CHAPTER ELEVEN: JEFF AND LONZO CONVERSE PART ONE

Lonzo's POV:

I sighed in disappointment when I saw Kirby tackle the immortal Indian retarded bitch Zubair. Obviously I had promised my girlfriend Avril Lavigne that I wouldn't attack any of the retards if they angered me because obviously I would get rewarded with something. Basically Avril promised me that she would spend the whole day with me completely naked once this whole zombie virus threat boiled over.

"So you're not going to snap and fuck them up, Lonzo?" Avril whispered in my ear, as if she was testing me or something.

"Why would I do that?" I asked her in a scoff. "This isn't the first time that these childish fucks have greeted each other like this. Pretty much Kirby's the only reason we never catch this asshole." What I meant by that was that every time Rumsshi would give us a mission to capture Zubair once he pin pointed his location, I usually would come so close, but for some reason Kirby feels sorry for the little idiot and always has to free Zubair from my grasp thinking nothing bad would happen. Then like always I would have to make up some bullshit excuse on why we failed to capture Zubair. How would Rumsshi reply to this? Well he would make us clean his entire apartment, and not just his apartment but the entire building as well since he's the only one who lives in there. Seriously, why would you choose to live in an apartment if nobody else lived in the building?

Avril chuckled in reply to what I said. "Well can you blame him, honey?" she said as she put both arms around my left bicep. "Zubair's like a child, so of course Kirby's gonna love him."

After a few seconds of Kirby and Zubair having their own lovefest, Kirby looked up and noticed Buzz grinning down at him. "Somebody's in a good mood, am I right?" Buzz excitedly asked Kirby, who returned with even more excitement.

"EXCITED FOR QUIZNOS POYOOOO!" Kirby declared happily as he leaped into Buzz's arms and hugged him with glee. Of course this sight was pissing me the fuck off, not only cause of Kirby treating Buzz like he's this great person. but because Buzz was pumping Kirby up over Quiznos like it was the greatest day of his life. Like, go fuck yourself already you sociopathic Quiznos loving space midget fucker!

I suddenly began to growl at this. My right fist began to clench as it glowed red. Avril though squeezed my arm in an attempt to calm me.

"Lonzo, don't get worked up over this when you just got here..." Avril whispered to me, trying not to giggle.

"Yeah, Lonzo." Buzz then chided in, still keeping the douchey smirk on his face. "Besides, there's somebody here that would probably share the same feeling as you!"

I raised a brow at this. "What the fuck do you mean by-," I stopped myself when I noticed the random yellow haired man that smelled like he had been inside Zubair's house for more than five minutes. I glanced over at the man who looked to be frozen in fear when he noticed me staring at him.

Jeff's POV:

Oh fuck this was the moment I've been waiting for since saving Avril from those gorillas. Now her boyfriend was seemingly glaring daggers at me. I gulped nervously, not knowing what to do or say in this type of moment. I glanced over to see if Kirby was gonna walk back over to Lonzo, but no. Kirby, Buzz, Zubair and a few other fraggles such as Wembley were already in the kitchen I guess to prep the sandwiches. Yeah of course, Kirby cares more about shitty sandwiches than stopping his tough guy douchebag friend from seemingly killing me.

"Um...you must be Lonzo..." I managed to say albeit nervously. Lonzo nodded slowly, still keeping the scowl on his face.

"I'm sure some of these people have mentioned me?" the alien asked, not taking his eyes off of me. Then he growled. "I'm sorry, dude I can't keep my composure. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU SMELL LIKE SHITTY CURRY?!" Lonzo's random outburst caused me to stumble back before I fell down on my ass. I looked behind and saw that Avril was laughing at the whole scenario taking place. Of course I knew why, I had spent more than I guess an hour at that shitty apartment I met Zubair at.

"Dude, forgive me..." I said desperately. "I just magically appeared there through this random portal out of the hyper funk zone, and then-,"

"Hold up." Lonzo firmly said, holding his hand up. "How the fuck do you even know about that?"

I widened my eyes at this. "You know about the hyper funk zone, too?!" I cried in disbelief.

Lonzo nodded. "Yeah, the god of destruction Rumsshi sent him there a couple months ago just because Kirby beat him in a random exhibition match in Smackdown Here Comes the Pain."

I suddenly tried to hold my laughter in once Lonzo stopped talking. Like I didn't feel like cowering in fear like a bitch over this guy. "That's fucking hilarious, dude!" I shouted through laughter.

Lonzo chuckled a little. "I know, man I couldn't stop laughing when I found out about it. What about you though?"

I sighed as I slowly got up and looked at him bluntly. "Look, dude I have had such a long fucking week since this whole thing started..." I then took a couple deep breaths, trying to stop myself from being a little bitch by crying.

