back to the manor. She hadn't wanted to wake her friend by grabbing the car keys and, to be honest, she felt like the run would be cathartic. The wind whistled through her hair and whipped at her face, creating a slightly barbed cocoon around her. The prickle was almost purifying, momentarily sanding down her sins.
Within minutes, she was back at the manor. Or...at least, what she assumed was the manor. While there were still some remnants of a long driveway, it seemed to lead to nothing but a grassy hill. Kai must have cloaked his compound from her as well. The thought alone was devastating.
Choking back the sob that bubbled in her throat, Bonnie inhaled deeply to calm herself. Her eyes fluttering closed, she tugged at the magic within her and willed it to flow, to find its counterpart in Kai.
At first, she felt muddled, as though she was touching humid, stagnant air. Sucking in a sharp breath, she shook her shoulders to release the tension and forced the tendrils of her essence to push harder, to break through whatever cloaking spell he had over him. The effort strained her body, but her magic seemed just as eager to find its Yang. It prodded deeper, almost feeling like she was unlocking a door until a hard resistance knocked her away and made her stagger.
Kai was actively fighting against her now.
But Bonnie wasn't going to back down willingly. She had to feel him, to make sure he was okay. This was one of the times where her age and experience was going to overpower his brute magic.
She began to weave an incantation into the tresses, chanting the words to strengthen the backbone of the spell. She could feel her power begin to split, breaking itself down into a million small pieces, like fine sand. Taking in a breath, she threw her weight into it until the magic infiltrated his barrier, breaking through like shards of glass.
When she was finally able to connect with him, instead of relief, Bonnie instantly felt an overwhelming panic.
His quick flash of hostility wasn't what concerned her.
It was the chill that followed. The coldness that subsumed all of her emotions and replaced them with a profound hollowness and desolation.
There was nothing there. There was nothing for her magic to intertwine with, to hold on to.
Because Kai had no love for her inside of him.
He'd flipped off his humanity switch.