Major Crimes Mysteries
The Family McCoy
Chapter 20
Sharon stepped into the vestibule of Dr. Joe's office for her first appointment. She felt the anxiety rising in her throat and wanted to turn around and run. She had considered cancelling the appointment all together especially after the bomb shell Dr. Morales had dropped on them about Rebecca McCoy having a son, but it was like Andy had been reading her mind.
"Don't even think about it, Sharon. You need to see Dr. Joe." Andy had said to her that morning as they were getting dressed for work.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Andy. I had no intentions of cancelling the appointment." Sharon replied to him.
Andy looked at her and raised an eyebrow in her direction. "Really?" he asked her with a hint of sarcasm. "You know I don't believe you, right? Sharon, I can tell you what you're thinking by your facial expressions and body language. We know each other that well."
"You believe what you want, Andy. I have every intention of seeing Joe today and really, you can know my intentions by my facial expressions and body language? Tell me o wise one, what was I thinking?" Sharon asked him.
"You were thinking of using Dr. Morales' DNA report and Eleanora Parkey's denial as a reason to say you were too busy to see Dr. Joe, despite the fact that you have given us things to do, and we are working through our assignments. Now, tell me I'm wrong." Andy said to her.
Sharon looked at him with a look of disbelief, disgust and anger all rolled into one on her face and huffed out of their bedroom. "I'm done with this discussion." Sharon said as she left the room.
The ride to the station was quiet because Sharon was still irked by Andy catching onto her.
The day flew by despite her wanting it to go slow and before she knew it, it was time for her to leave for her appointment. At three o'clock, she looked up to see Andy looking at her. He pointed to his watch to indicate that it was time for her to go. In a huff, she shook her head yes at him and closed up the file she was working on. "He can be so infuriating." She thought to herself, but deep down, she knew there was not one other man on the face of the earth she wanted to go through life with. It was still amazing to her how much they despised each other before she came to Major Crimes. Before she agreed to be his date at Nicole's wedding and how that one act of kindness changed her life forever. Whether she liked it or not, Andy Flynn had made sure he captured her heart and there was no denying that he won that battle.
She drove to the appointment rehearsing what she was going to say to Joe. She had it all scripted in her head about the possible causes for the nightmares. She ate something on those nights that simply didn't agree with her stomach, she had watched scary movies, etc. She had this all under control.
Sharon checked in with Joe's receptionist and he stepped outside the door right as she was grabbing a magazine to read. Sharon was never interested in the Hollywood actors' gossip, but one of her favorite actors was just caught by the LAPD doing something he shouldn't have been doing. Even though she was high up in the ranks, the LAPD had been hushed about the incident, and she couldn't even shake down her peers handling the case to get the down and dirty.
"Come on in, Sharon." Joe said to her. She looked at the cover of the magazine and huffed in disappointment. "Guess I'll have to get the info another way." She said to herself.
Joe pointed to the couch and Sharon sat down. She pictured Rusty sitting here throughout the years never thinking she would be doing the same.
"So, how are things going Sharon?" Joe asked her.
Sharon hemmed and hawed. She tried to deflect to what was going on with the McCoy case. Joe decided that Sharon and Rusty were the perfect example of nurture over nature as deflection from important things was an Olympic sport early on in their sessions for Rusty.
"Let's talk about what happened a couple of years ago when you got sick." Joe said to her.
Sharon proceeded to tell him a precise blow by blow of getting the flu, getting her dizzy spells and such until she had her heart attack and almost died. She kept all emotion out of the fact that she had nearly died and spoke about it in a very clinical manner. That was Sharon, highly mechanical in her approach to what nearly killed her.
"Sharon, how did it make you feel? You are telling me what happened to you, but not your feelings about what happened. How did it make you feel?" Joe told her.
"Well, it was scary." Sharon replied.
"Scary how? What was so scary about it?" Joe countered.
Sharon again gave a superficial answer. "Well, I didn't know if I was going to make it through. I kept passing out. Then the heart attack came, and I nearly died. It was scary."
The two bantered back and forth for almost twenty minutes, before Joe held up his hand. "Superficially, I know you were scared Sharon. I want to know what you felt in the bottom of your soul. You are a very strong woman, Sharon. I will not believe you if you tell me that what happened to you didn't change you on numerous levels.
There was a look that Joe gave her that Sharon broke down and started crying. Once the first tear came, Sharon couldn't stop the rest. Like during her illness, Sharon felt that level of helplessness all over again and couldn't put the genie back in the bottle no matter how hard she tried.
Sharon then got angry with Dr. Joe for going off script from her vision of the first meeting and forcing her to feel the feelings she had stuffed three years ago when the heart attack happened. Before Sharon could reel herself back in, she exploded at Dr. Joe. "Of course, it was scary, Joe. What do you think? I almost died. I was a burden on my children. I was a burden on a man to whom I wasn't even married yet. I was a burden to my job. There is not one person I wasn't a burden to. Me. The person who is normally supportive of everyone. The mother who if her kids call, she is there no matter what. The single mother who raised her kids to be fully functioning, successful adults. The woman who rose up through the ranks of the LAPD when it was damned near impossible for women to do so in the men's club called the LAPD, all while raising two children on my own. Suddenly, I needed others to take care of me. How do you think I felt, Joe?"
Sharon now begun to cry uncontrollably and folded in within herself. Unable to control her emotions, Dr. Joe let her cry it out.
After about ten minutes, Sharon had calmed to the point where Dr. Joe could speak with her. "Sharon," Dr. Joe asked, "Everything that you just mentioned, do you not think that gave you the courage and the strength to go through what you went through?"
Sharon looked at him and said nothing.
Joe continued. "Do you not think the children you raised so spectacularly to adulthood lovingly came back to care for their mother when she was at her weakest? The husband you so lovingly took care of when he had his heart attack and accident, didn't want to take care of a woman that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how much he loves you? You are thinking you are infallible Sharon, and you are not. There is no one on this earth who is. The goal of life is to be the type of person who is good and kind to others through love and to surround ourselves with loved ones who will care for us when we are at our lowest. You did that well, Sharon."
Sharon continued to stare at Joe. What he was saying was making sense. Sharon had never quite thought of it in the manner in which he did. Sharon was a strong woman wanted to be the caretaker. Normally, her strength worked for her, but since the heart attack, she felt her strength was starting to work against her.
"Would you look at the time." Joe said. "It is time to go. Sharon, you did a great job. Let's talk again next week, same time, ok? Joe told her. Sharon simply shook her head yes. She was shocked how exhausted this session made her and how quickly Dr. Joe had taken control of the session.
Sharon didn't tell Joe her biggest fears though. Those could destroy everything she loved dearly if true.