"Hey, dude relax." Lonzo said softly, placing a hand on one of my shoulders. "Don't stress over telling me everything..." he then placed a hand on his chin and began to think seemingly. "I'll tell you what, dude...well before I do...I'll ask...do you smoke marijuana?"

My face suddenly brightened when he asked that question. "Oh dude, you have no idea how much I'm in fucking need of that stuff, bro!"

Lonzo chuckled in reply before he slowly pulled out a bag from one of his pockets in his leather jacket. "Well I do have this..." he said proudly as he showed me a full ounce bag filled with marijuana clusters. "If you like, we can smoke this whole bag outside this shitty place, then I can take you to see one of my buddies."

I nodded in reply, suddenly beginning to feel a little better. "Yeah sure." I replied. "Who did you have in mind?"

"What state are we in?" Lonzo then asked me.

"New York, I think." I said with a shrug, not even caring if I was right, which I was of course.

"Sweet, I can take you to see Vince Russo." Lonzo then told me with a halfway grin. Wait a minute, does he mean the former head writer for WWE back in the late 90s Vince Russo?

"Dude, you actually know him personally?!" I shouted in disbelief, ignoring the presence of the other fraggles, who I guess began to look at me as if I was overreacting over a random guy. Lonzo just chuckled in reply.

"Yeah, dude I've known the guy since like 1991 I wanna say..." Lonzo replied. "Look dude how's about we find a spot outside, smoke this whole fucking full ounce bag, and just talk about life like normal people do?"

I nodded in reply, thinking that my whole life was turning around right away just because I met an alien who was in a relationship with a pop star, but showed interest in smoking me up. Yeah, we didn't do anything to save the world yet, but I needed something to clear my head, and if smoking with an alien named Lonzo would do the trick, then so be it. At least I was gonna get to meet somebody that gave me joy back in 1998 on Monday nights after that.

Lonzo then turned to face his girlfriend Avril. "Make sure Kirby doesn't get too comfy with that stupid immortal Indian, alright?" he called over to her.

"But he's not Indian doe!" Avril called back in a teasing manner, causing Lonzo to groan.

"This is why you should probably get your head examined too, bitch." Lonzo scoffed before turning his back to her, walking towards the other side of the restaurant seemingly where the other exit was. I slowly followed him out, not thinking about everything else and only thinking about trying out the weed that he had.

We both walked out the exit, leaving everybody else to have their retarded Quiznos party. Lonzo then found two random chairs and set them down next to the door we had walked out of. I sat down in one chair while he sat down in the other. As he began to grind up his weed, he asked me, "Say where's that piggy boy that's always around Buzz? Did he die a heart attack or something?"

Of course I laughed at this, which caused him to smile. "I'm guessing you hate that whiny pudgy bitch, too?" he asked.

I nodded with glee before speaking, "The dude started crying just because I ate his smoke house beef brisket sandwich just because that idiot Wembley got me a tuna sandwich. I fucking hate tuna though so that's why I did that..."

Lonzo finished grinding up the weed before starting to roll it up into six blunts as he spoke to me, "Why the fuck is that pig even having something as fattening as that?" he asked. "Shouldn't he be eating carrot sticks or something healthy? I mean, I hate that fat fuck but I don't want him to kill himself just for being fat. I mean yeah, I put him in a coma for eight months but I didn't kill him!"

"Hey, I understand, dude." I replied to him. "You showed that you at least cared for Buzz's feelings at that time. He really should respect you more."

Lonzo nodded in reply as he finished rolling his blunts before going to light one. "Yeah, man the dude's just a fucking sociopath over Quiznos." he then took a giant hit of the blunt, inhaling the smoke before exhaling it out, smirking at the end as if he was the coolest dude in the universe. "It's sad, too because I know that Buzz has so much fucking potential. I mean it was one of his ancestors that fucking started the Space Ranger Corps."

"What the fuck is that supposed to be?" I asked as he handed me the blunt for me to take a hit. As I did, he spoke to me.

"Alright, dude so you probably heard that Kirby is a star warrior while I'm the son of one." he said as I nodded. He then began to explain to me the history of the war against some demonic entity known as Nightmare thousands of years ago and how a large group of rebels known as Star Warriors fought against him and his army of demon beasts. Demon beasts? What kind of a fucking name is that?! Anyway, he explained how Nightmare's army of demon beasts proved to be ongrowing and that resulted in many of the star warriors to be slain.

"That's...terrible..." I managed to speak. "But...what's your story, bro?"

Lonzo sighed as he took the half smoked blunt from my hand and took a big hit. "Sit back, dude." he said in a mix of a high yet firm tone. "This might be a while..."

I was now anticipating this story that Lonzo was going to tell. Why was he this angry badass alien that got to hang out with earth musicians and wrestling tv writers while also hanging out with gods? How did he meet Kirby? What type of shit did he go through in his thousand year old life? Find out next chapter!