Chapter 52:
Sativa Lasaro, District Nine, Age 15
Victor of the 127th Hunger Games
For three years, she's been waiting for this moment. Something to give her a reason to live through the nightmares she's trapped in from the Games. Something to repay the debt of the lives she's taken… Who would have thought they would still make a victor wait until they were 18 to adopt a kid?
Yet now that the day is finally here and she gets to bring home her little baby boy, she's hesitating. What if she's an awful mother? What if she is too fucked up from the Games and she ruins this child's life instead of giving them a good home? That's the last thing she wants to happen… And she's doubting everything about this decision now and can't bring herself to go into the orphanage.
If she was alone, she definitely would have run by now. But thankfully she has her friend here to be her rock.
"I don't feel ready for this," Sativa says softly, shaking her head as she stares at the doors. Beyond them waits her baby boy and yet… "What if I ruin his life?"
"If I haven't ruined Kaiden's life yet, you won't," Lelantos reassures her. "And I'm way more fucked up than you are."
"But I still am fucked up," she shakes her head, not believing she is fine. "Maybe I should wait a few more years, make sure I'm really ready for this…"
"Sativa, you're ready now. I can tell you one thing," Lelantos says, stepping up beside her and putting their hand on her shoulder. She glances over at them and they give her an encouraging smile. "Being a parent has been one of the most rewarding things in my life and…" They shake their head and turn away from her as they start frowning. "It saved my life. I don't think I'd be here today if I didn't have Kaiden…"
"I know," she answers softly, reaching over to take their hand. She gives it a squeeze and smiles when they look at her again. "That's why I'm here. I…I need this too. I hope it will feel like I'm repaying my debt, somehow…"
"It might," Lelantos says carefully. "I won't make promises that it will magically fix everything. But you'll have someone else to focus on when the nightmares try to trap you in the arena. Now you're procrastinating," they point out and Sativa grins at them, proving their point. "And I want to meet my godson."
"Okay, okay," Sativa says, taking a deep breath and shaking out her hand to try and get rid of the nerves. "I just want to be a good mom…"
"You will," Lelantos answers with no hesitation. "I've seen you babysitting Kaiden the last three years and you're great with kids. This kid is going to be so lucky to have you as his mom."
"I hope he thinks that," she replies softly, taking another deep breath before nodding her head. "Okay, I'm ready. Also, just for the record, I will still go on babysitting duty for you whenever you need a break," Sativa teases, getting a small chuckle from them.
"You say this now but give it one week of sleepless nights and you'll be changing your mind," Lelantos says and laughs louder when she makes a face at that. "Luckily us victors are used to sleepless nights and now you'll have a little screaming bundle of joy to focus on instead."
Sativa smiles a little bigger at that thought. "I don't mind that," she says softly, her nerves quelling just enough to get the push she needs to go inside. "Okay let's do this."
"You've got this," Lelantos says, keeping hold of her hand as they lead her inside, knowing her well enough to make sure she won't run.
Maia Hall is waiting for them, greeting them with a warm smile that almost immediately helps melt some of Sativa's remaining nerves. "Welcome!" she says, stepping forward to shake her hand immediately. "We're so happy to have you here adopting one of our children today."
"I…" Sativa gives Lelantos a nervous look and they nod their head in encouragement. She turns back to Maia, making herself smile through her nerves. "I've been waiting for this day."
"Well let's not keep you from your little bundle of joy any longer," Maia grins, bouncing on her toes a little bit in her excitement. "Follow me!" she waves over her shoulder as she turns and starts heading into the orphanage.
Sativa looks at the colorful walls they walk through, some with drawings hanging up from the kids. A few kids poke their heads out their doors as they walk by, whispering in excitement at seeing two victors there. Some of the hopeful looks on their faces have Sativa wishing she could adopt all of them…
"And here we are," Maia says, slowing as they reach the room and thankfully distracting Sativa from her thoughts. The woman gives the victor an encouraging smile as she steps in, gesturing at one of the bassinets. "There he is."
"Can I pick him up?" Sativa asks nervously as she slowly steps towards the sleeping baby. He's so small… Yet so damn cute that just looking at him makes her grin.
"Of course you can, he's your baby," Maia says, grinning at her.
Sativa nods her head and gently picks him up, cradling him in her arms as he starts fussing a little. "Hi there, little boy," she whispers to him, smiling as she holds his tiny hand. "I'm your new Mama."
She looks up at Lelantos, smiling even as her eyes start watering. This…is exactly what she needed. "He's perfect," she whispers before looking back down at him, bouncing him a little as he yawns. "I'll never let anything happen to you," she tells him softly. "My little baby Mikhail."
Yeah so this one is real emo knowing what happens to Mikhail in the future... Ugh, why did I do this to Sativa lol, she deserved better than losing him in the Games. That was truly the moment that broke her after the Games, not her own arena...
Also, love that little callback to a previous tribute. If you know, you know lol. The OGs know XD
Alright, let's see who is up next...ah, one who goes on to get her doctorate degree after winning her Games. Yeah, that's a fun arena lol. And we'll see if by next week I write any more of this because my stockpile is getting low lol. I have...three more consecutive updates and three others after those. So time to get my butt moving again and write some Memoirs!
...After a bit more Renegades lol. See you next week!